Relarionships - Tumblr Posts
I need advice asap!
Im 21 years old and im a student in college. I work a coffee shop job. My boyfriend is 23 years old and works a full time job as a computer engineer for a company and makes 70k a year if not more. I’m considering breaking up with him, but before why, I’ll elaborate.
Me and my boyfriend live together.
His apartment burned down in late 2022, early 2023. Until he found a place he stayed with me and my family. When he got his place he asked me to move in on a few conditions: id cook and clean.
We have a dog. I handle most of everything for the dog except for maybe walking and play.
My boyfriend and I had a huge fight months ago, nearly a year ago, because when I wasn’t there, I was hanging with friends, he broke into my laptop and searched my messages and found old sexual messages between me and this girl and accused me of cheating. Yet he never broke up with me.
He hardly ever speaks to me and makes it seem like I’m an annoyance.
He doesn’t respect my boundaries and always pushes me
Now he wants me to quit my job and get a serving job so I can pay half the rent as well as my other expenses.
He wanted to visit his parent in Florida and drive using my car. Dealership said my wheels weren’t good and I needed them all replaced. He paid for it and told me I had to pay him back even thought I never asked. He drove my car down there and doesn’t pay shit on it! And is trying to do it again, but I said no this time.
He hardly interacts with my family.
He doesn’t help me financially but expects me to help him. The most she’s bought me is a few books and stuff. When I bought him a 1.2k dollar amp for his college graduation and I was broke, that came out my savings and it burnt in the fire.
I constantly bend over backwards for him and get hardly anything in return. I think our relationship has run its course I just have no idea what to do.
I just need advice I feel so stuck and stupid. Can anyone help me? Mg parents keep telling Me to come back home and finish school, save my money. But idk I’m afraid he’ll expose my sexuality to them cuz he said he would.
Two last things, this is more recent, my boyfriend is supposed to be going to Florida in a few days and I can’t afford to come —context it’s his brothers engagement party—I already expressed this. Not I mention it would be out 3rd anniversary while he is down there and he hasn’t said shit about it. Also instead of helping me he just sends me screenshots of flight costs and shit.
Another thing happened the other night. I got kind of drunk and was sitting on the couch. I wanted to talk to him and was begging for him to come talk to me and sit with me. And he got so annoyed and said he was tired and walked away and kept ignoring me even though I was calling for him. But had energy to play on the video game and laugh with friends and play with our dog not even an hour earlier. His response when i called him on that?
“I worked ten hours today. You didnt.”
Am I the asshole, what should I do?
I learnt it's best to approach a potential long term friendship carefully. Outline your boundaries and issues immediately, constructively, and allow them to do the same. Retain an understanding that slip ups will happen, and continue to work on mutual change.
As an example. I might tell you in advance that I can't fix issues you don't tell me about, so it's best to tell me about any boundaries or "rules" ahead of time, and inform me if and when you realise new ones.
Establishing a boubdary
Personally, I don't like repeating myself more than 3 times and I get progressively discouraged each time I have to repeat myself— so I'd prefer that when we talk, you try to keep your attention on me. I don't mind if something comes up, but it helps me to feel heard and acknowledged when I know you're paying attention to me.
Tw: blood, weapons, violence, injury, betrayal and anger
Idk I might line and color this some other time but here’s a vent sketch I made bc some people are bitchass liars bc they act like it’s your fault you crossed boundaries they never indicated to you were being crossed or even existed and expected you to change the minute they finally got their head part way out of their ass and at least told you like you can change deeply ingrained behavioural habits over night