Healthy Relationships - Tumblr Posts

you should never date someone for the sake of dating someone. you should be good friends, if not best friends with your partner. if you cant go to your partner for personal advice, if youre afraid to call your partner out on something, if you cant laugh and have fun with your partner, or if your conversations are only ever performative affection, you don’t have a good relationship

couples ought to be friends if not best friends. romance is not a alternate path to friendship, but an add-on to friendship. friendship with sprinkles on top.

You deserve a partner who checks whether you’re comfortable. You deserve a partner who will respect your boundaries. You deserve a partner who will be cautious if you do not know what your boundaries are.

“All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm’s way.”

— bell hooks, all about love

real talk something i have to keep learning and i think a lot of you guys are like me: your friends shouldnt be intimidating. if you see all of your friends chillin in a discord vc, dont just sit there and think damn they are all hanging out without me theyre playing games without me they dont want to talk to me. just join the vc homie. if they didnt want you to talk to them they would privatly call. if u wanna play a gane and nobody has asked u to play a game that just means u can be the one to ask to play a game. a majority of the time ur friends are not sitting there thinking about how much they dont want to hang out with you

incomplete list of ordinary things that are intimate when u do them for/with someone u love:

-unbuttoning or unzipping clothing

-putting on their necklace

-any hair touching at all

-giving them a bite of your food and u feed it to them off ur own fork

-catching their eye from across the room

-picking fuzz off their clothing

-cooking together and standing over the same pan while you stir and they add things

-sitting in the same room working on different things together in silence

-teaching them how to do something

-doing something for them bc their hands are full

-grocery shopping together

people are saying everything is a love language nowadays. and they right. love is in everything u fucking geniuses

hard pill to swallow: the idea that your ‘soulmate’ or ‘the one’ will know exactly how to make you happy without you ever having to communicate is fake. the fantasy that you will have all your needs met in a relationship without ever having to be vulnerable is fundamentally not true. sometimes you have to express your needs and desires, you have to ask for things, you have to communicate how you want to be loved, it’s uncomfortable and clumsy but relationships are about learning to love each other not being a mind reader

im so enamored with stories that portray love as something soft and kind because i do think that love at its core is an act of kindness. its part of the reason i prefer the idea of growing into love instead of falling in love because when i think of growing into love i think of a garden, like love is something to cultivate, to tend to daily, a steady progression of growth with some setbacks, a few dying leaves here and there, having to move to a bigger pot and a spot with more sunshine, but it’s still something that at the end of the month, or a year, or a decade, or a lifetime you can look at and see the product of your dedication, see exactly what it means to pour your heart into something. i just! love reading about kind love!

You know what’s fun to write? Healthy relationships. 

I don’t mean in the sense that healthy relationships are important to portray in fiction–no, I mean, they’re actually enjoyable to scribble down. Think of these examples:

A and B kicking ass together 👍

A and B believing in and listening to each other 👍

A and B communicating their problems (doubles as good scene-setting to further explore the characters’ reactions to stress) 👍

Makeout sessions 👍

Quick kisses that makes one/both smile 👍

One swearing to protect the other and then doing it 👍

A and B both contributing to the other’s character development in sweet and positive ways 👍

One recognizing the other’s faults but not letting the knowledge overshadow why they love their partner 👍

One doing something nice for the other, even if it’s in the middle of a battle for the fate of the world 👍

A and B overcoming all the torture you throw at them but never losing their friendship and sense of peace when they’re together 👍

and more

There’s something to writing unhealthy relationships, in the sense of drama and conflict, but there’s no reason a healthy one can’t have drama and conflict while the characters still work to make their partner happy. There’s also something to not throwing unneeded drama and conflict at them, allowing them to interact with themselves and the story in positive ways. Honestly, it’s refreshing and puts a smile on your face (or, at least it puts one on mine). It shows everyone else what the characters prioritize: a healthy dynamic with the person they care about most. It doesn’t have to be boring.

(Also applies to non-monogamous and platonic relationships.)

Writing Healthy Relationships

By thecaffeinebookwarrior, in How to Write a (Healthy) Relationship: An Illustrated Guide

So ask yourself these questions:

Do your characters have any shared interests or hobbies?

Do they actively take interest in their partners’ hobbies?

Do they crack each other up, tell each other jokes?  Exchange playful jibes that aren’t pointed or hurtful?

Do they do the above more than they fight and bicker?

Would both your characters feel comfortable with their partner seeing them at their most comfortable (e.g. stuffing their faces with Nutella and watching bad reality shows)?

If so, would they join in?

If one partner feels hurt, neglected, or insecure, will the other partner take notice and attempt to comfort and reassure them?

Can they confide in each other?

Do they share the same goals, desires, and core values?

and I would rip myself apart for you,

crack open my ribcage and let you

take whatever you wanted.

but you have been teaching me

that you do not need me to,

that I do not need me to.

I learnt it's best to approach a potential long term friendship carefully. Outline your boundaries and issues immediately, constructively, and allow them to do the same. Retain an understanding that slip ups will happen, and continue to work on mutual change.

As an example. I might tell you in advance that I can't fix issues you don't tell me about, so it's best to tell me about any boundaries or "rules" ahead of time, and inform me if and when you realise new ones.

Establishing a boubdary

Personally, I don't like repeating myself more than 3 times and I get progressively discouraged each time I have to repeat myself— so I'd prefer that when we talk, you try to keep your attention on me. I don't mind if something comes up, but it helps me to feel heard and acknowledged when I know you're paying attention to me.

Tw: blood, weapons, violence, injury, betrayal and anger

Idk I might line and color this some other time but here’s a vent sketch I made bc some people are bitchass liars bc they act like it’s your fault you crossed boundaries they never indicated to you were being crossed or even existed and expected you to change the minute they finally got their head part way out of their ass and at least told you like you can change deeply ingrained behavioural habits over night

Relationships are built on valid boundaries, healthy compromises, and TRUST

If someone is insecure enough to police who their partner can and cannot speak to, they seriously gotta learn to love themselves because they are NOT ready to love anyone else yet.

She keeps saying phrases with the sentences “when we live together” and I can’t help but wonder when would be the best time to drop “IF we make it”

Because there’s no way in fuck I’d consider that with any people she’s fucked in the past still in her life, when she suggested she’d like me to get rid of the people she felt uncomfortable me having on social media—and I dropped them in a heartbeat.

PSA:

You cannot put everyone on. You will drown trying to rescue the people who were never taught to swim.

46 -

I’m always venting and focused on what needs to improve. In the spirit of gratitude & enjoying life, I’m going to take a second to gush over my husband.

I feel so lucky that he loves me. All the parts of me. I don’t even have to try and that is when he loves me best (his words). Our relationship feels like I’ve been holding a breath in my whole life and now I can finally release it. I can breathe. The air is so sweet.

I find him physically attractive, yes - but he’s changed my sense of attraction. Gone are the days I’m wooed by a good looking guy, crafty banter & smooth compliments. He’s goofy, sometimes cringe, sometimes very cringe, loves dad jokes and gets all excited to explain the most mundane of things.

Flaws? I’m sure he has them but I don’t see them as flaws per se, just his little quirks or tendencies. His particulars. He struggles with expressing his feelings and he’s SO messy!!! To love him is to understand that without said quirks, he would not be him. The good comes with the “bad”.

He always orders large fries EVEN when I say I don’t want anything because he knows I’ll want a bite when they’re in front of me.

He stands up for me. He keeps my secrets.

He sees the ugly, broken parts and loves me all the more for it.

Sometimes we just touch our noses together and stare into each others eyes.

He calls me his sunflower girl.

I just love to smell him. You know what I mean?

If I am the million stars in the sky, he is the million spaces in between - holding our universe together.

He changed sex for me. It used to be about lust, validation, about proving myself. Now it’s all about connection and trusting enough to fully let go. I want to fuse his body into mine.

“It’s you and me against the world”.

Sometimes we can have a conversation without any words.

What I love most is that we can just be. I don’t have to make conversation or be cute or witty or anything, I just enjoy his presence next to mine.

Home is wherever he is.

Also, he loves to bake. Yup, that’s right!!! I just say “wow I’m craving chocolate cookies” and he’s like “say less”, then whips up a batch. Even if I tell him not to go to the trouble, HE insists.

My dog (OUR dog), is glued to his hip. Even more so than mine and I was her mom first! I get jealous sure, but secretly it’s my favorite. Like if she sees someone that vaguely looks like him from far away (read: any tall man with facial hair lol), she sprints to see if it’s him.

He is always sending me dog videos lol.

He is my steady anchor on turbulent seas.

On Sundays, our day, we watch movies and trade headrubs.

He always allots an extra 10 minutes on any target trip so that we can smell all the candles in the candle section.

Regardless of how shitty things feel, we are a team and that gives me hope.

Standing Together Against Violence: The Moose Hide Campaign

May 7, 2024

Shaina Tranquilino

In a world where the statistics of violence against women and children are staggering, there emerges a beacon of hope—a grassroots movement born out of Indigenous wisdom and solidarity: The Moose Hide Campaign. This powerful initiative rallies men and boys, alongside all Canadians, to stand up against the pervasive scourge of violence towards women and children.

The Roots of the Moose Hide Campaign

The Moose Hide Campaign traces its roots to a sacred journey undertaken by a father and son from the Carrier First Nation in British Columbia, Canada. In 2011, Raven Lacerte and her father Paul Lacerte embarked on a symbolic pilgrimage to heal the wounds of intergenerational trauma caused by violence against Indigenous women and girls. During this journey, they hunted a moose, and Paul made a commitment to carry a piece of moose hide wherever he went as a reminder of his responsibility to protect women and children.

Inspired by this profound experience, Paul and Raven Lacerte founded the Moose Hide Campaign, inviting men and boys from all walks of life to join them in solidarity against gender-based violence. What began as a personal vow transformed into a nationwide movement, fueled by the collective determination to create safer communities for all.

The Symbolism of the Moose Hide

Central to the Moose Hide Campaign is the symbolic significance of the moose hide. In Indigenous cultures, the moose holds spiritual significance as a symbol of strength, protection, and resilience. By wearing a piece of moose hide, participants pledge to honor and uphold traditional values of respect, love, and non-violence.

The act of wearing the moose hide becomes a visible declaration of one's commitment to stand against violence and to foster healthy relationships based on equality and mutual respect. It serves as a conversation starter, sparking dialogue and awareness about the prevalence of violence in our society and the urgent need for collective action.

Mobilizing Communities for Change

At its core, the Moose Hide Campaign is a grassroots movement that empowers communities to take a stand against gender-based violence. Through educational workshops, community gatherings, and awareness-building initiatives, the campaign fosters dialogue and collaboration among diverse stakeholders, including Indigenous leaders, government officials, law enforcement agencies, and grassroots organizations.

One of the signature events of the Moose Hide Campaign is the annual Moose Hide Gathering, where participants come together to share stories, learn from each other, and renew their commitment to ending violence. This event serves as a catalyst for positive change, inspiring individuals and communities to take concrete actions to prevent violence and support survivors.

The Impact and Legacy

Since its inception, the Moose Hide Campaign has made significant strides in raising awareness about the root causes of violence and promoting healthy, respectful relationships. By engaging men and boys as allies in the fight against gender-based violence, the campaign challenges harmful stereotypes and empowers individuals to become agents of change within their communities.

The impact of the Moose Hide Campaign extends far beyond its tangible achievements. It represents a powerful testament to the transformative power of grassroots activism and the enduring strength of Indigenous wisdom and traditions. As more individuals and communities join the movement, the Moose Hide Campaign continues to inspire hope and ignite a national conversation about building a future free from violence.

Joining the Movement

In a world where the epidemic of violence against women and children persists, the Moose Hide Campaign offers a ray of hope—a reminder that change is possible when we stand together in solidarity. Whether you're a man, a boy, or a supporter of gender equality, there are countless ways to get involved:

- Wear the moose hide pin as a visible symbol of your commitment to ending violence.

- Organize or participate in Moose Hide Campaign events in your community.

- Educate yourself and others about the root causes of violence and strategies for prevention.

- Advocate for policies and programs that support survivors and promote healthy relationships.

- Support Indigenous-led initiatives working to address the systemic factors that contribute to gender-based violence.

By taking action today, we can create a future where all women, children, and communities thrive in safety and dignity. Together, let's stand up, speak out, and make a difference with the Moose Hide Campaign.

www.moosehidecampaign.ca