Setting Boundaries - Tumblr Posts

Adding on to my previous posts about setting boundaries, there’s something else that our ex-abuser did:

They set boundaries that we couldn’t cross (which some persecutors crossed due to lashing back towards the emotional abuse) and we were well aware of that and did our best to abide by those boundaries. Were some boundaries found out by simple accident? Yes. Because this person also never communicated with us. Whenever we accidentally crossed a boundary they never fucking mentioned, they’d threaten us with termination of the friendship (our only friendship that we admit to being dependent on due to our severe lack of proper social skills).

But then we set some boundaries. Such as: no religious talk, nothing about questioning reality, nothing related to x y or z because it’s a trigger for some of us.

And what did this person do? Promptly made us feel guilty for setting boundaries. Literally, after setting those boundaries, they went “Yeah. Listen, we can’t do the fun stuff anymore because of your boundaries. Yeah. Sorry.” This was bad enough i the point where Blue then immediately revoked those boundaries, despite how uncomfortable they were with the things we set boundaries on.

So seriously. Someone could claim to respect your boundaries, but if they’re making you feel guilty in any way for setting them (even if they’re not being forthright about it) cut them out of your life immediately. They’re emotionally abusing you.

And cut out the people who support your abusers too because they’ll either figure it out for themselves or stay out of your life forever. Focus on you. You’re the most important thing in your life. Don’t ever be ashamed of that.

-🐹

I learnt it's best to approach a potential long term friendship carefully. Outline your boundaries and issues immediately, constructively, and allow them to do the same. Retain an understanding that slip ups will happen, and continue to work on mutual change.

As an example. I might tell you in advance that I can't fix issues you don't tell me about, so it's best to tell me about any boundaries or "rules" ahead of time, and inform me if and when you realise new ones.

Establishing a boubdary

Personally, I don't like repeating myself more than 3 times and I get progressively discouraged each time I have to repeat myself— so I'd prefer that when we talk, you try to keep your attention on me. I don't mind if something comes up, but it helps me to feel heard and acknowledged when I know you're paying attention to me.

Tw: blood, weapons, violence, injury, betrayal and anger

Idk I might line and color this some other time but here’s a vent sketch I made bc some people are bitchass liars bc they act like it’s your fault you crossed boundaries they never indicated to you were being crossed or even existed and expected you to change the minute they finally got their head part way out of their ass and at least told you like you can change deeply ingrained behavioural habits over night