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a frustrating turn of events

something terrible has happened. last week my arthritis flared up.

4 years ago I was given the diagnosis of undifferentiated spondyloarthropy, which basically meant that my rheumatologist knew the pain I was suffering with was due to one of the diseases in the spondylitis family but it was too early to tell exactly which one. spondylitis, which is autoimmune, can be bluntly defined as inflammation of the vertebra (spondylo = spine) but many other joints can be involved due to various other factors. I'm pretty sure right now my diagnosis is psoriatic arthritis.

my primary problem joint is my right elbow. other joints affected are my left wrist, the left side of my jaw (and possibly the right side), some part of my left ankle, and maybe a few toes. my back has never given me any problems. until last year. december 2009 I got the swine flu and had to go off my arthritis medicines for about a month (since I have an autoimmune disease I have to take immunosuppressants, which are not good to take when your body is trying to fight off an infection and/or virus). during the time off my meds I noticed that my arthritis was flaring up, which was understandable. but I noticed that my back was starting to hurt too. at first I just convinced myself that it was from staying in bed for a month. but now I can't make that excuse anymore.

this time around, my first flare up since the swine flu inflicted flare up, my back is also causing problems. when I noticed the increasing back pain I was experiencing I thought it might be due to the fact that I spend a lot of time hunched over my desk working in my studio. but the more I thought about this the more it didn't make sense. this is hardly the first time that I have been spending extended hours leaning over my work station. no, I'm pretty sure my spine is just the latest victim of this cruel disease. 

so what does that mean? for anybody who is still reading this long diatribe of dribble let me explain. it means that I am frustrated at my body for crapping out on me at such an important time. but the fact that I haven't simply crawled into my bed and refused to come out shows that I have grown a lot in the last 4 years. I am trying my damn hardest not to let myself get down. sure, I had a few bad days at the beginning of last week. I let myself get angry and sad, but then I got over it and tried to figure out what I was going to do next.

so I'm still working hard, trying to get my show together. but now I have to be more aware of my body and intentionally watch for warning signs. I work best in long hours, generally working until I am exhausted and all that. but now I can't do that anymore. I have to learn to be a sprinter, not a marathoner. well, maybe a half-marathoner.

for all you people reading this (are there any?), will you do me a favor? will you keep me in your thoughts and prayers during this next month?