Romance Oscillating - Tumblr Posts
The majority of people on the aspec are aware of favorable, indifferent, etc. when talking about personal stances toward romance/sex. But what about ambivalent? I don’t see people mentioning it nearly as much. Romance/sex ambivalence needs to be more recognized. I’ll give a brief explanation for those who don’t know what romance/sex ambivalent is.
Since I’m sex-ambivalent, I’ll use that as an example. Sex-ambivalent is a personal stance on sex. Your feelings toward sex may fluctuate and be unclear. (Everything I say can be applied to romance-ambivalent as well with some obvious tweaking). Your personal stance could range from the feeling of being indifferent to averse, favorable to repulsed, indifferent to repulsed, whatever. Personally, I fall anywhere from feeling like indifferent to repulsed.
How we feel may vary depending on mood or what types of acts are being performed. For some they may be more comfortable when it’s with fictional characters. Or maybe they’re more comfortable with different people. I may be in a in a mood and be rather repulsed by the idea of anything sexual, but when I’m in a better mood it doesn’t bother me as much. There are many other reason why your feelings towards romance/sex may fluctuate, but this is just a general overview.
I may occasionally read erotic fanfiction and enjoy it, but I can’t even stand the thought of actual p*rn. Sometimes I don’t even want to read any kind do fanfiction like that. While I do enjoy certain types of more erotic fanfiction, I only enjoy it when certain types of acts are performed. Usually I just like a passionate make-out that gets a bit heated. Maybe some stuff that gets more suggestive too. But anything that involves actual more intimate parts on top or bottom gets an immediate “Nope” for me and I suddenly get more uncomfortable. I can’t stand the idea of intercourse or read about, but I can be totally okay with other “less intense” sexual acts.
I also want to point being being greyace is not equivalent to being sex ambivalent. I’m a black stripe ace meaning I experience no sexual attraction, but I am also sex-ambivalent. You can be greyace and sex ambivalent, be black stripe and ambivalent, and even be allo and sex-ambivalent! Ambivalent isn’t just a way to describe aros/aces, it can apply to anyone no matter your orientation.
Romance/sex-oscillating is also another slightly different term that describes how feelings towards the concept of romance/sex fluctuate/change over time. The factor for changing feelings when your oscillating is the passage of time v.s the factor for changing when your ambivalent is going to things like mood, whether or not it’s the written word, fiction or non-fiction, the types of acts being performed, etc. It depends on the person what external factors may change their feelings. Some people use both labels, some people, like me, don’t, and that’s okay. I apologize if I didn’t explain oscillating well enough. I do not identify with the label myself or feel that way, so please tell me if I could improve upon anything said.
All of this to say, some people feelings on romance/sex are very complicated and don’t fit super neatly into one single stance or they can fluctuate over time. You may feel differently about different situations than I do, and that’s okay. All us ambivalents aren’t the same after all!