Sanders Sides Textpost - Tumblr Posts

Roman: * angrily muttering at kitchen appliances *

Roman: * sings to calm himself down *

Logan: * walking into the kitchen *

Logan: Were you just...talking to yourself?

Roman: No, I was talking to inanimate objects, actually.

Logan:And...singing to them as well?

Roman: Ah well, the singing was for myself. If the inanimate objects just so happened to be listening in, then that's on them. But honestly, I wouldn't blame them. My singing voice is absolutely angelic! Isn't that right, little toaster?

Toaster: * has a Brave Little Toaster face painted on it, probably by Patton *

Logan: And to conclude the chore list- Patton and Virgil are on yard duty.

* In unison *

Virgil: Ugh, nature.

Patton: Yay, nature!

Roman: Alright everyone, off to your battle stations! * flourishes a broom like a sword and runs off to clean *

~ later on in the yard ~

Virgil: These sticks are too...sticky.

Patton: C'mon, Virgie, we only have a few more left in the front yard to pick up!

Virgil: Yeah, but then we still have the backyard. Stupid backyard. I hate everything right now.

Virgil: * looks over shoulder at some of the wild spring flowers that are growing *

Virgil: Except for those little guys. They're pretty cool, I guess.

Patton: Oooh, pretty! * gasps * Virgil, let's pick some to bring inside. We can put some in a vase- it'll be SCENTsational.

Patton: * giggles at pun * How about it, kiddo?

Virgil: * looks down at sticks in his arms before abruptly throwing them down half-hazardly * Sure, why not? Anything to get out of chores, Pat.

~ and yet even later on in the yard ~

Logan: * walking outside to inspect the yard, only to stop dead in his tracks *

Patton: * Is wearing a flower crown and  placing a necklace of flowers around Virgil's neck as they sit in a patch of wild flowers together *

Virgil: * looks over at Logan * Sup, dude?

Logan: Wha-what do you mean "Sup, dude?"??? * finger quoting frantically * "What is up" is that this yard does not appear to be finished at all. Roman and I have both completed- and on my part, excelled- at our assigned tasks.

Roman: * leaning out the door with flowery gloves and bandana still on * Did someone say excellent? Because I certainly am!

Roman: * notices what's going on * Oh my. * laughs * Well doesn't this appear to be straight out of a story book? But this kingdom doesn't run itself, you know. We all need to be doing our part, you two!

Logan: * shaking his head * No, no. It is my own error. I should have known better than to pair these two up when it concerns something serious.

Patton and Virgil: * now both have on a flower crown and lei, blissfully having gone back to ignoring the other two *

Logan: Honestly, they are like children on a play date.

Virgil: * singing angstily to himself while curled up in a corner *

Virgil: I never wanted to be the bad guy, the bad guy, the bade guuuyyy. Never wanted to be the bad guy - But that's just how the story goes...

Patton: * busting into the room ready to offer his full love and support *

Patton: But you can change the story!

Patton: * starts singing too *

Patton:  I admit, it's complicated.

You've never read a book like this,

But fairytales should really be updated.

Virgil: * wiping away a tear with a shaky smirk *

Virgil: Is that...Shrek the Musical? Really, Pat?

Patton: * nods and sings more *

Patton: And there's more! More, More to the story. What you so often read,

isn't always so. There's more, more to the story. Now we know~

Patton: * holds out a hand to Virgil to help him up *

Virgil: * hesitantly takes it and stands *

Patton: * still holding his hands while he sings *

Patton: All the things that make us special, are the things that make us strong! What makes us special~

Virgil: * softly * What makes us special...

Patton: What makes us special, makes us strong!

Patton: * twirls Virgil while grinning *

Both: Let your freak flag wave!

Let your freak flag fly!

Never take it down, never take it down.

Raise it way up high!

Let your freak flag flyyy~ Fly!

Roman: * storming into the room because he overheard the two singing and dancing *

Roman: You guys are reenacting musicals in here without me?

Roman: * puts hand on chest dramaticly *

Roman: Why didn't you invite me???

Virgil: * sticks his tongue out at him playfully before singing again *

Virgil: I think i got you beat. Yeah, yeah, yeah~

Deceit: I'm a homo..

Everyone else: ???

Deceit: ...sapion.

Roman: Ah, another trick.

Patton: Word play! Kind of?

Logan: Wait, that would still imply you are not a human. Unless you have finally stopped speaking in lies?

Virgil: Nah, he's not.

Logan, Patton, Roman: ???

Virgil: He's actually a reptile.

* winks at Patton * That's why he's so cold blooded.

Patton: * claps * More word play! * points a stern finger between them * But play nice, you two.

Deceit: * offended hand on chest * You heal me, Virgil.

Patton: Aw~

Virgil, Logan, and Roman: Wait, no- Pat-

Virgil: That's it. I give up.

Logan: That is a pretty broad statement. Give up on what, exactly?

Patton: On life? On us?? * gasps * On yourself???

Virgil: Just, you know- * gestures at everything * In general.

Patton: Aw, Virgie. * pouts *

Roman: * bursts into the room * Never give up! Never surrender!

Roman: * picks up Virgil like a princess * Come my friend, let us defeat all that currently ails you!

Patton: * claps * Yay, an adventure! May I come along too?

Roman: Of course, fair Patton! Let us be off!

All three: * runs out of the room, well one is carried but still *

Logan: What...just happened...

Logan: * stands there for a couple of minutes * Well I might as well join them and assure that they do not get themselves too seriously injured. * leaves calmly *

Logan & Virgil: * are both sitting in the living room sick *

Virgil: I hate being sick! I wanna fight my own body.

Logan: Oh,  I know. * glares down at self *

Logan: Start functioning properly again, dammit!

Patton: * Is walking in * * gasps*

Patton: Logan, language!

Virgil: You mean BODY language?

Logan: Yes, since I was talking to my body?

Patton: Don't use word play against me. I'm chastising you right now, mister! * wiggles finger with hand on hip *

Virgil: * sneezes like a kitten *

Logan: * sniffles and rolls eyes *

Patton: * gasps again * Wait, are you both sick???

Logan and Virgil: * nods *

Patton: I must make you two soup immediately!!! * runs off into the kitchen *

Sanders Sides as Famous/Popular Tumblr Threads/Posts

Patton: Throw lamps at people to get them to lighten up!

Logan: Throw handles at people who need to get a grip.

Thomas: Throw refrigerators at people who need to chill.

Virgil: Throw scissors at people who need to cut it out.

Deceit: Throw clocks at people who need to get with the times.

Roman: Throw matches at people who need to get fired up.

Remus: Throw a brick at someone to kill them!

Patton: Taco cat backwards is still taco cat!

Logan: I don't know what to do with this information.

Remus: Dog food lid backwards is dildo of God!

Logan: I don't know what to do with this information either.

Thomas: There's nothing worse than death.

Logan: Final seasons.

Virgil: Post-concert depression.

Patton: When there's no food. 

Roman: Fictional characters dying.

Deceit: Hipsters blogs.

Roman: Your crush asks someone else out.

Logan: No wifi.

Deceit: Crocs.

Virgil: Auto play on blogs.

Thomas: And I thought...Virgil by himself was bad...glad to see you're all working together now...

Remus: * pops up * When porn appears on your dash while someone is behind you!

Thomas: "Because of reasons" is always a legitimate reason.

Virgil: "Because fuck you that's why" is also acceptable.

Logan: "For science" is a good excuse.

Virgil: Don't forget "The stars are not in position" as a perfect reason to not do something.

Roman: "Not since the accident" can be the answer to any question.

Deceit: You guys are leaving out "Think of the children" as a way to persuade any body to do something for you.

Patton: But kiddos...what about proper adultery...

I know everyone has probably done this a million times already but-

Logan: Remember, if you bite it and you die- it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die- it's venomous.

Patton: What if it bites me and it dies?

Logan: Then your poisonous. Jesus Christ, Patton, learn to listen.

Thomas: What if it bites itself and I die?

Virgil: That's voodoo.

Deceit: What if it bites me and someone else dies?~

Logan: That's correlation, not causation.

Roman: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

Remus: That's kinky!

Roman: Oh my God.

Party Planning Panic

Patton: Okay kiddos, so what kind of games should we all play for Thomas' birthday party?

Virgil: I dunno, Hide and Seek? As in...can I just hide in my room?

Deceit: Monkey in the Middle. I vote Virgil as the Monkey, because he sooo~ doesn't fit the part of a buffoony baboon.

Virgil: Real mature, you clobbering cobra. Also you totally missed the opportunity to make a spider monkey joke there.

Deceit: Darn it! I mean, that was obviously planned~

Roman: Ummm...Spin the Bottle?

Remus: Seven minutes in Hell!

Roman: Isn't it supposed to be Seven minutes in Heaven?

Remus: Not the way I play it!

Patton: Okay...all great suggestions! Just maybe not the romancy ones...Or the mean one...or the not participating one...

Logan: Wait a moment. Isn't this all irrelevant? It's technically going to be our birthday too- I mean we are all parts of Thomas after all.

Virgil: Touché. So staying in bed it is then?

Patton: No sillies, it can just be a joint birthday party!

Everyone else: * groans *

Remus: But I wanna be surprised too! Especially if it's a deadly surprise...

Roman: And I deserve a whole ball held in my princely honor!!!

Demus - Snudes

Remus, trying and failing to Sext Deceit-

Remus: Send me the snudes.

Deceit: The What?

Remus: Ya' know, the snudes. Snake. Nudes.

Deceit: * sends a picture of an actual snake with a tiny top hat on instead of himself *

Deceit: Would this suffice?

Remus: That's not what I meant. > : (

Remus: Also, that snake isn't even nude! They have a hat on-

Deceit: * turns his phone off *

Roman's Horse Riding Classes!

Roman: Alright everyone, we're having a horse riding class in my kingdom tomorrow. But you'll all be required to bring your own horses to test how your manifestation skills are progressing!

~ The Next Day ~

Roman: As you can see, I have this glorious white stallion with golden hair. Now it's you guys turn to present your creations.

Patton: * brought a cream colored pony *

Roman: Okay, not technically a horse, but good job Patton! * gives him an A- *

Patton: Yay!

Logan: * brought a blue unicorn *

Roman: Didn't take you for the magical creature type...but good job Logan! * gives him an A+ *

Logan:...I just find them fascinating.

Virgil: * brought a donkey *

Roman: Definitely not a horse...but still hooved and rideable, so good job Virgil! * gives him a B+ *

Virgil: I named him Eeyore.

Deceit: * brought a velociraptor * 

Roman: That...that can't be rideable...

Deceit: It's the same as people riding ostriches. Won't be difficult at all.

Roman: ...Sure. * marks him down as Needs Improvement *

Remus: * brought an eldritch abomination *

Roman: Oh, come on! * immediately writes Failed on his assessment *

Sugar, Spice, and...Snapdragons?

Roman: Girls are made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice. While boys are made of-

Remus: Snips, Snails, and Entrails!

Roman: Puppy Dog Tails! It’s supposed to be Puppy Dog Tails!

Remus: Wow, you’re cutting the tails off of poor, innocent puppies? And everyone calls ME the evil twin~

Patton: He’s doing WHAT to innocent puppies?!

Roman: What? No, Popsarazzi. That’s just how the saying goes- Snips, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails.

Logan: Yes, it’s from a nursery rhyme dating back to-

Character!Thomas: Like in the Powerpuff Girls!

Patton: Oh, the Powerpuff Girls! When they were stirring the- Yeah! 

Patton: You had me worried for a moment there, Roman. You know how much I love puppies!

Roman: You never have to worry about me, Fair Patton! I’m the knight in shinning armor after all~~~ I save cute critters, not maim them. Unlike a certain SOMEONE * points to Remus * Who sung about stuffing a dog into a sausage!

Remus: Oh, and slaying dragons is suddenly saving them now?! * leans towards Thomas while gesturing at Roman * What a hypocrite, this guy.

Roman: That’s completely different! Everyone knows dragons are monsters...so...they...* trails of into regret as he stares wide-eyed at Deceit, who had immediately stiffened *

Remus: Welp, time to defy the laws of nature!

Logan: * sighs * Just...why?

Remus: I’m running out of man-made laws to break!

Roman: Running out???

Deceit: * holds up piece of paper * Yeah, he’s basically checked off all the things on this list I gave him.

Patton: You gave him a list?!

Virgil: * throws hands up and looks towards camera * Why am I not surprised. 

Deceit: I suppose it’s best for everyone if I hold my head up high and leave with my dignity still intact.

Remus: Yeah, me too!

Everyone else: ...

Remus: Well, I mean, I don’t have any of whatever this “dignity” thing is... * chuckles * But I’m leaving also!

Patton: Remember kids, kill them with kindness!

Virgil: Annihilate them with affection.

Roman: Slaughter them with sentiment!~

Deceit: Poison them with praise~

Logan: Asphyxiate them...with...appreciation...?

Remus: Murder them with a Mace! * takes his morning star out *

Everyone else: ...

Patton: I think you missed the point here, kiddo... * confiscates the mace from him and holds it like it’s a dirty tissue * 

Remus: Hmmm...The point of this knife??? 

Patton: No!

Logan: Who gave him a knife?!