Strangled Red Mike - Tumblr Posts
Mike: The greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet. Steven: Why’d you get banned? Mike: Touched the rat. Steven: … What rat? Mike: Chunky Cheese.
Steven: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. Mike: Ok. Steven: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?
Mike: Are you okay? Steven, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions. Mike: Picks up an onion What the fuck did you say to Steven?
Mike: Where have you been all day? Steven: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.
Mike: I have a problem. Steven: If it's harder than 2+2, I can't help.
Steven: You’re drunk. Mike: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Steven.
Mike: The first time Steven opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside they yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"
Mike: Whether or not I pay income taxes is none of the government's business. Steven: No, well, actually, it is. Mike: You don't know my name or what I look like, good luck finding me.
Steven: I baked you a pie! Mike: Really?! What flavor? Steven: pulls gun out of the pie DEATH!
Steven: Mike? What are you doing here? Mike, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best.
Steven, on the phone: Where are you? Mike: I told you, I’m at work Steven: Swear you’re not at Chuck E Cheese again? skee ball machine alarm goes off in the background
Mike, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!
Mike: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? Steven: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you. Mike: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better. Steven: …
Steven: Mike, if you don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car. click Steven: DID YOU JUST TURN THE FUCKING CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!
Mike: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you? Steven: Mike, it's four o'clock in the morning. Mike: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?
Mike: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three. Mike: One… two… three. Steven: … Mike: … Mike: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.
Mike: I made tea. Steven: I don't want tea. Mike: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea. Steven: Then why did you tell me? Mike: It's a conversation starter. Steven: It's a horrible conversation starter. Mike: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
Steven: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this. Mike: What did you do Steven? Steven: a Mistake.
Mike: Your future self is talking shit about you right now. Steven: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.
Steven: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind. Steven: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Steven: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year? Mike: This is Monopoly.