Tf2 X You - Tumblr Posts

So you know how Tf2 takes place in New Mexico? Well I’m an animal lover, and I know that there are tons of fantastic creatures there and I’m sure there are a bunch of them they would 100% be hanging around the nooks and crannies of RED team’s base. So I present to Ye:

Scenarios about how our beloved mercs and an animal-loving reader handle an encounter with New Mexico’s amazing fauna. 

Part 1 here!

Part 2: Defense

Demoman and the Swallowtail Butterflies 

It was mid morning during a ceasefire and all of the mercs were valuing their time away from the battlefield to the best of their abilities, and of course, Demo was last seen with two bottles of his beloved scrumpy as he headed outside to most likely, get drunk and pass out.

Two hours later, the heat was getting a bit too intense for anyone to be outside for too long, drunk or not. 

You decided it was best to try and find the team’s bomb expert before he burnt to a crisp. Grabbing a glass of cold, ice water and a wet towel just in case, you headed outside.

After a good fifteen minutes of searching around the base, you heard a familiar sound of snoring from the corner of a building. 

However, when you got there, the sight you saw made you let out a giggle.

A passed out Demoman covered in Swallowtail butterflies. 

They must’ve smelled the his sweat and decided it was a good place to rest. All of them resting on his face and hands, opening and closing their wings every once in a while. 

Although, as cute as this was, you did need to wake him up.

“Demo, Hey Demoman, can you hear me?”

You raised your voice a bit, hoping not to startle the small insects.

“DEMOMAN!”

“Uuuuaugggg Whah? What te hell?”

As he stirred awake, some of the butterflies startled a bit and then gently fluttered back on to his face, not seeming to care that their rest stop had woken up. 

Demo froze, you could tell he wasn’t exactly sure what to do in the situation he found himself in.

“ah, um what te…what in te *hic* is happenin”

“uh, heh, I think you fell asleep and your new friends decided to have a pit stop”

“Aaaye” Demo carefully lifts a scarred hand, trying not to scare the swallowtails. 

After stirring a bit, one flies up to rest on his palm.

“Ahhh ffeel like a bloody princess”

You gave a light chuckle, but then you remembered why you came out here in the first place. 

“Hey Demo, it’s getting a little bit too hot out here, we can’t have our Demolitions Expert die from heat exhaustion”

“mm, I suppose you’re right, I deserve to die in a blaze o’ glory don’t I?”

“Damn right” 

You hold out a hand that Demo took, and with one good hoist, the butterflies fluttered of Demo as he stood up, the both of you mesmerized as they fluttered around and up into the sky.

“you ok? You’ve been been out here for a while”

“Aye, dunne worry, I’ve handled worse, by te wae, what were those butterflies?”

“Swallowtails, you can tell by the extra long bits on the ends of their wings, I’m assuming you’re sweat attracted the swarm”

“mah sweat? I thought they onleh ate flowers.”

“nope, sweat, tears and even blood is on the menu for them”

“wot? Tha is bloody brilliant”

“I know right?”

Once you two where inside, you both sigh in unison as the air conditioner hits your skin.

Heavy and the Javelina 

It was late in the afternoon at the base, RED triumphed over BLU, as usual. Despite that, the men never got tired of celebrating their victories, and still drank and shouted to commemorate their win.

Although they can get a little too loud sometimes, so you decided to hangout outside to enjoy the silence and the cool night air. 

After a while, footsteps alerted to you to someone else approaching. 

You turned to be greeted by the heavy weapons man himself. He carried a plate with sandviches piled on top.

“Oh, hey Heavy! Come to relax in the night air too?”

“Da, is too noisy for Heavy’s liking, I sit outside to eat”

“Yeah, guess everybody needs a break from the chaos huh?”

He hummed in agreement as he ate his dinner next to you in relative silence.

Until a squealing noise caused both of you to lift up your heads in confusion

“What was noise?”

“I’m actually not quite sure” 

“It sounds like pig, but no pigs here, right?”

“Huh, you actually might be on to something Heavy” your head scans the area for any movement.

You turn to see him get up from his seat, walk over a few feet, and bend over a shaded area. 

“Heavy has found hairy pig”

“Hairy pig? Wait, What?”

“Hairy pig”

His huge hand ventures under the shade and pulls out a small, squirming, pig-like creature.

“No way! It’s a baby javelina!”

He looks at you with slight confusion as he looks at the grunting baby quizzically.

“Is baby? Where is mother?”

“It must’ve gotten separated from its group, I’m sure we can still find them”

You looked around, wondering if the family could still be nearby.

 As if to answer your question, you found a group of six javelinas, all gorging themselves on the sandviches heavy left behind.

“Ah, there is mother, and rest of family” 

Heavy bends over and lets the squealing baby skitter over to its family.

“Leetle baby may eat with family. Heavy can always make more sandvich”

You and Heavy stood and watched the family eat in relative silence, being careful not to disturb them. Eventually, the family left and walked off. 

After a while, you two found yourselves sitting back where you were.

“You know what hairy pigs were, yes?” 

“Uh, yeah! Javelinas”

“Hm, tell Heavy more about Javelinas”

“Oh, okay! Well, did you know that baby javelinas are called “reds” 

due to the reddish coloration of their fur? They use that to hide from predators looking for an easy meal”

Heavy’s eyes widen. 

“What predators?”

“Oh tons” you counted on your fingers “pumas, bobcats, coyotes, and even desert hawks will try and snatch a baby if their lucky”

“Hm, very dangerous for hairy pigs, yes?” 

“Oh yeah, but don’t think their helpless, they can run up to 35 miles per hour and if that doesn’t work, they have tusks and inch long they can use to clack to together to make threatening sounds or lacerate an imposing threat”

“Hm, leetle pigs know how to survive, Heavy respects that”

You continue talking into the night until you part your ways to head to bed. 

However Heavy will always remember that night where he met the family of hairy pigs.

Engineer and the Armadillo 

It was a calm morning during a ceasefire and today your body decided to get up earlier than usual.

4 AM to be exact (thanks internal clock). 

Knowing that there was no point in going back to sleep, you decided to bring a cup of coffee and some apple slices to your favorite Texan.

You already had a gut feeling that he wouldn’t be in his quarters, so you headed for the garage. 

After giving a quick knock, you heard clattering and a groggy voice respond.

“Ah, innna’ minute!” 

You internally cringed when when he opened the door.

He had bags under his eyes and motor oil and a mix of other gunk was evenly distributed across his entire body. 

In short, he looked like a total mess.

“Hey Engie, pulled another all-nighter ey?”

He gave an exhausted sigh but then lightly chuckled.

“Heh, ya know it, but ahm’ not sure if I should be happy or a lil’ upset that you’re startin’ ta figure out mah’ unhealthy habits”

He turns to the side, letting you in.

“Either way ahm’ impressed”

“Aw shucks Engie, you’re to kind”

You gave a joking swat at his comment but then set down the fruit and coffee.

“I hope I remembered what you liked in your coffee”

You see the slight widening of his smile as you offered him the caffeinated beverage.

He took it and gave it a few chugs, much to your surprise.

“Ah, perfect way to start ma’ mornin!”

You gave a laugh as he continued to chug the drink, gazing at the cluttered up garage.

Bits of machinery were thrown about everywhere, most of it being deconstructed sentries.

“So, whatcha ya been working on?”

Engineer looked around at the parts, using his non-gloved hand to munch on an apple slice.

“Eh, been tinkerin’ mostly, trying to boost efficiency and practicality”

He strolls over to one of his blueprints, eying it like it just insulted his mother.

“But as per usual, nothin’ but dead ends and another sleepless night”

Your next sympathetic words were cut off when the sound of a falling pile of metal stole both your attentions. 

“Dammit, ah just sorted those!”

The angry hard hat stormed over to the pile, ready to cuss it out, but he suddenly froze.

“Engie? You ok?”

“How the hell did ya get in here?”

You walked over to him and saw what he was talking to, and was met with an odd discovery.

A Nine-Banded armadillo huddled in a corner.

“Ah! Engie you have a friend!”

He let out a hearty laugh and put his hands on his hips.

“That ah do! But, he’s the last thing ah want in mah garage”

He went moved to pick it up but you quickly stopped him.

“Wait! Nine-banded armadillo are known to carry leprosy! It’s best to do it with both your hand gloved!”

“Ah, right, beats gettin’ a trip to Medic’s”

He hastily rummaged around for another glove as you grabbed the apple slices that were left.

When he came back, he used his now, fully gloved, hands to hurriedly wrangle and grab the armored visitor.

“There we go ya lil’ stinker! Huh, must’ve got in when ah left the garage door open for some air”

As he held it out by the rim of its shell, you got a better look at the calmed beast.

“Wow, it’s beautiful! I’ve never seen one this close…”

Engineer gave a light grin as you fawned over the armadillo and he gently rubbed its shell.

“Heh, I remember these guys from back home. Saw em’ all over Texas but never really looked into em’”

Your eyes lit up at this.

“Of course! They’re all over Texas and in the southern half of the country, but they can be found as far north as the Missouri and Iowa state line!”

You offered the Armadillo an apple slice and it began to nibble the fruit.

“Well ah’ll be darned! You do know a lot about your critters.”

You continued to state little facts about the animal as he walked it outside and far enough away so it won’t get the idea of coming back.   

“Did you know that they can swim and hold their breath for six minutes? Oh! And that sum guy tried to shoot one but its armor managed to ricochet the bullet into its face?!”

All the while, Engie was beaming like the morning sun.

Not only did you make his all nighter seem worth it, but it also helped him get some new ideas for his machines. 

***

Ah! This turned out so well! Sorry it took awhile! Should I do part 3?

LETS FUCKIN' GOOOOOO

Some art-trade drawings-

@lavrusha @vilkalox3 @ali-borsch @severeacrophobia

Lets make this shit bang please ffs

Dear Sniper TF2 simps. Apeirophobic Summit at your service! NSFW!!!! under the cut. I have warned you

Sniper x FEM!Listener having fun))))) Original sound, AI, Poster by me!!

The Mercs react to Y/N telling them they have PTSD:

WARNING: FUCKING LONG.

Scout:

- He nods along slowly as you explain this. He might be incredibly childish and confrontational towards everyone but he’s not short of knowledge he learned in college, and personal experience. He seems to understand.

- Scout looks beyond terrified as you describe what happened to you. He doesn’t understand why something so terrible would happen to somebody with so much value.

- He doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s had childhood trauma himself. He goes “My brothers weren’t nice when we were little..” He then refuses to elaborate. This was his attempt to empathize with you.

- He sits there on the side of your bed with his head in his hands. Bouncing his knee restlessly. You could’ve swore you heard a sniffle.

- He’s trying to make his emotional state unnoticeable. But it’s clear to you that he cares. The attempts to hold back his tears say it all.

- If you ask for physical comfort he won’t hesitate twice. His petite body surprisingly feels muscular. He’ll lock his arms around you in a huge hug and won’t let go. He rocks you like a small baby.

————————————————————————

Soldier:

- Freezes up. Like straight up goes stiff. You swear he’s cosplaying as a statue. He’s facing away from you with his hands behind his back as you explain your trauma. You can’t see his expression.

- You think he might not understand and you give up on trying to explain. But then he turns around and goes “No, private. I understand how you feel.”

- Wait what??? Not to be rude or anything but soldier isn’t exactly the brightest when it comes to certain stuff. He’s mostly focused on complete chaos of war and the mayhem he so blissfully causes to his targets. With little room for stuff like psychology. But he sounds surprisingly stoic and understanding.

- As it turns out, whilst he didn’t serve in the US army directly nor has PTSD from the war, his nazi killing spree gave him some pretty horrible insight on what tragedy can do to people. Seeing the look on your face.. It’s the same exact look that young children had when he freed them from camps. (Via blowing the camps up of course.)

- He sounds surprisingly mellow as he comforts you with hugs and reassuring back rubs. Unlike his usual loud and vibrant way of speaking. This is vulnerability you didn’t even know soldier was capable of.

- He has a deadpan look once you finally catch a glimpse of his face underneath that helmet of his. Almost distant and exhausted. He experienced empathy burnout instantaneously.

- “I’m sorry. I know.” Is all he can think of saying. Repeatedly.

————————————————————————

Demoman:

- He’s pissed. Not at you, but at the people who directly or indirectly caused this. You can see righteous anger flaring in his remaining eye as you explain all this baggage to him. He taps his finger on the table impatiently.

- “Bloody hell, this world has nothing but injustice after injustice. And den’ dey wonder why it’s so fucked up. oh, I don’t know lad! Maybe it’s because people like you are stupid as shit!” He goes on a rant about the people involved. He spews drunken threat after threat, waving his bottle around as he talks about all the different ways he could play jump rope with their intestines.

- He immediately drags you into a bear hug. You can hear the venom dripping off his words as he swears that nobody will ever hurt you that way again — Not on his watch. You can hear him breathing heavily against his vest. His breath sounds like a growl. He’s had explosive rage before at the enemy team (pun intended) but this seemed to be his worst yet.

- He puts his entire weight on you, and shields you with his large bulky body. It was like having a giant great dane lay across you protectively. Ready to snap at anything that came near.

- God forbid somebody actually attempts to talk to you today after this revelation. He’ll be watching them closely to ensure your mental state is at ease. The last thing you need right now is another stressor. He becomes increasingly overprotective for the first few weeks.

————————————————————————

Engineer:

- Similar to soldier you can’t seem to understand the expression under his goggles at first. It’s rather unreadable. He sits across from you in his workshop with his hands supporting his head in relaxed position. But as you go into more detail his body language becomes more and more tense. He stops relaxing and instead sits up in the chair and crosses his arms to self soothe.

- He pinches the roof of his nose. His head down in thought. At this rate he can’t even make eye contact with you. He’s distressed about something.

- The gears are turning in his head. “Pardner, are you tellin’ me you had all this shit on your back, and you never even thought of telling me?”

- You profusely apologize, mistaking his behavior for anger. But he’s far from angry. “Hush now, hush.” He wipes your tears away with his gloved metallic hand. You could feel the hardness of the mechanism underneath.

- He sits there with you for an extremely long time. Wrapping you in a blanket that his mom knitted him, and lovingly rubbing your tummy, sides, and back. He seems to know the surface layer concepts of comforting someone with severe trauma. He let you know he’s there, and he’s not going anywhere. That it was in the past and it will remain there.

- You are loved. He really wants you to know your value. He’s hooked on letting you know, in fact. How much you didn’t deserve such terrible things.

- He whispers kind and loving things in your ear. My god, it sounds like velvet to your eardrums. If ears could cum then yours would. His southern drawl is enticing you to relax.

————————————————————————

Heavy:

- Uh oh..

- Yeah, no. quite possibly more pissed than Demoman. You can tell because he’s dead silent and staring out into space with the most malicious intentions in mind. Usually an angry heavy is a loud one, but you were kinda nervous seeing the boiling kettle of a man.

- But unlike Demoman he doesn’t voice his intentions. Let’s just say whatever they are; I recommend you keep him far away from the people involved. Because they’ll likely end up the most gruesome crime scene imaginable. He doesn’t take kindly to stuff like this.

- Due to being a very family oriented person he immediately introduces you to his sisters and mother over the payphone. Because that was usually the thing that made him feel safe. His sisters immediately take a liking to you, and you can hear girlish giggling over the phone. They think you’re cute. No wonder Heavy felt so safe around them.

- “You will become like Heavy’s family. Da?” He asks. Offering you a place amongst them. He knows stuff like this calls for community. He knows it heals people. “And heavy will protect you.”

- You randomly find gifts of food on your bed stand if you have a particularly bad PTSD day. Especially honey cake. His mother always made him that whenever he was upset. They always have little notes attached to them. Small poems about self love.

————————————————————————

Pyro:

- Responds in a very “WHAT THE FUCK??!!” type matter. They’re disgusted and shocked. They immediately hug you without second thought and squeeze you. (A little too tightly.)

- Out of all the mercs, Pyro has to be the most outwardly emotional. They can’t stop bawling about how terrible they feel. They’re crying so much over the thought that that a delicate anomaly of nature had their heart stomped on repeatedly and destroyed.

- Their love language in this situation is nothing but physical affection and kisses. They are so worked up at this revelation that not a single word of encouragement can come out of them. They know they can’t take back what had happened to you. All they want to do is just that.

- Over the next few days, Pyro’s mourning for your mental health quickly manifests less as sadness and more as hyper caregiving. They protect you more fiercely on the battlefield and Spycheck on the regular. They seem more committed to their job and less dissociated than usual. They don’t seem very up to jokes right now.

- Pyro knows trauma is no joke. They know that full well. They become more responsible and ask their colleagues to leave you alone if you feel too stressed. They’re capable of detecting a potential flashback and immediately take you into their quarters to relax from triggers. The expression on your face says it all. You can’t hide anything from Pyro.

————————————————————————

Sniper:

- Shit. god dammit. Fuck.

- He’s laying in his camper van’s bed with his face staring at the ceiling. The entire time he has a look of complete dismay plastered across his face.

- Sniper isn’t exactly the most vocal Merc, but to your surprise he has a lot of things to say about this. Primarily how confused he was that someone like you could be handed such misfortune in life. At least in Sniper’s case he felt like he deserved it.

- His first initial reaction is to get your mind off it. Acknowledging your problems, he pulls out a camera from a box underneath his bed and retrieves a slide viewer. Slipping photos into it and showing you the pictures of Australian wildlife he took before entering the gravel wars. Attempting to ground you back into modern day by reminding you these animals are indeed still around.

- “Ya know, there’s animals everywhere. Isn’t it crazy to think that while we’re in here, a bloody tiger is goring a boar and whatnot? And the boar is absolutely shitting itself? Sometimes it’s hard to imagine we were part of that world once. That we’re still animals. Just really intelligent. It’s easy to mistake ourselves as unlovable gods when our nutty piss mongrel asses can’t even remember a time where we weren’t atop the food chain. We set unrealistic expectations for ourself.” He says, giving an example that everybody is worth while. (This is the same guy who kills anybody by the way.)

- “Just.. What i’m saying is that it’ll take a while for you to heal. I’m here to help with that, mate.” He mutters. He seems pretty against being emotional but it’s not like he has much of a choice in this situation. He deeply cares about you. You’re nice to him.

- There is content silence after a while. After looking through the photos by himself one last time he sighs and plops the device back into the box. You were laid neatly on him, cuddling tightly. He put one hand on your back and rubbed it. His other hand dangling off to the side.

- “S’aight mate.” He says, having no clue how to process the fact you somehow ended up atop him.

————————————————————————

Medic:

- He takes intrigue to your situation. He stops dissecting the specimen he was eagerly studying the anatomy of, and has two fingers on the screw of his glasses. Giving you a raised eyebrow. His curiosity is evident and you can practically hear him thinking. Moving his lips as he tried to internally go over the symptoms of PTSD listed in his brain.

- He’s not surprised that you have PTSD. At all. Somehow he suspected something was wrong the moment you joined the team. No mentally healthy person acts like you do. But that’s okay. His overanalyzing of your mannerisms and behavior seemed to have paid off.

- “Ah yes, post traumatic stress disorder is actually very common with people from your situation. It is treatable.” He says, going for the route of reassuring you this won’t be forever. Dr. Ludwig refuses to show his true emotions to you. Trying to adopt a professional demeanor. He’s losing his mind on the inside and devastated. You catch a glimpse of his smile faltering once or twice.

- For some reason as you’re talking he’s moved away from his project and began writing down notes. Something akin to what a therapist would do. You can see he’s jotting down some of your experiences and symptoms to himself.

- “What medication do you take?” “Oh. Mhm.”

- He puts the temple of his glasses between his teeth and takes his gloves off. Heading towards his pill cabinet above the sink and setting down a bottle in front of you. The label is in german and it somehow looks.. Homemade. This is a terrible idea but this is Medic we’re talking about here. A man who is capable of fixing every problem inside a human body with just a simple snap of his fingers. Maybe if you’re lucky this won’t kill you.

- The medication doesn’t kill you, luckily. It’s very similar to prozac. It’s really a flip of the coin whether or not this aids you, but in the meantime you catch him pacing around his office reading self help books and books from psychologists. He seems eager to understand you. He SWEARS he doesn’t care. He’s just — uhm — doing this by habit because he’s paid to! Yeah! Wow, he really doesn’t want you to know he cares.

- While you’re asleep in bed he periodically begins cracking your door open and taking a peak at you, to make sure you haven’t awoke from a nightmare, or are lagging behind your sleep schedule. the shine of moonlight reflecting off his glasses makes him look rather horrifying. Sometimes if he thinks you’re fully asleep he’ll sit on the bed next to your unmoving body for a while and crosses his arms, looking at the floor. Like an incredibly anxious parent would keep their baby company when sickly.

————————————————————————

Spy:

- Stands silently in the shadows of the base, you can barely see his slim figure. But you can tell he’s listening intently. Unlike the others, you’re the only one he can truly tolerate. There’s a slightly depressed expression on his face as he takes drags of his cigarette. Looking down at the ground.

- “…Pour l’amour de dieu.” (For fuck’s sake.)

- He says nothing afterwards. He lets you vent however long you like. Let out your emotions, even cry. Which you eventually end up doing. He doesn’t complain and paces a little. His eyes still at the floor. Finally after a while of hesitation he raises his arms and offers an embrace. If you choose to hug him, he will do so in what can only be described as an incredibly grandpa-like matter. Back patting, rocking, and mumbles of sweet petnames in french.

- He baby talks you. Take that as you will. He sees you as incredibly adorable individual and because of this new problem he discovered you have, he feels a sense of responsibility that he must aid it in any way he can. Especially considering this man had caused unholy amounts of trauma to people in the past.

- He asks you what you need. Where you need it, and when. How can he make this recovery process easier for you? He even politely offers to kill the people involved. Elegantly going “I assure you, if it is repent for their sins you want, I can arrange that.” Wow thanks Spy.

- Depending on the trauma, he may react more strongly to daddy issues. Prepare to hear a series of new made up slurs specifically created for your father, by yours truly! If any parents are involved in general he’s going to become sickened and repulsed. Jewel-clutching type repulsed. He bares his teeth and shrinks away. nervously fixing his tie. “Ack.. And people think I have a horrible moral compass? Not even I would do something as distasteful as that.” He hisses.

• The medic is quite a tall character. If the medic had seen us fans, he would have picked us up with ease :"³

(I'm thinking now what else to draw. I think it will be a drawing by L4D2).