Tw Eating Disorders - Tumblr Posts
dont ever hesitate. reblog this.
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sometimes i check on eugenia cooney just to see if she’s still alive but this time it’s making me think.
i wouldn’t ever call myself anorexic but i’ve always struggled with food, and i’ve always had that fear of weight and hate of my body.
i’ve never been anorexic but i’ve had periods of my life where i’ve restricted what i eat, and where i know i wouldn’t have had the willpower to not eat i’ve avoided it in other ways like sleeping all day so i don’t have the chance to.
i wouldn’t say i’m anorexic but watching her makes me feel cheated. i’ve still had all the same trauma, i’ve still tried all the same things, but i’ve never had anything to show for it. i’ve never been thin. no matter what i did, however much i hated myself, my body never gave me what i wanted. i genuinely feel cheated out of it, all the pain i experienced only for my body to refuse to comply.
i’m not saying i want to be anorexic. i’m not saying i wish i was like her. i know it’s unhealthy and i know thinness isn’t everything, but i’ve always been so painfully aware of how differently people treat me for my size. i don’t wanna be thin, i just wanna be human.
For years I would look at posts and questionnaires about neurodivergence that takes about being so focused on something that you forgot to eat and be like, "Couldn't be me. Being hungry is so uncomfortable! Your stomach is growling and cramping? How do you ignore that?"
Then someone informed me that neurotypical people have a whole bunch of "hungry" sensations before they get to that point.....