Why Cant Anything I Write Be Happy - Tumblr Posts

They looked at their Jedi General. She couldn't have been more than 18. Her long brown curls fell down her back and over her shoulder, they could see the tears in her eyes as she read out the names of their fallen brothers. She handed the sergeants of the fallen a letter. In this letter she had wrote down at least one good memory she had of the fallen. She was unlike any Jedi they had seen. She cared for them in a way they didn't understand, she mourned for the men she lost.

Eria started to address them. "I am so sorry men. If I had only been a little bit faster, a little bit stronger. Maybe they would have survived. I'm sorry." Her voice cracked and she stopped a moment to regain her composer. "We fight for thoes who died for us. We fight so one day we will have to fight no more. I'm sure they are in a better place looking over us protecting us! We can mourn and cry but we can not lose sight of what we are fighting for! Are we going to let their deaths be in vain?" By this point her voice was loud and strong, all the times they had done this nothing like this had ever happened. But nevertheless they all shouted in unison, "No ma'am!"

She smiled at this. "Very good men. You are dismissed. Headshot can I see you?" Headshot walks up to her, "General Serenity?"

"I'm so sorry. All your batchmates didn't make it. So I made this one for espically for you. I'm so sorry. I should have been faster or stronger. I'm a failure."

"No your not General. You are the most kind, caring, and compassionate Jedi I have ever meet. And work your ass off to keep us all safe and we all thank you for that."

She just smiles lightly at him and whispers thank you. Before walking off to her quaters. As she walks in she looks in the mirror and hates what she sees. Unlike the other Jedi she wasn't thin. Her thighs where thick and she had a pudgy belly. She hated it. It made her feel like she couldn't protect her men. It made her feel helpless as she was surrounded by ripped people. Why couldn't she be like them? She started to cry as she walked away from the mirror.

She walked over to the bed and flopped on it. She looked at her walls. They where covered in letters, letters she couldn't give to a sargent or batchmates. She started to cry.

I thought I could keep it hidden.

All the thoughts,

All the pain.

I thought if I just kept the voices quiet for a bit longer I’d be ok.

Years of pain,

Years of heartbreak.

All piled up.

That was it,

The final straw.

It hurt.

It hurt bad when it finally broke.

I didn’t know how to feel so I cried.

I cried silently as to not alert anyone.

I didn’t, couldn’t, share my pain.

Anxiety slowly took over my life.

Why couldn’t I control it?

God it hurts.

I had no friends when I left.

Left my home

My family

And all that I knew.

When I left I found myself.

Found peace,

And comfort where I thought there was none.

I found friends who love

And care for me.

Something I never had before.

I still struggle.

But at least I’m not alone.

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By: Caroline