Why Does It Hurt This Much? - Tumblr Posts

I don’t think they’ll ever understand. Some people love while others hate. I love so much that I hate myself for it- I deflect. I say things I will never mean because I can’t stand to let myself love someone because I know they’ll never understand.

I cry to myself because if anyone ever knows how much I care they’ll pity me and I can’t stand pity. I can never let them know how I feel because I myself refuse to acknowledge it. I don’t want to try to understand it because I know if I do I’ll hate myself for it.

Why can’t I just love normally? Be normal? Why do I have to feel like this? Why do I have to love them until they hate me and continue to love them for years after?

Why can’t I forget her? She’s the first one I truly loved after learning what it was to love. I guess my heart will never forget. But why? Why do I have to keep hurting myself with the memories of a life I’ll never have again? Why can’t I let her go like I did the others? What’s so special about how I felt for her that I can’t ever forget? What about the first boy I loved? Why doesn’t he matter this much? I loved him for longer than I did her. Why do I still love her so much more than I ever loved him? I haven’t even seen her in years but her face, her voice, they echo in my mind and make me fall in love all over again. Why can’t I just let her go?