This Depression Is A Timestamp. Unmoving, No Progress It Seems. A Frozen Scene Of Apathy.

This Depression is a timestamp. Unmoving, no progress it seems. A frozen scene of apathy.

I see you sitting at the bus stop, with tired eyes and a slumped frame. I see you and your transparent pain. I wish to reached out, to soften your sharp edges.

Happy birthday dude!! Your writing is so often moving, and usually hopeful right when I need to see something hopeful (or devastating when I need to see something devastating). I don't follow really any other writing blogs but I'm very glad I follow yours, so just thank you for making it another year!

Thank you so much anon! I really appreciate it 💜 I'm so moved that you enjoyed and found something in my stuff, whether happy or sad. This is such a huge compliment, thankyou so much!

I hope you enjoy and find more writers to check out on here, Not that im not honoured to be one of the few writing blogs you follow (I am!!), theres alot of talented writers on here! - I'm probably going to make a post about my favs soon.

Have a great day 🌻🌼🌷 and once again Thankyou for bringing a bit of joy to my day🌸🏵️💮

It's currently 4:33am and today is my 23rd birthday.

I have no plans for today, and that's okay. It's expected. I wont lie and say I'm filled with joy and excitement for this day, because I'm feeling fairly indifferent (or at least I'm trying to).

I'm not where I thought I would be at 23 years old. When I was still living at home, a few years ago, I imagined this would be a time of happiness, freedom and personal fulfillment. But sadly its not. There's been sprinkles of happiness, but the dark clouds have been so overwhelming, it's been hard to see even a glimer of joy sometimes. I've been walking blind through a storm. A storm that I had a hand in creating.

A few days after my 19th birthday I walked into a citizens advice bureau and applied for homelessness. My mother had received a notice of eviction from our family home. She was no where to be found most days leading up to this, and when she was home she was sleeping off her days of gallivanting like a child with her friends. Nothing would snap her out of this cycle, pleading and begging only drove her out the door faster. So with little options left, I applied for help. I gained a house to live in for my younger brother and I. But I lost my mother. I haven't spoken to her since I left. Sometimes I think I see her in the street, I'll catch a glimpse of curly brown hair in a bun and stop. But I'm never sure if it is her, or just a shadow. It's impossible to think about her for long without my heart cracking open, I miss her, I love her, I worry for her. but I know my brother must come first. But the truth is, I have know idea what I'm doing. I didn't know what would happen that day when I left, I just knew I was desperate.

So today I'm not celebrating, I didn't celebrate my 19th or any other birthdays after. Poverty and guilt will do that. My hope is that today I wont feel too lonely. Or guilty. I hope my brother doesn't feel bad that he cant get me anything (all I need is to know he will one day have what he needs and wants). Today I hope my mother where ever she may be, isn't hurting and is healthy. I hope she isnt being eaten by any feelings. I know she wont want to think about my brother or I today, I imagine it's too painful. So I hope she doesn't. She may have left for at little while, but I left completely. And I will always be sorry for it.

Its now 5:05 am and I've spent too long on this already, too long on memories and feelings I'm not ready to feel. I hope this birthday marks the start of freedom, happiness and personal fulfillment. But most of all, I hope my brother this time next year, is in a place in his life that he can be proud of, a place of abundance. I hope I can give him that.

July is coming to an end. Autumn is just around the bend.