I Want To Be Loved

I want to be loved

I am allowed to have bad days

Or weeks.

Even if I know who I am

It does not exempt me from all the problems I have had.

Life still hits me

And sometimes it hurts pretty bad.

This does not erase my identity

Or mean that I am wrong.

I am happy in the knowledge

Of who I really am.

I am simultaneously sad however

About the other parts of my life

Which are not going so well.

This poem is more for me

Feeling guilty over feeling sad.

As if those in my life who don't want me to be true

Will use my hardships as "ah ha! Gotcha!" moments.

Life is hard

Regardless of my sense of self.

I think I fell a little in love tonight

I don't often like to be touched

But only because of how sensitive I am to it.

My chief love language

I fantasize about someone's fingers

Running down my side.

In the hands of someone who cares

I could utterly disintegrate.

At the mercy of someone who loves me

I would lose my mind completely.

I crave it

Long for it

Yearn for the sensation.

Starved for affection

I quake when a crush passes too close.

There is a fire that rages within me

Hatred for those I do not wish to touch me

And agonizing need for those I fancy.

I'm going to miss you when we're gone

Since beginning hormones

I would not say I am more emotional

But it is easier to experience my emotions.

Before there was a violence to them.

An intense repression which felt and was toxic.

Now I know them

Let them run their course

And possess a greater well-being.