Capes Are Multipurpose!

Capes are multipurpose!

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.

Danny moved in the Wayne Manor. It took them three weeks to notice.

Danny stranded in Gotham.

After a while he did something not really clever.

He was walking past the Wayne Enterprise building, a Taxi holds beside him. Told him Mr. Wayne sends them to drive him home. So he got in and they drove him to the Manor.

Tim was working that day, Alfred was driving Bruce around, so Bruce send someone to pick up Tim. But Tim didn't knew that and was working longer, he then just got back to the Manor with his bike.

Danny knew he should not be here but. Nobody is home, there are a lot of free rooms, so no harm in staying the night, right?

The next morning he wanders down already planning on what to say, but he just got some food.

When Mr. Wayne sees him he just asked how his Day was.

Danny realized after a few days that, people constantly coming in the Manor and going out to the point where no one knows who lives there at the moment.

People passing him often mistaken him for someone else.

Or thinking he was a new child of Bruce.

Danny wonders how long this will work, sometimes he even eats breakfast with them.

It took three weeks until Jason asked bruce:" where did you steal/adopt this one?"

Bruce:" I didn't adopt anyone recently, not since Duke." he is mildly confused and looks up from the paper, first time he really looks at the small teen at the table who just casually sits between the other who came to a Sunday brunch.

He then asks:"Who are you?"

Danny puts an whole pancake in his mouth before he says:"Il probably just leave."

If I was Bruce it would drive me absolutely crazy that I couldn't complain to Alfred about my kids:

Bruce: "Alfred, you won't believe what Dick did. He's in space again! He didn't even give me a heads up or--"

Alfred, drinking tea: "The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree--"

"Alfred--"

"I suppose it'll be twelve long years before we see him, no messages, not even a postcard."

Or

"Alfred, I think Jason's sick. Tell Leslie to tell him to take a night off."

"A night off you say, Master Bruce?"

"Don't start."

Or

"Alfred, why the hell is there a tank in the backyard?"

"I tried telling them not to Master Bruce, but you yourself bragged about the ability to survive Houdini's act."

There is no scenario the kids can wind up in where Alfred is even halfway sympathetic to Bruce.

Headcanon that when Duke becomes comfortable with the family he instantly starts pulling the Black Card to win an argument.

The first time it happens is when Batman asks him to stay late in the cave to go over some reports but Duke is tired Damnit and B isn't listening to his protests so he pulls his best sad face and asks "Is it because I'm Black?" When Bruce says that Duke can't ask his siblings to cover for him. Cue the biggest panic that any of them have seen in a long time as Batman switches to Bruce and starts assuring him and telling Duke to go relax.

From there Duke has realised he's gotten a get out of jail free card that he uses carefully (Re: to get out of a gala early, to get his favourite food for dinner a couple of times.)

Using it on his siblings only works once or twice before they start on the orphan card that rarely works as they're all orphaned one way or another.

One time he used it on a villain and they almost instantly stopped beating him up to protest the accused racism.

Danielle is thrown decades into the past and in a cruel (?) twist of fate, becomes once again entangled with the very person she was running from in the first place.

It is 1986. Vlad Masters, 24 years old, finally escapes the hospital. With no home, friends, or money and a lot of debt, he has one goal: amass as much wealth as possible, as quickly as possible. But then the universe, which clearly has it out for him, throws a child shaped wrench at his head.