This Fic Spoke To Me In 57 Different Languages. I've Been Enlightened

This fic spoke to me in 57 different languages. I've been enlightened 🤒

I will not be discussing how many times I re-read this ✋

little things | ft. felix

summary; a moment of humiliation becomes the gateway to felix’s happy ending. in more ways than one.

rating; e for explicit

pairing; lee felix x reader

author’s note; this was NOT what i planned to publish for my first felix fic (if i ever wrote even one). i would say i actually don’t even know where this came from but that would be lying. you can blame @cbini for her answers on that ask about dick sizing. my brains been fixated on this ever since lol. i also didn’t mention the color of felix’s hair because i couldn’t decide LOL. no word count because again, i wrote this in drafts like a damn maniac.

warnings; misunderstandings, insecurity, newer/budding relationship, felix has a smaller average cock (reader’s into it), borderline cock worship, handjobs, very mild degradation, hints of humiliation kink, a brief penetrative sex scene, hints of implied voice kink, spit, uhm, i think that’s all.

“oh,” you gasp, gaze zeroed in on the appendage between his thighs.

felix is quiet, uncharacteristically still, save for the minute twitching of his thighs. it’s something you likely would have missed if you weren’t staring so intently, but you catch it nonetheless. it prompts you to look up, eyes searching for the familiar honey-brown of felix’s irises. what you find makes your jaw slacken in a mixture of worry and confusion, but it’s already too late.

felix kind of wishes the couch would open up and swallow him whole. at this point, he supposes anything would be preferable to the rotten feeling of shame that bubbles up beneath his epidermis. the heat of his humiliation is searing, rendering him motionless; he thinks he very well may start crying.

“oh, felix,” you coo, taking in the petrified state of his appearance.

his eyes are wet, tears threatening to fall over his lash line. the freckles on his skin, normally golden against apricot flesh, are now tinged russet with the hue of his blush. he’s flushed from the tips of his ears to the dips of his color bones, looking like he’s going to bolt the second you give him any leeway.

“s-sorry,” he stutters, voice cracking.

the fact that his erection hasn’t flagged, not even a little, only fills him with more shame and it feels like his flush is burning him alive. he wishes he could pretend that he’s still hard solely because you’re so close, literally a hands length away, but he knows that’s not the only reason. desire and embarrassment burn white hot in his belly, spreading like wildfire along his limbs when your palms meet the skin of his thighs, rubbing up and down in a soothing manner.

“‘lix, no. there’s nothing to be sorry for!”

he shrugs, tucking his chin into his shoulder. “i know it’s small,” he whispers, but you hear it loud and clear.

your hands still, fingers wrapping around his boney knees. small? your eyes find his cock once again and you watch the way it twitches and bobs under your gaze. when you said ‘oh,’ you’d meant it adoringly; the idea of his size being inadequate had never even crossed your mind. though in hindsight, you probably should have been more intentional — more aware — about your reaction. still, there’s nothing small about his dick. felix may not be hung like a horse, but he’s pretty and pleasantly sized; there’s enough of him to fill your cunt or your mouth yet not so much that your insides will ache uncomfortably when it’s over.

“what? hey, no! no, there’s nothing small about you,” you tell him, furrowing your eyebrows. “it’s good, ‘lix, trust me. it’s so good.”

he’d tell you to quit lying, but your face shows no signs of deceit. he’d also tell you to stop staring, that it’s making him wane, but it’s not and he can’t. clearly — judging by how his dick dribbles more precum with every passing moment — his body is enjoying the attention (read: embarrassment) that comes from being on display even if his brain is screaming at him.

“good?” he parrots in question, trying not to squirm as your palm slides up his thigh again.

“mhm,” you hum, licking over your bottom lip. “you’re perfect. can i touch you? please, ‘lix?”

“fuck,” he whimpers with a nod, hips bucking when your hand finally wraps around his cock.

you hum again, committing the delicate weight and feel of it against your palm to memory. you touch him brazenly, fist a little looser than he’d like, though he makes no move to ask you to tighten it. when you do close your fist around it and still your hand, not too much more than the head peaks out and you sigh, sliding your fist upward with a twist. felix pants harshly nd his cock dribbles some more, beads of precum pooling inside the slit of his cock head and daring to run over. objectively, the sight is utterly delectable; you’re practically purring.

“gorgeous,” you croon, not letting up for a single moment as you move to straddle his thighs. “such a cute, little cock you have, felix; it’s so pretty. i want it in my mouth.”

the whine that escapes him is delicious, making wetness seep into the crotch of your panties. it’s a heady rush to hear that accent-rich baritone of his go damn near breathy — makes you wanna eat him up. you take your eyes off his cock in order to watch his face, noting how his pupils have swallowed up the iris; his eyes are nothing but bottomless pits when he gazes back.

“c-can’t — shit — can’t say things like that,” he grits, tone laden with arousal. he seems to come back to himself a little bit just then, lithe thighs flexing and hands curling around your hips to pull you even closer. “i’ll go insane.”

“no? you don’t want me to say nice things?” you tease, letting felix urge you further up his lap. inside your jeans, your panties stick to the swollen folds of your pussy, drenched with the arousal that felix’s debauched appearance drags out of you.

“i shouldn’t tell you how pretty your dick is? not how badly i want it inside my cunt? maybe even my ass?”

his jaw ticks, teeth grinding together with the desire to divest you of all layers so that he’s able to do just that. he’s a sucker for a pretty girl though, especially when said pretty girl is sat atop him, all warm and in charge with her soft, little hand wrapped around him, gripping tight and stroking him perfectly to the edge of oblivion. he thinks about telling you to stop, that he’d much rather cum inside you — in any hole you’re willing to offer him. he doesn’t get a chance to however, not when you’re leaning forward, lips brushing against his ear as you speak.

“keep looking at me,” you whisper, sultry voice sending shivers down felix’s spine.

his attention is rapt, plump lips split around the heaviness of his breath. it’s addictive — the way he looks at you — and though you know you’re not a true dominant, felix makes it very hard to not want to reduce him to a blubbering, submissive mess. instead, the movement of your fist pauses, causing felix to sink his teeth into his bottom lip to prevent himself from whining pathetically and begging for you to continue. he’s made the right choice though, because what he gets is arguably so much better.

you’re still looking at him when your lips pucker, face angled downward just enough for felix to speculate what’s going to happen. his suspicions are confirmed when he watches you push spit past the seam of your lips, letting it drip until it meets his cock head, mixing with his precum and spilling down his shaft into the loosened circle of your fist. you don’t even bother to wipe your face when the string between his dick and your mouth snaps, sticking to your bottom lip and chin. all felix can do is push his hips forward with a deep moan, dick kicking valiantly, clueing you in on how close he is to coming.

you let your thumb circle the tip, smearing your spit around before closing your fist tightly once more. the slide is wetter when you move your arm again, pulling pleas and sanity from felix’s body with each and every tug. he’s surely leaving crescent shaped dents in your hips with his fingernails how hard his hands are gripping you, but the slight pain only makes your cunt throb.

“fuck, fuck,” he drawls, eyes dropping to watch how his length disappears and reappears within your hand. “so damn wet, fuck.”

you grin, nodding. “you’re so drippy, ‘lix,” you coo, obviously enjoying his demise, “so wet and messy.”

“i know,” he whines, voice tight. “it’s embarrassing.”

“wanna know a secret, ‘lix?”

“y-yeah, yeah, tell me. fuck, please.” you’re suddenly in his space again, face so close that he finds himself slightly distracted by the feel of your tits against his chest, even through all the layers, and the warmth of your breath against his face.

“my pussy is wetter,” you admit, wanting to see him fall over that metaphorical edge.

immediately felix’s eyes are rolling into the back of his head, lips parted to release the throatiest whine of your name that you’ve ever heard. his cock throbs in your grip, spurting two long ropes of cum before releasing a third that fountains over your hand rather than shooting into the air. you continue tugging at his shaft until he’s full body twitching against the cushions, whimpers coming out raspy.

“s-sensitive,” he hisses, tearing a hand away from your hip to wrap around your wrist instead, encouraging you to release his softening cock.

his hair is matted in some areas and in overall disarray, strands sticking in this direction and that. felix’s skin is still flushed deeply, but it’s from the flares of desire rather than the heat of shame that had held him in a chokehold at the start of this. he’s pretty; pretty when he wakes, pretty when he smiles, pretty when he comes. you feel like you’ve won lottery just because you get to look at him, let alone touch him. he’s looking at you now, red and pinks in his cheeks, mouth pursing and relaxing like he has something to say but can’t bring himself to voice it.

“what?” you laugh, ignoring the way his cum is slowly turning cool and tacky against your skin.

“can, can i—,” he pauses, bubblegum tongue snaking out to wet his lip. he’s trying his best to not let humiliation creep in again, this time because of the fact that his cock is still out on display, only now it’s flaccid and covered in his own mess.

“hm?” you encourage, a sweet smile on your lips.

“can i kiss you?”

you balk, erupting into a fit of laughter at the absurdity of the situation. felix stiffens beneath you, eyes wide as saucers and scared that he’s misread something. you notice immediately, your own eyes widening as your shake your head rapidly.

“shit! i’m sorry!” you squeak, thumping your head against his shoulder. “nothing’s wrong, lixxie, you can relax.”

the tension bleeds from his frame slowly and you rumble happily, tucking your face more comfortable into the crux of his shoulder and neck. he’s still stiff, but isn’t bowed so tight that you’re afraid he’ll hurt himself. you press a kiss to the clammy flesh of felix’s neck, reaching up with your clean hand to twirl the ends of his hand around your fingers. his skin tastes like salt and tang, smelling like the beach and a hint of spice. it’s something that’s simply him but also alluring and your clit twitches, adamantly reminding you that you’re also sitting in a pond made up of your wetness.

“i really, really like you, felix,” you tell him, picking your head up from his shoulder, “and i laughed because i’ve seen your dick, held it in my hand and even made you come,” you giggle fondly, breathing in deep. “and you — god, ‘lix, you’re so sweet — you’re asking if you can kiss me. i’ve watched you come, admitted i want you inside me, and you’re still unsure whether it’s okay to put your tongue in mouth.”

he laughs with you then, fully relaxing. “well, when you put it like that, it does seem kind of silly,” he admits, finally feeling courageous enough to try his hand at taking charge. “but i like you a lot, too, and your consent is important to me, always.”

he pauses in his speech to worry his bottom lip between his teeth as he contemplates his next few words. you’re looking at him fondly, like he’s something to be admired, like you could be in love with him — you know, when there’s been enough time, of course. it’s that look and your endless patience that give him the courage to continue.

“so yeah, i asked if i could kiss you,” he shrugs, palms sliding flat around your waist as he speaks, “but i plan to do so much more than that if you let me.”

heat balloons in your gut at his words, your walls clenching around nothing. you can only nod, desperation and want rendering you mute save for a single, pitchy whimper that leaves your throat at the prospect of what may come. you want him to kiss you, needed his lips like yesterday, but you also meant it when you said you wanted him inside. you need that pretty, perfect cock inside every single one of your holes, maybe even more than you need air.

“please,” you rasp, not caring that you’re getting his cum on his shirt and the couch when you let that hand grip at his clothing. “please.”

felix smiles, dazzling and sexy, gone from a pretty baby boy to oozing sex appeal and dominance in two seconds flat.

“you don’t have to beg, baby,” he croons, leaning forward to brush his plush mouth against yours teasingly. “i’ll give you everything you need.”

and when you’re pinned under him sometime later, legs wrapped tightly around his slim waist as he slides his cock between the swollen folds of your pussy, you can’t help the excitement that builds and builds within you. your head is pleasantly fuzzy still from the orgasm he gave you moments ago, his soft lips and eager tongue having spent what felt like hours working at your clit. despite the hazy fog of satiation, you still register the feeling of felix’s cock prodding gently at your entrance, relishing in the delicate drag of it again your walls, spreading you open deliciously. there’s no pain with felix; no discomfort, no burning, and no stinging ache, only the overwhelming pleasure of being comfortable full. the snug press of him against your inner most parts has your clit thumping heavily, mind melting.

“oh, fuuuck,” you sigh, arching your back the slightest bit to brush your pebbled nipples against felix’s chest. “felix.”

“yeah? is it good?” he questions in a tone that belies cockiness rather than insecurity. he holds himself up by his forearms on either side of your head, pulling out slow and even before driving his cock back in again.

“yes,” you gasp, whiney and panting, squeezing at his shoulders. “told you,” you breathe, squeezing his cock with your silken cunt just because you can, “it’s perfect.”

thank god for the little things.

© hyungszn 2023; please do not copy, steal, repost, modify, translate, or recommend on any other platform without my permission!

Franz Kafka, the metamorphosis / Jane Austen

this hit 150+ notes😖 Thank you for reading😩❤️ It makes me feel so warm that there are people enjoying the story (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

As a thank you, I posted a little story time🤭 just a small tmi about one of the ideas behind the story haha

"... and they were camp-mates." (더 가까이~)

⚝fic type: romance, young love

⚝genre/contains: han jisung x fem reader, summer camp!au, fluff, comfort, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pinning, both reader and jisung are over 18

⚝warnings: slightly suggestive

⚝word count: 5.8k

⚝inspo: mixtape:oh by stray kids

⚝A/N: this is my entry for the may/june blossoming love event (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠) happy pride month & an even happier 2 year anniversary of mixtape oh!! (the korean title is from han's verse in the song's bridge)

“너와 두 눈을 맞추고서, 한 걸음 더 네게로...

계획을 세워봐도, 여전히 네 앞에 서면 나는 애야”

The great oak doors opened with a familiar creak as you stepped into the reception of your long-time summer camp. Nothing had changed. Nothing really ever changed here. Year in, year out and this lodge remained tried and true. You had attended this camp almost every summer for the past six years. Both your parents had incredibly demanding jobs. Since they couldn’t keep you entertained for your entire holiday themselves, they had figured camp was a good alternative to leaving you at home to your own devices all day. You hadn’t liked the idea at first, but this place gradually grew on you… its carefree and youthful aura was something you’d always reminisce on. It was out of the city, away from all the noise and rush. The camp was bordered by a forest on one side and a lake on the other; the fresh air was always so soothing to your lungs, particularly on the first week back here. Whether a kid liked being outdoors or not, this place had a way of expanding one’s perspective on what fun could look like.

You ran a finger along the smooth brown reception desk as you took in your surroundings. The familiarity of the place made you sigh; the tension you didn’t know you were holding slowly easing off your shoulders. Cheesy motivational quotes and colourful posters about camp activities were tacked onto the notice board beside the desk.

On the counter, a jar of sweets glinted invitingly in the soft sunlight seeping through the room’s large open windows. They came in handy especially in the first few weeks of camp, when the receptionist needed to calm down the kids who ran in demanding to phone their parents and have them pick them up. It was a regular occurrence with the younger campers, you had behaved that way too on your first summer. Some of the best– and worst– moments of your childhood had happened at this camp. You’d broken limbs, learned how to swim, cycle and bake here… As well as more unconventional feats, such as learning how to pick a lock with a hair pin.

The reception had received a fresh coat of paint since you were last here, the beige tint no longer chipping to reveal the dulling white beneath it. You dinged the tiny bell on the table top and took a seat at the orange couch beside the door as you waited for the receptionist to come in. You came back this summer as a junior Counsellor to earn a little extra cash before you joined college. Familiar as the place was, you were sure this summer would be a relatively different experience considering your new position and the fact that you wouldn’t be spending it with the friends you had made here. It would be rather boring without them all, you thought, as you knew most of the other junior Counsellors would be unfamiliar faces.

The receptionist walked in through a side door after a few minutes and beckoned you forward with a warm greeting so you could register your name in the counter book and receive your pass. You can’t help but smile as you take in the photographs still stuck to the wall behind the desk. They were from three years ago, when your camp’s rowing team had competed in a tournament and won. Under the generic congratulatory banner, you could see your own toothy grin (and pimpled forehead) staring back at you. Right next to it was one particular chubby cheeked boy who was smiling triumphantly as he held his hand up in a peace sign. You let out a small laugh at the memory of the cheesecake-loving boy who’d simultaneously annoyed the hell out of you and elevated your stays here to astronomical levels of fun.

“Hey baby!” Came his unmistakable voice from behind you. It made you spin around in shock. The Han Jisung was leaning against the door frame, a crossbody bag slung across his broad chest and a large box cradled in his arms.

The nickname 'baby' had always fallen so easily from his lips, in the same manner one would casually use ‘bro’ or ‘mate’. He hadn’t changed all that much… still had those insanely chubby cheeks and annoyingly perfect waist. His sense of fashion had improved tremendously, yet still looked very Jisung-esque; comfort had always been the most important element to his dressing.

“Jisung? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” he countered with a wink, walking in and setting the box down on the counter. “Can’t deny I’m not happy to see you, though.”

He turned to the receptionist then. “These are books I’d, uhm, borrowed from the camp’s library… over the years… and forgotten to return.” He explained with his signature grin, hoping to charm the older man into letting him off the hook. Soon enough he'd check the 'return by' dates and realize that some of the box’s contents had been under Han Jisung's bed at home for about four years now. If it wasn’t for his pestering mother they’d still be there, honestly.

You scoffed, trying to ignore the swell of his bicep as he leaned an arm on the counter. “You read?”

Jisung stuck his tongue out at you. You rolled your eyes when the receptionist opened the box to reveal dozens of comics. “These don’t count as books, Jisung.”

“They do, too.” He challenged back indignantly.

“You don’t read.” You stated with finality as the receptionist went back through the side door he came in from.

“Yes I do.” Jisung countered adamantly as he leaned towards you and tapped your nose with his finger. You groaned and leaned back, stifling the laugh that was climbing up your throat.

“So what’s your deal?” he asked, changing the subject with a teasing pout of his lips as he poked your side. “Missed this place that much?”

“I’m here as a Counsellor.” You explained shortly, paying no mind to his antics. Jisung had a habit of trying to rile you up for no apparent reason. He seemed to find great fun in it.

“Well look at that, baby!” He said with exaggerated glee, showing you his pearly white teeth as he smiled wide. You narrowed your eyes at him, fighting back the smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“We’ll be spending one last summer together,” he gushed, emphasizing each word with an affectionate pat on your shoulder.

—

You watched Jisung scribble his name just below yours in the worn out counter book. You couldn’t believe your luck, this had to be some kind of joke.

The two of you had a history.

You remember the summer Han Jisung had serenaded you by the campfire, all in the name of having you lend an ear for his new song. The dark haired boy had sung his heart out while dutifully strumming his guitar. You recall the way he hadn't broken eye contact for a second, the crackling fire illuminating his determined face. The performance had ended with him shyly confessing that you had inspired the ballad.

That had also been the summer you’d had to untangle him from his mosquito net. Yeah, not Jisung’s finest moment.

None of his roommates had managed to free him and you had for some reason been deemed an expert in such cabin room catastrophes. He’d snuck a kiss to your cheek as you finally freed his fragile legs from the net. (A kiss you’d immediately wiped off as the other campers began to holler and croon sickly sweet love songs.)

—

When he’d walked in, Jisung’s stomach had done a funny flip at the sight of you. After all this time…

The effect you had on him was as strong as when he’d last seen you. He started teasing you out of habit, the urge near instinctual after all these years. What else was he supposed to do? That was his only way of masking the true nature of his feelings. You absolutely captivated Han Jisung, in just about every way possible. Unknown to you, he had been under your spell for years now. Sure, you’d probably caught on at one point or another that he had a crush on you, but it ran deeper than that. Jisung was enthralled by the way your brain worked, and the unique solutions you found to problems. Though a bit of a genius in his own right– especially musically– Jisung was rather scatter-brained and your efficiency and structure was something he’d always admire. In addition to that you had the prettiest eyes he’d ever had the pleasure of looking into.

As you walked side by side, Jisung grappled with how he was going to keep things light and friendly between you two. Internally, he knew that he was fighting a losing battle.

—

The two of you made your way to the centre of the camp where the senior Counsellors were dividing duties. Nayeon, your favourite Counsellor from your time at camp, handed you your own schedule. It turns out you would be working with the younger kids. Not a bad deal considering you’d been on babysitting duty for most of your life, being the oldest sibling and all.

Jisung, who was seated next to you on the sturdy log, grinned as he read his own sheet and nudged you with his elbow when he reached the end of the slip.

“Looks like we’ll be cabin-mates, baby.” He declared. Your eyes widened at that, scanning through your own paper to confirm his statement. Indeed, you would be holed up with Han Jisung for a whole month.

You sputtered, blaming the sudden heat creeping up your face on the sun overhead, and looked up at Nayeon with your mouth slightly agape.

“You’re the same age,” she pointed out, shrugging. “And you know each other. I figured it would be more comfortable than rooming you with strangers.”

Your heart was beating wildly in your chest as your mind ran a mile a minute, providing you with scenarios of how this could possibly turn out. You struggled not to give any outward indication of the thoughts clouding your brain.

“Unless you want me to change it…” Nayeon offered kindly, noticing the panic dancing in your eyes despite your efforts to conceal it.

You looked over at Jisung, who’s heart-shaped mouth had formed a slight pout at Nayeon’s suggestion. He quickly dropped it when he noticed your gaze.

“Uh… no, no. This will be fine.”

“Are you sure, sweetie?” She double-checked.

“Yeah, sure. Positive.” You cleared your throat that suddenly felt very dry. You quickly racked your brain for a reason to excuse how flustered you were. “I was just- Jisung’s really messy so I was a little-”

“Am not.” He countered childishly, looking slightly offended. Unfortunately for him, the slight upwards quirk of his mouth betrayed the charade.

“I’ve heard the horror stories.” You teased with a raised brow, referring to the tales you’d heard from his previous cabin-mates.

“Well,” Nayeon cut in, shaking her head in amusement. “If the arrangement is alright with the both of you then I’ll leave you to it.”

She smiled good-naturedly before moving on to her other colleagues who had queries.

—

Rooming with Jisung wasn’t all that bad. Both of you were shy at first and kept to your respective sides of the small cabin. The room had two bunk beds and Jisung kept his mess to his top bunk. Sleep had evaded you on the first night and he’d actually offered to sing you to sleep. It had worked wonders and over the next two weeks it became somewhat of a routine.

The only time you got in each other’s way was rushed mornings when you needed the bathroom at the same time. You didn’t spend much time in there anyways, already swept up in the flurry of activities that camp provided. In truth, you just wanted to avoid the blush that graced your cheeks whenever he walked in all sleepy to brush his teeth, muttering a ‘hey, baby’ with his gravely morning voice. The domesticity of going about your morning routines together got to your head faster than you expected it to. Perhaps what made it worse was when he had to lean over or behind you to grab something on your end of the sink.

One morning he’d full-on wrapped an arm around your waist as he reached over and snagged your scented lotion. Jisung thought he was being all slick but the proximity ended up flustering him even more than it did you. You’d feigned annoyance at his seemingly endless antics, scolding him and trying to pry the bottle from his hand. Jisung, stubborn as ever, wasn’t giving it up that easily and cheekily brought his face closer to yours with puckered lips. You’d recoiled immediately with wide eyes and he laughed in delight, savouring his victory as you narrowed your eyes at him and stormed out of the bathroom before he got to see the smile you couldn’t seem to fight off.

—

It felt like the kids wanted to try out everything at once. On days you seriously needed some down time, you’d get one of them to start up a game of hide and seek. That kept them busy for a good hour, sometimes more depending on the number of participants.

Hide and seek had always been a popular game at camp. The game’s rules were different here– and a seeker finding you didn’t automatically mean you had lost. Once found, you and the seeker had to race to where they’d been counting; whoever got there first won. If you lost, you had to join the seeker in their quest to find the rest of the campers.

Three summers ago, you’d hidden in one of the camp’s two treehouses with Jisung during a game. When it began you had quickly dashed up there, expecting to find the space empty. You had nearly tripped over Jisung who was crouched near the door. He’d managed to steady you and put a finger to his lips conspiratorially. You wanted to whine and tell him to find another spot but at that moment the seeker announced they were done counting.

Jisung had clamped a hand over your mouth and pulled you in before you could protest… adrenaline running high as you both pressed against the wooden inner wall. He was closer to the door, so you curled around him– placing your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself as you peeped at the scene below you two. The sky was quickly darkening outside, darker shades of blue streaked with hues of violet creating a beautiful background to complement the moon's faint glow that cast tall shadows behind the scurrying campers. The moonlight slipped past half-drawn blinds through the window above you, a sliver of light dancing across Jisung’s soft cheeks. He had them puffed out as he held his breath, looking over the door’s landing. You could make out half his face, the other half silhouetted in the dark tree house. He looked rather beautiful this way, the sharp line of his nose against the light and soft curve of his round eyes making him look like a painting. The realization momentarily stole your breath away.

When he turned around suddenly, your noses almost bumped together. It occurred to you with a start how close you were to him. He didn’t move away though, eyes gleaming with mischief in typical Jisung fashion as he took note of the proximity. You didn’t pull back either, transfixed and still a little dazed by everything. It took you way too long to notice you were staring at his lips. It wasn’t until he let out a soft chuckle that you slightly moved back, the breath of it fanning against your own lips. Your heart had fluttered annoyingly when you returned your gaze to his brown eyes.

“Have you ever kissed someone?” You asked quietly. The dark of the evening was working like liquid courage and brazenness uncharacteristically came easily to you. Jisung looked taken aback by your question, eyes widened as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip nervously and picked at his dark blue nail polish. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, hoping against hope that you were suggesting what he thought you were. He nodded his head, adding as he looked away, “Never a girl, though.”

“Oh,” was the only reply you could come up with, unsure of how to continue the conversation.

He faced you again, now grinning. You knew that look and groaned, already being able to tell the boy was about to say something stupid.

“You could change that.” He suggested with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes, mumbling something under your breath about how you ‘didn’t mean it that way’– yet you still brought his face closer to yours with slightly shaky hands.

“Your insufferable.” You said as menacingly as you could, but the twinkle on your eyes betrayed you.

Jisung’s breath caught in his throat when you held his face in both your palms, cold from the air outside. He hesitantly brought one of his own hands to your cheek before closing the space between you two.

The kiss was soft, just a slow brush of your lips– neither of you confident enough go beyond that. In any case, you didn’t have the time to, hearing someone– undoubtedly the seeker– climbing up to the treehouse. You quickly broke apart and stood up, preparing yourselves for the impending race.

Your lips still tingled faintly as he looked at you and sharply nodded his head once. You nodded back, mouthing, “On three…”

—

As the days stretched on, hanging out with Jisung in between your duties proved to be a fun past time. Sure, he still teased you a lot, but more than made up for it by making you laugh hysterically. He’d been the mood maker during your time as a camper. Jisung always managed to rally the other kids’ spirits and always had a great story for the nights spent around the campfire.

On your second Saturday back at camp, you two were seated outside your cabin as you usually did when you were both off duty. It was the onset of summer the small room felt too stuffy at times. You’d helped him make sure the older campers he was in charge of weren’t getting into any trouble before retiring for the night. For those rascals, truth or dare had become riskier and ‘7 minutes in heaven’ was now the go-to game for a night spent indoors.

You and Jisung recalled one such occasion during your own teen years when he had lied you were his girlfriend to get out of kissing Felix in a game of spin the bottle. You didn’t understand why he’d done it; Jisung had kissed virtually all his friends at least once– and Felix was no exception. You’d now found yourself in the middle of the drama, your other campmates still demanding a kiss between you two to keep the game going.

Felix had eyed you sceptically as you fumbled for a way to back out. That boy had been Jisung’s bunkmate that summer and the previous one as well. Felix would surely have known if the two of you had something going on; the campers had a habit of sneaking into each other’s cabins when they dated.

The freckled boy’s voice was so low in the morning that it had scared the shit out of Jisung every day for the first two weeks spent as his bunkmate. The two of you burst out laughing at the memory of him spraining his ankle on the first week of that summer, having fallen out of bed at the sound of Felix’s rumbling morning voice. It had resulted in Jisung having to trade in the much coveted top bunk to prevent any chance of breaking a limb in his spooked frenzy.

“Hey! You wouldn’t have fared any better!” he managed between laughs, trying to save some face. “It’s hard to convince your brain at six in the morning that no, there isn’t any demon under you plotting to drag you into the underworld.”

The conversation then shifted to your future plans. Every new thing Jisung discovered about you left him yearning to know you at a greater depth. Jisung was going to study music and producing, naturally. He was still nervous about it, stomach churning from the thought of the calibre of classmates he’d have at the college he was accepted to.

“You’ve got the talent and the drive for it,” you reassured him with an earnest smile. You leaned your hand on your palm as you gave him your full attention, genuinely interested in his aspirations. You knew Jisung didn’t open up to many people about these things, afraid that they’d find his ranting tiresome. You wanted to make sure he knew you enjoyed listening.

Jisung couldn’t hold eye contact for long- eyes straying from yours every now and then. You were sat there looking at him with that look you had cast on him so many times before; one that made his stomach do backflips. It was a look of trust… of belief that his thoughts were not only valid but mattered. There weren’t that many people out there who took their time to just listen in the way you did. Not only to him; Jisung admired the caring nature you extended to everyone around you. It’s one of the things that made you a great Counsellor; the kids felt not only safe, but also heard when with you.

“Don’t look at me like that!” He whined, subconsciously hiding his flushed face behind his hand.

“Like what?” You chuckled. You fought back the flustered panic rising in your chest. Had your eyes let on too much? You were usually good at schooling your smitten expression in front of Jisung (or so you thought) but it seems the comfort of the moment had made you drop your guard.

“Like that,” He explained unhelpfully, wiggling his fingers in your direction. It really wasn’t like Jisung at all… the way he talked to you, treated you and behaved towards you made him seem so immature. Everything he said ended up sounding childish. It was rapidly getting worse the closer you two grew.

“Anyways,” he said, shaking his head and trying to regain his wits. “I’ve been working on something. Would you like to hear it?”

“If you’re going to try serenading me I swear-”

“No, no,” he laughed, getting shy again at the memory of that night so many years ago. “It’s…”

He trailed off, not wanting to give too much away. “I don’t want to give any spoilers!” He stood up and gestured for you to do the same. “Just come inside.”

Jisung turned on his laptop– his only possession separated from the heap of clothes and his other belongings sprawled on his top bunk– and pulled up a file labelled ‘Close’. He kept his eyes trained on the floor as he played you a snippet. The song had an upbeat and floaty vibe to it, the kind you loved. It eased the weight of the lyrics that carried such unaffected depth, typical of Jisung’s song-writing. He blushed as you praised him when the track-in-progress came to an end, attempting to downplay how good the song really was, but you didn’t let him. He cleared his throat, struggling to explain the meaning behind the song when yet again faced with your undivided attention. Around you all the bright ideas in his head came out messy and uncoordinated, even when he’d thought about what he wanted to say beforehand.

You held out your hand as you hit the replay button on his laptop and pulled him up.

“Dance with me?” you asked simply. It wasn’t really optional, considering you’d already brought him to his feet, but Jisung wouldn’t have declined anyways. You put your hands on his shoulders as you danced in the small space between your two beds. He tentatively brought his hands up to your waist with a small grin.

“Better not crush my toes with your great big feet,” he teased, taking one step closer to you and laughing as you swatted his chest with a grumble. Holding you in this way shouldn’t be having the effect that it is on him. But what did he expect? Every time he so much as looked at you for too long his breath caught in his throat. As always, the only distraction Jisung could find from the feelings blossoming within was to poke fun at you.

The song came to an end as the two of you were swaying silently, simply enjoying the moment. In any case, you both lacked the courage to do much else. Without realizing it, you had gotten closer– way closer then when you’d begun… but neither of you could find the will to pull away.

He should honestly just go for it.

Jisung was honestly one of the suavest guys he knew. It shouldn’t be this difficult. Why was it, anyways? He was a grown man, he reasoned to himself. Kissing his crush didn’t have to be like pulling teeth. Jisung shook his fears away as he held your chin in between his fingers, eyes imploring your own. You slipped your arms around his neck and he shut his eyes, letting you close the gap between you two.

The kiss felt different from anything he’d experienced previously. Your lips pressed against his with so much care, conveying everything you couldn’t put into words.  When you pulled away your pretty eyes remained focused on his lips in a way that made him want to dip back in for more. Everything about you did.

He held you close to him by the waist, loosely enough in case you wanted to step back. You placed a hand over his chest, eyes telling him all he needed to know as you felt his heartbeat pick up under your palm.

“Hey…” he chanced, rocking you slowly to a rhythm no one else but the two of you could seem to hear. You appeared to be waltzing… lost in each other’s gazes as you both slowly shed the layers of pretence keeping you apart.

“Hmm?” You replied softly, careful not to break the comfortable silence.

“Be my girl,” he pleaded. Jisung drew you into a hug and leaned his cheek against yours, sighing at his lack of tact. You pulled back and smiled coyly at him before you playfully danced out of his reach. You plopped down on your bed, not anticipating the way he followed you and kneeled at your side so you were somewhat at eye level.

“Why should I?” You asked with your eyebrow raised and hands crossed over your chest. You’d expected a clever quip in return but he merely pouted at your answer.

“Haven’t I proven myself enough?” he whined. In spite of yourself, you reached out a hand and threaded your fingers through his hair. It had grown longer in the time he’d been here, brown strands tickling his neck. He sighed at the feeling, weighing his next words before he spoke again.

“Have you ever had sex before?”

The question stumbled out ungracefully. Its randomness made you raise your eyebrows and laugh. If it were anyone else, he’d have probably been able to say that smoother, maybe slip a warm palm up your thigh. But no, around you Han Jisung was an idiot. 

You nodded your head, then– as if you’d suddenly recalled something funny–  grinned and added, “Never with a boy, though.”

The reference had him chuckling in spite of his nerves, helping him relax a little. Of course, this peace was disrupted by what you said next.

“You could change that…” You suggested, trailing off in your slight uncertainty. You cleared your throat when Jisung looked at you blankly, examining your hands like they were suddenly the most interesting thing in earth as you tried to look anywhere in the room but him. He laughed quietly and brought your face back round to face him.

“You’re insufferable,” he said softly, teasing glint still dancing in his eyes. Jisung brought up his hand to your face and leaned in for the second time that night. The kiss was firmer this time round. His lips moved against yours with a newfound determination, tongue sliding against your lips and seeking entrance beyond them. His other hand trailed up you your arm to gently tug at your elbow, moving you closer to him.

You pulled him up onto the bed and he hit his head on the top bunk in the process. He groaned as he sunk down and you couldn’t help but break the kiss to laugh at him.

“See what I go through for you?” he joked, rubbing his forehead with a grimace.

“Okay,” you conceded. “I’ll give you a shot.”

“Really?” He exclaimed, eyes wide with excitement and reddening forehead forgotten.

“Just for the summer…” You negotiated. “You’re on probation.”

“Well, that’s better than nothing,” he shrugged before laying down on your bed and pulling you on top of him. You straddled him as your head lowered to his once again, closing your eyes as the feeling of his lips against your own and hands roaming your body engulfed you.

—

You woke up to the soft morning light slipping under your curtains and the feeling of Jisung’s breath against your neck. He’d nuzzled himself there and was borderline laying on top of you. He looked so peaceful like this, his toned back rising and falling with each breath he took. His leg was thrown over your own and you gently pried him off so you could go to the bathroom.

You gazed at your reflection in the sink’s mirror, noticing a very conspicuous mark on your neck that you’d have to cover up later. You ran your fingertips over it, smiling like an idiot. Why was it so hard for you to admit your feelings for this guy? Everyone could see there was something deeper between you two. Even one of the kids had pryingly asked if he was your boyfriend.

Every summer, all the relationships the two of you might have had over the school year dissipated into thin air the second camp began. Jisung seemed to forget the relevance of them all when you were in question. On your end, you struggled to mask your smile when someone brought his name up. Both his goofy and serious side were so special to you. His serious expression as he jotted down lyrics used to make your stomach flutter– you realized it still did when he was talking about his song to you last night.

You gazed at your reflection again, searching your own eyes for an answer you already held within you… could you be falling in love?

—

The weeks flew by and before you knew it, your final time at this camp was coming to an end. You and Jisung had been… busy, in between your Counselling duties. There were several times over the course of the past few weeks when you’d woken up in his bed instead of yours.

Nevertheless, you’d surprisingly enjoyed your duties. The kids this summer where a nice lot, especially considering you hadn’t been assigned to deal with the older ones. It was harder for them to take your instructions as they could see you weren’t much older than them. You didn’t know how Jisung managed.

On the last week you and Jisung were yet again sat outside your cabin, sharing a pack of gummy bears.

“So… am I off probation now?” he asked teasingly.

“Still thinking about it.” You deadpanned, resolutely staring ahead into the darkness.

“C’mon don’t be difficult,” He whined. “Admit it, I’m the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

“Nope,” you said, giggling. “You’re the only boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“So that automatically makes me the best!” He argued with a grin. “No competition… you’d just be comparing me to me.”

“I said you’re my first boyfriend, not first relationship,” you corrected him. “Don’t get to cocky,” you said throwing him a wink.

It was comical, really, the way he pouted at your answer. His eyes suddenly lit up as he dragged you up from your seat.

“Where are we going?”

“Just follow me.” He said with faux exhaustion, mumbling about how stubborn you were.

The stars twinkled above you and you could hear that distant hooting of owls from the nearby forest. The moon proudly lit your path as you recognized it as the route to the camp’s old well. It had no use really, and hadn’t in about 15 years.

You remember your third summer at camp when Jisung had jumped into it after you’d rejected him.

He’d stayed down that well until a Counsellor had to grudgingly get him out. Jisung had been a menace at the time. The only Counsellor who’d managed to tame him was a junior named Minho. Jisung didn’t seem to care about how much grief he caused them during activities- always stirring up some kind of mischief. You’d frequently catch him looking your way, as if he was specifically waiting for your reaction to his antics.  Jisung liked to see you laugh at his jokes, beyond giddy to know he’d contributed to that beautiful smile of yours. He always strived to make his mark, he didn’t want to just hang or linger around you… a brief distraction that you’d forget by the end of the day. For reasons unknown to him, Jisung had wanted to be more than that to you.

Just like back then, he sat on the well’s edge.

“Be my baby,” he asked, already struggling to bite back a laugh. He threw in a ‘please’ for good measure. “I swear I’ll jump in if you say no again.”

The well’s depth wasn’t as deep or intimidating now considering you were both full adults, but the thought of having to haul him out in the dead of night did not sound appealing, so you agreed immediately. You chuckled as he stood up and made his way to you with a visible spring in his step.

“You’re so stubborn.” You scolded him as he gallantly took your hands in his.

“Annoying, childish, a thorough idiot...” He confirmed, taking another step closer to you. “Who's low-key in love with you.”

“Completely insufferable...” was the last thing you managed to stutter out before he crashed his lips into yours, cradling your face in both his hands. He titled his head and deepened the kiss after a short while, nearly tumbling you both over in the process. You snorted into the kiss and the two of you broke apart in peals of laughter.

It seemed that no matter how many times he did this, he was still messy, still uncoordinated and not much unlike the young campers you watched over.

In front of you, his love, Han Jisung was still a kid.

⚝A/N: Thank you for reading (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆ This concept has been in my mind since May aah I'm happy to finally have it completed. If you enjoyed the story kindly reblog!

Quiet moments from Paris while I was waiting for my french diploma results. I ended up getting 72/100, which means I’ll be graduating next year! In September I’ll also be halfway through my degree, studying philosophy and statistics modules. I’m feeling very hopeful for the academic year ahead :’)

We lost the Summer

⚝fic type: Y/A (coming-of-age)

⚝genre/contains: huening kai x reader, fluff, angst, gn!reader, non-idol!au with a dash of friends2lovers

⚝warnings: mentions of food (sweets & ice-cream)

⚝word count: 3.5k, pt 2/2 (part 1)

⚝A/N: Yes, I'm finally releasing this two months later. It's taken me so long to be happy with it 😭✌ but here we are! Dedicated to blonde hyuka who I've loved since forever💙

Spring break was fast approaching… and with it came that insufferable exam fever, punctuated by short bursts of the euphoric feeling of finally understanding the subject material. Much like the sun was now trying to peak its way down to you. Soft and tentative and brimming with the hope of a new season.

Your life in the city had taken an upturn. You started going out more often, and made good friends– some of whom you knew would be sticking around for the long run. It didn’t feel lonely anymore, and the uncertainty you had previously lugged around with every step had begun to unthaw like everything else as the seasons changed.

Mid-term exams came and went in a fleeting moment of perilous pressure, characterised by Soobin bursting into the library (earning himself a very dirty look from the librarian) and declaring that he actually hadn’t failed calculus. The exam season had been rough for you as well, but you tried to not worry about it too much. In any case, your mind was preoccupied with thoughts of flying home and all the things you’d do when you got there. You wondered if everything would be just as you’d left it, or if there had been significant change. It had only been nine months, sure, but that had been a lot of growing time on your end. Mentally, you were leaps and bounds ahead of where you’d been when you first moved out here.

A slight drizzle had kicked up by the time you got home, but you didn’t mind it one bit, immediately indulging yourself in all the familiar pleasures you had so dearly missed. The restaurant you used to frequent had been closed down, but your mother didn’t give you any time to grieve it with all the dishes she was whipping up. Your parents had always let you find your own way, and hadn’t tried convincing you to stay in your hometown when you decided to move away. Nevertheless, they had missed you all the same, and made up for the lost time with filling dinners and family outings.

As much as you tried not to think about him, Kai had been lingering at the back of your mind since you booked your flight home. The two of you had not talked in over nine months. Was he still living there? Maybe he’d taken a chance, like you, and moved away. You knew he’d always wanted to be a perfumer– as crazy as that sounds– and was now probably majoring in Chemistry.

Kai was sometimes your last thought before you slept, and your drowsy mind would annoyingly draw up scenarios of meeting him again. You had subtly asked your older sister about him and she’d confirmed that he still lived in your hometown. You would have to make a great effort to not ‘accidentally’ walk by his house as you strolled around the neighbourhood. You had spotted him around a few times; at the gas station once– the baseball cap obscuring his features doing nothing to stop you from recognizing your ex-best friend. You flush at the memory of how your heart had hammered as you rolled down your seat in order not to be seen by him. Your sister had given you a very curious look at that.

The first time you bumped into each other, you had quite literally halted in your tracks. You’d been hurrying off to a reunion party with a few of your family members and had rushed into the convenience store to get some snacks for the road. Kai was in the confectioneries isle, stacking up on skittles, marshmallows and gummy bears. You couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled in your throat at the sight of his face taut with concentration. Kai detested shopping, yet never trusted anyone else to do his candy shopping for him. That was a sacred matter.

Kai had grown so much over your time apart. His long black locks had been cut short, his hair now a glowing blonde. It suited him well; the short pale strands accentuated his features that had begun to sharpen with time. You hadn’t been as adventurous, barely changing your hairstyle in your time away. However, you didn’t feel conscious about it– you were learning how to live life at your own pace. Before, such an inconsequential difference would have made you feel left behind. Everything had been a competition when you were in high school– and you used to feel like you were on the losing end half of the time.

Kai’s smile was as sweet as ever when he turned around at the sound of footsteps to be met by your own small smile. His cheeky grin lit up his face as his eyes danced under the fluorescent lights. The way the corners of his mouth quirked upwards always made him look like he was up to mischief– which he was, most of the time. Your friendship growing up had been greatly characterised by you bailing the two of you out of trouble after he’d convinced you to join him in doing something dumb (and mildly dangerous).

The two of you awkwardly fumbled between a hug and a handshake, all the more as you settled for a shaky version of the latter. Even though it was evident that you were both excited to meet each other again, your attempt at small talk did not venture beyond surface-level conversations. The hesitance that characterized all your meetings, hanging over them like a fog, reminded you of the gap breached between the two of you in high school. Just like back then, there were a few times in the present when you sensed that he might make a shot at truly reconnecting… but the moment would pass without any new development. Something kept getting in the way. Fear, pride… you couldn’t pin point exactly what it was. Another holiday was quickly coming to an end without the two of you making up, just like the way you’d lost the summer.

—

Eventually, about a fortnight before you were scheduled to travel back to college, you bump into Kai at your music store. This store had housed some of the best memories of your childhood; to find everything exactly as you had left it was a comfort words could not describe. You remember how sorely you had missed strolling through these isles at the beginning of your college year. Meeting Kai here only fuelled the nostalgia as you were the one who introduced him to this little slice of paradise on one of your innumerable walks home from school, back when you were children. It surprises you that Kai’s taste in music hasn’t changed much. Yours, on the other hand, had undergone a transformation of sorts within the time you’ve been away. It’s crazy how much music contributes to your mood; now that you’re listening to what you want (rather than going along with other people’s persuasions), you’ve found yourself far happier than you were during your high school years.

The two of you stumble over pleasantries as usual, sneaking glances at each other as you browse the shelves. At times your eyes would meet and you would be the one to look away, for Kai would only hold your gaze and venture no further. In your periphery you could spot the store’s owner, Namjoon, eyeing the two of you curiously. For all he knew, all he’d ever known, you and Kai were the best of friends– simply inseparable. He had never questioned you when you stopped bringing Kai to get new music with you in your final year of high school, simply assuming that the need to study was keeping Kai cooped up at home.

In the end, growing restless from this silent game, Kai broke the ice first and approached you, cracking an inside joke that he knew you could never resist laughing at. Within a matter of minutes it became apparent how foolish both of you were being by trying to avoid one another.

It’s amazing how conversation flows so naturally; anybody watching you two wouldn’t be able to tell that there had been radio silence from both ends for so long. Too long… but that void was rapidly closing with each laugh he managed to pull out of you.

The two of you agree to hit up your old ice cream parlour and Namjoon waves you goodbye on your way out, delight lighting up his features now that his favourite pair of troublemakers were back in business.

—

What you didn’t know was that Kai had missed you so much he couldn’t bear it. He would often catch himself wandering aimlessly on his walks alone after the two of you fell out. To see you again had given him a sliver of hope that he could make everything go back to the way it once was.

But Kai knew you well, and figured that the stubbornness in you– that he had over time grown to love– wouldn’t let you reach out first. Nevertheless, when he saw you at the music store he was determined to get you back. Somehow, he was going to make this work.

It had taken him so much time to stop eyeing his calendar after you left for college without coming to say goodbye. He was constantly reminded of you by the important dates you had marked onto it. Movie releases, when your favourite albums dropped, exams that you had to study for… you’d jot them down with the coloured glitter pens you would find scattered around his room. Your pens, actually- because Kai had an uncanny ability to nick them without you noticing a thing. You still scolded him for it now, almost a decade later.

—

You and Kai had spent countless Friday afternoons peering outside this parlour’s large windows, kneeling on your chairs to watch passers-by and cook up stories about what you two thought their lives were like. Kai would be reduced to fits of giggles as you pointed out random people with your ice-cream cone and invented incredibly detailed (and slightly unrealistic) tales about them. Your all-time favourite was a burly man who frequented the office building adjacent to the parlour. The two of you had convinced yourselves that guy was part of some mafia syndicate. He was always in dark sunglasses, had a comically twisted moustache, and on warmer days would rest against the hood of his car and smoke a cigar.

You find out Kai did really well in his high school exams; you hadn’t really followed up at the time. Your family was big on sending success cards, but when they sent one to Kai, the two of you were still distant. You remember writing a generic ‘good luck’ message that didn’t feel personal, didn’t feel like it was written by a friend he’d had for years. You feel a twinge of sadness at that. It’s crazy to think nearly all the ‘friendships’ that you had basically dumped Kai for had died out by the end of the summer following high school. It seemed the minute they left those school gates, those friends seemed to be ‘too busy’ for you. And yet, the boy who’d stuck by your side for so long was here with you now.

After getting your order you sit on the sidewalk outside the parlour sharing earphones. You two laugh as you remember getting into trouble together for doing this during a lesson when you were deskmates. Kai had been a quiet kid before befriending you… but that changed drastically once he came out of his shell. Kai was constantly getting himself into trouble, both at school and at home. You’ll always loved the image of a then tiny Kai being scolded and pinched on his chubby cheek for coming home all muddy after an electrifying football match. It had been around the world cup and all the kids on your street would spend the whole day outside, mimicking the matches they had watched on TV. Kai had been trying to run into the kitchen with filthy shoes all because he’d smelled his favourite food. As you shared your current mishaps and gossiped about the students in your respective courses, you were starting to feel like you’d gotten your confidant back. Kai was so easy to talk to. He was never judgemental and, after years of friendship, understood what you were saying before you even completed your sentences. It only occurred to you now, in the tentative afternoon sun, how handsome Kai was becoming as he grew older. Had he really always looked like this?

When you looked at him for too long, however, all you could see was that mischievous boy who’d been stealing all your glitter pens since fifth grade– and you told him as much.

“What do you mean by that?” He gasped, then raised an eyebrow. “You don’t find me breath-taking?”

“Absolutely not-”

“Simply just dazzling?” He posed, pouting his lips.

“Nope,” you laughed. “You’re a thief. A criminal, Kai.”

“Then you must be Britney Spears.” He teased with a wink, causing you to throw your bag at him with mock disgust.

—

On the eve of your departure, Kai agreed to come over and help you pack. It was the last time you would have any time together before you left as only your family was taking you to the airport for your short flight back. You had spent the better part of your last two weeks at home in each other’s company.

But despite of your plans, the day stretched on with no sign of Huening Kai.

You called him to no avail, because his phone was off. You’d tried waiting for him… tried to delay your inevitable separation, but it was no use. Packing your things alone, you bit back your worry and slight disappointment, hoping that Kai was alright and figuring that something urgent must’ve come up.

Kai showed up the next day, about half an hour before you were scheduled to leave for the airport. By that time you had written off any hope of seeing him before you left, so it surprised you when he came hurtling into your room.

“I’m so sorry I’m late I-”

“Are you alright? What happened?” You took note of the way he was panting as if he’d just ran a marathon.

“My dog,” he explained, trying to catch his breath. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it. She got sick, and the vet was out of town. My phone died on me-”

“Hey,” you softly stopped his rambling, motioning for him to take a seat on your bed. “Take it easy, it’s fine.”

Any disappointment that you previously held dissipated at the genuine remorse in his eyes. You knew that dog was getting really old, and how Kai would do anything not to lose her just yet… even if, like the two of you now, the separation would eventually be inevitable. Kai had always been bad at handling goodbyes of any nature, and for the first time you wondered how he coped when you left last August.

“It’s not fine, I know-” his breath got caught in his chest and he took a moment to steady his breathing. “I know you’ll be leaving for even longer this time and I…”

He trailed off, eyes trained on your shelf full of his music albums. His eyebrows furrowed as if he was in pain.

What he was saying was true, you had planned to stay in your college’s city till the end of year. Your life in the new city had started to look up; you were starting to really enjoy your time there.

“I know you won’t be coming back for the summer,” he continued, standing up and walking towards you. “And we’ve both been pretty stupid but I honestly wish I hadn’t wasted so much time.”

His mind was racing with the slight panic of losing you again. A nightmarish week, another month, a year…

He couldn’t bear to live in limbo for any longer, not when you’d just managed to reconcile. He felt bad you two spent nearly the whole holiday avoiding each other. Being with you this summer had evoked feelings within him that he had previously dismissed. Kai wondered if, given the chance, your friendship could eventually have led to something bigger.

“I should’ve looked for you earlier, maybe if I had-”

“There’s no point in dwelling on that now,” you tried reasoning with him.

You were caught between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, you didn’t see a real reason to keep flying back home- it costed money, and was really rather unnecessary considering your parents weren’t nagging you to keep visiting; you’d been lucky in that department, unlike so many of your classmates. On the other hand, here was your best friend of so many years who you doubt you could live without again.

Your thoughts are interrupted by your sister calling for you from downstairs, announcing that it was time to leave.

Kai felt like he was losing his grip. He racked his brain for a convincing argument but his conscience knew that making you come back just for him would be selfish considering how happy you were in your new city.

He pulled you into an unexpected hug, trying to convey all that he struggled to put into words into it. You noticed that he’d changed his cologne since high school. This one was mature compared to the crazy experiments he used to pull… mixing different scents into one bottle and beaming when it smelled half decent.

You found yourself melting into the embrace, drawing him impossibly closer. You had missed this for so long when the two of you were apart. Kai placed a soft kiss to your temple and the action made your breath catch for a moment. You remembered all those months ago when your mother told you that if it was meant to be it would work out in the end.

He mustered a faint smile when you pull away to face him again.

“I’m not losing you again.” You promised determinedly, ruffling his blonde hair that you’d steadily become obsessed with.  

“We’ll find a way.” He promised back simply with a wink, returning to his usual playful nature.

The two of you make your way downstairs, Kai offering to help you with your luggage. Your mother, who’d not seen Kai come in, beams at him when you two get to the landing. She’d been ecstatic when you dragged him over for dinner last week, seeing that he hadn’t been over in almost a year.

The very last goodbyes are the hardest ones of all, you conclude, when you pull Kai into a final hug. You didn’t want to think about how difficult it would be to walk away from your family once it was time to board the plane.

You find yourself muttering his name with the air that it was the last time you’d have it on your lips; slightly pained and breathless with defeat. He pulls you in tighter, whispering reassurances in your ear. If anything, the fact that you had him back in your life would be enough comfort to get you through your flight.

—

The plane ride is uneventful and you can already feel the jetlag knocking on your door when you get to your dorm room. It’s a comfortable feeling, though, walking through the campus. This place has become a second home to you in its own way.

You glimpse Soobin on your way to the hostels but barely have enough energy to engage him in conversation. In any case he was busy play-fighting with a friend of his; Soobin was tearing down the corridor, the other boy hot on his heels and aiming a water gun at him, laughing wildly. You recognized Beomgyu from your Business class, and Soobin had been ranting to you over the phone about the long-haired boy since they’d met at a gaming convention over spring break. It seems as if your friend group would be expanding soon.

In spite of your exhaustion, you’d hate to have the task of unpacking looming over you tomorrow morning, so you sigh and get down to it. Your roommate, Yeonjun, isn’t back yet, so you can’t ask him for help. When you unzip the front pocket of your suitcase where you’d packed your toiletries, you find a note stuck onto a brand new pack of glitter pens. You recognize the neat scrawl as Kai’s handwriting. When on earth did he have the time to slip this into your suitcase?

You stare at the note incredulously, letting out a breathless laugh.

“I’ve been in and out of my uni’s admissions office for the past few days. Looks like I’ll be transferring! Surprise!

Insane, I know, but long story short… I’ll be over this summer. This paper is too tiny for details anyway.

Anyways, I thought it was about time I bought you some of these ;) I’ll probably steal them all back when I get there but oh well.

Enjoy! ~Kai.”

Huening Kai was crazy, you thought, grinning to yourself as you made a mental note to contact him first thing in the morning. You suppose there’s just about enough room for one more person at your lunch table.

⚝A/N: As always, I'd really love to hear your thoughts :) Thank you for reading❣

⚝taglist: @bluebearybeom