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quite bpd is receiving a curse within an already cursed disorder. you will wholeheartedly consider that you are faking because you do not meet the criteria, as you are not manifesting the classic symptoms.
but quite bpd is way more than a page of the DSM-V with its 9 criteria diagnosis scheme
quite bpd is having a fearful avoidant attachment style. you do crave intimacy but you would never dare to ask for it. you deprive yourself of love because deep down you consider yourself unworthy of it
quite bpd is fastened images of violence in your imagination, but when you open your eyes and look at your hands and legs, you are still as a statue. nonetheless event after event, conflict after conflict, the anger remains repressed and ready to surface in explosive but rare fits of rage
quite bpd is endless social isolation. something de-clicked in your mind and distancing yourself from the world does not allow any abandonment, be it perceived or real
people pleasing comes as second nature to you, you wouldn’t handle rejection or disagreement so you do as your told not matter how inconvenient and inconsiderate it feels. you turned into a self sacrificing machine and the stop button broke long ago
quite bpd is looking at yourself in the mirror and hating what you see. the feelings of worthlessness consume you. you feel inadequate, broken. the hopelessness turns into self harm and suicidal ideation.
but you learnt how to mask all these struggles and sufferings so well. you excel at pretending to be fine, the facade of normality and happiness never falls off - you wouldn’t allowed it.
and the others will have no clue how you’re constantly on edge and at war at yourself.
and the words of invalidation you will tell yourself linger and you shrug it off - what to get help for if “i am fine”, right?
when i was little, i would look in the mirror, thinking "am i real? am i even here? why am i here? is this even real?". still happens to this day.
I am tired of ppl that tell ppl with mental health to get over it work through it your no different like shut up you don't know what's it like in my head they just want you to get over so they don't have to deal with you
I am tired of ppl that tell ppl with mental health to get over it work through it your no different like shut up you don't know what's it like in my head they just want you to get over so they don't have to deal with you
BPD culture is realising that no matter what you do the people around you and who you love and care about will always end up feeling like they need to walk on eggshells around you, no matter how hard you try to minimise or control or regulate your symptoms, because eventually you will show your symptoms because you cant hide and mask forever, and when that happens everything will be ruined.
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TRIGGERWARNING. detailed Borderline Episodes.
Imagine you have a good day, you feel euphoric, no one can hurt you. Why are you in therapy again? Your life isn't that bad, its fun, right?
Snap
Oh. You don't feel anymore? Hm, same old numbness. What now? What should you do? Its stressing you out at some point? Why can't you feel anymore? You do want help, want to reach out.
Snap
No. You don't need anyone. Who cares anyway? They will leave. Everyone does. You don't need anyone, you have yourself. Fuck people.
Snap
Why do you start to cry? You probably don't know. Then everything crashed down, and you end up scream crying. Why is there nobody to help? Why you? Why can't you feel normal? Everything hurts. Your body hurts physically. Headache, dizziness, stomach pain, chest pain. You feel like you explode. Your skin feels like burning.
Maybe you get self-destructive. But it doesn't hurt. Everything else does.
Snap
You hate anyone. You truly do. You hate them, you hate yourself, you yell and hit walls and start to cry only to laugh in the next moment. Why? Why? Why? It repeats in your head. Selfhate, words of others, it doesn't stop. It never stops.
Repeat.
Every day.
Borderline is a serious mental illness. It causes death. It causes pain. Much more pain individual's without Borderline CAN'T imagine.
Oh fuck, and I am sick of it.
I know, and you know it too. There is just that fat ass hill we need to climb up, to get actually better. But where is the path? Does it really exist? How? How do we get there? How long can we stay up there? Will someone push us down again?
Bpd culture is wanting a relationship so bad you split when your couple friends r in love and shit but knowing you’re way to unstable to be in one so you go through cycles of “I’m dying alone it’s the only way” and “Gods PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me have a love”
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I feel that so much
BPD culture is feeling so empty every day and feeling stuck in the same boring/annoying routine and wanting to end it all at once but being too scared to do it.
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bpd culture is not feeling like you even have a personality?? like who tf am I? what are my values? am I the worst human ever or the best fucking person on this planet??
I guess who I am depends mostly on who YOU are, cause my only personality trait that seems to be consistent is that I can adapt to others without even noticing it
I'll be anything you want if that means you won't hate or leave me
makes it easy to make people like me on a surface level, but it's kinda manipulative and fake I guess? but it comes so natural to me that I almost don't notice it?
I feel so so lost and I always thought by 26 I would have figured out who I am and what I want but guess what bitch you're still here pleasing everyone else and wondering what it is that you yourself truely want and need, and also whenever you try to connect deeply with someone they sooner or later notice that your values and standpoints and character change SO DAMN MUCH?? I can be convinced of something one day and then say the opposite thing the next, and it's so frustrating for myself and others and sometimes I don't even wanna share a thought or an opinion anymore cause I know damn well I will probably think differently soon and feel fake and weird and like a lying bitch, and people close to you never know when to take your words serious cause things. just. change. SO QUICKLY with me and I jump from black to white in an instant
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Stoic mindset
1. Your happiness is your responsibility.
2. Everything is temporary.
3. We are social beings with a social duty.
4. A philosophy of life must be lived.
5. Happiness is not found in superficial pleasures.
6. We are social beings with a social responsibility.
7. Structure your goals so they become attainable because they are.
8. Be attached to nothing.
9. If you are too scared to lose it, you shouldn’t have it.
10. Associate with people who can improve your life.
11. Accept what cannot be changed.
12. Avoid materialism. Live simply.
13. Do not consider yourself a victim.
14. Live below your means.
15. Maximize positive emotions. Minimize negative emotions.
16. Do not let emotions control your life.
17. Be proud of your achievements but don’t be arrogant.
18. Be disciplined.
19. No quick fixes. Put in the work and do it right.
20. Don’t put yourself in a box. Be open minded and hold yourself to the same standard you hold others.
21. Do not judge a book by its cover.
22. Avoid drama.
23. Learn to forgive. Do not become the pain you feel or the people or things that hurt you.
24. Be there for the people you love.
25. Educate yourself.
26. Give yourself the chance to learn from everyone even when you disagree.
27. Think for yourself.
28. Demand the best for yourself.
29. You are what you repeatedly do. Excellence is a habit.
30. Be as you wish to seem.
31. Every obstacle is an opportunity.
32. The more you value things outside of your control, the less control you have.
33. Once you start looking for outside approval you have already compromised your integrity.
34. You become what you give your attention to.
35. The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.
double edge sword bpd
thing is you want someone in your life but you don't want to put them through this