Borderline Culture Is - Tumblr Posts
I'm getting better! (I started sobbing uncontrollably instead of cutting myself)
I’m a threat to more than myself, I’ll ruin someone else’s day without even realizing it. By simply existing.
BPD culture is joining the official Yandere Simulator discord (after you got banned from an unofficial one after an argument with one of the members) and everyone there is friendly to you, and at first you're sitting there like "finally, a fandom space i actually feel welcomed and valued in!!!"
and then you get muted for an hour because you were going off topic in the non off-topic channels too much, it drives up your anxiety like crazy, and you're just sitting there like "oh, nevermind."
Seriously, is there ANY fandom space that exists that I actually feel like I belong in and don't have to worry about everyone hating me and/or fucking it up by doing something stupid during a mood swing???
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BPD culture is falling in love with some 36 year old man on the internet and having fantasies about him being your boyfriend because he's the only one that genuinely understands how you feel and what you've been through, even though you're aware that he's done some really bad things that he should be held accountable for and you've never had a direct interaction with him in your entire life
(looking at you, Yandere Dev)
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omg maybe life is worth living [i had a decent day] —> i cannot be saved [the slightest inconvenience occurs] —> i am a fucking god and everyone loves me [someone laughed at my joke] —> i am going to kill myself [i feel a little bit unwanted because of someone’s reaction]
and this shit just goes on and on and NEVER stops
i dont know how i made it to 19. i still feel like i should’ve died at 15. ive been crying for the last week because i cant come to terms with this. i wasnt supposed to make it this far. its only hitting me now that i have to be an adult and try to function normally. but i just cant. i have horrible anxiety that caused me to drop out of all of my classes on the first day of school and immediately switch to online. im unable to maintain a job as well. it makes me feel stupid and childish compared to other people my age. it really hurts knowing that i’ll have to live like this for the rest of my life. its become extremely tempting to just try and give up again.
Vent//
Bpd culture is friend keeps asking to know what i did to my friend during an outburst and why i cut then off from my friend and i dont want to tell her but she claims she’s as “mentally ill as me” but then gets mad when i split on her because she constantly ignores me. Lying ass poser bitch
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People really think I'm joking when I say my emotions get so intense that I believe the only way out is to kill myself.
What if they secretly hate me and are forced to hangout with me just so I don’t kms
you know it’s getting bad again when it’s harder not to relapse, every little things annoys the shit out of you, you want to crawl out of your skin, the distractions don’t help anymore and not even your favorite special little treat makes your day better
I’m so tired of playing the back and forth game with my mental health. Every time I relapse and think, “okay, yeah, maybe THIS time, I’ll finally get it.” And that lasts for maybe 2 weeks if I’m lucky and then I watch myself just…stop. Stop getting up in the morning, forgot to eat for 3 days, oh shit I haven’t taken a shower either, stopped taking my meds at the right times and then just stopped all together, next thing I know I’m another suicide attempt back in the hospital. The worst part of it all is being SO self aware of it. I know I’m self destructing and I know that I don’t want to, except for some fucking reason I have to. This is going to kill me one day.
why is it too difficult to stop overthinking? i should try to let go and live in the present
this but instead I'm watching some of Tony Crynight's older videos
BPD is having a complete breakdown, finally hitting the breaking point from a depressive episode and spiraling, and then three hours later eating a slice of cake while listening to Sonic theme songs, completely unbothered. 😎
i’m ready to kill myself i was kinda just hoping i could maybe have sex before i die tho
"just learn to tolerate things" if i hear that shit come out of your mouth one more time I am going to hit you with a brick, fuck you.
I hate whenever people tell me that I "struggle with tolerating things" or how I "get triggered whenever someone has an opinion that's not 100% like yours", because while it is objectively true, people forget that i canNOT control this shit.
I stopped tolerating shit because i had people constantly manipulate and exploit me to the point it basically killed my wellbeing, it's LITERALLY a trauma response.
And the black-and-white thinking is because, get this: IT'S A PART OF MY FUCKING DISORDER, ONE OF THE MAIN CRITERIA ACTUALLY.
Also, saying that I get all pissy at someone not 100% agreeing with an opinion i have is a bit of a stretch. I can tolerate someone not 100% agreeing with me, I'm not that close-minded, however, what i DON'T tolerate is someone being a genuine asshole about their opinion and/or actively attempting to trigger me on purpose. (*COUGH COUGH* The Tony Crynight sever Incident)
Seriously, people act like I don't constantly argue with people online..
Anyway, probably gonna show this blog to my therapist (because at least SHE knows how I fell and at least I can actually trust her..)
your tone changed your tone changed your tone changed just say you hate me
i don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm scared, I don't want to do anything. I don't have a strong passion. Maybe I'm not even a real person.
Just let me curl up in a bed and sleep for an eternity...
Hell