OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM DYINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM DYINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

So my adorable Asgardian Avenger went on a movie date with me to see "Chappie" and it was TOTES AMAZEBALLS!!!

87th Academy Awards : Best Actress

Marion Cotillard as Sandra Bya in Two Days, One Night

Felicity Jones as Jane Wilde Hawking in The Theory Of Everything

Julianne Moore as Dr. Alice Howland in Still Alice

Rosamund Pike as Amy Elliott-Dunne in Gone Girl

Reese Witherspoon as Cheryl Strayed in Wild

Ay yo you still doing that ship thing? Cuz Thundershield? And/or Capsicoul? Thank you! =D

Yes, I am! I’ll do Thundershield for you since I prefer that pairing ;) Anyway…

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Does grand romantic gestures

Thor has brought Steve to Asgard several times and taken him on private tours in the majestic city and around the beautiful countryside. But back on Midgard, it is Steve who is enthusiastic on taking Thor all over the United States and showing him the best sights and things to do.

Throws shade the best

Steve. He is not the hot dumb throwback blond guy that Tony sometimes teases him.

Secretly loves to read fan fiction and look at fan art about themselves

Thor. Although it isn’t so much a secret but more along the lines of boasting about it by brandishing his Starkpad open to so many pages of NSFW content between him and Steve to the rest of his mortified and amused teammates. It doesn’t help that Natasha is such a shameless enabler of Thor’s interest in fan fiction and art of him and Steve.

Is likely to be sucked in a Wikipedia black hole for hours

Thor. Whenever he’s not doing the nasty with Steve, he happily spends his time reading up on any and all Midgardian topics on Wikipedia and often talks about the new information he has discovered to his teammates.

Hates to eat vegetables

Thor. Carnivorous by default, Steve is perhaps the only other person aside from Frigga who is able to persuade Thor to eat his vegetables. Of course, Thor can never refuse Steve whenever he talks in his Captain America voice.

Is the most active on social media

Steve. Because he’s the most up-to-speed on Midgardian tech, he’s sort of Thor’s guide on how to use apps like Twitter or Instagram. Steve’s social media accounts are full of pictures of him and Thor in various states of heavily muscled undress that never fails to gain a lot of shares, likes, comments, retweets, reblogs, and whatnot.

Rides shotgun during group road trips

Thor. And he is not above playing the “I am a Prince of Asgard” card whenever someone else in the team challenges him to the front seat, unless of course if it’s Steve.

Belongs in which Hogwarts house

Pottermore has officially sorted Captain America and the God of Thunder in Gryffindor, because where else would you sort two hot and courageous blond superheroes? When the Harry Potter fandom discovers this information, the Avengers Tower is besieged with so many Gryffindor-themed paraphernalia. Thor happily poses for a photo wrapped in an oversized red-and-gold knit scarf and a replica of Luna Lovegood’s lion headdress while wielding Mjolnir and Steve uploads it to his Twitter thanking all the Gryffindors for their support.

Belongs in which District of Panem

Having been exposed to the books and movies under recommendation by Natasha, Thor declares without shame that he would come from the Capitol but does not approve of their barbaric oppression against the other Districts. Steve smiles and says he doesn’t mind Thor being from the Capitol and thinks he’d fit really well in District 7.

Insists on sleeping with the nightlight on

Steve. Thor doesn’t mind because sometimes he can conjure bright and tiny sparks of electricity from Mjolnir to help Steve sleep through the night.

Gets the most phone numbers when they go out to a bar/club

Both of them always end up in a draw because they get plenty of equal attention—I mean, come on, they’re both two hot blond guys together—whenever they go out for a night out in the city.

Is likely to film a really hot sex tape of them fucking and upload it on Pornhub

Steve. Tony’s always been ragging on him about he’s so uptight and what better way to prove Iron Man wrong than by making a sex tape with his ridiculously jacked and well-endowed Asgardian boyfriend and then uploading it to a top porn site? Needless to say, Tony has never teased Steve ever again after Steve and Thor’s sex video went hella viral and basically broke the internet several times over.

Can quote the most lines of dialogue verbatim while watching Mean Girls

Steve. Because Thor still has a LONG way to go before he can accurately quote from Mean Girls.

Loves to binge-watch trashy reality TV shows

Thor. He has a particular fondness for dating shows like The Bachelor and gets a kick out of watching the reality show lineup of Bravo.

Cries the hardest when they see Studio Ghibli movies, especially Grave Of The Fireflies

Thor. He just loses it when he finds out Setsuko dies and then Seita passes away not long after her younger sister. He ends up crying in Steve’s arms for a good three hours before he regains his composure.

Always wins at Cards Against Humanity during group game night

Steve. It amazes Tony how someone so clean-cut like Captain America can come up with the craziest and fucked-up answers from his selection of white cards.

Makes the worst faces when they take wacky selfies

Thor. The ones where he puts his long and glorious blond hair in a massive man bun while contorting his bearded face into funny expressions is Steve’s favorites, even more than the NSFW nudes of his boyfriend.

Haggles for the lowest price and wins the best bargains when they shop at flea markets

Steve. Because he gets a kick out of seeing Thor light up with joy when he finds something he likes and he realizes he can get it for a really small sum.

Can successfully eat something so putrid like hakarl (dead fermented shark) and not throw up their guts afterwards

Thor. Because he’s a Norse god and he never backs down from challenging Midgardian foods.

Makes the best party playlists during group house parties

Thor. He has discovered the incredible powers of industrial-strength EDM and parties at the Avengers Tower has forever changed. Footage that Clint took of Natasha, Pepper, and Maria dancing like crazy to “Sweet Nothing” by Calvin Harris has gone viral and Thor accepts it when Natasha drop-kicks him during their sparring session a few days later.

Is likely to be apprehended by The Beygency because they don’t like Beyonce that much

Steve. Although it is already given that The Beygency will give Steve a permanent free pass because obvs, he’s Captain fucking America and if he thinks the Queen Bey isn’t all that hot, then the world just simply has to fucking deal.

Gets the most notes whenever they post something like shirtless selfies or very NSFW photos of themselves on Tumblr

Both of them, seeing as Thor and Steve manage their joint account. They even gamely answer questions from their ask box when they can.

Can successfully tie a cherry stem with their tongue which proves they are the best kisser

Steve. Thor is duly impressed and is rewarded with the best rim job of his life.

Is likely to create an actual Fight Club a la Tyler Durden

Thor. Because he loves any excuse to fight, especially if it’s shirtless.

Always wins the most awards show predictions and makes mad bank from the losers in the group

To everyone’s astonishment, it’s Thor. Apparently, Thor has dabbled in gambling back in Asgard and has always been lucky. He uses the winnings to buy everyone really nice presents.

Insists on having a couples’ orgy session with the World’s Finest, Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne a.k.a. Superman and Batman

Steve. He has admitted to Thor on having a huge crush on Superman and Thor goes out of his way to woo and convince the World’s Finest to join their bed. Suffice to say, a hot pair of blonds and brunets all tangled up together in bed never looked so good.

Sees what colors on The Dress when it pops up on their Tumblr dash

Thor sees white and gold. Steve sees blue and black. It becomes apparent that debating the colors of a dress is enough of a trigger to activate Thor in his Berserker mode. Were it not for the intervention of Bruce in his Hulk form, shit would have gone way too real for everyone to deal with.

What a wonderful THORsday!!! Soooooooooooo happy I finally got the Funko-fied version of my favorite Avenger! #thor #thorodinson #funko #popfunko #todayisagoodday

So my relationship with food for my entire life is perfectly expressed by this flawless Oscar-winning short film from Disney Animation.

I am Winston.

You are Winston.

We are ALL Winston.