If All Else Perished, And He Remained, I Should Still Continue To Be. And If All Else Remained, And He

“If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be. And if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.”

― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

The future is forever bright. Wear your shades!

The God of Thunder looking out the window on a rainy THORsday in the city... #thor

oh no now you HAVE to do thorki since thor went on SNL and gave that AMAZING shoutout to loki! _

ABSOLUTELY ANON!!! :D :D :D :D :D

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Does grand romantic gestures

As evidenced by Thor’s rather unorthodox (read: hella turnt up) display on live TV, grand romantic gestures are his forte. However, Loki rarely finds Thor’s romantic antics to be amusing. Secretly, it endears him but most of the time it’s quite frankly embarassing and Loki wishes he should have just killed Thor when he had the chance.

Throws shade the best

Loki. Thor has long conceded to this fact several millenia ago, and no amount of tutelage from Tony or even Natasha herself can change this.

Secretly loves to read fan fiction and look at fan art about themselves

Loki. He would never divulge this information to Thor, of course, because fan creations are where he sometimes get the best ideas for rather creative sex tricks and tips.

Is likely to be sucked in a Wikipedia black hole for hours

Thor. Loki finds Midgardian knowledge to be beneath him, but Thor would happily spend hours on Wikipedia learning everything he can about his adopted home. But Loki will begrudgingly admit that learning about Midgard has finally made his brother interested in READING vast amounts of text, something that has never fascinated the big blond oaf when they were younger.

Hates to eat vegetables

Thor. Loki finds it extremely appalling that his brother is mostly carnivorous and as such, he has threatened to withhold sex for good until Thor incorporates the recommended dietary allowance of vegetables by Asgardian standards into his diet. Unsurprisingly, Thor agrees but not without much sulking and death stares at his veggie-filled plate during mealtimes.

Is the most active on social media

Thor. It amuses Loki to read his brother’s overly ecstatic tweets, status updates, photo captions, and comments that are always in ALL CAPS because let’s be honest, Thor is never a lowercase kind of person.

Rides shotgun during group road trips

Loki. It doesn’t matter who is behind the wheel, he WILL always get shotgun even if he has not verbally expressed it. Thor, and the rest of the Avengers for that matter, has learned the hard way never to call shotgun when Loki tags along on group road trips.

Belongs in which Hogwarts house

Loki scoffs and declares he is a Slytherin without even taking the official sorting test from Pottermore. But Thor dutifully takes the online Sorting and gets Gryffindor as a result, which delights him so. But away from Thor’s prying eyes, Loki takes the Sorting in private and discovers to his dismay that he belongs in Gryffindor with Thor. Incensed, he takes the test several times and comes up with the same result. Needless to say, he used his seidr to burn the laptop he used in a furious rage and keeps telling himself that he is a Slytherin, he is a Slytherin, he is a motherfucking SLYTHERIN.

Belongs in which District of Panem

Loki finds the concept of sending young children battling it out to the death absolutely fascinating, even if it was just a work of fiction. Naturally, he would consider nothing less than being a high-ranking citizen of the Capitol. Thor smiles at this until Loki declares that because he wields Mjolnir, Thor must remain in District 5 in order to provide electrical power to all of Panem.

Insists on sleeping with the nightlight on

Loki. That’s because he wants to have decent visibility should his enemies attack him during sleep and definitely not because he is afraid of the dark.

Gets the most phone numbers when they go out to a bar/club

Try as Loki might with his suave good looks and silver tongue, he cannot compete with Thor whenever they go out to bars and nightclubs in Midgard. But at least Loki can console himself with the fact that whenever he does manage to flirt with someone attractive within his brother’s line of sight, it never fails to activate Thor’s raging jealousy that will ultimately result in Loki experiencing extremely rough and possessive sex from Thor when they get back home.

Is likely to film a really hot sex tape of them fucking and upload it on Pornhub

Loki. Because he’s the God of Chaos and he wants to break the internet with the best sex tape Midgard has ever seen. Sure enough, Thor and Loki’s sex tape has forever changed the socio-cultural landscape and also that of the porn industry.

Can quote the most lines of dialogue verbatim while watching Mean Girls

Thor. He especially loves to shout “FOUR FOR YOU, GLEN COCO! YOU GO, GLEN COCO!" whenever one of his teammates does something spectacular in battle.

Loves to binge-watch trashy reality TV shows

Thor. Especially if said reality TV shows are competitive in nature.

Cries the hardest when they see Studio Ghibli movies, especially Grave Of The Fireflies

Loki. He will deny it all the way to Ragnarok, but Thor does not care. The fact that Loki can cry over Grave Of The Fireflies means that underneath his mischief and chaos, he does indeed have a heart worth saving, and that is all that matters to Thor.

Always wins at Cards Against Humanity during group game night

Loki. He has finally encountered the one game where he has no need to cheat at all because HELLO the name of the game alone is music to his villainous ears, and it simply infuriates the rest of the Avengers.

Makes the worst faces when they take wacky selfies

Thor. Loki will not even bother because he has resting bitch face and beautiful people with resting bitch faces do NOT make weird faces when taking selfies.

Haggles for the lowest price and wins the best bargains when they shop at flea markets

None of them. They are Princes of Asgard and Loki would rather die than allow himself or his brother to purchase items in thrift shops. Only the finest designer luxury goods for Loki and Thor, thank you very much.

Can successfully eat something so putrid like hakarl (dead fermented shark) and not throw up their guts afterwards

Both of them. Contrary to how Loki looks, he is just as adventurous as Thor when it comes to extreme food challenges.

Makes the best party playlists during group house parties

Thor. Because like he proudly announced on live news TV, his podcast on Soundcloud is “sick”! Turns out, he wasn’t lying about that given how his teammates would let it rip on the dance floor whenever he plays his mixes, and Thor enthusiastically takes DJ-ing lessons when Loki suggests he should explore his newfound hobby.

Is likely to be apprehended by The Beygency because they don’t like Beyonce that much

Loki. And bitch please, as if The Beygency would ever successfully apprehend the God of Chaos and Mischief.

Gets the most notes whenever they post something like shirtless selfies or very NSFW photos of themselves on Tumblr

Constant draw. Getting the most Tumblr notes is now Thor and Loki’s new form of sibling competition.

Can successfully tie a cherry stem with their tongue which proves they are the best kisser

Loki. His silver tongue isn’t just for words, after all…

Is likely to create an actual Fight Club a la Tyler Durden

Thor. Loki may have let slip that he finds Thor fighting without a shirt to be a great turn-on and Thor may have started a Fight Club because of it. But maybe it’s because it’s the Berserker in him, but who cares? I mean, everyone wins.

Always wins the most awards show predictions and makes mad bank from the losers in the group

Loki. And he always, ALWAYS rubs his victory on the Avengers’ faces when awards season is over.

Insists on having a couples’ orgy session with the World’s Finest, Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne a.k.a. Superman and Batman

Loki. Thor is reluctant at first because obvs, he refuses to share Loki with other ridiculously good-looking superheroes, especially if said superheroes are from a rival cinematic universe. But Loki does what he wants and if Thor knows what is good for him behind their closed doors, he will give Loki what he fucking wants, and what he wants is Superman and Batman.

Sees what colors on The Dress when it pops up on their Tumblr dash

Loki sees white and gold. Thor sees blue and black. After their extremely violent argument that left both sides of the Atlantic in near ruins (New York, Miami, Paris, and London are out for their blood), it is agreed that the two brothers shall never again be exposed to ANYTHING that will allow them to debate the actual colors of a particular object.

#but then backstage tony’s all like hahahahaha jkjkjkjk you gaiz ilu sexy superhero fuckers forever and yeah that includes you natasha

#natasha’s all like yeah you better fucking love me tony if you know what’s good for your billionaire balls

#and omfg steve with a beard and that goddamn all-american blindingly white smile ugh jesus fuck just kill me now

#clint taking notes from tony on how to look cocky and hot like shit like yeah son you better work

#thor once again being all touchy feely with his avengers and looking all possessive and shit with the science bros

#bruce man could you be any more obvious with your epic lust face and massive boner for tony like dude calm the hulk down

#but seriously tho like look at this picture tumblr like this is basically friendship goals right here

OMFG THIS PHOTO IS EVERYTHING.

#look at tony looking all fucking smug like yeah bitch i’m tony fucking stark at the mtv movie awards and this lifetime achievement award in my billionaire hands

#look at steve all proud and shit making pretty googly eyes at his superhusband bae like yas ma'am that’s my man right there

#look at clint with that flawless pose of obeisance and rocking that deep purple leather jacket like when will the rest of the team ever

#look at thor casting a shadow on clint’s smiley face as he’s desperately trying to get some of that tasty gilded popcorn in tony’s hands

#look at natasha rocking that awesome pink outfit and not giving two fucks that she’s left her black clothes at home and bowing down to tony winning an mtv generation award

#look at bruce just so fucking happy that his science bro has won something and fuck yeah his sneaker-and-ankle-display game is on fucking point bitch

My kind of Fifty Shades of Grey...