Currently I Aspire To Be A Softboi

Currently I aspire to be a softboi

In my mind any secular philosophical ethical theory becomes hedonism without making a big assumption: human life won't just end with the heat death of the universe. In the end literally none of this will matter if there is not an afterlife. An infinite afterlife.

Just puttin' this into the universe, ask yoself:

Is this why you can't or is this why you won't.

Deleted youtube and haven't been asked to do something... what am I suppose to do with myself? I want to do something productive... but doesn't require any effort. Hrmmmmmmmm

I think almost 3 years later I finally understand how to interpret my own art.

For my highschool art portfolio you had to submit a concentration. A number of peices all with a theme or at least all in the same medium. I went with ink pen. Specifically, all of my peices were done as a single line drawing, with the pen never leaving the paper, and sometimes dabbling with watercolor as well.

I was in highschool and in pain. I knew I was depressed, diagnosed and medicated. But I didn't understand why. Part of it was purely physical brain chemistry. But another was my perspective.

One single unbroken line. I believe I have firmly overcome my depression. I am still dependent on medication and have come to terms that I probably will be for the rest of this life. But I am now happy, and brimming with hope. And with that has come hightened understanding.

I had come to resent my highschool art. I saw it as proof of my pain and failures. And I thought it perfectly represents my selfishness. In highschool I was looking forward to better days wanting better things, but I wanted them for myself.

I believe I have a pretty good imagination. I seem to have always been good at looking down the road to the future. Knowing whether or not an action will hurt me. But my focus was on my timeline, not others. I was only looking at a single line.

I knew I wanted to be good. But with only the perspective of a single line there was no urgency, no reason. If I was doing this only for me? Well than I'd rather just be lazy.

There are a thousand selfish reasons to never change.

I know that no matter what I do or don't do, I am loved; I know very well my agency, that I am free to subject myself to things that will hurt me. But I do not want anyone to hurt longer than they have to. I want to, am axious and excited to change, to be better for others. I take care of myself, practice self-love, so I can stay longer to help others.

Beware of myopic, singular, or narrow-minded thinking. Look to love others.

See one of my problems with Kant is this: Yah I should do this because it's my duty, and it's my duty because of [his] logic. But even assuming your logic is correct, since when has logic been a deciding factor in choice?

Our logic does not make decisions for us, we make the decision to follow our logic. We make decisions by ourselves or by the passions we've elected to have power over us. Logic is not an end, it is merely a tool a crucial and unexceptable tool for human life and progression; yet still only a tool not a god.