Note To Self - Tumblr Posts
Work. On. Yourself.
You'll get more chances. At friendships. At relationships. At job/school related progress. At following your dreams. At chasing your passions. It's not now or never. There will always be other chances and other opportunities.
Don’t overthink the future. Have dreams, have plans and strive to make them come true, to make it happen. But take life as it comes. Don’t obsess over the future. Life won’t always go your way. Overthinking and obsessing over it won’t help, it only increases you in worry about something you don’t even know will happen. Take every day as it comes, appreciate the blessings in it and focus on the positive. Things will eventually mess up either way and you’ll have to deal with it. But until then, take life as it comes without obsessing and worrying over it.
Dear restless heart,
Hold on, this will pass;
Time will not stand still
Dear restless heart,
Take it easy;
Allāh sees your struggles
Dear restless heart,
Why do you lose sleep over a temporary matter;
Whilst an everlasting abode of peace awaits you
Dear restless heart,
Persevere;
Struggles do not go unnoticed by your Rabb
Dear restless heart,
Have you no conviction in the promise of Allāh;
That with hardship comes ease
Dear restless heart,
Give up worrying;
Perhaps your patience will be weighty on the scale
Dear restless heart,
Allāh does not test a soul beyond its capability;
Surely you will succeed
Dear restless heart,
But a little remains;
Until all pain will be forgotten
Dear restless heart,
Perish not;
Jannah is your abode
Dear restless heart,
Hold on;
This too shall pass
Dear heart,
Rest.
لا عيش إلّا عيش الاٰخرة
There is no real life besides the life of the hereafter
Sweet Child
sweet child,
never forget where you came from and show your parents true love and devotion.
sweet child,
tell those how you truly feel and show them who you truly are.
sweet child,
continue to follow your dreams and let no one tell you they aren’t possible to achieve.
sweet child,
experience the beautiful world for all its glory and let nothing hold you back.
sweet child,
take the worst situations in your life and turn them into the best moments of your life.
my younger self, hang in there.
45 -
Warning: I got a lot to say (as usual).
I got married!! Again. Hehe, finally had our weekend we booked two years ago. It was absolutely stunning. But it was a lot. Can we normalize not wanting a big wedding or even a wedding at all? Can we normalize wedding anxiety? Can we normalize dreading big events?
Can everyone just understand that I had a difficult childhood so big intense emotions are terrifying for me and I usually use alcohol/drugs to tamp it down so I can still experience them, albeit distantly. Not excusing, just explaining.
Also - hello this shit is expensive! And we had a frugal wedding.
In the sense that, as a bride, I feel like I should be all sparkles in my eyes and over the moon and dancing on a rainbow - but really, it was my nightmare. My ADHD was in overdrive & the whole weekend felt like a blackout. Reading personal intimate vows in front of people? No thank you lol. Having all eyes on me? I’ll pass. Feeling immense pressure to have ONE perfect day? I’d rather crack.
But I did it anyway. I’m glad I did. And I did all the super emotionally intense parts, sober as a priest. Yay!
Some positives: I’m so lucky to have people who will travel just to celebrate with me. My mom made a speech…it was poetic & very sweet. She described me as “radiant, effervescent, and vivacious”. Like?????? :) I love a good vocabulary.
Umm my stepdad made a speech and he was a freaking VIBE. We haven’t always gotten along but he loves my mom fiercely & is so supportive of her. So I can’t really fault the guy, even if sometimes I’m just like *points to head* “wtf is going on up there?”. I also got some quality time with my extended family, whom I rarely see. They flew over two oceans and two continents just to be with me for this day! Like how amazing is that. :)
The whole night looked like something out of a fairytale with a bohemian theme and fairy lights. Turqoiuse waters & perfect white sand. It was dreamy and picturesque and beautiful.
On top of that, I have friends in all places - I’m not really a one group friend. So it’s a little unnerving to have everyone come together (Will they get along? Will there be drama? Will it be awkward? Will I be so focused on everyone else’s experience that I forget to enjoy my own? LOL but really)
But it was so so much better than I could have ever imagined. We all had a blast!
Speaking OF sobriety, yeah we broke that shit. I had my first alcoholic drink in almost 5 months. Now, those of the I bleed AA variety would freak out because yes, I relapsed. And omg haven’t I read the big book that says I can never ever ever have a drink again? What will Bill think? /s
But hear me out: I discussed my choice to drink with my therapist prior to actually doing it. I had a support system and a harm reduction plan in place. And, I’ve been doing a LOT of work in the last few months to identify, forgive, heal myself & limiting beliefs/negative thought patterns. Ya know, the ones that I used alcohol and drugs to cope with. I’m not anywhere close to where I’d like to be but I’m a hell of a lot farther away from who I used to be.
As my therapist put it: “It seems like this is a symbolic decision for you. Kind of like a “fuck you I am in charge of my life & I can make my own decisions and I don’t care what anyone else thinks”. She’s not wrong.
BUT BUT BUT here’s the best part! Yes I drank, however all it did was remind me of how shitty alcohol actually feels. I don’t miss the hangovers one bit. I enjoy feeling semi-stable in my emotional sense. I like feeling clear headed. Also drinking a lot makes you bloated and more susceptible to gaining extra weight. We want to be snatched always!!!!
I am going back to my life with no intention or desire to drink. No desperate wanting to escape. How freaking wild. Now what works for me may not work for anyone else - but again, sobriety & recovery are so unique to everyone. Everyone’s story starts from the same feelings, but recovery is not a one size fits all.
With all of that being said - I feel super good these days. Not in like a manic & overstimulated way, but a sort of quiet peace that comes with feeling like I am really loving myself for all that I have been, all that I am, and all that I will be.
I want to live my life & the idea of all the things I can do is exciting now. I no longer feel (constantly) like I’m drudging through the monotony of life. I know bad days will come. So will good days. Slowly but surely, I am creating new habits that take me further from my past and closer to the light of my future.
I came to the realization that who fucking cares? The world and the people in my life (though with the best of intentions) will tell me who they think I should be. Will tell me how to fit the mold. But I don’t care about fitting the mold anymore. I don’t want to apologize for having needs and existing. I have people who love all the little bits of me and have always loved them, despite my inner critic telling me I have to earn it.
I decide who I am.
I mean, there’s tons of awful fucking people in the world, who are still loved by someone. Like even Hitler had his main squeeze til the final breath. If that’s any consolation lol.
And just from a nerdy math perspective… statistically speaking, there are 8B+ people in the world. If 10 don’t like me or don’t get me, theres 10 more that do!
I trust my inner She to guide me to where I want to be and to attract the people that I need. These days I have faith.
Each day a little better and brighter.
aaheehe they go so well together dont they?
its based on that one scene from FMAB (please go watch it its SO GOOD), i suddenly remembered it a few hours ago i was like ohhh i HAVE to draw this bcs uh the lines do fit so here we are. actually it was a lame excuse to try drawing skeleton hands and improve my coloring hahaHAHa please give it lots of love thank you
my current sims 3 save file is absolutely falling apart
idk what introvert needs to hear this but please check yourself when ur saying stuf like “staying in your room all weekend by yourself watching netflix is much better than going out and being social” because speaking from experience it’s very easy to confuse being introverted and isolating yourself to cope with anxiety and depression please reach out to your friends and make an effort to live your life and say yes to things, there’s no harm in enjoying your own company but please try to avoid shutting yourself away because you’ve convinced yourself that you’re better alone it’s seriously a recipe for loneliness and will really fuck with your self worth
!!!
You don’t need to change anything about how you do things to shift, affirm in your favor!
You feel lazy shifting? “Everytime I feel lazy I shift”
You roll over and sleep when you do a method?
*I’m going to wake up in my DR because I fell asleep” or “The sooner I fall asleep the faster I end up waking in my DR”
Obsessed with your DR? “the more I obsessed I become the easier I shift”
Honesty fuck effort, you don’t need that to shift if you don’t want to my lives, don’t let anyone tell you that you have to follow specific steps when you can affirm in your your favor
You got this guys!
this post has made me realize so much oh my god, this helped so much
reasons you’re unable to enter the void or shift while lucid dreaming or in sleep paralysis
recently I received a couple of messages from followers and other blogs explaining how, when they were in sleep paralysis or lucid dreaming, were unsuccessful in reaching the void or shifting after stating their intentions
this also happened to me a couple of times, seemingly at random; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t
I did a bit of research and also analyzed my own experiences to figure out the root of the problem and how to fix it:
you’re not completely grounded/you’re rushing
this took me an embarrassing amount of tries to realize this, but every time I’m lucid dreaming or feeling myself entering the void, I would instantly start to spew out my intentions/desires instead of completely grounding myself in there and I would be instantly kicked out from that state. I guess it just doesn’t work that way — you have to be completely grounded in your ld or sp for your desires to manifest
a lot of you (me included) get so excited or scared when realizing we’re in a certain state that the connection, I guess, breaks. as an example, when I wasn’t very knowledgeable on the void state I entered it and chilled there for like 10-15 minutes before exiting willingly, but after discovering it can be used for shifting or manifesting I could barely spend 10 seconds there before waking up unintentionally
mental exhaustion
your psyche is exhausted and it simply can’t proceed the instructions anymore. imagine you stay awake for more than 24 hours and someone asks you to do a task that requires concentration and precision. would you be able to do it perfectly? I highly doubt
to get over this issue you need to take a serious break, and I don’t mean you can’t attempt anything for a day or two, I mean a BREAK — don’t even think about shifting or entering the void and chill and sleep as much as possible. I mean it, especially sleeping! fix your sleep schedule or sleep lots for 2-3 days
after you start your attempts again, if the first few instances are unsuccessful, you need to take another break before continuing, otherwise you risk of repeating the same scenario over again — reaching your desired state but not being able to do anything from there due to mental strain
brain activation trigger
brain activity changes — realizing you are dreaming changes how your brain works, especially in parts that help you think about yourself and make decisions. these changes can wake you up; knowing you are dreaming can make you feel excited or surprised - these strong feelings can wake you up too
mental blockages and expectations
your subconscious mind might have doubts or fears regarding the process. if you unconsciously expect that your attempts won’t work or fear the consequences of them working, this can create a mental block — this is actually more common than people think and a lot of you don’t even realize you have these blockages
overexcitement
if you become too excited or anxious about the possibility of your desires manifesting, this can trigger your body to wake up. remaining calm and composed is very important (even though we can’t help ourselves at times). overexcitement goes hand in hand with other strong emotions such as fear, so make sure you’re in a neutral state
subconscious programming
your subconscious might need more time and positive reinforcement to accept and integrate the idea of shifting realities, entering the void or manifesting desires. using affirmations, subliminals and visualizations regularly can help reprogram your subconscious mind
timing
certain times of the night or stages of sleep might be more conducive to successful lucid dreaming/sleep paralysis and shifting. experimenting with different times and conditions can help you so much!!
as an example: I have an easier time entering the void by meditating at night after 1 a.m., but I have an easier time doing wbtb and lucid dreaming between 8-11 a.m.
I honestly think that what can help you overcome this is self reflection — a lot of you search for answers but never bother to answer them yourselves. by self reflecting throughout my journey has helped me identify my weaknesses, how to fix them, what works for me and other tricks to speed up the process or make it more enjoyable
I don’t know if I wanna provide the context or not, either way I’m unsure how to feel because I completely forgot I even had this screenshot still LMAO
No pressure tags!
@flamingstarboiii @just-a-whisper-in-the-tardis @dakit3
Doing one of these but with my mutuals after seeing this image on my dash today!!
..Y'know he may be the god of war but.. I'm not mad. No, no not at all. :)
@xxgalacticambitionsxx @hatbox-apologist @ghostingyourass79 @kittieshauntedourfantasy @emerald194 @thatonerabbit @comical-icicle
You, of all people, deserve a happy ending. Despite everything that happened to you, you aren’t bitter. You aren’t cold. You’ve just retreated a little and been shy, and that’s okay.
Sylvain Reynard, Gabriel’s Inferno (via perrfectly)
