Simon Having Gender Dysphoria And Questioning His Gender Is Something I Am Living For Right Now /hj

Simon having gender dysphoria and questioning his gender is something I am living for right now /hj

-🩶👻

me: I’m faking :(

also me: using us/we even b4 “I” thought I had DID, thinking of myself as “multiple” for many years before even knowing what DID was, doesn’t remember about 70% of my life, has greyed out “memories” for about 15% and emotional amnesia for the other 5%, has whole ass arguments with people in my head (“we should eat this” “no, we should eat that” “no, this”) again before even knowing what DID was, LITERALLY HAVING SOMEONE CONTROL THE BODY WHEN TRIGGERED AND KNOWING IT WASNT ME ???

me: .......but what if-

-samuel (host)

Our family: You’ve got a major obsession with Handsome Jack…

Jack🎭, fronting but trying to mask currently: Yeah. Weird huh?

Jack🎭, in headspace: I am egotistical, aren’t I…?

Blue🍓: Yeah. But you’re not the only one with the obsession/hyperfixation currently

Jack🎭: Meaning????

Rhys🦾:

Rhys🦾: Why is everyone staring at me…?

Me🔦: Are you an Introject of Jack or Timothy??

Jack🎭: Yes

I’m dying. Jack (🎭) drew this. It’s a portrait of himself. He drew his arms like that. On purpose. Because the artists in this system hate hose-style arms and drawing them.

Dude was a megalomaniac/dictator/sociopath in source and has graduated to the silliest of goofs. Blue did the coloring btw.

And our family (who is unaware we are a system) watch us draw this and Blue just says “I was possessed” while Jack cackles in the background.

Rhys why are you dating this man???? /j

-🔦

Do any other hosts feel like they… robbed their headmates of having an actual life? Especially since I didn’t know I was a system until almost 6 months ago. It… feels like all this time I’ve spent fronting has been robbing my headmates of the chance to feel like they actually exist and have a life outside of headspace, and possibly feel like this life is theirs too.

Because I’ve been talking with my headmates and… we started talking about our life, the trajectory we’re taking, yada yada yada (jfc we’ve done a lot of self-reflection today as a system), and… they mostly go along with what I say. Except for Ghost, but only because he’s also a host and makes major decisions as well. But… it feels like they don’t get as much of a choice as they should, and they said it’s mostly mine and Ghost’s decisions to make since we’re the hosts.

I just feel so fucking selfish right now and my headmates keep telling me it’s fine. I just… I don’t know what to do…

-🍓