Tw: Tiny Mention Of Sh

Tw: tiny mention of sh

I am feeling good, but... well... I want to relapse so bad.

It's a paradox, every time I'm feeling better I do something to make it worse...

Tw: mention of sh

I wish I could curl up and sleep forever. I really need some rest. I just want a break from all of this.

I want to cry in his arms and be held until I fall asleep. I want to wake up, my head buried in the crook of his neck and feel safe.

Or I could relapse, that is like a really satisfying feeling. Just slicing through skin and seeing the beautiful blood that seeps out of my fresh wounds.

God it's hard to stay sober😭

Tw: ed

I think it's kind of funny that the chain in disordered eating behaviors is prominent in my family.

Like, my mother learned from her mother and I did from her. We pass our fears and regrets on to the next generation.

If I survive and decide to raise children, I'll try to break that chain.

It will be hard, generations of making food the enemy is not easy, but I will do it.

I want someone to love me. I want someone who likes spending time with me and thinks of me and texts me and maybe calls me sometimes.

I want to feel loved and valued and wanted. I want cute thrifting dates, pottery painting and aquarium visits.

I want silly little cuddle sessions before one of us has to leave. I want to stay a little longer because you want me to.

I don't think I deserve it, but it would be so nice to just feel good about myself at one point...

Tw: mention of sh relapse

Fuckkkkkk

I relapsed. Ahhhhh, why??? Why the fuck am I so weak? Fuck this. I hate this. Why can't I change???

What the actual fuck?

And I still want more. More. Moremoremoremore.

Please?

Why am I crying again? Ahhhhhh! All I would need right now is a hug and and a shoulder to cry on.

Why? What the fuck?