Tw: Ed

Tw: ed

I think it's kind of funny that the chain in disordered eating behaviors is prominent in my family.

Like, my mother learned from her mother and I did from her. We pass our fears and regrets on to the next generation.

If I survive and decide to raise children, I'll try to break that chain.

It will be hard, generations of making food the enemy is not easy, but I will do it.

My mum when my disability disables me: :0

Tw: sh and suicide

My cuts from my last relapse are getting infected and there is pus and the skin is all red and inflamed and it hurts and I am so tired and just want to end it all...

It would be so easy to just take something and get it all over with...

When I'm talking to my older sisters or parents the funiest things always come up.

We were talking about me starting university soon and if I shouldn't just start working instead and I was like but I always wanted to be a psychologist and my sister was like, no, you wanted to drive a car and be a dad.

And that's true, I can remember, but I am afab. I am a trans man and as I child I was like, okay, I wanna be a dad and it's so funny how long it took me to figure out that I am trans.

Domestic love.

Cooking and making arts and crafts together. Kisses and hugs and little bites (it's autism) and getting changed in front of each other in a non-sexual way.

Omg, we have tiny noodlesss, ahhhhh

I want someone to love me. I want someone who likes spending time with me and thinks of me and texts me and maybe calls me sometimes.

I want to feel loved and valued and wanted. I want cute thrifting dates, pottery painting and aquarium visits.

I want silly little cuddle sessions before one of us has to leave. I want to stay a little longer because you want me to.

I don't think I deserve it, but it would be so nice to just feel good about myself at one point...