Cutt1ng - Tumblr Posts

Won't be posting for awhile

Might end up going back to the psychward again lmao

Got a bit slice happy and my left shoulder probably won't look the same again but that's finnneeeeee- just part of the life

But ye, probs won't be posting for a hot minute unless it hits me like a freight train.

Tw Rant

I HATE MYSELF. I'm never going to get to where I need to be. Ive gained and lost the same 20 pounds for 3 years! I wish my bf didn't care about keeping me fed. Because I know deep down he definitely doesn't want me for my body. There is nothing to love about ME. I'm always somehow the problem and the solution. Do you know how frustrating and draining it is to constantly fight with your own mind over food. And apparently my mom DID notice when I stopped eating when I was 14 but she did NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And of course it only comes up when I get worried about my little sister's eating habits. I'm so tired all the time. I just want to be small, socially acceptable....is that too much to ask? I want to eat but not gain weight, I want to be a size 0. I want to finally not have to hide the fat and scars on my body. The stretch marks will never leave only fade.

i wish i wasn’t suicidal and committed SH yall seem so happy

Sh relapse. I was a month clean. :(

I feel like shit and I’m a horrible person

Im made for mass gaining n bulking so y u no feed me ?? :(

WeirdoS

About SH

Cutting is such a weird thing to do.

Like, why would hurt people hurt themselves further?

It’s not like you can transfer the pain from your mind to your body.

That’s not how it works.

It’s not a real solution.

You only temporarily forget about the storm inside while you focus on creating one on the outside.

Then, as the pain slowly finds it way back, it comes back stronger.

Amplified by the guilt and anxiety that floods your mind in proportion to the blood running down your skin.

It’s addictive.

It’s like a drug.

You know the effect will wear off.

It’s a temporary fix, but in the moment it doesn’t feel temporary.

For a second you let yourself believe it will last, that it will be different this time.

But the feeling of relief always fades away, only to be replaced be even more chaos.

Every. Single. Time.

One hour until the new year and I'm already sitting in the bathroom with razor blades and one wound on my hand, wanting to cry. Wtf, I hate this shit

That blade I'm holding is my only friend

Tw: slight mention of sa and sh

How often do I have to say no until you accept it?? How fucking often? Because I said it so many times, stop it. No. No. Nonononono. Why do you keep going? Why can't you just leave me alone? I am just trying to exist!

Why is it so terrible hard to just exist? Why is always everyone trying to make it so much worse? I just want to relapse. I just want to cut myself open. I want to see the blood. I want to feel the pain. I just want to stop thinking.

Is it so bad? Is it so bad that I am trying to survive? To shut my brain up? Is it so bad that I am not able to stop?

Tw: mention of sh

I wish I could curl up and sleep forever. I really need some rest. I just want a break from all of this.

I want to cry in his arms and be held until I fall asleep. I want to wake up, my head buried in the crook of his neck and feel safe.

Or I could relapse, that is like a really satisfying feeling. Just slicing through skin and seeing the beautiful blood that seeps out of my fresh wounds.

God it's hard to stay sober😭

Tw: mention of sh relapse

Fuckkkkkk

I relapsed. Ahhhhh, why??? Why the fuck am I so weak? Fuck this. I hate this. Why can't I change???

What the actual fuck?

And I still want more. More. Moremoremoremore.

Please?

Tw: sh

If I could, I'd cut out all the bad and rotten parts of my body.

But it seems to me like there is nothing left to safe.

Tw: sh

Guess who just got broken up with and is on his way to the hospital to get stitches??

Yesss, you're right, it's meee!

little pretty cutting

I'm gonna drink until I will be happy. I think I will die faster than I will be satisfied of my life.

Wednesday: Did you cut yourself again?

(Xavier in a thick sweater and long pants)

Xavier laughing: No! why?😅

Wednesday: you are literally crying.

Wednesday(pulling him on her laps):WHERE.

*Xavier curling up in a ball and sob*

Xavier: on arms and ankles 😭

ow ow ow

I didn't even go deep

Tried my wrists for the first time yesterday and it stings like hell