Bruce: [wordlessly Splays A Bunch Of Glossy Photos Across The Table. Each Picture Features A Different

Bruce: [wordlessly splays a bunch of glossy photos across the table. each picture features a different angle of the batmobile, which has been painted a vibrant blue, purple, and pink.]

Jason: [chokes on his water]

Duke: [mouth drops open] No way…

Dick: Is—is that— 

Damian: tt.

Harper: Holy fucking—

Dick: —Is that the bisexual flag—

Stephanie: [maniacal cackling]

Cass: Pretty.

Dick: [slams hands on the table] It’s the bi-mobile.

Tim: [facepalms] Oh my god.

Bruce: I want the names of whoever did this.

Everyone:

Bruce: Now. 

Everyone:

Jason: Why the hell is everyone staring at me? I’m not the only bisexual at this table.

Tim: No, but you are the most chaotic bisexual here.

Jason: I can’t believe you said that to my face when Steph is sitting right next to you.

Stephanie: It wasn’t me, but I wish it was.

Harper: Nonono, Jay is the most rebellious bisexual. Dick is the most chaotic bisexual in the entire League.

Dick: [splutters] Wh—I—Look who’s talking!

Harper: [points accusingly] You have a problem Grayson!

Duke: [raises hand] Uh, is this meeting only for bisexuals? Because I’m pan.

Cassandra: [also raises hand] Lesbian.

Dick: Is—is nobody here straight?

Everyone: [gay silence]

Duke: [raises an eyebrow] Bruce?

Bruce: hn.

Jason: I guess that’s as close to a coming out as we’ll ever get.

Harper: Niiiice.

Stephanie: I knew it.

Cassandra: Dami?

Damian: [shrugs] Jon.

Dick: Aww— [dodges knife thrown at his head]

Bruce: None of us are leaving this room until whoever did this confesses.

Damian: Drake is looking kind of sus.

Jason: [spits out his water, again]

Tim: Oh, come on. I didn’t do it.

Damian: That is precisely what a guilty person would say.

Harper: He’s got you there.

Tim: Wh—I’m gay.

Bruce: That in no way exonerates y—

Dick: Wait, wait, I thought you dated Steph??

Tim: Yeah, like, a while ago. And then I figured out I was gay.

Dick: …But Steph dumped you.

Stephanie: Honestly, Tim being homosexual was the least of our relationship issues.

Duke: Yikes.

Bruce: [pinches the bridge of his nose] Just. Someone tell me who painted the goddamn Batmobile.

Everyone:

Jason: So you and Harvey fucked, right? You totally fucked?

feel free to block me

people don’t realize how much i love the idea of soft awkward dad bruce like he really is trying so hard and doesn’t wanna fuck it up and him being like a control freak he’s like This Has To Be Up To My Very High Standards and so he’s baking cupcakes with dick and somehow bruce fucks up the measurements and his cupcakes taste like ass and he’s like... dick i’m so sorry. i’m the worst dad ever. and dick is like ??? you big dramatic goth bitch... we can just make more bro you’re Rich and bruce since he’s young and stupid is like omfg... you’re right 😳 and dick is like anyways i just really like hanging out w you bc you’re cool :-) and bruce is in tears in the corner sobbing about how much he loves his son and how alfie please next time have the measurements ready for me so i don’t make a fool of myself in front of my much cooler than me small impressionable child

i collect images with powerful ot3/third wheel energies so you don’t have to. i am releasing them to you, the public, so you may share in my bounty

Lex Luthor and Voldemort are cousins

if we lived in a world where u had to do the career u were first interested in as a child what would u be doing, id be a firefighter