Batfamily Incorrect Quotes - Tumblr Posts
...me, @sharmasaurus @justyourregulardepressedteen
No one:
Red Hood, in the middle of a gang fight:
Dick: If you had to have someone drive you somewhere and get there in under the ETA the GPS gives you, who would you ride with?
Jason, immediately, beyond a shadow of a doubt: Tim.
Dick, concerned because he answered hella fast: …Why?
Jason: Because the little bastard drives like he has no will to live. I may not arrive alive, but I’ll sure as shit get there.
Tim: I don’t have a will to live.
Jason: Case and point! Hey, bud, gotta keep the unaliving state to a minimum, yeah? Last thing we need is you in Arkham.
Tim: Working on it.
Jason: If it doesn’t, can I have your PlayStation?
Dick: NO!
Jason: No because you’re getting it or no in general?
😭
Tim Drake: Throw my decaying ass body in Chernobyl so I can finally achieve my lifelong dream of becoming Shrödringers bitch
Bruce Wayne staring in horror: Tim-
watch me, Tim, and Peter Parker use it to double dutch jump rope
Jason: There's a thin line between being a genius and being an idiot.
Jason: Tim uses that line as a fucking jump rope.
dick: there’s only one thing worse than dying
dick: *rips paper off to reveal the words ‘Damian dying’*
jason: demon spawn
steph: bat brat
damian, nodding: myself
dick:
Bruce: [wordlessly splays a bunch of glossy photos across the table. each picture features a different angle of the batmobile, which has been painted a vibrant blue, purple, and pink.]
Jason: [chokes on his water]
Duke: [mouth drops open] No way…
Dick: Is—is that—
Damian: tt.
Harper: Holy fucking—
Dick: —Is that the bisexual flag—
Stephanie: [maniacal cackling]
Cass: Pretty.
Dick: [slams hands on the table] It’s the bi-mobile.
Tim: [facepalms] Oh my god.
Bruce: I want the names of whoever did this.
Everyone:
Bruce: Now.
Everyone:
Jason: Why the hell is everyone staring at me? I’m not the only bisexual at this table.
Tim: No, but you are the most chaotic bisexual here.
Jason: I can’t believe you said that to my face when Steph is sitting right next to you.
Stephanie: It wasn’t me, but I wish it was.
Harper: Nonono, Jay is the most rebellious bisexual. Dick is the most chaotic bisexual in the entire League.
Dick: [splutters] Wh—I—Look who’s talking!
Harper: [points accusingly] You have a problem Grayson!
Duke: [raises hand] Uh, is this meeting only for bisexuals? Because I’m pan.
Cassandra: [also raises hand] Lesbian.
Dick: Is—is nobody here straight?
Everyone: [gay silence]
Duke: [raises an eyebrow] Bruce?
Bruce: hn.
Jason: I guess that’s as close to a coming out as we’ll ever get.
Harper: Niiiice.
Stephanie: I knew it.
Cassandra: Dami?
Damian: [shrugs] Jon.
Dick: Aww— [dodges knife thrown at his head]
Bruce: None of us are leaving this room until whoever did this confesses.
Damian: Drake is looking kind of sus.
Jason: [spits out his water, again]
Tim: Oh, come on. I didn’t do it.
Damian: That is precisely what a guilty person would say.
Harper: He’s got you there.
Tim: Wh—I’m gay.
Bruce: That in no way exonerates y—
Dick: Wait, wait, I thought you dated Steph??
Tim: Yeah, like, a while ago. And then I figured out I was gay.
Dick: …But Steph dumped you.
Stephanie: Honestly, Tim being homosexual was the least of our relationship issues.
Duke: Yikes.
Bruce: [pinches the bridge of his nose] Just. Someone tell me who painted the goddamn Batmobile.
Everyone:
Jason: So you and Harvey fucked, right? You totally fucked?
Jason: So, demon spawn, what’d you get me for Christmas?
Damian, handing him a box: Here.
Jason: *opens box*
Damian: It’s a first edition copy of Misery by Stephen King.
Jason: Oh, how original, even though I have 3 copies of these already.
Dick: Jason, be nice
Tim: Even I have to admit that’s a nice gift. The kid probably murdered his allowance for that.
Damian: Oh, no, I didn’t. That’s one of his copies.
Jason: Wait a minute, you stole my book and gifted it back to me?
Damian: Yes.
Jason: You little-
Damian: Look at the first page
Jason: *sighs and opens book* (;° ロ°) *carefully takes a seat then reads aloud the text* To Jason, you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will. With best wishes, Stephen King
Dick:
Tim:
Jason:
Damian: Yeah, Raven wanted to get her book signed so I got one of your copies and went with her. Sorry if you didn’t want anyone writing on it, he kinda added a few things to your notes
Jason: (⚆ᗝ⚆) *shaking, while holding the book* Stephen King read my notes?!?!?!
Damian: Yes, I remember him complimenting them and saying you were very observant.
Jason:
Jason: Narrows, you will never understand what a real sunburn feels like
Duke, shrugging: not my fault you’re whiter than stadium lights
Tim: damn
Jason: not helping Timbo
Duke: and the sunscreen is?
Tim: dAyUm