The Wary Weretiger

The Wary Weretiger

"You know, I think therapy might be more effective than this." Said Atsushi. He didn't need to turn around to know Akutugawa was rolling his eyes.

"Shut up."

Atsushi raised his hand, catching the orange. "Huh, you even peeled it this time. Must be serious."

He wasn't exactly sure how they got here. Akutagawa had been hunting him down for his bounty.... And than one day just stopped. Somewhere along the lines this had become their routine.

Akutugawa ranted at him, Atsushi sat and ate whatever fruit he'd pick up on the way. Sometimes he'd voice his own opinion and Akutugawa would begrudgingly listen.

It was werid.

But not unwelcome.

It definitely beat having his leg cut off, that's for sure.

"Go on, out with it. I'm busy today." Akutugawa scoffed "and what could you be possibly busy with." Atsushi shrugged "well I still need to get a job."

It didn't matter how much he saved from what he stole from the Orphanage, it wouldn't last him much longer.

"I thought the Agency offered you a position." Said Akutugawa, carefully. As kind as Atsushi was he fought like a caged beast. He could and would ditch Akutugawa if the other offended him.

And Akutugawa didn't want to admit he liked his company.

Atsushi took a bite out of an orange slice "only because of my ability. They're nice people, but I'll find a job myself. Besides that would you my enemy and I am not dealing with that."

His leg would grow back but it was painful. And being on Akutugawa's not bad side was a nice place to be.

Not that Atsushi would admit it.

Akutagawa nodded, he could respect wanting to keep your pride even when you were at rock bottom. But even soo... "Is it so bad for them to want you for your ability?"

Atsushi paused.

"My whole life people have only wanted my ability. They've tried to rip it out of me because they felt entitled to it.... Do you really think I'd want to join an organisation that values it so highly?"

There was an edge to his tone, but also sadness. Akutugawa's eyes went wide in shock.

He unconsciously tugged his coat closer. He wouldn't know what to do if Rashomon was stolen from him.

Akutugawa felt vulnerable just taking a bath, he couldn't imagine how Atsushi felt feeling his ability get ripped out of his skin. It was fortunate that it clearly failed.

It certainly explained Atsushi's distrust of both light and dark.

"I suppose not." Said Akutugawa, going quiet in thought. He went back to his initial question.

"I was once in a situation like yours. I lived in the slums, it was there Dazai found me and I joined the Port Mafia. That became my purpose, and I'm lost without it. But you... You don't have that, and yet you seem satisfied."

Atsushi hummed, thoughtful. "I'm gonna say something, but right or wrong you're not allowed to stab me again."

Akutagawa scoffed.

"I stabbed you one time, stop acting like it was such a big deal.... But very well, I won't stab you."

Atsushi turned to face Akutugawa, putting his orange slices back into a tupperware box. "That isn't your purpose."

Akutagawa is taken aback. He wants to argue but something in him stops him. The way Atsushi spoke to him now was different to how he usually does.

He sounded like Dazai.

Dazai in the quiet moments, the rare moments when Akutugawa hadn't failed him. The all seeing look in his eye as he read Akutugawa like an open book.

"You had a purpose, one you cherished like a second soul. But you lost it. You tried to convince yourself whatever you consider your purpose now is it, but it isn't. And it never will be."

And yet when Atsushi spoke it was kind. It wasn't intended to tear Akutugawa down, quite the opposite. And Akutugawa found himself unable to look away.

"... How do you know this?"

Atsushi smiled, it was small and sad and it didn't fit him like his usual grin did. "You wouldn't be trying so hard to find your purpose if you truly believed you found it."

He looked away, giving Akutugawa some privacy in his own thoughts. "Ask yourself, who were you before the Port Mafia? Who were you back when you were like me? There's you're answer."

Akutagawa frowned, deep in thought. He'd been... He'd been weaker and pitiful. A small child who killed whoever went in his way, but killing hadn't changed in his life.

He was the Port Mafia's Rabid dog, he was still a killer so that wasn't it.

What had he been killing for? In the Port Mafia it was because those were his orders. Because the weak needed to be destroyed to make way for the strong.

Back in the slums it had been for survival. Akutugawa would've died many times over if he'd let those idiots survive. And Gin wouldn't have survived of he hadn't protected her from them.

Akutagawa froze.

... That's what it was. He had been a protector, his reason for killing down in the slums was to protect Gin and his friends.

His friends who were killed on the night Dazai found him... The night Akutugawa lost his purpose and tried to gain another.

But failed.

"I can't get it back." Whispered Akutugawa, suprised that he choked up at the thought. He hadn't thought of them in years.

"You can" Said Atsushi, looking at him again. "The circumstances may have changed, but the core premise is the same. You just have to open yourself up to that."

Open himself up? So Akutugawa had to find something else to protect? That... Didn't seem so hard, given the Port Mafia protected the city from the shadows. And Gin was still with him.

Had it really been infront of him, all this time?

"That's the difference between us" said Atsushi, quietly but Akutugawa caught it. "You had a purpose only to lose it. While I have never had one."

Atsushi chuckled and it was sad again and Akutugawa hated it. He preferred when Atsushi was genuinely happy. When his smile reached his eyes, his eyes that were kind and shined with light.

Now they looked so empty, so sad.

"You think I'm satisfied but I'm not. I have no dreams, no aspirations, my worth is tied entirely to my ability. I live to spite all those that want me dead, to stop them from taking the tiger if I pass on. I have no purpose, not really."

Akutugawa didn't know what to say, all he could do was nod in goodbye when Atsushi left.

He reached down, picking up the half of orange Atsushi saved for him. That he always saved for him, no matter how hard times got.

"You're wrong" he said to the wind as he walked away. "You're so much more than you're ability."

I love how in Bungou stray dogs, the kindest characters are the ones with the most destructive rage.

In the Port Mafia, Dazai gave a warning. "You'd be better off not angering Odasaku, ever.

If he were to become angry from the bottom of his heart, everyone in this room would he dead. Before any of us could even draw our guns."

And everyone in Yokohama knows you must never anger Kenji.

O acquaintance, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me up again.

i'm too good, i can make something like this everyday- motivation required tho💀

Hirotsu & fukuzawa besties>>>>

mori: this is top secret so don't tell anyone, especially from the agency, alliance be damned

hirotsu, awkwardly exiting out of his chat with fukuzawa where they were making fun of mori and he was telling fukuzawa about how mori was like in this particular meeting: of course sir, i would never

akutagawa, ending his call with atsushi, who he had been talking to when he got asked to come here and never bothered to hang up on <3: i understand. this is port mafia business strictly.

chuuya, still texting everything to his chuuya-kunikida-dazai groupchat (named dazai and his bitches until they stole his phone and changed it and is now untitled): sure thing boss

kajii, asleep: hmm lemon bombs

WAIT- Why did i never noticed dazai's pain tolerance?!??

About your theories on Dazai's trauma that he didn't get from Mori, what are they?

The most backed up one I have is that it was people that worked for Dazai's parents. In No Longer Human Yozo is abused by his family's servants so it would make the most sense for Dazai to have been in a similar situation. I could make a very long post about that, but for the sake of other theories I'll stow it.

I also think it's likely the if my first theory is wrong then the main abuse Dazai faced was neglect. He doesn't know how to be a person, he knows how people act and can mimic it but he doesn't fully understand which to me, sounds like he has autism. The only thing I can't pin to the neglect theory is his pain tolerance.

In 15 Dazai hurts his arm when Chuuya kicks him around and steps on his hand. He reacts to neither. Now I am still relatively freshly not 15 (turned 16 a few months ago) so using myself and friends as a reference point, 15 year olds don't normally act like that when getting hurt. So at some point he has to have built up a pretty serious tolerance as well as a hate for pain.

This is where a lot of people like to point to Mori, say he did it. Which was one of my main theories (and still is something I use for some fics) until I talked them over with a few people and we ended up agreeing that Dazai wouldn't have been so close with Mori had that been what was happening. Also knowing Dazai he would've brought it up for clout at some point. It just doesn't make sense for him to not only be so comfortable around Mori and then never say anything.

None of that logic applies to real people, I'm saying it doesn't make sense for Dazai.

So as for who caused that, I'm not sure. I don't have a character to point at. I can say that his parents didn't come to get him after Mori found him, and as far as I know they aren't dead, so they didn't seem to care about him very much. Usually around here is when I circle back to "people who work for his parents" because it has more ties. But maybe a family friend or a parent or a sibling did it, those are all very possible abd make more sense than Mori.

I don't know if anyone will see this and you prob dont know me but 🥲