Chibishortdeath - What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse…

people on here are like we need weirdos and then they mean literal pedophile

I’ll keep this under a cut since it’s a vent, but things are going very horribly right now. I have no idea what to do. I feel like a complete fuck up.

Now I don’t know if this is what it is for sure, but something is fucking wrong with me cause I obviously just can’t interact with people correctly. I have realized recently that every single friendship I’ve ever had lines up exactly with BPD and having a ‘favorite person’. Not diagnosed obviously cause this is all very new information to me and I don’t have a therapist or anything, but holy hell is it pretty much exactly the cycle that’s happened with almost every single friend I’ve ever had my whole life. If that’s not what it is then idk what else it could be but yeah idk where I’m going with this sentence…

I have a great first impression with someone, we end up very great friends talking almost everyday or often, I care so so deeply about this person, something happens to the usual routine or someone else ends up talking to me, I suddenly either end up feeling way less close to them or just lose the spark entirely, I feel like a complete asshole and desperately try to feel the same way again to no avail, it either ends horribly and painfully or is never the same again and I am completely wracked with guilt and confused as to why I’m a terrible person who sucks at being a friend for a while, and then I end up stupidly believing it’ll be any different next time. It’s been this way as long as I can remember.

And it’s just constant. I can’t keep any more than maybe one main friend and a few secondary friends at a time. I can’t have too many social interactions with secondary friends too frequently no matter how much I love them or I’ll end up completely burnt out and overwhelmed. I can’t talk to anyone without being terrified I’ll just break them. I feel like a fucking parasite. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel like I wanna get close to anyone anymore. I don’t think I should. I’m just gonna fail and hurt everyone I love. Part of me just wants to dip off the internet for good, but I’m an idiot and I need to see content of and talk about a game or I’ll start spiraling again, not that I’m not already though I guess.

To make it worse, I do have friends that I know I’m failing right now. I know I’m gonna hurt all of them. The pattern is already past the point of no return. And now I know that it’s my fault. That it’s really is just a me problem. It’s always been me that’s the problem. Every time has been because of me. I know I’m going to inevitably neglect most of them because I’m already isolating myself. I know can’t balance all of them at once without being overwhelmed. I know I can’t pick myself up again without getting overwhelmed. I know I can’t get the routine back. I know it can’t go back to how it was. I know it can’t. It’s just gonna end like it always has, awful for everyone involved. I don’t know how to fix it or if I can at this point.

It’s so fucking selfish. It’s disgustingly mean of me. I just wanna be a good person. I just wanna be a good friend. That’s all I want. I just wanna make people happy and share time with people and talk and have similar interests and laugh and be there when they need it and give gifts and hug and hang out. I just wanna be a friend. But it never works. It always ends up this way. I shouldn’t have tried. I really shouldn’t have. I’m just hurting people at this point.

It's faded into nerd history now but at random times I will remember what Konami did to its best and brightest and then get upset all over again

I do like other games fun fact!!! Darkstalkers is probs one of my favorite fighting games. One of the few I’m ok at lol (TwT ;). But yeah, I play as Lord Raptor and he’s a silly guy fr.

This is the whole Zabel page :3. I like to think Lord Raptor is like a stage name and Zabel Zarock is his actual name. It makes sense in the context that he’s a metal artist I guess. Also what is up with his birth year being listed as like 1889 everywhere? That does not make any sense in the context that he’s a metal artist 💀💀💀💀💀💀.

The next two are based on some of his early concept designs. Changed to look more like say alternate costumes for him cause some of these are wildly different not just outfit wise from the design that we got.

This one is by far my favorite, it’s him in that Midnight Bliss outfit lol. It looks nice on him. I actually have the midnight bliss figure of him :D (sadly one of his only pieces of merch dies in all of the characters I like have little to no merch)!!! I don’t see much fan art of his human-ish form, but then again I don’t see much fan art of him at all now that I think about it—

There’s some text in this zoom in spot! The top left one says “I’m fucking balling!”, the one below it says “Oi, wtf”, and his shirt says oh uh well um I shan’t say it (Cannibal Corpse song title 💀). There’s also one doodle on here that requires context cause it seems edgy for no reason, but it is based on an official art of him!!!!!! Aaaa I wish you could put more than 10 photos so I could show it.

This was an attempt at drawing a sprite of his but oh my god I cannot draw people looking up to save my life 💀💀💀. There’s some Le Malta doodles tho, he’s cool. Just a little dude! I like how Le Malta was technically employed by Ozom to spy on Zabel to make sure he wasn’t plotting against him (he very much was lmao) and he just totally was like “yeah I hate Ozom’s ass too” and decided to be friends with him instead. The Darkstalkers lore is great and hilarious I promise—

These two are just shitposts (the big dude in the background of the second one is Ozom btw Aka the guy that reanimated him). And the last two are just from playing around with one of those insert character/series text box generator websites.

Yeah anyway, great game, I should probably draw more about it, but the Simon and also that RPG Maker project I was working on have both taken over my life d(*´ω`*). (Also stress but yeah—)

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