TW: ED Mentions And Self Loathing

TW: ED mentions and self loathing

I starve myself as a form of invisible self harm so that way I can get the satisfaction of hurting myself while also achieving weight loss. I am not comfortable in the shell I occupy and and damaging my body brings comfort.

Unable to survive in peace because chaos is all I know. I want someone to notice and ask about how am I but I also don't wanna answer judgements. And I do not wanna annoy people, they have better things to do.

So I rot in my bed endlessly while I scroll Pinterest looking at bodies and faces I wish I had.

"I love you" but we're supposed to be friends. You touch me. I soar. "I love you" but you don't feel it. So beautiful. Your hair in my face. I love you a little too much. I can't take it. I kissed you.

Now we're both looking, you can see me. "I love you" I say. You stare and stare. I step back but I feel you. Your hand on my cheek. We kissed and kissed.

"I love you" we both say.

Wendy Cope, From June to December: Summer Villanelle

How did I not see it before? Under that sweet venomous words, those lying eyes and cheating smile. How could I not see it before? The way you watched her, called her beautiful. You wanted everyone but me. How did I not see it before? You never wanted me, you just liked the idea of me.

Paint me like a renaissance art 🎨

We think of love as a soft caress, a soft whisper, a warm hug on a rainy day. Love is anything but. It is violent and red. It is angry and black. It hurts. It breaks. Love is blue with loneliness and green with envy. It is yellow with happiness and purple with bruises. It is orange like a fleeting sunset. Love is carnal. It's forever and a moment. Love hurts. Love breaks. Love saves. Love creates.