Feeling Insecure - Tumblr Posts
They say high school is supposed to be the best years of your life. Maybe for some people it is. But for me? It's a constant tug-of-war between wanting to belong and being terrified of getting too close. It's like everyone else has a secret handbook on how to navigate friendships and relationships, and I'm stuck deciphering cryptic messages in a foreign language.
โFlynn Caulfield
TW: ED mentions and self loathing
I starve myself as a form of invisible self harm so that way I can get the satisfaction of hurting myself while also achieving weight loss. I am not comfortable in the shell I occupy and and damaging my body brings comfort.
Unable to survive in peace because chaos is all I know. I want someone to notice and ask about how am I but I also don't wanna answer judgements. And I do not wanna annoy people, they have better things to do.
So I rot in my bed endlessly while I scroll Pinterest looking at bodies and faces I wish I had.
๐๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐๐๐:๐๐:
๐ผ ๐ ๐๐ถ๐พ๐๐ ๐ด๐๐ ๐ท๐๐ธ๐ถ๐๐๐ ๐ผ ๐ถ๐ ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐ป๐๐๐๐ ๐ถ๐๐น ๐๐๐๐น๐๐๐ป๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ถ๐น๐; ๐ด๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ถ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐น๐๐๐ป๐๐, ๐ผ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ฝ๐ถ๐ ๐ป๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
๐๐๐๐จ ๐ซ๐๐ง๐จ๐ ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐๐๐จ๐๐จ๐๐จ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ช๐ฃ๐๐ฆ๐ช๐๐ฃ๐๐จ๐จ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐๐ช๐ฉ๐ฎ ๐ค๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ซ๐๐๐ช๐๐ก ๐๐จ ๐๐ง๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ฎ ๐๐ค๐.
๐๐ค๐ช ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐๐๐ช๐ฉ๐๐๐ช๐ก๐ก๐ฎ ๐ช๐ฃ๐๐ฆ๐ช๐.
Prompt 48
Jaskier is feeling insecure. This isn't new. He makes sure everyone always thinks he's at the height of his confidence, but he has bad days. Many times, actually. He had been working up the courage to tell Geralt how he feels, but he saw Geralt and Yennefer talking and it just started digging around in his brain. He's not nearly as pretty as Yennefer, and certainly not as powerful. He's just the annoying bard that follows Geralt around. Geralt is confused when Jaskier is suddenly trying to do everything and anything for Geralt. He's trying out eight different new hobbies, none of which suit him, and all of which being things that are purely practical. When Geralt finally confronts Jaskier about it, Jaskier breaks down over how he'll never be as good as Geralt's previous lovers, and Geralt finally finds his words in order to describe all the many things Jaskier does amazingly and every little quirk that Geralt adores.
erika sawajiri as lilico in helter skelter 2012
i wish that i were more fun a delightful companion who can continually entertain unfortunately i am not so when i am denied attention or affection i become a clingy, miserable mess.
i need to vent because i feel like SHIIT anyway tw for suicide + self harm + insecurity
i donโt feel like my looks are good enough. iโve been more and more insecure about myself especially my face. i donโt get as much attention as other girls do for their looks, itโs only rare compliments from only a few friends. i feel so fucking ugly. nobody ever tells me iโm beautiful/pretty/whatever unless i say it first or if theyโre just hyping me up on a video where nobody else will say it. sometimes i get so insecure about my face i feel disgusted by my own shadow and avoid mirrors. i want attention. i want attention for my looks. i want people to call me pretty and compliment me and stuff. i never fit in at school and i really think itโs because of the way i look. all my life every other girl has been so much more beautiful than me. as insecure as i am, iโm not THAT ugly but everyone acts like iโm invisible or am that ugly. maybe iโm just delusional and iโm not as okay looking as i think. i feel ugly. iโm ugly. if i post one of those stupid tiktokโs where i lip sync like other girls do i donโt get complements outside of a tiny amount friends who are probably just over exaggerating their words and only a few likes while prettier girls get so much more. iโm ugly even with makeup. something is wrong with my face or something. is the rest of me even as attractive as i thought? which isnโt even that much. i thought i was at least a little pretty, but apparently not with the way everyone treats me. i just want to be loved. i want people to think iโm beautiful. anyway sort of related topic but another vent!! iโm so lonely. i need attention so bad i am insanely deprived of love and positive attention as i have been my entire life. if i could tell my little self how i would be now, how much she would suffer as she aged i think she would kill herself. i wish i could get the strength to do it. i just want everything to stop, i want to be at peace. i donโt wanna keep suffering. iโve been suicidal for 11 or 10 years, since i was 8 or 9, thatโs when i remember my earliest suicidal thought. before i even hit double digits. i donโt know why i just wonโt do it already. iโve been self harming since i was 11 or 10, iโve gotten something sharper and my scars are much more visible. i donโt know what to do. iโve been on meds for mental health since i was like 12 or 11 and i still feel terrible. i want to die. i want to kill myself but iโm too scared of death. sometimes i contemplate writing a suicide note and telling people how i really feel about them, how much i like them or i hate them. i know iโd hurt so badly so many people but itโs too much to take. i donโt wanna keep doing this. i wanna die.
Day 1 talking to the new guy of the class: On Friday 13th I decided to approach and talk to a new guy in my year, heโs not in my class, heโs in the other class but heโs in the same year. We were a little awkward but He was a really calmed and nice guy.
Day 2 talking to the new guy of the class: Today, Monday 16th Iโve wanted to talk to him again. He didnโt remember my name so he asked me for it and then we had a kinda awkward conversation cuz there were some awkward silences, however, I did like to be with him cuz I like his personality. He doesnโt like sport like me, so perfect!
I do want to be his friend, but idk if he wants to too, Iโd like to know what he thinks about me, but by the moment Iโm his only friend (apart from one annoying girl whoโs following me whenever Iโm with himโฆ)
Every time I leave my house without makeup I regret it
This, this made me unusually happy
the love i have for roman noses omfg theyre so pretty i love them they are a major weakness for me i love them. big noses too genuinely like big noses and roman noses noses with bumps noses that are crooked noses that dont look like slopes noses that arent the beauty standard ROMAN NOSES AND BIG NOSES AND AQUILINE NOSES MY BELOVED >>>>> <3