Rants N Rambles - Tumblr Posts

My heart aches.

My heart aches, there is no doubt.

It is because I have learned something so tragic.

On my reserve, more souls have been found after all this time and it is more than I think anyone had thought would be found.

These souls have suffered from abuse and many other horrors that they can not speak for they are gone.

And only the stars know their names now because they didn't have their names preserved.

I know that it may seem odd for me to mourn for those I didn’t know but you must understand that those souls and I could have had a shared fate.

Within the last generation before mine was when the last Residential School closed.

This pain is fresh and will last for far longer than anyone can anticipate.

the trauma of these places called Residental schools is still fresh in the minds of many of the people who went through those doors and survived.

The trauma of these places is thrown aside and many want to pretend that it never happened.

Open your eyes and see that it did happen and that it shouldn't matter if you are Black, White, Indigenous or Latino, children are gone because f these places.

My heart is aching because many will tell me to shut my mouth and to get over it.

How am I to get over it?

This pain is real it is not some fantasy, that I made up.

It doesn't just affect me it affects all Indigenous peoples.

I understand that I am ranting but I can’t help it.

So many people have suffered and many more are suffering from Residental schools.

And I won’t apologize this time.

I have nothing to be sorry for.

My heart aches and it will ache for a long time.

For how long I do not know.

But hopefully, my rant has given some people something to think about.

Guys, I just have to say it... I fucking love the gays. I mean, gay people in general. The whole alphabet mafia. They are the coolest fuckers ever. Also, gay fanfics are better that straight ones. AND, hot take, polyamorous gay fanfics are on top frfr.

Currently reading Steve x Eddie. Previously reading Steve x Bucky. PREVIOUSLY previously reading Steve x Tony x Bucky. Always reading Spideypool.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

DUDE come on, one of the girls in my old friend group that i wouldn’t even consider a close friend keeps laughing at me. Like i’d say hi to her in hallways and all and we used to talk a bit and she was really sweet to me. Since i’ve been recently kicked out of the friend group for stupid made up reasons, i’ve been more so a loner at school but i’ve been making some newer friends with other people who could be considered loners too. And sometimes i’ll walk and talk with them to different classes and what not and i guess my old friend finds this comical. I’ll walk past her and she’ll look over and smile and laugh whether she’s alone or like with her friends. I guess she finds it funny that i am friends with people who aren’t “popular” or something, like she thinks that now that I’ve been left in the dirt i seem so desperate to find friends. But there was this one instance that fr hurt me, i was walking to my class with a newer friend that my old friend group was never really close to and sometimes made fun of, and we were just talking on our way like normal. And i see two of my old friends including this girl walking towards us while we were walking into the building, and i kid you not they snickered and then like ran separate ways to meet up with each other on the other side of the building in the hallway. Like wtf is up with this, like there’s no need to judge me for finding new friends that aren’t you when you kick me out of a friend group for rumors that YOU made up. Anyways just wanted to rant because it happened again and it’s so unnecessary. Stick with genuine people y’all

He must have seen our souls and thought let's intwine their fates. He must have us together and thought let's rewrite their fates. They must have seen us apart and thought let's fill them with spite and hate.

We may be apart my love but I could never hate you, at least not when you were mine.

TW: ED mentions and self loathing

I starve myself as a form of invisible self harm so that way I can get the satisfaction of hurting myself while also achieving weight loss. I am not comfortable in the shell I occupy and and damaging my body brings comfort.

Unable to survive in peace because chaos is all I know. I want someone to notice and ask about how am I but I also don't wanna answer judgements. And I do not wanna annoy people, they have better things to do.

So I rot in my bed endlessly while I scroll Pinterest looking at bodies and faces I wish I had.

I stopped investing myself in the kpop scenery after Jonghyun's passing so I was pondering about writing about Sulli since the news came, and I still don't know if I should.

Jonghyun's passing was a great deal to me, I cried, I was triggered, and my mind was very unkind to me after it for a while. I was scared. And kpop became unbearable to me, I casually listen to some songs here and then but not as much or as frequently as I used to. I deleted all kpop from my music library and when I listen to it it's on YouTube cause I don't want spotify to start putting kpop everywhere on my tm.

I was never a big fan of f(x). I wasn't very aware of the group's story or its ups and downs but I enjoyed them. I always thought it was one of the best girl groups out there, so dynamic and talented. They were nice girls, very likeable. All of them. Luna was one of the best main vocals of the second generation, in my opinion. And they didn't go further because of SM's treatment and management... they could've been HUGE.

Im so sad to hear about Sulli. And I'm sorry for every fan out there that woke up to this news. Please take care of Korean idols, and mostly female ones, they get more hate than their male counterparts. They're hated for a bunch of reasons that male idols aren't, like being sexy, showing skin and being vocal.

That is what Sulli was, she was a quite vocal young woman in an extremely conservative, old fashioned and sexist country and industry. She was only 25.

Im tired of hearing of idols being mistreated and in poor health (both physically and mentally) because of the kpop industry. It doesn't matter what company they're from, all of them go through the same crap because this companies work towards commercialization and marketability according to the industry and the audience demands.

Groups from small companies are in far more precarious situations that the ones on the big three, don't get me wrong those three deserve every bit of criticism and accountability they get from us BUT "irrelevant" groups from small companies are treated WORSE. Most of them aren't paid at all and charged, instead, for their training, and they accumulate debts towards the company that they aren't capable of ever really paying because they keep taking dancing, singing and acting lessons that they're charged for and that they HAVE to take if they want to have a minimal chance at debuting, and if they have already debuted they don't get paid until they've settled their debt. And because the company is small and they have no resources or money, sometimes, sasaengs "sponsor" them in exchange of information and actual dates with the idols, that they can't refuse because of the company and their contracts (because of this contracts they can't leave, unless they pay the debt fully), exposing themselves to dangerous scenarios, and this sponsorship is added to the debt.

The reason I'm saying all of this is because I want you all to realize and acknowledge how f*cked up the kpop industry is and how much we, as international fans, need to care and take care of them and demand a change in how this gets down.

I want you to be conscious of how many idols are in this situation but we don't hear of it because they're irrelevant or simply because theyre not on the infamous big three. The big three are not trash, is the whole industry. Many young girls and boys feel like Sulli and have made radical decisions because of their situation.

If you're a kpop fan PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE care about what goes behind close doors. Care about your idols. START CARING AND DEMANDING BETTER TREATMENT OF THE ARTISTS YOU CLAIM TO SUPPORT AND LOVE.

P.S. Hara attempted suicide too not so long ago, so I can only imagine what she must be going through right now given that and the fact that she was close with Sulli, support Sulli's close friends in this time of need, please.

Update on the exam!

I am in deep 💩 fr fr. Am good to understand philosophy but not on the writhing and put all my ideas into paper. BUT at least we have another day to write it on our computer so yay! Hope I pass because right now I am only 50% 🙃🙂🥲😭! DAMN IT! At least the exam is 40% so if I do it I should still pass ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

(I know i suck at school… depending on the class)

About to do an exam right now 😅 wish me luck!

I just watched the new Deadpool! It was awesome!! But the real question is…

WHY WAS THOR CRYING?! WE NEED TO KNOW!!

… I really want to play D&D. I never played it but it seems so fun!! 😭

So excited! I’m finally going to see Avril Lavigne in person!! 😍 I loved watching and listening to her song. Most of her music videos were pretty funny to watch.

Sooo… IT WAS AMAZING! 🤩 I’m going to do something with the photos before posting them BUT it should be soon! Seriously she was amazing in person! My wallet is crying right now though 🥲 But it’s worth it. I bought her greatest hit tour album. Met some great person too in the show. We were singing and screaming together 😂. I actually never thought I would’ve had the chance to see one of her show. So for all of Avril’s fans don’t give up because you might have a chance to see one of her shows one day!

So excited! I’m finally going to see Avril Lavigne in person!! 😍 I loved watching and listening to her song. Most of her music videos were pretty funny to watch.

Finally got Cult of the Lamb!! Can’t wait to get started!!!

So recently I got some ideas for a site or a profile where there is lore and you have to decode some stuff to leurs more about the story. I think I might actually do it because it’s been on my mind for a while and I have a lot of ideas!

I've learned to live with D. There are some days it gets horrible but I believe I've managed it over the years. Recently, A came knocking as well. Well, more like it crashed thru the walls.

It's funny how one event can suddenly dispel all the hard work you did to keep D and A at bay and at peace. It feels like I'm back to 0.

The feeling of sleeping and waking up with tears and shaking and walking on egg shells is back. In between the ugly thoughts, I just remind myself that I've been through this before and I can do it again... right?

Sending virtual hugs and my love to others who are feeling ... as well. 🤗

So many good subcultures and countercultures get ruined by white mfs that do everything to stay “apolitical” (they're just helping the alt right).

So many good aesthetics and subcultures get ruined by white women with a nazi fetish

Y'all, being serious now, that mammoth only got lasked, huh?

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, Y'ALL NEED TO LEARN TO TAG Y'ALL'S SHIT PROPERLY, IT AIN'T THAT HARD TO PUT A “TW NAKED PEOPLE” ON YO TAGS, I AM LITERALLY UNABLE TO GO ON THE QUEER TAGS THAT AIN'T ASPEC JUST TO SEE UNTAGGED HORNY WITHOUT MY FUCKING CONSENT, I CAN'T DEAL WITH Y'ALL ANYMORE, YOUR CRUSTY ASS HAND WON'T FALL OFF IF YOU TAG YOUR SMUT, YOU GRINGO PUNHETEIRO, FUDIDO DU CARALHO, I HATE UNTAGGED SMUT I HATE UNTAGGED SMUT I HATE UNTAGGED SMUT I HATE

A little rant...okay I got carried away so it's kinda long... apologies divine readers

Am I the only one that has noticed a rather....toxic pattern in Assassin's Creed romantic relationships?

In Unity the "relationship" between Arno and Elise is...very one sided when I take a deeper look at it. I'ma be fr here...I hated her character. I didn't revel in her death, but the game certainly felt more enjoyable without her presence and without Arno's lovesick puppy act of following her around.

She didn't stand up for him or even question the accusation of him being framed for her father Francois' murder. No 'Hey I know Arno. I love him. I trust him and I know he did not kill my father' or anything. She LEFT HIM TO ROT IN THE BASTILLE??? QUOI?? I AM CONFUSION. She was mad at him for not going after Germain because he wanted to PROTECT HER because he LOVES HER - when they got the chance to meet and kill him again later. And then THE BIG ONE - she abandoned him under that rubble to take Germain on by herself. All she had to do was take a few extra seconds to free Arno, they could have fought him together, and maybe - JUST MAYBE - she wouldn't have died. And it's not just that either it's the leaving him under that rubble for me. She was supposed to 'love him' and she left him under something that was hurting and trapping him? If it were me, I wouldn't stop until he was free Germain be damned. I will free my baguette boy and then we ferry onward to glory!

It seemed like a lecherous kind of situation where Arno gave and gave, and Elise just took and took. I felt like she hardcore used him because she knew how much he loved her, and she fully used that to her advantage. Maybe she did it on purpose, maybe it was unintentional but either way...it had me shaking my head and waving my red flag like I was in the color guard.

The same thing occurs again in Origins with Bayek and Aya. Bayek seems to love Aya a whole lot more than she loves him, and I even get the vibe that she just stayed with him because she got pregnant. I mean...she rejected his proposal because SHE wanted to go back to Alexandria to follow her dreams, SHE didn't want to be the wife of a Medjay, she was what I believe could be termed an 'absent mother' as Bayek spent more time with Khemu than she appeared to, and then she left Bayek to go off on her own and they wound up separated for a year not too long after their son's death. Bayek had to grieve alone while she seemed to just...refuse to grieve. It was strange. She never wanted to discuss Khemu even though Bayek was emotionally available for her to do so (which I loved about him because most men don't do the 'emotionally available' thing as they think it makes them seem weak). The one time I remember in the game when Bayek said that he wished not to be separated from her again after Khemu's death, she shut him up with sex...and then left again not too long after that. Then she eventually separated (read: pretty much divorced him imo) from him to go do her own thing in Rome. I mean...it certainly benefitted the Brotherhood in the long run...but it seems to me like she ran from her grief, left Bayek behind, shut herself down to all discussion of Bayek and then she even changed her identity. Reference to the Aya - Amunet transformation.

Their relationship was just tragic overall to me and the shutting down a conversation with sex, was a major red flag to me that their relationship was not going to survive the death of their son. I do think that Aya had...a type of love for Bayek. A fondness. A feeling of loyalty and a high-level trust. But I do not think for a second that Aya loved Bayek as much as Bayek loved her. Man would have gone to hell and back for her.

Why is the 'men being absolutely whipped for a woman who doesn't appreciate them' a recurring thing in the Assassin's Creed games?

I know I probably read WAAAYY too much into this but as someone who's bigtime into psychology I just - OOF. These were not some healthy fully functioning relationships. And I did not care for either of them in the long run.

Arno deserved better as did Bayek. I think they're both sweethearts - that each have their own faults and flaws of course because they're human beings - but they deserved more.

Loser, baby reprise idea

If we get a reprise of loser, baby in season 2 I want it to be the opposite of the original song.

like wether that be something going on with alastor, his gambling/ alcohol tendencies, or the fact that he hates he’s a winged cat. Maybe, if we wanna be angsty, all three. 

Like how the OG song was a combination of ANGEL’s relationship with VAL, his self destructing habits like drugs and alcohol, and his self hatred for his body and being a toy for Val, (or a PET, like how Alastor sees husk!) 

And then I believe this would take place somewhere more personal like in a enclosed room or bathroom or even at the hotel bar, where the OG was in a messy open setting on some rando street.

Preferably it would be later in the season so there would be a bigger break and relationship development to help the reprise hit harder since it has ALREADY become their song. (And to help the pacing)

So husk would be all down in the dumps and Angel would lift him up the same way Husk did to him all those months ago but since then, their relationship has become deeper and sweeter so it would be slightly more… cute? 

Like I don’t want something as light as the more than anything reprise compared to the original song where it just becomes lighter and more natural, no.

I want it to be sweeter in a way where it reflects how these two are still struggling together, are still losers together but it’s become less insulting and more lighthearted and teasing. like we already see in episode 8 that the losers thing has become a cute lil joke. 

So, it developed even more to where the reprise makes it genuinely sweet while not dumbing down on the purpose of the original song? That would be PERFECTION.

It would be shorter than the og since it is a reprise, and it would NOT be where they kiss. I have many ideas for when they kiss (if they even do cuz omg I love slow burns but idk if I could wait ANOTHER season if we even get a S3) probably about a minute long like the other reprises.

Since I’m so hyperfixated on this idea, I already imagine the main line is changed ever so slightly. 

Instead of ‘you’re A loser baby,’ it’s something super sappy and romantic like ‘you’re MY loser, baby,’ and they would both joke about how soft and stupid they’ve become?!?! I would MELTTTT.

I highly doubt if this were to happen these would be the lyrics by here’s my idea of how it would kinda go 

Angel to husk: so things look bad, and you’re back’s against the wall… *much slower, lighter, softer.

You’re whole existence seems, fuckin’ hopeless..

You’re feelin’ filthy as a {I feel like they would change the lyric here, but it would depend on the context and setting to make it work. Like how the og was outside a gross bar, the line ‘dive bar bathroom stall’ fit for that situation. Or it’s just a general metaphor and I’m insane.}

Can’t face the world sober, and dopeless… [ok imagine instead if it getting higher here like the OG song it gets LOWER? It would be a nice change for a reprise : o]

You’ve lost.. you’re way… but you know you’re life ain’t wrecked {There’s two ways the buildup to the chorus rewrite could go. - 

They could keep it the same, or change it up in a way to where Angel is referring to how Husk already helped him through this and this situation and how he knows it’s pointless to dwell. Which is why he’s helping husk now with the same problem, but he’s just a dumbass because he knows this! Reflecing on the original song idea of ‘yeah you’re pathetic but so am I with you’ kinda mentality.}

So I guess we’re correct… {or, as I originally said, OG lyrics BASED ON story context. Obviously idk what S2 is gonna be like lol}

You’re my loser, baby, my loser, goddamn baby you’re my fucked up little whiney bitch, you’re a loser just like me.

*And I would adore it if husk just did a sarcastic scoff and said ‘thanks asshole’*

You’re my screws-loose boozer and only one star reviewser [this line on they would sing it togetherrr]

You’re a {Depending on if the OG song was saying that Husk was also a power bottom and that was his company or if he just generally had company is still unclear to me, so they could hypothetically keep that line or take a spin on it where they joke about, say, husk being a submissive top? I’m just flowing with ideas gosh} [I wouldn’t be able to make a clever rhyme for that joke except for this so why not] >>>>>>

You’re a sub top at/off the highest rooftop, but you’ve got company~* in a more flirty and teasing tone cuz husk was also teasing him a lot in loser, baby* 

I will not explain the joke but it’s pretty self explanatory [The roof is considered either the most empty or luxurious part of a building, it can also be roofs, flying, wings I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS! And off if we want be a lil… dark if we ain’t referring to flying 🤨] 

|Anyways I ain’t no professional songwriter in any way that’s just a little personal dumb line|

And then it would end! Like I said not in a kiss like the more than anything reprise cuz I don’t really want another chaggie parallel? (Not saying the chaggie and huskerdust parallels are bad it’s just parallels between the f/f couple and m/m couple when they’re both very different I don’t want to be many) - 

I think it would be a hug or a soft snuggle or something more simple get intimate like that : P since Angel needs sweet stuff not more ‘sexual’ :/ advancements.

Or this whole thing is pointless cuz the point of the song was Husk telling Angel once and for all that he’s not alone and they wouldn’t need to bring it up again? But we already got the instrumental so there’s slight hope…

Anyways, if we were to get a loser baby reprise that is just my personal idea of what I think would happen! Obviously the second season is already written but if something even remotely similar happens to this I will be happy. Hell maybe I was right on point but it’s highly unlikely haha

Toodles~ |I didn’t write this at 2 am instead of sleeping on a school night cuz I had 2 assignments due whatttt|

Long af rant about Velvette's old design and character as I share my art of her :D

Pilot Velvette/ Og Velvette gives extreme babydoll harley quinn vibes, which is a stark contrast from how she ended up being in the show. I like to imagine that something extreme happened to her, like a horrible breakup or betrayal, and she went all crazy. This is the version of her we see in the pilot. The Voxtagram stories seemed to lean into this, depicting her as more immature, bratty, and murderous. She also depended more on Vox and Val like she saw them more as father figures than co-workers. (Just a thought.) However, as she adapted more to the landscape of hell she became the Velvette in the show; A fashion icon girlboss who is much more independent and while not serious, much more mature than her pilot counterpart, and even the other Vees. They ditched her psycho vibe to replace it with something that made more sense to her character.

Something that I personally wonder is: Why was Velvette like this in the beginning if she was meant to focus on fashion? A puffy Lolita dress goes against the Vees whole idea of being up to date, so what was the original vision for her? People have complained about Velvette already having too much going on for her, being both the overlord of fashion, master of social media, backbone of the vees, selling a love potion, etc. If those ideas were already there, did they just think a crazy serial killer girl would be even more extra clutter to her personality? 

A concept many fans I've talked with is if the Vees personalities in the pilot stayed. Val would be pretty much the same, but the other two were almost different characters. In the Voxtagram stories, Vox let Val beat him around, had a goofy pet, and seemed to care less about his public image to remain more villainous. Velvette I already discussed was extremely different, the only thing connecting her to our Velvette is her connection with the Vees and fashion.  In this universe, would Velvette see Vox and Val as toxic dads who kept breaking up and getting back together again, instead of seeing them as equals and KEEPING THEM TOGETHER? it's a wild shift. 

Essentially, Pilot Velvette acted more like a bratty little girl, while her show version acts more like a annoyed but controlling teen. We see her pilot look as her profile picture, so this 'phase' of hers is still canon. I know she already died as an adult, which is why I'm so curious as to why she originally acted this way. Did Viv think she would be a better contrast to Vox and Val like this? To be fair, a spoiled brat AND annoyed girlboss are both contrasts of their personalities, just two different approaches. Was their originally going to be a backstory for her as to why she was this way? or was she just crazy to BE manipulative? or you know, just liked murder while looking cute like Niffty. speaking of Niffty…

I think Niffty is the most likely reason why they changed Velvette's design and personality. we already have a little crazy girl who admires 2 men she sees as older figures and enjoys murder for mysterious reasons. It mightv'e seemed a little counter-intuitive if there was 2 versions of the same character stereotype. Another reason they could've changed her is that she stands out more. If we're supposed to take Velvette as an overlord seriously, how are we supposed to do that when she leans back on the other two guys and looks like she's from a horror movie? Sure, I'm positive pilot Velvette could've been intimidating at times when she got legitimately frightening. however, this didn't seem like her vibe 95% of the time. It might've made her blend more into the background of the Vees than she practically already does. (Which is just a problem for female Vivzie characters but that's a whole separate rant.)

A headcanon of mine is that this was just her psycho little girl brat phase, and she is hella embarrassed over it. like a teen being embarrassed over their phases of when they were a kid. and Vox and Val would constantly piss her off by reminding her of it. That could lead to some fun banter in the future I would love to see as a reference to the pilot. 

Anyways, sorry for the literal Essay I wrote here again, just a ton of over-analyzing which I'm best at. Personally, I do vibe with Velvette's new design and character for the show, I just cant help but think of why she used to be so different and arguably had the BIGGEST character shift from pilot to show In Hazbin Hotel.