HE SO WOULD

HE SO WOULD 😭😭

The Brothers as customers in a grocery store

Just spent eight hours in a grocery store, so here’s the brothers as customers I’ve encountered during my past two years as a cashier! >:D

Lucifer

This man buys an insane amount of groceries and he comes in every day/every other day.

You will be scanning his items for like ten minutes.

He knows all of the cashiers and they all know him as well. He has a favourite and will specifically go to that person if they’re working.

He’s very polite, but also kind of impatient. He’ll say “Can I get the receipt?” before you can ask him.

He also won’t say anything if you make a mistake or something goes wrong, but he will be tapping his fingers against the counter the entire time he has to wait.

Pays with the physical card each and every time this man does not do cash or Apple Pay.

Mammon

He knows all of the discounts and if an item gets scanned to the wrong price he will ask you to correct it, even if it’s like two dollars.

He’ll also joke if he can get an extra discount and make it awkward because you both know you can’t give him one. >:((

“Oh, I spent that much? Haha, inflation is really hittin’ hard these days, huh?”

“Ya sure I can’t get a discount or somethin?”

Always says yes to the receipt and stands really close while checking if it’s correct.

If your store has an app or something he has it and he knows all the secret discounts.

Leviathan

He’s in n’ out in five minutes

Only ever buys the necessities, so he doesn’t have to be in the store for too long.

He wears headphones and doesn’t reply when you say hello. Also doesn’t make eye contact with you the entire time.

Doesn’t bother to bag his groceries, he just grabs them all and runs out of the store before you can even ask if he’d like the receipt.

Satan

Satan’s a pretty normal customer I’d say

The only thing weird is that he buys, like, a lot of cat food.

You and your coworkers refer to him as “the cat guy”.

You’ll often try to guess what he needs all of that cat food for.

Is he a cat sitter? Does he have 12 cats? Does he feed the strays? Does he eat it himself?

On second thought he’s not that normal, but he’s always very polite.

Asmodeus

I imagine he buys the most fruity ass liquor ever.

It’ll be called “tutti frutti sugar shock” and it’ll be like 40% alcohol.

He jokes about having to show ID.

On the other hand, if you ask him for ID before he can make a joke, he’ll be very flattered.

He'll put his hair behind his ear and start flirting with you. (Because he 100% thinks that you asking for ID means that you are initiating the flirt.)

He once bought a banana, a pack of condoms and a pack of butter just to see the cashiers reaction.

When the cashier didn't react he got very disappointed and didn't come back for 2 weeks.

Beelzebub

Beel's the perfect fucking customer and you cannot change my mind.

He's always super polite and nice.

He buys obscene amounts of protein powder, protein drinks, protein bars etc.

You seriously wonder why he's buying a new tub of protein powder once a week. How much does he drink a day? Does he mix it 50/50 and eat it like pudding?

He'll also make you scan an open chip bag because he got hungry while shopping and needed a snack.

If something goes wrong or you make a mistake, he'll be super nice about it.

"Don't worry about me," "Take your time," "I'm not in a hurry," etc. etc.

He will be munching on those chips the whole time he's waiting, though.

He'll even put other customers in their place if he sees someone berating a worker. (Big twin-brother instinct)

Belphegor

Will buy like thirty energy drinks at the same time if they're on sale

Slow as fuck when bagging groceries, he does not care.

He always asks workers where stuff is because he cannot be bothered to go look for it.

He’s so painfully me 😭😭

BITCHLESS LOSERS UNITE 🗣️🔊‼️‼️

Please.. I beg of thou..

Can we please get more of Levi being an absolute loser we beg-eth of thou 😔💕

Lazy silly guys for u

Belphegor Headcanons (Pathetic lil shit)

Loves sleeping in the pitch black, frequently argues with Beel about his nightlight (and yes, Beel sleeps with my nightlight in my world)

Despite sleeping all the time, he still has heavy and dark eyebags

He drags his pillow around with him everywhere he goes, he’s rarely seen without it when he’s at home

Painfully scared of fireworks, he’ll act all tough as if he’s not scared, but you’ll always catch him flinching everytime one of them goes off

Can see, control, and enter people’s dreams and he’s an ABSOLUTE JACKASS with it, he won’t hesitate to give you nightmares or literal fever dreams if you piss him off in the slightest

Though he has the power to manipulate people’s dreams, this power is limited based on how strong the victims mental state is (Cries every night because Lucifer’s mental barrier is too strong)

You’ll never see him without an absurd amount of smudged eyeliner on, along with his layered studded belts + Pant chain combo

HORRIBLE POSTURE, him and Levi slouch like two old geezers to the point where they have to constantly be reminded by Lucifer to fix themselves

Sleeps so much that he rarely eats, you can see his ribs a bit when he stands up straight

And on the topic of eating, he lives off of those microwavable Kraft mac and cheese cups and Ultra Violet Monster

!Other headcanons under the cut!

Lucifer’s Ver

Mammon’s Ver

Leviathan’s Ver

Satan’s Ver

Asmodeus’ Ver

Beelzebub’s Ver

Belphegor’s Ver ~ You are here

They just know him too well XD

Idk whether I wanna be doing this to Levi or Beel ( Mammon is also on the possible roster )

Either way I WILL be enforcing submissive behavior on each and every one of those mfs…