This Is So Beautiful

this is so beautiful

Milky way over the highlands.

Nara natural grassland, Japan.

When you make brownies, you make one big brownie and cut it into little brownies.

when i got home after the new years celebrations last night, i took off my boots and found this pin stuck in the bottom of one of them,, a good sign for the new year perhaps ? :-) 

IM OK WITH BEING THE VILLAIN!!!

One of the things that life seems to keep me on my toes about is that not all people are going to like you. Thats kind of obvious at this point. But! What is not obvious is that people wont like you just for the sake of not liking you!

I have come to the understanding that, people have this notion, I have probably said it before in another post that. People really do think that the world is supposed to operate the way they perceive it to be. That the world is a one size fits all case. Which, we should know by now that it is not!

I bring all of this up because my sister recently had a conversation about me with some other family members. In a vague dismissive kind of way but in a way! I have a very short fuse when it comes to people I trust and I fuck with. These family members and I have burned bridges, each of us on our own side with one another. And well! It is what it is.

ON November 14th I had found out that my great aunt had passed way! She and I had a very good understanding about one another. Or! At least this is what I think. She was born in the 60's and grew up in the 70's and raised children in the 80's and late 90's. Which this means she had seen the epidemics that effect Harlem and other places in America. Although she is my great aunt I knew her as my aunt. The ranking system in my family is a little messed up. I'll probably discuss that in another post.

Knowing who my aunt is, it greatly saddens me that she's no longer here with us. As a spiritualist, I don’t grieve for her in ways that other people do. I grieve because I know she must have been lost and sad and scared in her transition over. Well, it was more of a…….I know she has rather than a must have. Earlier that day I decided to paint a picture of a bear. On my down time I like to practice my watercolor painting.

I was scrolling though the gram and I happen to see an oil painting that I really like and though that I could do it in watercolor. try my skills out. Sharpen them.

Once I was able to go my little room and started sketching the bear. I felt this magnetic pull. I just assumed that it was me bing hyper focused. Or! That I was inspired by (Keisha) the stray abrasive cat that meows so loudly outside the defact. But as I sketched, the magnetism grew stronger and stronger and I would see is my aunt in my head. I thought that she may have been talking that stuff about me.

The falling out that I have with my great aunt goes way back to when I was homeless. Which I do think is very petty. I was house hopping at the time and had very little to myself. I was depressed and defensive and trusted no one and took whatever help I could at the time.

I felt abandoned and very unloved. which is why I love my spirits and the Orisha. These two power house has had my back so much and has gotten me through so many dark times in my life that I'm just like. I love you more than the members who are alive. Having this deep spiritual bond and connection. Means that for my safety, things are known about people. Information becomes extremely clear. So that no matter what I was never caught off guard by anyone. I'm not blaming anyone or anything. I'm mearly stating facts about my spiritual experience.

As I started the actual painting. I looked over and decided to use my gouache paint over my watercolor paints. The good stuff. So I started to paint and I just began to make it more and more detailed. Moments after, I get a call from my sister stating that I was right! That my aunt had died. (I had told my sister that I sensed DEATH and that I had thought it was my great Aunt)

I knew my aunt like to dabble in things that were no good for her. I also knew that she was a women who needed help, therapy and concealing. Don’t get me wrong, She was not one of those people who you could not have around you. She was. She was very much so the life of the party. She would make you laugh and had a way of bringing you in to her energy. It was sad to know that this light of hers had been put out. And the fact that It was done by her own hand bothers me.

“There is nothing which remains difficult if it is practised. So, through practice with minor discomforts, even major discomfort becomes bearable.”

— Śāntideva, Bodhicaryāvatāra, Crosby & Skilton tr. (6:14)

I love this.

A yellow kind of day, no thanks to the wildfires.