I Have Learned That Silence Is The Only Way I'm Ever Heard. When I'm Voicing My Pain, I'm Just Looked

I have learned that silence is the only way I'm ever heard. When I'm voicing my pain, I'm just looked at as an attention seeker and an annoyance. When I stay silent, people actually begin to worry and listen.

I think I’ve given up on age 29 being good to me or good for me. I’m stuck in a perpetual cycle of deep, debilitating depression, and only relieved in short bursts of mild mellowing.

I’m hoping (somehow even down in this pit I’m still finding a bit of possibly irrational hope) that a few more months of mourning my relationship (and my entire idea of my future) will help me recover enough to put myself back out into the world.

I guess I’m gonna hold onto the hope that time will heal me, and that TMS treatments could help me out of my hard-to-medicate depression. It’s definitely a relief to know I haven’t exhausted all my options yet.

Gonna try to manifest 30 being an age of thriving and glowing.

i don't pay attention to the world ending. it has ended for me many times and began again in the morning.

― Nayyirah Waheed, Salt

I’m scared because I can’t touch time. It’s going fast, too fast, then slow, too slow. I can’t remember much that has happened, but I remember the sadness it makes me feel. that feeling never goes away, even though time does. my life is a clock and I just watch the hands slowly turn. It feels like a trap, and I’m scared of how long I’ve been stuck for.

it’s funny how some people want to have specific mental disorders/ personality disorders/ disabilities/ etc until they find out about the parts of them that they can’t romanticize and then it’s “that’s so fucking insane, how could they. you have to be actually crazy” like no this is us and who we are. you wanted to be us so bad until it wasn’t convenient for you anymore.

TIPP

Use this skill when you are overwhelmed by intense emotions or are feeling the urge to self-injure.

*If you’re in crisis and are having suicidal thoughts please call a Crisis Hotline! (Call 988 in the US)

T - Temperature: To relax fast or distract your mind with sensation, hold an ice pack to your cheeks or eyes or dunk your face in a bowl of ice water for at least 30 seconds to activate your Diver Reflex*.

*If you have high blood pressure, talk to your doctor before trying.

I - Intense Exercise: Doing a few minutes of vigorous exercise will release Endorphins. Try a few minutes of Jumping Jacks or running in place (or around the block). Play your favorite fast paced song and dance it out.

P - Paced Breathing: Breathe deeply into your belly, expanding your lungs as much as you can. Pace your inhales and exhales to 5-6 per minute. Then make your exhales longer than your inhales (5 seconds in, 7 seconds out).

*Try a 60 bpm Metronome track from your music streaming app or YouTube for pacing.

P - Paired Muscle Relaxation: Breathing deeply, tense your muscles (not so much that you cramp up) section by section, move your focus from your feet up your body. Tense up with every inhale, relaxing and melting with every exhale.

*More DBT guides here*