Eucalyptgem - Eucalyptgem

scenes from ireland

lying in the middle of the road

five friends side by side

the stellar emu spread out above our heads.

this mountain is one of the few places left we can see it -

we drove 8 hours just for this.

we debate crushes

and aliens

and marks for the mid-sem

and whether the new taylor swift album will be good

and at some point someone pipes up into the conversation,

declaring

“there’s no fucking way humanity will last another 100 years!”

we all laugh in unison,

the first agreement of the night.

the ensuing silence

less the settling of a gentle orbit

and more the runaway spiral into a black hole,

the words circling closer

constricting

as we feel the rotation of the earth below.

in the dark

someone quietly passes me some skittles;

someone gently squeezes my hand.

what is there to debate?

many studies recently have found

young people experience anxiety

related to climate change

related to war

related to those goddamn phones

that are showing us the truth,

more horrors seen by an individual than ever before.

did they really need studies to know that we’re terrified?

just ask us.

i wish i could say that it comforts me to know

those stars we were looking at

will probably stay shining long after

all of this is gone

but all i can muster is the constant buzz of melancholy

shimmering under my skin like the sky above

with all its loneliness

and it’s immortality

and our fleetingness

and my helplessness

is this what you always want me for?

the last time i woke up in tears

was a dream that i’d had where you were no longer here

and your spot is empty

and i’m struck with the fear of always sitting alone in the back seat

it’s a grief that i’ve never known -

i’ve never lost someone so close,

but as dream and reality superimpose

i remember an alternate life spent alone.

my first memory is the day you were born:

the waratah jersey and the pigtails id worn

but mostly your face-

and now the nausea hits

i know your absence doesn’t really exist but will eventually

in big ways, for sure,

but also in ways just as small

as a concert without you or that gap on the wall where your height should be marked

(above me, because of course you became tall)

and eventually one of us will be the first to go

but before that day i’ll make sure you know that i love you

i love you

i love you

even when you steal my blurryface vinyl

and also my jewellery

MR. SELF DESTRUCT (2022) | Felix Clayton