Coming Out Of Adhd Paralysis Feeling Like Your Brains On Fire Like Youve Just Gotten The Worst Mental

coming out of adhd paralysis feeling like your brains on fire like youve just gotten the worst mental vertigo of all time like youre a cartoon character looking down and falling straight downwards bc youve suddenly realised youve run straight off a cliff. gotta be one of my least favourite vibes ever

the love story being so central to our flag means death really is mindblowing. i haven’t stopped thinking about it for months. it is, to its core, a romance. that was the point. the queer romance wasn’t written in in the second or third season because the fandom picked up on the homoeroticism and made a ship popular. it wasn’t added in because the fans demanded it or because the actors pushed for it later on it wasn’t forced into slowburn by a network it was there the whole time.

when stede showed ed his secret closet that was on purpose an allegory, when they shared the marmalade bread that was romantic intentionally, when they rowed away from the burning party boat and ed was looking at stede that was him FALLING IN LOVE . that’s how it was WRITTEN. ed really actually leaned in and almost kissed stede in the moonlight scene. and then. they actually kissed! like i know this is months old news now but i can’t get over how fucking different this feels to other queer romances i’ve seen. it is the core and central plot of the show and it’s beautiful. it’s funny it’s cute it’s heartwarming it’s GOOD. they did it.

Rewatching OFMD (as one does, obviously) and I realized why Ed identifies so quickly with Frenchie, and it's not just at the party.

At the very beginning of the episode when he's hanging out with Stede, after trying to feel fancy and feeling like he'll never really get to (ie, why he was remembering his mother telling him that fine things just aren't for people like them), Frenchie walks in.

And when Frenchie walks in, he's wearing one of the fancy Frenchmen's suits, and he says," What do you think? A couple of the suits from the fancy ship didn’t have blood on them and weren’t burned up, so I nabbed ‘em."

He saw a black man walk in, and just decide to put on finery. He didn't listen to the people who would've told him that he didn't get to have it, he didn't listen to the people who would've told him that stealing posh clothes was a waste. He instead saw Frenchie step into the room, doing what he wanted and taking some finery for himself, and ask the two of them what they thought of his outfit like it was just the most casual thing. Even though he wasn't even apart of Stede's aristocratic lessons, he just chose to without fear of judgement.

Then he continues," And I found this. It’s an invitation to some kind of fancy party for hoity-toity people."

He's asking them if they want to do anything with this knowledge.

If they wanted to attend, for no reason really.

Ed got to see, for the first time in his whole life, someone like him give themselves a taste of the fine life, just because they wanted to try it, for a bit of fun. And he offered a ticket for Ed to try a bit of it himself, without any care to the whole world that told him that he didn't deserve it.

And then afterwards, Frenchie was there for him when he ran out of the dinner party, asking if he was okay, understanding the sort of thing he was feeling in a different way than Stede could, and in that finale playing a song with him so he can let his feelings out.

All that was important, too. But I think it was that first second, when he walked in the door clothed in fine fabrics with a smile on his face, that Ed really identified and attached to Frenchie.

More OFMD

wwdits make me go like this

i hate this fufkcing show

What’s writing, you know? What does writing actually mean?

i am FULLY convinced we’re going to get ed and frenchie being at the very least Tentative friends next season. because frenchie was one of the first of the crew to clock that “blackbeard” was just a front— watch his face when ed walks on deck wearing stede’s clothes, and as ed commands them without threatening anything to clap and line up to greet stede. he goes from nervously and politely asking blackbeard if he’s going to kill them all to “what the hell did they do to you, man?” in only a little more than an episode. aside from stede, frenchie’s kind of the first of their crew to treat ed like a person, to treat ed like he treats his captain. which, as we’ve seen, is with sass and equality in a way that’s absolutely not disrespectful, even though with blackbeard’s crew it absolutely would have been. hell, he calls ed “eddie” in e10— frenchie offers the branch of friendship to ed, over and over again, and still keeps it outstretched even when ed doesn’t jump to take it.

i think that’s really the reason ed kept frenchie on his new crew, out of everyone else— buttons is a skilled navigator, wee john’s strong and can weave fishnets, roach acts as both cook and medic. the excuse ed uses is that frenchie can sew, but… so can the rest of the crew. they ALL made flags in episode 1. its a flimsy excuse, to get izzy off ed’s back. because at the end of the day, ed is so, so lonely— he hates himself for not being enough for stede, and he hates himself for what he’s turned into just to keep izzy around. those were the only two people ed could ever think of calling a friend. but frenchie treated him as an equal since almost the beginning, and yet still clearly feared blackbeard when they first met. and frenchie’s kept an olive branch extended to him, unwavering for however many months their crews were sailing together, despite ed never taking it. frenchie and his “what the hell did they do to you, man?” with genuine concern as he stands up straight and his playing the lute to ed’s breakup songs and calling ed “eddie” as he invites him back on deck to sing with the crew. frenchie’s observant as hell, confirmed verbally in e5 with his “we see everything”, and ed knows this. frenchie was a servant, and ed had an abusive dad— it’s a survival instinct, keeping quiet and just Noticing things, and they have that experience in common, though only ed knows that. i’m so incredibly convinced that ed kept him around for the hope that maybe frenchie will notice how unhappy he is. maybe frenchie will let him be ed again. maybe frenchie will see this as ed offering his own branch, and maybe ed can finally, finally have a friend.

"I'm not a good person, Stede. That's why I don't have any friends." i know it's a romance and the main plot is Ed and Stede but please please please i need Ed to have friends. To be friend with Fang and Frenchie and Wee John and Roach and Black Pete and Lucius and all of them. to share jokes and drinks and not always be in a hierarchical position as captains like we see Stede with Lucius and Olu and all. i need it, he needs it, we all need it.