Esik (rszlet)

Esik (részlet)

Esik esik -

a por nedvesen reszket életünkön -

csattog, dörög -

dörömbölnek - hallod? - a szivünkön!

Meztelenül

futni futni

tárt karral futni egy erdő felé - - -

esik esik -

kis tenyered

mért tartod ki a menykő elé? - - -

A szél hozta -

a szél

hangosan kacagó lányok

bontott hajából zudulva lebeg - - -

recsegve jajdulnak az ágon

hibás-szivű száraz levelek.

2

És szoknyád szagát is akarom tőled

s te csókolsz, ütsz és sohase vársz -

hogy tisztulhatna meg hát a szerelmem,

ha látlak, hallak, hogy szólsz és hogy állsz -

nézd, fáj a homlokom az ütközéstől

és fáj, hogy elmulik ez a fájás,

mert bomlott melled varként rátapad

s elfordult szemmel hiába tépem róla,

ne félj, nem gyógyul, csak tovább szakad - - -

s hiába bánkódsz,

az igazak lehelte felhő

nem segít a te könnyeiden -

az én szememmel kell kisírnod mindent,

hogy érted el ne pusztuljon szivem!

— József Attila

Pilinszky scored the biggest win yesterday, because while my teacher was reading “Apokrif” out loud I heard one of my classmates mutter “jesus christ” at one of the more intense lines

Having a friend with mental health issues is actually terrible, because you have a normal, everyday conversation, and then they make a self-depricating joke or a joke about suicide. And they laugh, and you should laugh too, you know about coping with humor, but you can’t because you worry too much. You know them from a long time, and you remember the highs and you remember the lows, and your stomach gets tangled into a knot. You should laugh, but it’s too late, the mood is ruined now, they stop smiling and you hate yourself for making things awkward. So force a smile, but it’s fake, and they know you too much, and you actually just made the whole situation worse, and you hate yourself. You wish you could lie better or care less or just be different but this is how you are, and you had loved ones before struggling with this shit, and you are worried, and you don’t know how to give them what they need. You don’t even know what they need, you never understood people, and you want to, but it’s like there is a glass wall separating you. And you’re scared that you’re gonna let them down, and you try harder. It’s like walking on eggshells, but you don’t actually see the eggshells and you aren’t even sure there are any eggshells at all, because you’re overthink everything and this was supposed to be a normal conversation. You can’t have a normal conversation, because you overthink. So you try to be better, and next time you laugh, but still aren’t sure, if this is what they need, and your stomach is in a knot.

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

If I had a nickel every time my native language is used in a sci-fi movie/show as an alien language, I’d have a suprising amount of nickels, and I don’t know how to feel about that

As promised, here are your internet points if you undertook the recent "list a bunch of Tolkien characters" challenge. Congratulations! 🎉🎊

I dearly wanted to properly tag everyone who reported giving the challenge a try, but (stop me if you've heard this before) I got as far as about 200 names before I had to throw in the towel. Since I don't want to leave anyone out, I'll hold off tagging anyone for now, but I hope to get back to it sometime in the future so everyone receives their proper due.