Fyi, Chapter 3 Of Knowing Is Safe Is Either Going To Be Pretty Long Or Just A Flashback And Then Another

Fyi, chapter 3 of Knowing is safe is either going to be pretty long or just a flashback and then another chapter. Because time writing the past part and it 3 pages long already.

It is posted and Ummm I'm panicing because one of my favorite redacted writers liked this post, I hope they end up liking the short fic

Please enjoy Bouquet

just wrote a Darlin/Huxley fic, it's so cute, all I need to do is edit it. it so fucking soft, and 100% for hopeless romantics

Knowing is Safe CH.2

Chapter 2

Fandom: Redacted ASMR

Couple: Geordi/Cutie

1.9 k Words

90% angst 10% comfort ( I actually did the math)

Intilizised words like this are cutie's thoughts. and the way there formated is important so pay attention ( if you have questions don't be afraid to ask)

Also, the beginning might seem a little confusing because I was trying to keep cutie gender neutral which was hard considering the subject.

For the TW I'm putting a lot of it in a category, still listed but I want it to be clear that the things aren't actually having and are just cuties paranoia and anxiety

TW/CW: Paranoia (Robbery, kidnapping, home invasion, intruder, murder, death, blood, being followed, being stalked, being attacked, abandonment)Cursing. Hinted homophobia and transphobia. slef doubt and hatred.

Let me know if I missed a trigger or if you spot any spelling mistakes.

Feedback is encouraged  

Click here if you want to see more of my work and follow me for more!!!

PAST

You looked at the page, unsure why it was so enticing. One of the people looked like you. Or what you want to look like.

Beautiful!

Handsome!

Cool!

Confident!

The other person, the same gender as the other. They were, attractive, you focused on their lips, the ones connected to who you wish to grow up to be.

I want that.

The love?

The kiss?

the body?

All of it.

You want to kiss someone.

Yes.

Anyone?

I think so…

You could experiment!

Experiment?

Kiss girls!

Kiss boys! 

Kiss people who want to kiss you!

Do people want to kiss me?

There has to be.

I can kiss anyone, of any gender?

I can kiss anyone, of any gender!

I can be anyone, of any gender.?

I can be anyone, of any gender!

If it'll make us happy!

I want to kiss-

“Pumpkin! We need to talk!”

Shit!

Was she listening?

She's always listening.

I hate her.

I love her.

She protecting us.

She's spying on us.

You make your way down the stairs, your mom has a sour look on her face.

“Pumpkin, you can't be having those thoughts. It's umm- those thoughts are not good for you.”

“Why?

“BECAUSE!”

Your father's hand lands on your mom's, calming her.

Thank you, dad.

“Because they lead to… experimenting, and we don't want you to get caught up in that kind of stuff. It’s not for you.”

PRESENT

“Everything’s normal. Human, unpowered normal. Our relationship went back in time, we both kind of ignored that I'm a telepath, that we’re just two normal people in a normal relationship. We’re happy."

No, we're not.

Yes, we are.

We have to be.

For Geordi.

It makes him happy.

So it has to make us happy.

Does it make him happy?

It has to.

“But what about those thoughts you mentioned last week? You mentioned how you don't ever feel safe. Could you elaborate on that?”

He remembered?

Of course, he remembered it was his job.

But we don't want him to.

Then lead him away.

Say it was an accident.

Say it was a lie.

Tell him the truth.

DON'T!!

Tell him you forgot your meds!

“Oh, did I say that? I actually forgot to take my anxiety medication, so we can move on from that.”

He sighed.

Why did he sigh?

He looks disappointed.

I should read his mind.

NO!

Geordi hate’s that.

Hates you.

Just focus on the session.

Wait whys is he on his phone?

He's texting someone.

Does he know?

Is he going to tell someone?

Will I be fired?

I'm gonna be fired.

That doesn't make sense.

They don't trust me.

What if they see me as a threat?

What if they lock me away?

Then Geordi wouldn't be safe.

He'll miss me.

Not if they erase his memory.

They wouldn't.

They would.

If they did it'd be good.

Good?

Geordi would finally be free.

Of you.

Of your powers.

Of the magical world.

You hear that?

What? 

You zone back into the world, hearing your work-assigned therapist clear his throat.

“ Even if that's the case your supervisors have started to take notice of how you've changed. Your paperwork is hard to understand and when speculating on a case you jump to wild conclusions that hurt the case. You're less social than before and you've become very panicked by the smallest things. You've also refused to use your powers. These actions have been recorded by D.U.M.P for the past two months. It's clear to me that your recent mood isn't the cause of missed medication but something else.”

Your breathing rises, you try to steady it, hide that what he's saying bothers you, your thoughts are so jumbled you can't make much out other than panic.

“ And from what you've told me I think the cause is the absence of using your power. Up until 2 months ago, you were in constant use of your power. And from what I understand that was the result of your mother's abuse-”

“She didn't abuse me!”

Did she?

No.

But he's the expert.

He didn't live it.

He doesn't understand.

Maybe that's good.

What?

She was protecting us.

That's what you think.

Because she taught you that.

He's right.

NO, HE'S NOT SHE LOVED ME!!

Yes, she did.

Still does.

But what she did is still wrong.

“I'm sorry for using that word. Let me restart. Your mother raised you with a toxic belief, that you could only be safe if you knew what others were thinking, she used this as an excuse to constantly be in your head, not giving you a moment of privacy. When you applied this belief to your relationship you learned how this belief hurt others, so you tried to stop, cold turkey. This has caused you to become extremely anxious and paranoid. As your therapist, I think you do need to become comfortable in your own head, comfortable not constantly reading people's minds. I would also suggest you talk with your partner, I think couples therapy would benefit your relationship. Oh, it appears that our time-”

You were out of the room before he could say goodbye. You rushed to collect your stuff. You always had therapy right after work so you could leave right after. You rush to the parking garage. 

Car? car!? where’s my car!?!

It's over there.

Where?

I don't see it.

It was stolen.

It was broken into.

No, it's there.

I see it.

 Hurry!

Wipe your tears.

Call Geordi.

No!

Wipe your tears.

Calm down!!

It's not that serious.

Wipe your tears.

You can't drive like this.

Slow your breathing.

Call Geordi.

Ask him to pick you up.

Phone, where?

Purse.

Dial his number.

No contacts are faster.

Wait!

What if the car is bugged!?

It’s not.

But it is!

All your gonna do is call Geordi.

But that's how he knows.

The therapist.

He's listening.

He's not a telepath.

Isn't he?

No, he's a stealth.

So he’s watching.

No!

He's not doing anything to you!

I can't drive.

Take a taxi.

No, I'll be kidnapped.

Train!

Ok.

Where's the train station?

Right.

Left!

I look lost.

You look like an easy target.

There! train station!

Did you lock the car?

Yes.

No!!

Someone will break in.

Steal your car.

I locked it.

No.

You should have driven home.

I can't.

I'm…

Crying.

Not trustworthy.

With? 

My self.

So? You don't matter.

SHUT UP!

People are looking.

No their not.

Read their minds!!

No.

They want to hurt us!!

No.

You missed your stop!!

When!?!

 Just now!!

No.

map! map! map!

I didn't, it’s the next one.

People hate you.

You should run away!

Just start taking random trains!!

No.

Why?

Because people care for me.

Do they?

Geordi-

He doesn't.

My coworkers-

Are just co-workers.

You don't even have friends.

It's our stop!!

Get off!!

Go left!!

Right!!

Are we lost!?!?

No!

I know this place.

Behind you!!!

What!?!?!

Were being followed!!!

Don't look!!!

Read their mind!!!

No!!

Keep walking home.

Grab your pepper spray!!!

I can't find it!!!!

Hurry they're getting closer!!!

There’s another one!!!!

In Front of you !!!!!

They're gonna attack you!!!!!

Hurry!!!!!

I got it!!!!!

Wait

Their friends.

Meeting each other.

Of course.

Stupid.

Stupid.

What a fucking selfish idiot.

Not everything is about you.

Nothing is ever about you.

Wipe your tears!

Look.

Geordi’s car.

He’s home!

Is he?

“Geordi?”

Nothing.

Silence!

He’s not here!!

But his car.

He was taken!!!

He's dead!!!!

You couldn't protect him.

You killed him.

You ruined his life.

No! He is alive!

He's alive.

You yell out for him again, your voice shaking heavily as you walk toward your bedroom door.

Open the door.

Don't!

His dead body is behind that door.

Blood everywhere.

NO!!!

He's here!

He's alive!

I know it!

How? 

I just do.

No, you don't.

You don't even know if there's an intruder in your house.

Is there an intruder?!

No.

Yes!!!!!

How else would Geordi die?

Open the door!

Wipe your tears!

You open the door, relaxing for a second when you find it empty, but then your brain starts working again.

Where is he?!?!?!

He's hurt!!

He ran away.

He was taken!!!

He left because he hates you and couldn't stand to be around a selfish idiot freak

Selfish idiot freak.

Selfish.

Idiot.

Freak.

Unlovable.

Alone.

Alone.

Don't wipe your tears.

You deserve this.

You are a monster.

Monster.

Disgusting.

You're so far in your head you're unaware that your thoughts are now words. Unaware of everything happening around you. You don't hear the door to the garage open of Geordi talking to you.

“Cutie, is that you? I heard you come in, but I didn't hear your car. I passed a farmers market on my way home earlier, I got a deal on your favorite fruit. I went to go grab it from the garage. Where are you? Oh there yo-”

Your trance loosens when you hear a wooden crate fall on the floor, wiping your head around to see your boyfriend quickly trying to get over the fallen boxes. He's rushing to you.

He's going to kill you!!!!!!!

No, he wants to help.

Why?

You ruined him!

Ruined everything!

I love him!!

He loves me!!

He's safe.

He's my safe space.

He not gonna hurt us.

He is safe.

You fall into his arms when he gets close enough, your arms wrap around his squeezing him as you cry into his chest, repeating his name.

“Cutie, cutie? What- what wrong?”

“I thought you were dead. That, someone, broke in, and killed you, and- and I couldn't- I- you were dead.”

“What, babe, what made you think that!? Were you threatened? What happened?”

Geordi tries to look for any sign you were harmed. the movement is sudden, startling you into raising your voice, trying to let out your frustration, trying to shut the voices up.

“I Don't Know! I just - they- I just- nowhere is safe- I can- it hurts! I don't want to hear it anymore- it hurt so much i- I can't stand it- i- please- please help!”

“Okay- okay cutie, why do I do, what do you need?”

“I don't- I don't know-maybe-no I can't -i - but it hurts- he hates it-but it hurts. I-can I? In your head?”

The worry that stained his face started to blend with surprise.

“Yes, yes, go ahead.”

You look into his eyes wanting so hard to just jump into his head, to leave your thoughts behind, but you can't.

Don't.

He'll hate you.

Don't!

He'll hate you!

Don't!!

He'll hate you!!

Don't!!!

He'll hate you!!!

Don't!!!!!

He'll hate you!!!!!

You start to slide down Geordi falls you down, gently holding you, not controlling you just supporting you. You cry harder.

“Ok- ok cutie, I've got you.”

“I just- I don't - I'm so lost- I can't- i- fuck!”

“Shh, it's ok, love- I'm here ok? You don't need to talk. I- you can tell me everything when you- when your calm down and you're ready.”

Geordi gently places his hands on either side of your face, lightly guiding your face to his. You can see how his eyes water and the way his lip quivers.

You did that.

You hurt him.

You try to look away but Geordi prevents that.

“Cutie, don't go there. I don't- I don't know what you thinking but- but don't. Stay here, I've got you. Okay”

You nod as tears sting your cheek hot. Geordi moves his hands, engulfing you in a hug. His arms on your back, moving up and down. You focus on it, the feeling, the sound, focus on Geordi.

He's here.

He's holding us.

He's here.

Here.

Here.

Safe.

Home.

He's home.

He loves us.

Your eyes drift closed, exhausted, you let sleep take over, finally feeling safe enough to be vulnerable.

Just started play error 143 and I LOVE IT

The voice aahahhaha

The intro is just, I was flabbergasted

The blooming panic poster in the back of micahs room

Add on: HE CALLED ME BABY BOI

Another add on: HE RICH, I HAD SUSPECTED IT BUT DAMN, HELLO SUGAR DADDY MICAH

Add on 3: OF HE DOESN'T STOP WITHTHIS BBY BOI SHITNIM GONNA LOSE MY MIND

THIS! THIS!! OMG. I love it cause it's fantastic.

As someone who has had sensory overload, this is an excellent interpretation.

AND the way Huxley, without instruction, knew what would help, knew how to calm Damien, so much that he fell asleep, HE FELL ASLEEP.

Highly recommend , Highly loved by me

You Came? You Called.

Damien has had a week and finally breaks down, Huxley is there to comfort him however. [new fic] As requested by the lovely @espressoth

Huxley took his hands out of the warm water and began drying them quickly. He was in the middle of washing the dishes when Damien called and he dropped anything to answer him. His half dry hands grabbed the phone and right before he hit the answer button, the call screen disappeared. His brow furrowed as he stared at his phone knowing it didn’t ring anywhere near long enough for it to have gone to voicemail for Damien. He hung up before Hux even had the chance to answer. Something was wrong and Huxley knew it. He knew his partner. He was quick to grab his keys and bag and he was out the door. 

Damien was in his bed, breathing heavy, temperature unbearably hot. He was overheating in every sense of the word. He watched the phone shaking in his own hands as the thoughts swarmed through his head. I shouldn’t have called him. I should just leave him alone. He doesn’t want to hear from me. He wouldn’t want to deal with this. He would help. Fuck. Why can’t it just shut up. The room was too hot, he was too hot, everything felt like it was burning up inside him. This week was too much. Everything about this week was too much. Everything from school to family had been exhausting this week and he finally snapped. He thought maybe escaping to a bathroom break during one of his classes would help cool him off but that only made the situation worse. The second he got to the bathroom he started trying to cool off, regulating his breathing, and a group of guys walked in. They were loud, too loud. And he snapped. He left the now heated room, slamming the door behind him, leaving the group to stare at the fire elemental storming out. 

He felt those stares on his back as he left, practically hearing the laughter echoing afterward. This was just the start of it. He knew he needed to get home as fast as possible before he blew up on campus. He knew what came after this. The overheating, the anger, the frustration, the meltdown. Every door he walked through was slammed behind him and he couldn’t find it in him to care right now. He needed to leave. Everything, the way his shoes squeaked on the wet sidewalk, walking past people talking, someone's laughter, sent him hurling faster and faster towards the edge. Once he reached his door he finally took a breath, shaky as it may have been. He stood there grasping at anything he could in himself to gather himself. He didn’t want to have this breakdown, not right now, not ever. It frustrated him to no end that he couldn’t get a hole of himself, he couldn’t talk himself down. All he could do was talk himself in circles and he fucking hated it. He hated that loss of control. 

It didn’t take long for him to collapse onto his bed, holding back his own tears. His hands were shaking as he picked up the phone. He knew Huxley would help. He was a calm presence and he knew that stability would help. But somehow it scared him to hit the call button. He knew he was safe with Huxley but at this point he was so in his head already. He was spiraling and he was doing it fast. He hit the button. The noise of the call connecting rang out into the room. His head was spinning with the ringing. He shouldn't have done this. He shouldn’t bother him. Fuck. fuck he shouldn’t have done this. He shouldn’t bother him with this. Fuck. He deserves better. He has enough going on. Leave him alone. He’ll leave. Fuck. He hits the end call button. He hopes Huxley is busy with something else. He turns his phone off. 

Not long after that a knock at Damien’s door pulled him out of his spiral even for a brief moment. Who the fuck could be at his door right now. Why can’t everyone just go away. Please just go away. Go away. But he made his way to the door, reluctant and irritated. Peeking outside the door he saw Huxley was standing there, breathing heavily. What the hell? He swung the door open fast, standing in front of his boyfriend. “Huxley what the hell are you doing here?” Damien stared up at him, confusion, almost anger boiling out towards him. The second it came out though he knew he shouldn’t have said it like that, the frustration with the world soaked the words and he hated that they were said to Huxley. The thoughts began echoing in the back of his mind again. “I uh, I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He looked down at his clearly overwhelmed boyfriend, worry etched across his face. He could feel the heat coming off of Damien from here. And he knew Damien didn’t mean the words he said and he wanted to tell him that, but now wasn’t the time. And Damien stared at him in silence, a trace of surprise in his eyes as they stared at each other for a moment. All until Damien looked away from him, eyes focused downwards as he spoke softly. “You came?” The crack in his voice was barely audible as he stared at Huxley’s shoes. Noticing that they were tied in a loose knot. Quietly hating the tears that were threatening to spill over again. “You called.” Huxley’s voice was steady and assuring. He knew reaching out to touch him would be anything but helpful right now, so he stayed, waiting on Damien’s reaction. And just like that Damien broke down. Those two words were enough. His shoulders began shaking, the tears rolled quickly down his cheeks. He took a step back into his apartment, allowing Huxley in with him. Huxley was quick to act, moving into the apartment with Damien, and closing the door quietly and quickly. He kept his voice low when he said “Do you want to go to the bedroom?” A simple nod was all Huxley needed to begin quickly moving with Damien to the bedroom, taking however long Damien needed to get there. Once they got there Huxley made quick work. He helped Damien get situated in bed, ensuring there weren’t too many blankets surrounding him and helping him take off the hoodie he couldn’t muster up the ability to take off sooner when he was too overwhelmed with everything already. Next he moved the bag off of his back, one Damien hadn’t even noticed at first. Huxley was careful to be quiet and gentle with it as he opened it, trying to not make too much noise, remembering how Damien had described noise as a sort of scraping feeling against his brain, only getting worse at times like this. The first thing he grabbed out of it was Damien’s noise canceling headphones. Damien hadn’t even attempted to look for them when he got home and was relieved to see Huxley had brought his extra set he left there. Another searing tear poured over the edge as he grabbed them from Huxley. Damiens hands were still shaking with frustration that he couldn’t get his tears under control, couldn’t get the swirling in his head to go away. And the second the headphones were around his head, cutting off the noises from the surrounding world, he felt a sense of peace in his head for the first time in hours. The yelling became a hum, still there but not nearly as loud as it had been. 

Once Huxley saw Damien’s mind ease a bit at the pressure now around his head, quieting the world around him, he grabbed the next thing out of the bag. He held up the water bottle to his partner and tapped lightly on the bottle in question. Damien looked at it and quickly nodded, knowing water would help the situation. Huxley gave a thumbs up in silent acknowledgement and stood from the bed and made his way quickly to the kitchen. In his moment alone, Damien used it to breathe, attempting to calm his still shaking shoulders and the quiver in his lip. You’re being ridiculous. You shouldn’t be reacting like this. You can’t be like this around him. Yes I can. You’re safe with him. He’ll take care of you. What if he leaves me because of this. His mind was still a battlefield as he tried to wrestle the bad thoughts down.

Huxley was quick to return, straw already at the ready for Damien to drink as he pleased. Damien managed to smile at the small detail and carefully took the bottle from Huxley. The drink was cold in his mouth and felt incredible against his unusually dry tongue. Hux stood for a moment watching Damien before moving towards the window in the room. Damien looked over as Huxley pointed at the blinds, another silent question. Damien nodded, appreciation now written across his face. Huxley knew Damien and Damien could see that in this moment. Huxley offered a smile to his boyfriend and began slowly pulling the shade, carefully closing the room into darkness. Huxley then moved towards the bed, and tapped his hand three times. Their nonverbal sign question of “touch?” It was moments like these that Damien was unbearably happy to have set those signals up together in the first place. But he stared at Hux for a moment, contemplating. 

Finally managing to move his hands to fan himself and point at Huxley, another signal. Their signal that Damien knew he was hot and didn’t want to hurt Huxley. But again, with a small smile this time, Huxley tapped his own hand three times. With that the tears threatened Damien’s eyes again as he nodded. So Huxley crawled into bed next to Damien, allowing Damien to lay his head on his chest. Careful to not touch areas Huxley knew overstimulated Damien, he laid his arm around his partner. And for the first time in what felt like ages, Damien took in a deep breath. He stared up at the ceiling from his point of view on his back, head on Huxley’s chest. Completely enveloped in quiet with his headphones on as he closed his eyes.

Damien woke to Huxley’s fingers combing through his hair slowly and carefully. The headphones had come off some time ago during his nap, but he didn’t wake for that. He woke to the calming sensation of his boyfriend's fingers wrapping around his hair. A slow and calculated pattern as he wove through his hair. Safe. He opened his eyes and moved his head to look at Huxley to see a slight smile on his partner's face, a look of contentment. He smiled back at him, not caring about anything else in the world at that moment. All that mattered right here, right now was each other. A few moments into the moment of contentment was when Damien noticed how quiet his mind had finally gotten. He still didn’t feel quite ready to try speaking, he knew how delicate this stage was. Huxley did too, so his steady pace in Damien’s hair slowed to a stop as he moved one of his fingers to his mouth and tapped twice. The signal asking if he could speak or if that would be too much for Damien right now. Damien responded with a nod. 

“Is there anything I can do for you right now baby?” His tone was hushed as he looked at his boyfriend. Damien watched him for a moment, thinking over the options in his head. Eventually leaning his head back down on Huxley’s chest, and tapped the top of his head. Huxley smiled at the small gesture and put his fingers back in Damien’s hair, slowly returning back to his previous pattern. Damien let out a sigh of relief again, focusing on the hand in his hair. Safe. He knew he was safe in this moment, here with Huxley. Those feelings from before, his worry and fear that Huxley would leave him over this vanished with every comb through his hair. He was safe. Huxley wasn’t going anywhere and the rest of the world could wait. 

For right now, he was safe and he was loved. And that’s all he needed right now.

Part 2 will be out tomorrow, and there will be more than 2 parts.

Im writing the second part of "knowing is safe" and it's mostly cutie being paranoid and gosh is it hurting my brain writing it.