Knowing Is Safe - Tumblr Posts

Knowing is Safe

984 words

Fandom: Redacted asmr

Couple: Geordi/Cutie

Takes place during the newest Geordi audio(Your boyfriend asks for your trust) So spoilers for that video. It is what I imagine Cutie says and thinks. I plan on doing another part. All of Geordi's lines arent mine I just typed out what was said in the audio.

Words indented like this are Cuties thoughts

Trigger warning: Unhealthy parenting, Implied eating problems, argument, non-consensual mind reading.

Let me know if I missed a trigger.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

Click here if you want to see more of my work and follow me for more!

Past

“Repeat after mom, Knowing keeps us safe.”

“Knowing keeps us safe.”

“Good. I know I've given you this talk before, but you still haven't learned. We were given this ability, to protect ourselves, and the ones we love. Others believe we just listen in, that our ability is simple. It's not, we are inspectors, we tune into a brain, and we will know all we need, including who wants to hurt us.”

This is stupid, it's just re-

“No”

You looked up at your mom, confused.

“You said you 'd stop reading my mind without asking.”

“I know but as I said, telepathic powers are to protect us. As your mom, I need to be in your mind, as much as possible, to protect you. whether you want me in there or not. Do you understand sweetie?”

You nod, whispering yes in your head. Your mother preferred thoughts over words, she says that they're pure.

Present

“You didn't always have powers, you lived your whole childhood without them, without hearing anyone's thoughts. You were raised in a house where people had magic and you didn't, not at first, not until you were old enough. Didn't that ever make you feel vulnerable, different?”

“All the time, I never had a moment to myself, she was always in my head. But it was a good thing, she always knew when I needed help, and I never had to tell her anything. It was a good thing, that's what she taught me, she protected me, and that's what I want to do for you. I just want to always know you're ok and safe. I don't want to talk about this anymore, I can't.”

“Okay.”

 The oven goes off, and before you can ask Geordi, refuses the food.

“I think I'm going to sleep.”

Your mouth opens but shuts when Geordi specks.

“ Because I'm tired and you don't seem to have much to say anyway, so maybe sleep will  help clear my head a bit”

“Ok, ill- ill sleep on the couch toni-”

"No, I don't want to sleep separately tonight I'm upset but that doesn't mean I want you gone, it's our bedroom, it's our bed, both of us just because, just because I'm hurt doesn't change that. Good night."

And he's gone, leaving you alone, with your thoughts, something you've never been used to. You look down at the dinner he made, letting your thoughts take over.

I can't eat.

but he made it for you.

That was before you hurt him.

But he still loves you.

But he didn't say it.

But he does.

How do you know?

He still wants them.

To use them.

No, he loves them.

Or he's just not cruel enough to kick you out this late.

He loves them.

No h-

Stop, theyre not breathing.

Shit!

breath.

Breath.

Breath.

Good, keep breathing.

Eat, you forgot to pack lunch.

No cant, not hungry.

That's a lie.

Don't want to, not worth it.

Then go to bed.

What bed?

Your bed.

Yours and Geordi's bed.

Not ours anymore.

He said-

Shut up, why am I such a mess, my thoughts aren't like this, there organized.

You love him.

That's not an answer.

Your worried.

Worried, of course I'm worried, I'm always worried about him. He doesn't let me in, and I can't keep him safe from outside.

He doesn't need your protection.

He doesn't need you.

Your worried about losing him.

I'm always afraid of that, nothing in the world is trustworthy.

You worried he'll leave.

You shake your head and decide you need rest. You walk to the couch when you remember that he wants you in his room.

It's your room to.

You hesitantly walk to your bedroom, then back to the kitchen, then back again. You repeat to yourself to breathe as you open the door, you take a deep breath, letting the comforting scent of your partner calm you. 

"Geordi? Are you asl-"

"No, I'm not asleep yet."

You take a few steps, towards the bed, looking at Geordi’s back, so stiff, so uncomfortable, you want him to relax, be happy.

Maybe massage would help.

You think he wants you touching him?

What about snuggling?

Even worse, you'd smother him.

You already do.

I didn't mean to. 

Doesn't matter, he hates you.

He doesn't hate you, he loves you.

How would you know?

Say it, if he says it back-

Then he's just being nice.

no - he's not like that, he tells the truth.

He didn't at the pool party.

You didn't give him the chance.

Shut up. Just say it.

"Geordi? I um I love..."

Come on finish the sentence.

What do you love? Breaking his boundaries?

No.

Then why do you do it.

"I love you to"

See they love you

He's lying.

No, he not.

Check then.

No don't, that'll make things worse.

Only because you'll know the truth, that he doesn't love you and he's disgusted by you.

You enter Geordi’s thoughts, just to get away from your own, but you regret it. He's fighting with himself. Your heart breaks more, he doesn't know if he loves you, and worst you know he has every right to question his love. Even when you leave his thoughts, your thoughts repeat as your back is facing him, but not touching.

“Maybe trying isn't enough”

It isn't.

Then just stop.

Stop trying?

No.

Yes.

Just stop trying and start succeeding.

What?

Don't enter his mind, ever

ever?

Ever. not even if he says it's okay.

But what about his safety?

He’ll still be safe.

But why?

To make him happy.

 But I'll be miserable.

And paranoid.

But he’ll be happy.

He's been hinting at this.

When?

He said you're too used to being in people's minds, so stop.

But that's my job.

Then stop doing it outside your job.

You need the break anyways.

You'll have more energy for work.

There are no cons.

 Okay.

Then it's settled, this power is only for work.

Im writing the second part of "knowing is safe" and it's mostly cutie being paranoid and gosh is it hurting my brain writing it.

Part 2 will be out tomorrow, and there will be more than 2 parts.

Im writing the second part of "knowing is safe" and it's mostly cutie being paranoid and gosh is it hurting my brain writing it.

Part 2 will be out tomorrow, and there will be more than 2 parts.

Knowing is Safe

984 words

Fandom: Redacted asmr

Couple: Geordi/Cutie

Takes place during the newest Geordi audio(Your boyfriend asks for your trust) So spoilers for that video. It is what I imagine Cutie says and thinks. I plan on doing another part. All of Geordi's lines arent mine I just typed out what was said in the audio.

Words indented like this are Cuties thoughts

Trigger warning: Unhealthy parenting, Implied eating problems, argument, non-consensual mind reading.

Let me know if I missed a trigger.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

Click here if you want to see more of my work and follow me for more!

Past

“Repeat after mom, Knowing keeps us safe.”

“Knowing keeps us safe.”

“Good. I know I've given you this talk before, but you still haven't learned. We were given this ability, to protect ourselves, and the ones we love. Others believe we just listen in, that our ability is simple. It's not, we are inspectors, we tune into a brain, and we will know all we need, including who wants to hurt us.”

This is stupid, it's just re-

“No”

You looked up at your mom, confused.

“You said you 'd stop reading my mind without asking.”

“I know but as I said, telepathic powers are to protect us. As your mom, I need to be in your mind, as much as possible, to protect you. whether you want me in there or not. Do you understand sweetie?”

You nod, whispering yes in your head. Your mother preferred thoughts over words, she says that they're pure.

Present

“You didn't always have powers, you lived your whole childhood without them, without hearing anyone's thoughts. You were raised in a house where people had magic and you didn't, not at first, not until you were old enough. Didn't that ever make you feel vulnerable, different?”

“All the time, I never had a moment to myself, she was always in my head. But it was a good thing, she always knew when I needed help, and I never had to tell her anything. It was a good thing, that's what she taught me, she protected me, and that's what I want to do for you. I just want to always know you're ok and safe. I don't want to talk about this anymore, I can't.”

“Okay.”

 The oven goes off, and before you can ask Geordi, refuses the food.

“I think I'm going to sleep.”

Your mouth opens but shuts when Geordi specks.

“ Because I'm tired and you don't seem to have much to say anyway, so maybe sleep will  help clear my head a bit”

“Ok, ill- ill sleep on the couch toni-”

"No, I don't want to sleep separately tonight I'm upset but that doesn't mean I want you gone, it's our bedroom, it's our bed, both of us just because, just because I'm hurt doesn't change that. Good night."

And he's gone, leaving you alone, with your thoughts, something you've never been used to. You look down at the dinner he made, letting your thoughts take over.

I can't eat.

but he made it for you.

That was before you hurt him.

But he still loves you.

But he didn't say it.

But he does.

How do you know?

He still wants them.

To use them.

No, he loves them.

Or he's just not cruel enough to kick you out this late.

He loves them.

No h-

Stop, theyre not breathing.

Shit!

breath.

Breath.

Breath.

Good, keep breathing.

Eat, you forgot to pack lunch.

No cant, not hungry.

That's a lie.

Don't want to, not worth it.

Then go to bed.

What bed?

Your bed.

Yours and Geordi's bed.

Not ours anymore.

He said-

Shut up, why am I such a mess, my thoughts aren't like this, there organized.

You love him.

That's not an answer.

Your worried.

Worried, of course I'm worried, I'm always worried about him. He doesn't let me in, and I can't keep him safe from outside.

He doesn't need your protection.

He doesn't need you.

Your worried about losing him.

I'm always afraid of that, nothing in the world is trustworthy.

You worried he'll leave.

You shake your head and decide you need rest. You walk to the couch when you remember that he wants you in his room.

It's your room to.

You hesitantly walk to your bedroom, then back to the kitchen, then back again. You repeat to yourself to breathe as you open the door, you take a deep breath, letting the comforting scent of your partner calm you. 

"Geordi? Are you asl-"

"No, I'm not asleep yet."

You take a few steps, towards the bed, looking at Geordi’s back, so stiff, so uncomfortable, you want him to relax, be happy.

Maybe massage would help.

You think he wants you touching him?

What about snuggling?

Even worse, you'd smother him.

You already do.

I didn't mean to. 

Doesn't matter, he hates you.

He doesn't hate you, he loves you.

How would you know?

Say it, if he says it back-

Then he's just being nice.

no - he's not like that, he tells the truth.

He didn't at the pool party.

You didn't give him the chance.

Shut up. Just say it.

"Geordi? I um I love..."

Come on finish the sentence.

What do you love? Breaking his boundaries?

No.

Then why do you do it.

"I love you to"

See they love you

He's lying.

No, he not.

Check then.

No don't, that'll make things worse.

Only because you'll know the truth, that he doesn't love you and he's disgusted by you.

You enter Geordi’s thoughts, just to get away from your own, but you regret it. He's fighting with himself. Your heart breaks more, he doesn't know if he loves you, and worst you know he has every right to question his love. Even when you leave his thoughts, your thoughts repeat as your back is facing him, but not touching.

“Maybe trying isn't enough”

It isn't.

Then just stop.

Stop trying?

No.

Yes.

Just stop trying and start succeeding.

What?

Don't enter his mind, ever

ever?

Ever. not even if he says it's okay.

But what about his safety?

He’ll still be safe.

But why?

To make him happy.

 But I'll be miserable.

And paranoid.

But he’ll be happy.

He's been hinting at this.

When?

He said you're too used to being in people's minds, so stop.

But that's my job.

Then stop doing it outside your job.

You need the break anyways.

You'll have more energy for work.

There are no cons.

 Okay.

Then it's settled, this power is only for work.

Knowing is Safe CH.2

Chapter 2

Fandom: Redacted ASMR

Couple: Geordi/Cutie

1.9 k Words

90% angst 10% comfort ( I actually did the math)

Intilizised words like this are cutie's thoughts. and the way there formated is important so pay attention ( if you have questions don't be afraid to ask)

Also, the beginning might seem a little confusing because I was trying to keep cutie gender neutral which was hard considering the subject.

For the TW I'm putting a lot of it in a category, still listed but I want it to be clear that the things aren't actually having and are just cuties paranoia and anxiety

TW/CW: Paranoia (Robbery, kidnapping, home invasion, intruder, murder, death, blood, being followed, being stalked, being attacked, abandonment)Cursing. Hinted homophobia and transphobia. slef doubt and hatred.

Let me know if I missed a trigger or if you spot any spelling mistakes.

Feedback is encouraged  

Click here if you want to see more of my work and follow me for more!!!

PAST

You looked at the page, unsure why it was so enticing. One of the people looked like you. Or what you want to look like.

Beautiful!

Handsome!

Cool!

Confident!

The other person, the same gender as the other. They were, attractive, you focused on their lips, the ones connected to who you wish to grow up to be.

I want that.

The love?

The kiss?

the body?

All of it.

You want to kiss someone.

Yes.

Anyone?

I think so…

You could experiment!

Experiment?

Kiss girls!

Kiss boys! 

Kiss people who want to kiss you!

Do people want to kiss me?

There has to be.

I can kiss anyone, of any gender?

I can kiss anyone, of any gender!

I can be anyone, of any gender.?

I can be anyone, of any gender!

If it'll make us happy!

I want to kiss-

“Pumpkin! We need to talk!”

Shit!

Was she listening?

She's always listening.

I hate her.

I love her.

She protecting us.

She's spying on us.

You make your way down the stairs, your mom has a sour look on her face.

“Pumpkin, you can't be having those thoughts. It's umm- those thoughts are not good for you.”

“Why?

“BECAUSE!”

Your father's hand lands on your mom's, calming her.

Thank you, dad.

“Because they lead to… experimenting, and we don't want you to get caught up in that kind of stuff. It’s not for you.”

PRESENT

“Everything’s normal. Human, unpowered normal. Our relationship went back in time, we both kind of ignored that I'm a telepath, that we’re just two normal people in a normal relationship. We’re happy."

No, we're not.

Yes, we are.

We have to be.

For Geordi.

It makes him happy.

So it has to make us happy.

Does it make him happy?

It has to.

“But what about those thoughts you mentioned last week? You mentioned how you don't ever feel safe. Could you elaborate on that?”

He remembered?

Of course, he remembered it was his job.

But we don't want him to.

Then lead him away.

Say it was an accident.

Say it was a lie.

Tell him the truth.

DON'T!!

Tell him you forgot your meds!

“Oh, did I say that? I actually forgot to take my anxiety medication, so we can move on from that.”

He sighed.

Why did he sigh?

He looks disappointed.

I should read his mind.

NO!

Geordi hate’s that.

Hates you.

Just focus on the session.

Wait whys is he on his phone?

He's texting someone.

Does he know?

Is he going to tell someone?

Will I be fired?

I'm gonna be fired.

That doesn't make sense.

They don't trust me.

What if they see me as a threat?

What if they lock me away?

Then Geordi wouldn't be safe.

He'll miss me.

Not if they erase his memory.

They wouldn't.

They would.

If they did it'd be good.

Good?

Geordi would finally be free.

Of you.

Of your powers.

Of the magical world.

You hear that?

What? 

You zone back into the world, hearing your work-assigned therapist clear his throat.

“ Even if that's the case your supervisors have started to take notice of how you've changed. Your paperwork is hard to understand and when speculating on a case you jump to wild conclusions that hurt the case. You're less social than before and you've become very panicked by the smallest things. You've also refused to use your powers. These actions have been recorded by D.U.M.P for the past two months. It's clear to me that your recent mood isn't the cause of missed medication but something else.”

Your breathing rises, you try to steady it, hide that what he's saying bothers you, your thoughts are so jumbled you can't make much out other than panic.

“ And from what you've told me I think the cause is the absence of using your power. Up until 2 months ago, you were in constant use of your power. And from what I understand that was the result of your mother's abuse-”

“She didn't abuse me!”

Did she?

No.

But he's the expert.

He didn't live it.

He doesn't understand.

Maybe that's good.

What?

She was protecting us.

That's what you think.

Because she taught you that.

He's right.

NO, HE'S NOT SHE LOVED ME!!

Yes, she did.

Still does.

But what she did is still wrong.

“I'm sorry for using that word. Let me restart. Your mother raised you with a toxic belief, that you could only be safe if you knew what others were thinking, she used this as an excuse to constantly be in your head, not giving you a moment of privacy. When you applied this belief to your relationship you learned how this belief hurt others, so you tried to stop, cold turkey. This has caused you to become extremely anxious and paranoid. As your therapist, I think you do need to become comfortable in your own head, comfortable not constantly reading people's minds. I would also suggest you talk with your partner, I think couples therapy would benefit your relationship. Oh, it appears that our time-”

You were out of the room before he could say goodbye. You rushed to collect your stuff. You always had therapy right after work so you could leave right after. You rush to the parking garage. 

Car? car!? where’s my car!?!

It's over there.

Where?

I don't see it.

It was stolen.

It was broken into.

No, it's there.

I see it.

 Hurry!

Wipe your tears.

Call Geordi.

No!

Wipe your tears.

Calm down!!

It's not that serious.

Wipe your tears.

You can't drive like this.

Slow your breathing.

Call Geordi.

Ask him to pick you up.

Phone, where?

Purse.

Dial his number.

No contacts are faster.

Wait!

What if the car is bugged!?

It’s not.

But it is!

All your gonna do is call Geordi.

But that's how he knows.

The therapist.

He's listening.

He's not a telepath.

Isn't he?

No, he's a stealth.

So he’s watching.

No!

He's not doing anything to you!

I can't drive.

Take a taxi.

No, I'll be kidnapped.

Train!

Ok.

Where's the train station?

Right.

Left!

I look lost.

You look like an easy target.

There! train station!

Did you lock the car?

Yes.

No!!

Someone will break in.

Steal your car.

I locked it.

No.

You should have driven home.

I can't.

I'm…

Crying.

Not trustworthy.

With? 

My self.

So? You don't matter.

SHUT UP!

People are looking.

No their not.

Read their minds!!

No.

They want to hurt us!!

No.

You missed your stop!!

When!?!

 Just now!!

No.

map! map! map!

I didn't, it’s the next one.

People hate you.

You should run away!

Just start taking random trains!!

No.

Why?

Because people care for me.

Do they?

Geordi-

He doesn't.

My coworkers-

Are just co-workers.

You don't even have friends.

It's our stop!!

Get off!!

Go left!!

Right!!

Are we lost!?!?

No!

I know this place.

Behind you!!!

What!?!?!

Were being followed!!!

Don't look!!!

Read their mind!!!

No!!

Keep walking home.

Grab your pepper spray!!!

I can't find it!!!!

Hurry they're getting closer!!!

There’s another one!!!!

In Front of you !!!!!

They're gonna attack you!!!!!

Hurry!!!!!

I got it!!!!!

Wait

Their friends.

Meeting each other.

Of course.

Stupid.

Stupid.

What a fucking selfish idiot.

Not everything is about you.

Nothing is ever about you.

Wipe your tears!

Look.

Geordi’s car.

He’s home!

Is he?

“Geordi?”

Nothing.

Silence!

He’s not here!!

But his car.

He was taken!!!

He's dead!!!!

You couldn't protect him.

You killed him.

You ruined his life.

No! He is alive!

He's alive.

You yell out for him again, your voice shaking heavily as you walk toward your bedroom door.

Open the door.

Don't!

His dead body is behind that door.

Blood everywhere.

NO!!!

He's here!

He's alive!

I know it!

How? 

I just do.

No, you don't.

You don't even know if there's an intruder in your house.

Is there an intruder?!

No.

Yes!!!!!

How else would Geordi die?

Open the door!

Wipe your tears!

You open the door, relaxing for a second when you find it empty, but then your brain starts working again.

Where is he?!?!?!

He's hurt!!

He ran away.

He was taken!!!

He left because he hates you and couldn't stand to be around a selfish idiot freak

Selfish idiot freak.

Selfish.

Idiot.

Freak.

Unlovable.

Alone.

Alone.

Don't wipe your tears.

You deserve this.

You are a monster.

Monster.

Disgusting.

You're so far in your head you're unaware that your thoughts are now words. Unaware of everything happening around you. You don't hear the door to the garage open of Geordi talking to you.

“Cutie, is that you? I heard you come in, but I didn't hear your car. I passed a farmers market on my way home earlier, I got a deal on your favorite fruit. I went to go grab it from the garage. Where are you? Oh there yo-”

Your trance loosens when you hear a wooden crate fall on the floor, wiping your head around to see your boyfriend quickly trying to get over the fallen boxes. He's rushing to you.

He's going to kill you!!!!!!!

No, he wants to help.

Why?

You ruined him!

Ruined everything!

I love him!!

He loves me!!

He's safe.

He's my safe space.

He not gonna hurt us.

He is safe.

You fall into his arms when he gets close enough, your arms wrap around his squeezing him as you cry into his chest, repeating his name.

“Cutie, cutie? What- what wrong?”

“I thought you were dead. That, someone, broke in, and killed you, and- and I couldn't- I- you were dead.”

“What, babe, what made you think that!? Were you threatened? What happened?”

Geordi tries to look for any sign you were harmed. the movement is sudden, startling you into raising your voice, trying to let out your frustration, trying to shut the voices up.

“I Don't Know! I just - they- I just- nowhere is safe- I can- it hurts! I don't want to hear it anymore- it hurt so much i- I can't stand it- i- please- please help!”

“Okay- okay cutie, why do I do, what do you need?”

“I don't- I don't know-maybe-no I can't -i - but it hurts- he hates it-but it hurts. I-can I? In your head?”

The worry that stained his face started to blend with surprise.

“Yes, yes, go ahead.”

You look into his eyes wanting so hard to just jump into his head, to leave your thoughts behind, but you can't.

Don't.

He'll hate you.

Don't!

He'll hate you!

Don't!!

He'll hate you!!

Don't!!!

He'll hate you!!!

Don't!!!!!

He'll hate you!!!!!

You start to slide down Geordi falls you down, gently holding you, not controlling you just supporting you. You cry harder.

“Ok- ok cutie, I've got you.”

“I just- I don't - I'm so lost- I can't- i- fuck!”

“Shh, it's ok, love- I'm here ok? You don't need to talk. I- you can tell me everything when you- when your calm down and you're ready.”

Geordi gently places his hands on either side of your face, lightly guiding your face to his. You can see how his eyes water and the way his lip quivers.

You did that.

You hurt him.

You try to look away but Geordi prevents that.

“Cutie, don't go there. I don't- I don't know what you thinking but- but don't. Stay here, I've got you. Okay”

You nod as tears sting your cheek hot. Geordi moves his hands, engulfing you in a hug. His arms on your back, moving up and down. You focus on it, the feeling, the sound, focus on Geordi.

He's here.

He's holding us.

He's here.

Here.

Here.

Safe.

Home.

He's home.

He loves us.

Your eyes drift closed, exhausted, you let sleep take over, finally feeling safe enough to be vulnerable.

Fyi, chapter 3 of Knowing is safe is either going to be pretty long or just a flashback and then another chapter. Because time writing the past part and it 3 pages long already.

WIP Wednesday

I'm trying to be more productive, so I'm going to post one of these every week. Today's is a small section from "Knowing is Safe" Part 3. It's a flashback of cutie's past.

Trigger warning for anxiety, paranoia, emotionally abusive parent, neglectful parent.

Shes not going to 

She did last time

And the time before that

And the time before that

And all the other times

She's tired of it

But she threw us out

It's not our fault

Yes it is

We blocked her

We stopped her from reading our mide

Stopped her from protecting us

But I don't want her to continually be in my mind

I want privacy

I want to feel like I can

Think without being heard

Be myself

You can

Not with her in here

she s your mom

But it hurts

What was that?

A twig

Snapping

A person

Where

I can't see

It's too dark

I'm scared

I want mom

“MOM! MOM SOMEONE IS OUT HERE. PLEASE LET ME IN. I'M SORRY I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.”

“THAT'S WHAT YOUR SISTER SAID AND WHERE IS SHE NOW?” Your sister

She's safe

She taught us how to block mom

She did this

No, she helped us

She can help again 

You stop knocking on the door and start walking away. Away from home, away from your mom. You walked the streets in the dark, with no phone no flashlight, just the clothes on your back. Summer clothes.

Its cold

I know

I wish we had a jacket

Is this the street?

Yes

You turn down the street, wishing you were wearing warmer, longer clothes. When you picked out this outfit you didn't think you'd end up out this late, in the cold. 

People

Bad

Its a group

Brown bags

Liquor

Eyes down

Keep walking

What do I do if they approach

I don't know

No weapon

Just our hands and feet

Keep walking

Keep walking

Speed up

Door

Inside

Sister

Safe

You open the door to the building your sister lives in quickly rushing to her apartments, even though no one was following you. You hoped you remembered correctly the first and only time you were here. Tears from earlier sprung back to life as you frantically knock on the door. Deja Vu from minutes ago, days ago, and weeks ago flood your mind as you recall all the time you were at your house door, begging, crying screaming for your mother to open the door. Today was the worst of it, shed never lock you out for this long, or this late, your knuckles were never this red and your voice was never this hurt. 

Knowing is Safe Ch.3

2858 words

Fandom: Redacted ASMR/ Redacted Audio / Redactedverse

Couple: Cutie/Geordi

TW/CW: Parental Emotional abuse/ Neglatful parents/ Divorce / Anxiety/ Paranoia / Talk of Non-consensual mind reading

Let me know if I missed a trigger.

This timeline is different than the original so I'll explain it

First the video "Your boyfriend asks for your trust" and then Knowing is Safe Chapter 1 is what's going through cuties mind that night/ video. Knowing is Safe chapter 2 is a couple weeks later. Then the video "Your Boyfriend final draws the Line" and about three months later Knowing is Safe chapter 3.

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It wasn't the first time.

And yet every week, every Saturday, when you saw him, in front of that building. always dressed semi-formally. A button-up tucked into some nice pants. With his lips downturned, not a full frown but it still pained you to see it.

When he sees you it changes. His face fills with love before quickly disappearing again. 

You hold onto that second of love. You have to. It's why you're here.

No

It's why you started

Now it's for you

As you get closer to him, he backs away.

He's running away

He can't stand you

He's scared of you

You breathe, deep. You recognize your thoughts as anxiety. That's the first step. 

You take a moment and watch as he grabs the door and holds it open for you.

A gentleman, he's always been

"You first."

You smile and then duck your head slightly. Not wanting him to see the pain in your eyes.

Geordi approaches the receptionist, he's always the one who checks in.

You still find it scary. To express to this almost stranger that you and Geordi need outside help.

You know he knows that, you never told him but, he knows you.

He loves you

Does he?

He does.

" They'll call us when they're ready."

He tells you before sitting a chair away.

I want him

Why won't he sit next to me?

You know why 

It's your fault

It is

Your names are called, and you both follow the therapist down to the same room as always. Geordi makes small talk. 

He's changed

He's more sociable

I'm glad

He seems to like it

Like clockwork you and Geordi sit on one couch, each at a different end

Too far

For you

He needs the space

He deserves the space

You deserve the space.

"Have you two decided if you're ready for the memory extraction? It is often very emotional, we discussed last session how it works and why we do it. It's always up to you."

"I'm ready."

You typically aren't this outspoken in theory, but you've been wanting this for a while, you recall how your therapist explained memory extraction as a way for them to help you understand your own memory. She explained that most people are blinded by their own memories because it's the only life they've lived so everything seems normal, even when it's not.

You never can quite understand your memories or yourself. You always preferred others, to the point it became an addiction. one that harms your thoughts, feelings, and memories. Along with harming Geordi. Someone you never want to hurt.

"Okay then, I'll get started."

Mom!!

Mom!!?

Please!

Please open the door.

You were knocking on your own house door. Crying from fear, shame, and confusion. All you did was go out with your friends, with her permission for a few hours.

That's not why she locked you out

What?

You blocked her, of course, she's mad

Remember what happened to Lanie? 

Blocking was a trick your older sister Lanie taught you, to prevent other telepaths, such as your mother, from reading your mind. You'd done it before but never for this long. It was the first time your mother had no contact with you.

She's not going to let you in

She did last time

And the time before that

And the time before that

And all the other times

She's tired of it

But she threw us out

It's not our fault

Yes it is

We blocked her

We stopped her from reading our mind

Stopped her from protecting us

But I don't want her to continually be in my mind

I want privacy

I want to feel like I can

Think without being heard

Be Myself

You can

Not with her in here

She's your mom

But it hurts

What was that?

A twig

Snapping

A person?

Where?

I can't see

It's too dark

I'm scared

I want mom

“MOM! MOM SOMEONE IS OUT HERE. PLEASE LET ME IN. I'M SORRY I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.”

“THAT'S WHAT YOUR SISTER SAID AND WHERE IS SHE NOW?”

Your sister

She's safe

She taught us how to block mom

She did this

No, she helped us

She can help again 

You stop knocking on the door and start walking away. waterfalls fell down your face as you walked Away from home, away from your mom. You walked the streets in the dark, with no phone, no flashlight, just the clothes on your back. Summer clothes.

It’s cold

I know

I wish we had a jacket

Is this the street?

Yes

You turn down the street, wishing you were wearing warmer, longer clothes. When you picked out this outfit you didn't think you'd end up out this late, in the cold. 

People

Bad?

Its a group

Brown bags

Liquor?

Eyes down

Keep walking

What do I do if they approach?

I don't know

No weapon

Just our hands and feet

Keep walking

Keep walking

Speed up

Door

Inside

Sister

Safe

You open the door to the building your sister lives in quickly rushing to her apartment, even though no one was following you. You hoped you remembered correctly you'd only been here once before. Tears from earlier sprung back to life as you frantically knock on the door. Deja vu from minutes ago, days ago, and weeks ago floods your mind as you recall all the time you were at your house door, begging, crying, and screaming for your mother to open the door. Today was the worst of it, she'd never lock you out for this long, or this late, your knuckles were never this red and your voice was never this hurt. 

When the door opened, you were so relieved you gasped for air, air you needed from the crying. Your sister's tired face was washed away when she saw you. Her arm instantly pulls you in for a hug. You cried harder, ashamed of how emotional you were in a public space.

People are trying to sleep

I don't care

Your sister whispers in your ear

“It's okay. I know, I've got you.”

She slowly walked backward, you still in her arms, following her. When the two of you cleared the doorway she quietly closed the door.

“She- she locked me out-”

Your sister didn't need you to tell her that, she'd been through this before. 

“She- again-”

Your sister's head spun at that word and you could feel the heat her anger produced. Lanie had been kicked out once, it was a hot day and she ended up having a heat exhaustion, lucky your father arrived before she could have a heat stroke. Your father was a water elemental, he was able to hydrate your sister and cool her down. That week your father left your family. Later when your parents divorced, he lost custody of both of you. Though your sister, Lanie was 17 at the time and left as soon as she turned 18. Your mom doesn't know that she still lives in town, she told you it was because she didn't have the money to go further but, you know she's here for you. Though she didn't feel safe enough to contact you till last month. She hates that she didn't help you sooner.

“Come on baby, let- let's sit you down.”

She guides you to her couch and leaves to the kitchen, you can still see her as she fills a glass of water for you. You start to regulate your breathing, taking in the smell of your sister's apartment. It smells like brown sugar, she used to have a brown sugar candle she always lit in her room, and it's comforting to smell it again. Brings you back to talking and giggling in her room.

“Here. Drink up.” 

“ Ok I think that's enough”

You shook your head and looked up, dazed at the sudden pull from your memories. You look at the therapist. 

“What for?”

The therapist was taken aback by your question.

“Well, I figured it was a good stopping point, especially considering the content of this memory.”

You feel a hand squeeze yours, turning to see Geordi, closer than when you started. Till now you had forgotten your partner was even there. you become ashamed realizing he witnessed everything. he had seen how bad of a kid you were. You turned to him slowly.

“Are you ok?”

Confused, you didn't answer. His hands find one of yours, his hands are tight and shaking. Before he looks into your eyes.

“I'm sorry. “

You looked away, not having an answer. The therapist took this time to interrupt.

“This is the reason we do this, as Geordi and I see it, you were mistreated by your mother. She used her telepathic abilities to control and shame you. It also appears you saw this as normal or acceptable to an extent. Would you share why you felt that way?”

" She was protecting me, she just- she wanted- she told me she needed to know everything, to keep me safe, she kept me safe."

You feel Geordi squeeze your hand, but when you look over he's looking away from you.

"Your mother taught you that."

" Yes, it's how I've lived, I can't be safe if I don't know anything, I can't be clueless, I have to know everything, knowing is safe."

"Your mother brainwashed you into believing that you could only be safe if you were constantly using your ability. That's why there's such a disconnect between you and your own brain. You aren't used to spending time with your own thoughts. It's probably why you have so much anxiety when you're not in others' heads. I'd say it's why you became so dependent on Geordi and developed that separation anxiety."

The therapist took a quick look at the clock

"Our time is almost up. I think next time I should see you separately."

What?

I just got him back

He's touching me again

I can't let him leave again

Let him?

You don't control him

“Wait, why?”

“I think it would be best for you to talk about this alone.”

“I don't understand!”

“ We can do what you two prefer but often when one client has suffered abuse it is best to discuss it separately first before with your partner.”

“ Abused? I wasn't abused.”

The therapist took a breath and she almost seemed to expect this reaction. You frantically looked over at Geordi.

Does he think I was abused too?

You were

I was?

No

“I'm sorry we need to go - let's go home Geordi.”

“I understand. I'll call to discuss the next appointment.”

You made your way through the building and parking lot to your car, getting into the driver's seat. Geordi is a little behind. He opens the passenger door but doesn't get in. 

“Are you sure you should drive? You seem a little on edge. I could drive you home.”

“ I need to drive, I can't not be in control.”

”Ok.”

That was all he could muster to say as he climbed into the passenger seat, even if his car is a few parking spots over and he doesn't live with you anymore.

When he is buckled you started the engine and leave the parking lot. You always play music when you drive, but right now I don't care. Your brain was swarming with so many thoughts. You couldn't even understand most of it, so you just drove. You could hear a few words from Geordi but didn't pay much mind to them. 

When you pulled into the driveway you were pissed. You did everything aggressively, parking, turning the engine off, slamming the car door. Geordi stopped talking and started yelling. You were already in the house as he was getting out of the car. You left the door open pacing and waiting for Geordi to walk through the door. When he did he was still yelling, laced with worry and fear, little anger.

“Cutie what-”

“Do you think I was abused?”

You questioned him, your eyes swirled with so many intense emotions but your voice stayed even. 

He shut up and stared, he started to stutter trying to answer but nothing came out. To you, that was answer enough. You moved to the couch, sitting down with your head in your hands. Geordi moves to close the door before sitting in front of you. 

He gently moved your hands out of the way, looking into your eyes.

“I- I can't decide for you. How you should feel about your mom. But I know that the way she treated you and your sister was wrong. So -so wrong.”

“I'm wrong?”

“What? Baby no?”

“I did what she did. To you. I always - I'm always in your brain, listening. Like she did.”

Geordi takes a breath. You're right and he wants to hold you accountable but with your state right he wants to be careful.

“ It was wrong. But you stopped right?”

Your words come out fast and panicked

“Yes, I promise I haven't read yours, or anyone else's mind in- in a long time. I only use it for work. Work only”

Geordi knew of your new resistance to using your power but didn't realize that you were completely abstinent outside of work, which worried him. Quitting cold turkey doesn't sound like the best for you. He'll have to remember that for later.

“I believe you. But that's something your mother didn't do, she never learned, and she never tried to get better, like you are now. From what I saw, she used her powers to control you, you never did that to me. Tell me why you are always reading my thoughts and others.”

You took some time to breathe before answering. 

“ To protect you.”

You were hesitant but want to be as honest as possible.

“And myself. People- they lie, all the time, and it's hard to trust them. I just wanted to know the truth. To be safe.”

“See your reasons are justifiable, you just took it too far. And I think, well I'm no therapist but, maybe your trust issues are what you should focus on first. Because it seems that's the root of your addiction.” 

You nod and laugh.

“ You're better than a therapist.”

He laughs

He is so beautiful

I love him

I miss him

" I'm not sure I am. I mean you've really improved,y'know working with her. You can always talk to me."

"Thank you. it's easier to talk to you about how I feel, you're not professional, you're comfortable, even if it's just our hands-"

You pull your hands out of his. Just realizing that you were touching him.

"I'm sorry, I - I didn't cross a boundary did I?"

He looks deep into your eyes and takes your hands again.

"No, I did this, I wanted to touch you, to comfort you. I’ve "

He clears his throat

"I've missed it, a lot. Every session the urge to comfort you and touch you becomes stronger."

You smile.

"Me too. And thanks, for comforting me, even though you have every right not to."

"I still love you."

You look away, your eyes catching the brown sugar candle.

Geordi follows your eyes, realizing now why that scent was your favorite. He was slightly grateful to say this without looking you in the eyes. it felt like he was saying it for the first time, even though it used to be so common.

"I do, I Love you so much, it's why I'm still here, it's why I'm comforting you, it's why I left. I know for you, it's hard to feel or remember your love if it is not constantly in front of you. So I thought I'd remind you. I love you cutie. I'm proud of you. I've missed you."

He sees a few tears roll down your cheek. You nod. He counties.

"I've missed sharing a bed, a kitchen, a bathroom, I've missed sharing a home with you."

You whip your head back to face him.

"Geordi, you don't live here. I basically kidnapped you."

He laughs, your brain was previously occupied, you'd forgotten he didn't live here anymore. You start to panic again.

"Hey it's okay, I got in the car willingly, I chose to come with you. You're not a kidnapper."

His smile calms you.

'I'm sorry I wasn't thinking properly, I thought, y'know, that you lived here."

"Maybe I should?"

Your body fills with excitement. So does his. 

Wait!

Don't.

You're not ready.

"I'm not ready."

Geordi's face falls a little but rises back.

" That's ok. I’m - I’m impressed."

"What? Why?"

" Because you clearly want it, but something told you that it wasn't time. And you listened"'

"I didn't think I'd be able to stay out of your thoughts...sorry. I do want to be with you again but, I can't hurt you again."

He pulls you into a hug. A soft whisper leaves his lips.

"Thank you, for protecting me"

He pulls away.

" You can protect me in other ways. And I can protect you. I will protect you."