Nah You Gotta Become Me First

Nah you gotta become me first

Kelsier fucking dies!?!??? I was right!! He is that dramatic bitch!!!!!

Well, its not gonna be me, even when I finally do live up to my name.

All things aside, considering the sixth of the dusk sequel preview we got, I'm prone to say something new. Something we haven't seen before. Something that just pulls all the sides apart and it's just a big mess.

I feel like, though, there is a big bad that'll be around. It might be Odium, but considering stormlight, I don't think he'd still have the fused, after 10 books. Considering Kelsier, maybe, but I don't think he'd end up a bona fide big bad, just a meddler. Maybe a villain, definitely and antagonist, but I doubt the big bad.

We already have so many factions and I feel like we're just gonna keep adding onto that, especially as different groups leave planets in different ways, having different groups from different cultures on planets as well as different groups from the same culture on a planet to groups that are unified and from multiple planets.

I do think Kelsier is gonna last longer than Odium though. Hopefully I get the chance to punch him again.

You had had a plan, once. You figured if you acted impressive enough, got powerful enough, no one would stop you. And it worked quite well for a while. People cowed at your reputation, your grandeaur. Eventually, though, some hero had come in, convinced they could defeat you, and you realized they actually could. So you put up a good fight, whispered some cryptic final words, and vanished away, leaving nothing but dust.

You'd ended up in a small farming down, covered in dust and dirt, though with all your past equipment. The first person you talked to was kind, and you returned the gesture. This felt a lot better than them cowering in fear.

Your time there continued with that pattern. You made friends. Repaid kindness with kindness. You farmed. You wed. You had children. You truly enjoyed your time.

One day you stood outside, tending your field. You could see a dust cloud in the air, coming closer. Odd. At its head were soldiers, clad in shining metal, glowing with light. You wiped the sweat from your brow, then wiped that hand on on the coarse brown pants you wore. Well, it couldn't hurt to see what was coming.

It appeared that it could, you thought, as the tallest figure slammed you into the wall of your hut. They glared at you through the slits in their helm. You recognized those eyes. That voice.

"You will pay tribute. Understood?" Their voice was a growl. The last time you had heard it, it was desperate. Hopeful, but afraid. Now it was angry. But you did not think they recognized you.

"The tribute. The one of souls?"

"Yes! You don't seem to understand, farmer. The demon kind is still out there. They must be stopped. They must be found. And I can only do so with this tribute. Do you want to see this land be wasted, all your crops destroyed? Sacrifices must be made."

You glanced over at your spouse. Your children. This shack. Out the window to your farm.

You could not give them up. The irony alone made it useless. Give them up for this fool to find you, right where you stood? You laughed.

"Why are you laughing! Fine. I'll simply take them then." The hero let you go, and turned towards their soldiers. You stood up, wiggling your hands behind your bag. Remembering those spells agains. Summoning your armor. Your weapons. The treasures you'd amassed, though never used. Always to impress. You needed to work quickly. For your families sake, now.

Within moments, it was done. They had turned away from you, and your spouse, running, caught your eye. They gasped. You'd told them the truth, though never shown them. The soldiers turned. The hero turned, and froze.

"I don't think you're going to need that tribute, fool." You raised the dark blade, etched with pain and weaping shadow, towards the silver armored figure. "You see, I never got to try this on you last time. I've heard it strikes with the vengeance of all damned souls. Well, I thank you for making it that much more effective."

The hero gasped, stepping back, and you grinned. "I didn't have a reason to fight last time. I thought fear would get me through. But it seems as though it wasn't enough. No matter. You've gotten me to want to fight now, I'm impressed. Let's see how strong you really are."

You were once the demon king. “Defeated” by the hero, you went into hiding to pursue a simpler life. Today the “hero” has appeared, threatening you family to pay tribute, not realizing who you actually are. Today you show them what happens when you have something worth fighting to protect.

I want to follow more Elder Scrolls blogs so if you post Elder Scrolls stuff (exclusively or not), give this a reblog or comment or something and I'll follow you if I'm not already following you :)

This reminds me of something i think i saw on the 17th shard, of a stormlight prologue being me stuck in a bathroom, trying to get out, for the entire prologue. At the end, I resort to Awakening, resulting in my exit, in front of guards, right after the assassination, dressed in white.

More Ways for Hoid to be Tortured

[Includes a spoiler for Tress!]

Hoid has sure had it rough lately. He’s had his memories siphoned off, gotten cursed, even spent some quality time as a coatrack. As @kingjasnah points out in this post, Sanderson is setting a precedent here: we’re all expecting ever new and more hilarious shit to happen to Hoid.

So here are some ideas for ways that Hoid might suffer in future Cosmere books.

1. Trapped in a dimension full of talking bananas…who don’t care about stories

Hoid: And that was the story of the banana who looked up.

Banana 1: [yawning]

Banana 2: Sorry, did you say something? I was thinking about radishes.

Banana 3: I feel so neutral about everything you said!

Hoid: …I may have found a place nearly as unpleasant as Komashi. 

Hoid: Nearly.

2. A new and ever weirder food craving every day.

Hoid: Well, it seems that today I can stomach nothing except mayonnaise-topped pickles.

Design: And you’re sure you’re not pregnant?

3. Trapped on a planet during a time of no plot relevance 

Design: Hey, will you look at that!

Design: According to the town newspaper, old lady Dennis FINALLY figured out who’s been eating her lettuce. 

Design: Get this–it was a rabbit!

Design: That’s something, right?

Hoid: W-Was it an invested rabbit?

Design: Nope! Just a normal one.

Hoid (sinking further into his turtleneck): I have GOT to get my Luck back.

4. Can only communicate via song…after losing his perfect pitch 

Hoid (singing): And thus you should learn, / that if I must, I will let this planet buuuuuuurn!

Design: Your pitch is off by a mere .0005%!

Hoid (singing): And it’s really not fair–this much is true, / that my perfect pitch, went straight to yooooou!

5. Turned into a rat

Rat-Hoid: The worst part is…it’s not even original.

6. De-Aged into a Child

Hoid: It’s not so bad, really.

Hoid: People perhaps don’t take me the most seriously, but then, I was the King’s Wit for a while so I’m used to that.

Hoid: …I do hear the word “precocious” a lot. 

7. De-Aged into a Baby

Hoid: (furiously signing with his fat baby hands) What is this, an isekai?!

Design: Hmmm…I should start a babysitting business. 

8. Unable to respond to anyone unless his response rhymes

Design: I love it, to be orange.

Design: If I ever need some peace and quiet, I just end every sentence with “orange.” 

Hoid: Once again I must ask you to act a bit less like a poison-filled sporange. 

Design: It’s fun to watch him incorporate that word into all of his sentences!

9. Grows to the size of a mountain

Hoid: It’s not (ouch) that I mind (ouch) the mountain-climbing business that Design (ouch) is running.

Hoid: But the constant (ouch) pick-axes driving into my shins (ouch) does get a tad…distracting.

Hoid: (ouch)

10. Handcuffed to Kelsier, ala Light & L

Kelsier: [eyes gleaming]

Kelsier: And this time you can’t escape me, Drifter!

Hoid: Hey, is that a spike in your eye, or are you just happy to see me?

Kelsier: …

Kelsier: T-That doesn’t even make any sense!

Hoid: …This might actually be fun.

Honeslty this is my one of favorite thing about these stories, how those characters are mentioned and you can find them elsewhere. And sometimes they do stuff like Gaz or the slaver who's name I forgot, or sometimes they don't, their life just continues away from the protagonists, like Hav.

Fun stormlight easter egg!

You remember Hav? A minor character, Kaladin's mentor when he first enlists in the army?

In Words of Radiance, when Kaladin meets Zahel and thinks about his past as an ex soldier (close but no cigar buddy), he wonders if Hav wound up in a monastery

Hav is not in a monastery. When Shallan is out on her first foray for the ghostbloods, we learn he's only a couple warcamps over guarding Amaram's manor!

And him and Kaladin never ended up seeing each other. Shame really.