Set: You Can't Be Here! You Died! I Literally Killed You!

Set: you can't be here! you died! I literally killed you!

Osiris: dead is a social construct

“Hey, at least they finally agree on something.”

“I like this idea, Ajay.”

“Thanks, Bhadra.”

Has this been done yet or…? |D

So I just start playing Crusader Kings 3 and my queen had 2 sons. Thing is, the first born was awfull amd I really didn't want him to be the heir. So, naturally, I tried to murder him, but apperantly my queen is not comfortable murdering her won son. Only after hovering over the options a couple of times did I noticed that I could ask him to take vows or desinheirt him. Now I am imagining this scene:

My Spymaster: My lady, your husband said you have been feeling... conflicted lately. Do you want to talk

My queen reading a book titled "how to be a kinslayer 101": No, the king is just been paranoid.

Spymaster: Really?

Queen: Well... You see... Listen, look at my heir. He haven't inherited niether my intelligence nor his fathers good looks, he is a coward and he is wheesing. How will he build the kingdom of irland if he can't nor want to fight in war?! Now look at his younger brother, he has my Intelligence, is temperate and has better stats them his brother; I want he to be my heir, but for that he need to be the older one soo...

Spymaster: You know you can ask your children to take vow or disinheirited them right?

Queen: Wait, I can?

Spymaster: Yes my lady, you ca... where are you going?

Queen: I will go on a pilgramege real quick! Thanks for the tip

Anyway, happy to anonce my firstborn is now part of the clergy I my new future heir is learning how to be the best king ever

Luke: you killed my father! Vader: I've killed a lot of fathers. Luke: Obi-Wan's other apprentice! the one you betrayed and murdered! ringing any bells? Vader, internally: ...was Ahsoka trans? is this guy part togruta?? he doesn't look like it, but fuck if I understand how togruta biology works? who did she (he?) even fuck?? when did she (he??) even have the time???

*your at Dionysus' funeral*

Hera: Hello and welcome to Dionysus'funeral-

*video of Dio starts playing in the background*

Dionysus: WHOOOOOO! I'M DEAD!

Hera: *shocked*

Dionysus: Mom and Dad you outlived me! Therefore you win!

Hera: OMG SOMEBODY SHUT THAT OFF! NOW!

*Video is shut off*

Hera: I am so sorry-

*Another video starts playing in the background*

Dionysus: This is a backup video in case the first video gets shut off by the fishy officiator!

Hera: ...

Dionysus: Fuck you man. I hope you're next

Hera: *glares*

Dionysus: Hello everyone, welcome to my funeral! Now everyone check under your seats. There's a box for each and every one of you.

Dionysus: Open it

*everyone checks and starts freaking out*

Hera: *confused*

Dionysus*with everyone screaming in the background*: The boxes contain my body parts. You can build me back up like a Build-A-Bear. This is supposed to symbolize that every time you fall apart your loved ones will build you back up.

*everyone, still screaming and freaking out*

Dionysus: Beautiful I know! It's making me tear up here. I am tearing up.

Hera,*opens hers slowly to find a knife and picks it up* : Tf??

Dionysus: Also if anyone has A knife in their box don't touch that that's the one I used.

Hera: *Drops it in shock*

Dionysus: You wouldn't want your fingerprints on it. That would be very sus.

Hera,*puts it on the floor*: Oh my god...

Dionysus: 🎶Don't be a sussy baka!🎶

Everyone: *still screaming and panicking*

Dionysus: Now don't worry, I didn't forget about the children.

Hera: *looks back at the screen*

Dionysus: right outside. There's a piñata for you guys. It's my head filled with candy. My eyes are taken out so it fits more candy.

Hera: *freaking out trying to calm everyone down*

Dionysus: Ok now everyone sing with me!! I'M ON A HIGHWAY TO.....

Everyone: *screaming*

Dionysus: HIGHWAY TO...

Everyone: *Still screaming*

Dionysus: THANK YOU FOR COMING-

*Three weeks later*

Hera: Apparently he also sent us cameras because 3 weeks later he mailed us pictures of the event titled "memories!"

Chiron: Yeah I think you might need a new therapist.