Incorrect Egyptian Mythology - Tumblr Posts

Osiris in the Duat: It can't be that bad to be here. Think of the positives. Let's see...I've got no more human conflicts, no more Set...no more burning sun, no more Set, no more annoying gods, no more Set ...no more cycle of death, no more Set, no more worries about ecology, no more Set, no more Set, no more Set, no more Set! (sighs) I think I'm gonna like this place.

*the Mesektet crashes into the house, the wall collapses*

Set, holding the helm: Sup!

Horus, hangs on board: WHO THE FUCK LET HIM TO DRIVE!!!

Ra: Sorry :D

Osiris: if i die how much will you miss me?

Isis: it's cute that you think that death can free you from this relationship

Horus: I can’t feel my leg.

Set: [stabs Horus' leg]

Horus: [screams in pain] WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?

Set: You’re a liar!

Set:*pulls back curtain while Horus is showering*

Set: Are we–—stop screaming, it’s me——are we out of lettuce?

Isis: [to the gods, who are gathered around a coffee maker] So... who broke it? [Nobody says a word] I'm not mad. I just want to know.

Nephthys: I did. I broke-

Isis: No, no you didn't. Horus?

Horus: Don't look at me. Look at Set.

Set: What? I didn't break it.

Horus: Huh. That's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Set: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Horus: [leans in on him] Suspicious.

Sekhmet: If it matters - probably not - but Hathor was the last one to use it.

Hathor: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Sekhmet: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Hathor: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles; everyone knows that, Sekhmet!

Nephthys: Ok, ok! Let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Isis!

Isis: No! Who broke it??!

Set: [looks at Osiris, then at Isis] Isis... Osiris is been awfully quiet.

Osiris: REALLY??

Set: Yeah! Really.

Osiris: Oh, my Ra! 

[everyone starts arguing at one another except Isis]

Isis: [to the camera] I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. [turns to look at the gods as they continue to argue, then looks back] Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Ra: What time is it?

Set: I don’t know, pass me my trombone and we’ll find out.

Set: *Plays the trombone loudly and extremely out of tune*

Horus: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE TROMBONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING?!

Set: It’s 2 am.

*A quite day at Heliopolis*

Set out of nowhere: HEY GUYS WANT SEE A BUTTERFLY?

Isis: butterfly?

Set: *throw a butter towards them* YEET!

The butter: *landed smoothly into Horus' tea*

Set: oh poop...

Hathor: oh no...

Isis:

Horus: *sigh*

Also Horus: *took the butter out, and continued drinking his tea again*

Horus: I like everything about you.

Horus: The other day, someone asked me who the most beautiful person in my world was.

Horus: You know what I said?

Hathor: What?

Horus: I said-*sees Set watching them in a tree through the window* Set?

Hathor: You said Set?!?

Horus, holding the door open for Hathor: after you.

Hathor: no, after you.

Horus: i insist, after you.

Set, pushing past both of them: after me.

Horus: did you eat all my powdered donuts?

Set: *mouth full*...No

Horus: then, what's all the white powder on your clothes?

Set: that's cocaine

Set: I'm revers necromancer

Anubis: you just kill people

Set: shut up

Set, over text: Turn around.

Set: No, the other way.

Set: Wrong way again.

Horus: Where are you??

Set: At home, but the idea of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me.

Set: you can't be here! you died! I literally killed you!

Osiris: dead is a social construct

Set: Do you know what the question I'm asked the most is?

Horus: "Will you please leave the premises?"

Nephthys: You have to tone down your flirting in front of the kids. Set: Why? It's good for them to see we like each other. Wepawet, 2 yrs old: [runs into the room, slaps Nephthys on the butt] DAT ASS! Set: Set: Yeah, ok.