Before The World Ends...

Before the world ends...

Yesterday was our final exam in MedSurg. I was really nervous coz I know I was in the boderline to get a B. Up until tonight, I am still worried about getting that B. I know I didn't do well on my ATI too. I feel disappointed of myself. Now, i hafta study harder not only for myself but also for my future patients. And then my worries were washed away after my two fave titas decided to go wine tasting after the test. It was my first time and i was fortunate to experience it with them. Mr. Cutie was there too. We even get to take pictures together. It was nice spending the whole day with the nicest and most sincere people I met from the nursing program. I enjoyed the wine, the view, the moments with each of them, and the smiles and laughters we shared together. I tried 5 different wines yesterday. they were good. it got me hot. i even stayed close to the wall just to make sure I won't fall back or stumble in front of these people. lol it was a good first time experience of drinking an alcoholic beverage. rhe fact that my labs was there made the experience more memorable. Mylabs made "akbay" pa nga and I was really shy at that moment coz idk how i should react. But he was really cool with it. i think he already discovered that i have a crush on him by the way i acted yesterday. lol idc anymore. i just love being around them coz they make me happy while i discover who i really am. I even got to look into his eyes every time he tells stories. his dimples are killing me. he is really the cutest. i can't wait to spend another day with them coz so far, it was one of the best experiences I had. And today, i had my last clinical rotation at RCH. We were very relaxed this morning except on the time when I was freaking out when my classmate was not able to pick me up. Hahaha that was scary. I thought i was going to be late and sent back home. Good thing we made it on time. Then the awesome Friday group had lunch together. It was nice. Good food and good stories were shared. Oh I also had my second alcoholic drink, the mango mango mojito. It was the best drink ever. It got me a little hot and dizzy but i managed to walk back to the parking lot without falling. I enjoyed it even though the whole group were laughing at me for being the "virgin" drinker LOL At about 1:30pm, we said our goodbyes. One thing I will never forget was Tart's goodbye. How I wish I can replay that moment so I'll catch up on his last words for me. I know he said something about drinking/ partying. Hahaha idk i think he is cute and really funny. I hope i'll be friends with the whole class soon! Second semester should be a good one too. I am so glad i did something unexpected and different yesterday and today. I enjoyed my time before the supposedly scheduled end of the world LOL. For now, I'm just gonna sit here in the couch to relax and enjoy my winter break :)

Day 350: Christmas 2012

A year ago, I know we were on skype. We celebrated Christmas "together". I got to see your face. I got to hear your voice. I got to talk to you. We were both happy even thought we were a thousand miles away from each other. Tonight, I'll be spending Christmas without you for the very first time. I don't know how am I going to celebrate it without you. It feels like I am so incomplete without you. I'd rather be a thousand miles away from you knowing that we will be able to see and talk to each other again instead of you leaving me in this world. Umpe ko, i miss you so much. And on days like this, I tend to miss you more. I don't feel excited anymore. I always try to be happy but I always end up feelig bad. I feel guilty coz I never did anything good to make you happy. It feels like I do not deserve to be happy at all. Umpe ko, this will be my first Christmas without you. Ang sakit isipin na we won't be seeing each other for a long time. Ang sakit isipin na I have to live longer without you by my side. Umpe ko, masaya ba ang Christmas mo dyan? Umpe ko, namimiss ko din ba ako? Umpe ko, ano ba ang dapat kong gawin? Umpe ko, miss na miss na kita. Sana nandito ka pa din. Sana nakikita mo kung ano na ako ngayon. Sana nandito ka pa para makapag thank you pa ako sayo. Sana andito ka pa para makapag sorry din ako sa mga pagkukulang ko. Umpe ko, ang lungkot ng Pasko ko lalo na at di kita kasama. Pwede ba kahit ngayon lang ipaalala mo sa akin yung mga masasaya nating ginagawa tuwing Pasko. Ipaalala mo sa akin ang tunay na meaning ng Pasko. Ipaalala mo sa akin kung gaano mo ako kamahal. Umpe ko, miss na miss na kita. Sana kahit sa panaginip lang eh makasama kita ngayong gabi. Merry Christmas Umpe ko! I love you always and forever...

Day 389: the strong little angel

this past few weeks, i have been feeling so down. i think i am getting emotionally unstable (exaggerating it) day by day. the stress is killing me. everything is too overwhelming for me. i feel so alone, hopeless, and defeated already even though it is just the beginning. everytime i try to make my self feel better, these people disappoints me. they make me feel that i have no one toturn in to. i don't feel their support. they don't acknowledge me and it feels like they don't want to understand where i am coming from. i hate this feeling of having no one to talk to. i hate not having someone i can confide all my feelings. i hate not being able to express my frustrations and worries. i hate not getting support from the people i love. i hate not knowing what to do. i hate myself for being stupid, weak and trying hard. i hate myself for always thinking of giving up. And today, i feel so ashamed of myself. I met a little angel. This one deserves all the love, caring, and happiness anyone should experience. This one is a strong little one. I admire him for staying strong and keeping alive though this one had some traumatic challenges in his life. one day, i want to be like this angel. hopefully, everything will turn out well soon... for me... and for this little angel.

Day 691: the typhoon that hit my family hard since last week

Today's the 16th of November. The 11th day since that scary night I had to stay in the ICU with my dad. i can still remember how difficult it was for me and everyone in the family to think correctly. i was in shock but i had to be an adult. friends were there to support the family but it was different. it was one of the scariest night i had where a decision has to be made. lots of prayers were asked. lots of wishes were received by the family. thankfully, we got through it. my champ didn't let us down. he was the fighter i never imagined he would be. he was our weakness and our source of strength this past few days. without him, i would have gone crazy. my dad was a survivor. i am so proud of him.

at this moment, i am sitting next to him. watching over him as he sleeps. it has been almost a week since i've been doing this and i will never get tired of doing this. as long as my dad is safe and healthy, i am willing to be his support as he goes through all the changes he had to face in the future because of his heart disease. i will forever be his daughter,his private nurse, mom's helper, and my sibling's guardian.

daddy, i know you will never read this post but i still want you to know that i am so proud of you. let's fight through this together with our whole family and friends. i wanna be there and cheer for you when you get back on track again. i wanna see you doing your hobbies again. i wanna be there when you are able to walk strongly again towards mommy. i wanna see you happy and smiling again. daddy, please get well soon. may you have a fast recovery so we can enjoy doing the good old stuff the five of us always do. i love you daddy! mommy, kuya, joy and i will always be here for you.❤❤❤

Day 348: Sweet dream or an illusion? 23 December 2012 I wonder what made me set this reminder. I wonder what was the reason behind this. Who am I talking about in this note? It surprised me when this reminder popped up on my screen last night. I wonder what's the meaning behind these words. Is there an important someone I need to remember and have a one on one conversation? Ugh this is killing me coz I don't have any idea who am I referring to in this note. Why did I not put your name or initials? But whoever you are, can you answer my questions? Is this just a dream or an illusion? Are we bound to meet each other at all?...