Losing You, It's Not An Option

Losing You, It's Not An Option

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Prompt - 'The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair.’

Notes - This is my first time writing for Hotch so if it’s a little ooc, I do apologise.

It had been a rough case, three missing kids turned up dead before the FBI had been called in and another one missing for over ten hours. You had fourteen hours to figure out where this kid was before the chances of her being found alive were gone.

The plane ride over seemed to drag, nobody said anything after being briefed on the case, all too absorbed in reading through the files, thoughts and theories running through everyone’s head a mile a minute.

This was a particularly tough case for you considering the last time you’d had a case involving a kid they had died just as you burst through the door.

If only you’d been faster then that kid would still be alive.

With a sigh, you scrubbed at your face before looking back down at the folder, missing the look of concern Hotch threw your way.

“Y/L/N, Reid, you’re with me at the latest crime scene. Rossi, Prentiss, JJ, you head over to the station, the family of the missing girl should already be there.” Hotch said as everyone got off the jet and into two separate SUV’s.

There wasn’t much at the crime scene at this point, nothing that gave you any clues and everyone was painfully aware of the countdown.

-

Around the fifteen hour mark the team was ready to give a profile. You stood to the side as you watched Hotch describe how you were looking for a male in his early to mid 30’s who would have recently lost a five year old brunette girl. Everyone took turns giving bits of information out but you stayed silent, this time noticing the glances from Hotch.

“Y/L/N can I have a word?” Hotch asked once the briefing was over. You just nodded and followed him into an empty meeting room.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, closing the door.

“Everything’s fine.” You told him and judging by the look he shot you, you weren’t very convincing.

“Y/N,” He began but you cut him off with a shake of your head.

“There’s a little girl out there and we need to find her. We don’t have any time to waste.” And with that you brushed past him and back into the bullpen just in time for Spencer to announce that Garcia had found somebody who matched the profile perfectly.

“Noah Williams, aged 33. He, his wife and daughter were involved in a car accident, only he made it out alive. The wife was declared DOA but the daughter didn’t die until…” Here Spencer paused to skim through the details Garcia had sent over, “four days ago.”

“When the kidnappings started.” You said, causing him to nod.

“We know he doesn’t spend long with his victims due to the length of time from the girls being reported missing and then found, it’s usually around the twenty four hour mark. Isabelle has been missing for nearly sixteen hours now giving us an eight hour window to find her.” Spencer informed everybody and Hotch was quick to pull his phone out, Garcia answering on the first ring.

“Garcia, we need an address.” He said into the phone and you could hear typing noises as Garcia desperately tried to find an address.

“I have two.” She announced after a few moments. “One’s a cabin in the woods, pretty secluded, the other is a house not too far from you.”

“Rossi, Prentiss, Morgan you take the house. Y/L/N, Reid you’re with me at the cabin.” Hotch directed and people around you were quickly moving.

“You think he’ll be at the house?” Rossi asked, causing Hotch to sigh.

“Probably not but we can’t rule it out.” Everyone agreed and it wasn’t long before you were all in the SUV’s heading to two separate locations praying that the little girl was still alive.

-

“Reid, you and Y/L/N take the back, I’ll take the front.” Hotch said and everyone nodded before moving into position.

Just as Spencer opened the backdoor and headed inside you noticed a door that must have led down into the cellar. It was concealed pretty well but things looked out of place, like somebody didn’t have enough time to properly cover it up.

You turned around, not seeing Spencer, and lifted your gun higher as you walked over to the door. Thankfully it pulled open without any resistance and you slowly headed down the stairs.

As you came to the bottom of the stairs you heard crying causing you to turn around to see Isabelle, looking scared and bruised but thankfully alive, and the man Garcia had sent you a picture of.

He held a gun to the little girl’s head causing you to pause for a second.

“Come any closer and I’ll kill her.” He threatened, causing the girl to let out a whimper.

“Hey, it’s ok, nobody needs to get hurt.” You said as you lowered your gun. You knew Hotch would kill you for this but you just needed that girl alive. “Look I’ve put my gun away, I’m not here to hurt you Mr Williams, I promise I just want to help.”

“You can’t help me!” He shouted, the hand holding the gun shaking.

“I can, I promise I’ll do everything I can to help you but don’t let her parent’s go through what you went through when you lost Amelia.” You knew bringing up his daughter could go one of two ways and if it went south…you really needed him pointing that gun at you and not Isabelle.

“Don’t say her name!” He yelled and you couldn’t help but relax as the gun was finally pointed at you.

“It crushed you to lose her, she was your little girl and it’s not fair that she’s gone but you can’t take it out on these girls.” You tried to reason with him but you could see it in his eyes, you could see there was no talking him down.

You looked down at Isabelle and managed to discreetly signal to her to run up the stairs, out of the cellar, from there Hotch and Reid could help her.

You held your palm flat as Williams took a step closer to you, his attention no longer on the girl and with that you closed your fist and Isabelle was darting past you causing Williams to scream.

Before you even had a chance to draw your gun you felt a burning hot pain in your thigh and then another in your upper arm. As you hit the floor you heard the sound of people running down the stairs and more gun shots before your eyes slipped shut and your body went numb.

-

“What was she thinking?” Hotch asked as he paced in the private waiting room the team had been given.

“That last case with the kid really got to her, man. She blamed herself for his death.” Derek said from his seat.

“She’ll be ok, she always is.” Rossi said after a few moments of silence. Spencer really hoped that was true but he couldn’t get the image of you out of his mind.

Blood seemed to be pouring out of both the wounds alarmingly fast, Hotch hadn’t hesitated to shoot Williams before he was knelt on the floor next to you, uncaring about the blood staining his clothes. His hand cupped your cheek as he pleaded for you to wake up, desperately shouting for a medic.

It was safe to say Hotch had always had a soft spot for you though it had never been said it was obvious to everyone on the team, except of course for you. Every time someone teased you about it you just smiled and shook your head.

The image of Hotch so emotional as he held your unconscious body against his chest was one that wouldn’t leave his mind for a long while.

Eventually a doctor came over and told them of your condition. You had lost a lot of blood, nearly flat lined as they operated on you, one of the bullets had shattered so it was a long process but thankfully you’d be fine.

“She’s waking up but she’s on a lot of medication right now so just take it easy with her.” The doctor advised as he led them to your room. Everyone thanked him before he left and Hotch turned to the team.

“I know you all want to see her but could I have a few moments alone?” He asked and nobody had it in them to deny that request, not when Hotch was looking more scared, more worried than they could ever recall.

“How you doing?” Hotch asked softly as he entered the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

“I’m ok.” You whispered, slowly opening your eyes and shooting him a small smile.

“Y/N,” Hotch began still talking softly as he pulled a chair close to your bed, “what you did today-” He started but you cut him off.

“Saved a little girl’s life.” You smiled, “I won’t apologize, if I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn’t change a damn thing.” You told him and were surprised to see him smile. It was a rare sight for you so you couldn’t help but savour the moment.

Ever since you’d started working at the FBI you’d always had a small crush on Hotch, never acting on it because he was your boss but it was always there. The rest of the team teased you about Hotch being soft on you but you knew there was no truth to it - though seeing him here, smiling at you had you hoping they could be right.

When Hotch took your hand in his, brushing his thumb against your knuckles you couldn’t help but stare down at the joined hands.

“I know you wouldn’t.” He said, the small smile still in place. “Y/N, I need you to be more careful though, you could have called for backup. Doing it alone got you hurt, you nearly died and losing you…it’s not an option.” Hotch said, the words surprising him as well as you.

You couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment, your eyebrows knitting together as you took in the words.

“Hotch,” You began, throat suddenly dry and you had no idea what you were going to say. Thankfully he cut you off.

“I can’t lose you, Y/N.” He admitted and every part of him was screaming to shut up, he was your boss, this wasn’t right but he’d almost lost you today, if the bullet had hit you a little more to the right you would have bled out. He couldn’t lose you. “I know it’s not appropriate, I know I’m your boss but I cannot lose you.” He repeated as he lifted your knuckles to his lips

Your eyes watered, Hotch was here with a confession you’d only dreamed of hearing.

God, you wished you weren’t high on pain meds right now.

“I don’t care that you’re my boss, I don’t care what people will say. I only want you, Aaron.” You whispered, causing him to let out a watery laugh.

“I’ve waited so long for you to say that.” He admitted quietly, making you blush. “You’re so beautiful.” He murmured.

“I just got shot, I look horrible,” you laughed, causing his eyes to brighten.

“You could never.” He said, his tone so painfully honest that all you could do was smile shyly at him, a soft blush covering your cheeks.

The two of you stayed silent for a moment before a knock on the door interrupted you as Derek poked his head around. You watched as his eyes almost immediately darted to your joined hands, a small grin on his face.

“Can we come in?” He asked looking at Hotch and then you, both of you nodded and pretty quickly everyone was settled in your room.

Hotch never let go of your hand.

-

“You can take the jet home, we’ll be fine here.” Hotch told everyone as they got back to the hotel that night. There was a sense of pride as everyone shook their heads no, wanting to wait until you were released so you could all head home together.

His team was truly amazing.

Alone in bed he had plenty of time to think of the conversation that took place between the two of you. There had always been something about you but he never focused on it, when you had first joined the team he was still married but after his divorce he started noticing you more.

It was true he had always been less strict with you but he was always able to brush it off until one day he realised he was falling for you. He didn’t know when it happened just that it did but he was your boss, it wasn’t allowed.

But seeing you in that hospital bed, looking so small attached to various different wires and monitors, watching as you bled out on the dirty floor of the cellar…rules be damned, he wasn’t going to waste any opportunities with you. Even if you told him you didn’t feel the same, at least he tried.

But somehow you did feel the same.

He was still trying to register that. How could someone like you, someone so young, so much potential, so much goodness, like someone like him, he was older, he was divorced, he had a kid.

With a sigh, he rolled over and closed his eyes.

You liked him.

He wouldn’t let a day go by where he wouldn’t show you how much he cared for you.

He couldn’t lose you, it wasn’t an option.

-

“Hey, have you heard from the hospital? How is she?” Reid asked the next morning as everyone met in the lobby.

“She’s trying to bribe nurses to let her leave so I’d say she’s doing much better.” Hotch said, causing everyone to laugh as they piled into the SUV.

The ride over to the hospital was fairly quick, everyone talking amongst themselves. Rossi sat up front with Hotch and after making sure everyone else was distracted he quietly spoke.

“So, you and Y/N,” He began, watching how Hotch tensed.

“It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?” Hotch asked, it was a thought that kept running through his head but he ignored it as best he could.

“I don’t think so.” Rossi said, causing Hotch to look at him for half a second before turning his attention back to the road. “I think the two of you are professional enough to make sure it doesn’t affect your work. You like her, Hotch, you have for a long time and she likes you. You both deserve to be happy.” Rossi said sincerely just as they pulled up to the hospital.

As everyone else got out, Hotch turned to Rossi and just looked at him for a moment.

“Thank you.” He said. He really needed to hear that it was ok and he trusted Rossi to tell him the truth no matter how much it hurt.

-

“How is she?” Emily asked as the doctor walked up to the group.

“She’s tough. Though there was a lot of blood, the wounds themselves aren’t a cause for concern. We’re going to get her some medication and then you can take her with you.” The team all let out a collective sigh of relief at the news.

“Hey baby girl.” Morgan greeted as he walked over to you, placing a kiss on your head. “How you doing today?”

“Hey,” you grinned up at him, “I feel pretty good, all things considered.” You told him honestly. Naturally your wounds hurt but the medication was working great.

Your eyes drifted to Hotch, looking for any signs of regret. You had a feeling that a night alone might make him realise all the ways this could blow up in your faces but thankfully he shot you a small, barely there smile letting you know everything was alright.

-

Being back in your own bed was a blessing you would never take for granted again. Though it was made better by the fact Hotch was here, sitting next to you as he adjusted the covers around you.

“You’ll shout me if you need me, right?” He asked. You hadn’t wanted to be alone tonight and Hotch had been worrying over you since you were discharged from the hospital. Now that the medicine was starting to wear off and the ones prescribed to you weren’t as strong you were starting to feel the pain and Hotch had offered to come home with you just to make sure you were ok. He insisted on sleeping in the guest room of your apartment which made you smile.

“I promise.” You assured him, smiling as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

“Ok, I’ll let you get some sleep. Goodnight sweetheart.” He whispered, squeezing your hand twice before he headed out of the room. You watched as he paused in the doorway, a smile on his face as he looked back at you.

“Goodnight Aaron.”

I Have Found You

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Aaron Hotchner Taglist - @braelyniskool, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29

Prompt - I have for the first time found what I can truly love. I have found you.

—————————————————–

You and Aaron had had a long week at work, each on separate cases but both equally as drained as the other. Your job saw you travelling to and from New York each day, working for one of the states best law firms, it was hard working your way up but you did it and now you were dealing with high profile cases day in and day out.

This case was particularly gruelling but it was finally finished and you had won. It was a small victory for the family but it was a victory nonetheless.

Aaron was working on his own case, he had been in Las Vegas for the past four days dealing with a serial killer who was targeting families. The unsub was organised, too organised, and more families were killed before they finally caught a break. From there it had been a matter of hours before they caught the man and the team was back on the jet.

Aaron finished up on the phone before dropping down into his seat beside Rossi who raised an eyebrow at him.

“Short of an emergency we all have Friday and Monday off, I don’t want to see any of you for four days.” Aaron announced to the jet, smiling as it was filled with cheers and laughter.

“So, big plans?” Rossi asked, smirking at Aaron who just rolled his eyes.

“I plan on doing absolutely nothing.” Aaron replied with a smile, already thinking of how great it would be to spend a long weekend with you and Jack, it had been far too long. He had already spoken to you and upon hearing the good news of your case asked if you could get two days off and thanked god that you could.

“I hear you, man.” Derek spoke up from opposite Rossi. “Four whole days of nothing but me and my girl.”

“What about you, kid?” Rossi asked, looking at Spencer who sat opposite Aaron.

“There’s a film festival I really wanted to go to actually, it's showing a bunch of different films in their original language.” Spencer told him and the grin on his face was enough to stop any teasing.

“Have a good time, pretty boy.” Derek smiled back, ruffling the younger man's hair causing him to pout.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at the scene but as much as he loved this family, he couldn’t wait to get back home to you and Jack.

-

“How hard can cupcakes be, right?” You asked Jack, who stood on a chair in front of the counter. The two of you were staring at the ingredients that were spread out, not knowing where to start. When you suggested Jack make something for Aaron you were thinking more along the lines of a picture but when the kid suggested cupcakes well…you really wanted cupcakes.

“Right.” Jack agreed, grinning up at you.

Turns out it was harder to make cupcakes than either of you thought.

Aaron walked into the house, smiling immediately as he heard Jack giggling madly. He was quick to follow the noise but stopped abruptly as he stared into the kitchen.

“Daddy!” Jack yelled, quickly scrambling off the chair and throwing himself at Aaron who caught him and lifted him with ease despite the cupcake mixture that stuck to his clothes, face and hair.

“Hey buddy,” He grinned, turning his attention to you. There you stood, cupcake mix splatter on your face, in your hair and on your shirt. You looked dejected as you held an electric mixer, clearly the culprit of the cupcake explosion. “It looks like you and Y/N are having fun.” He said with a laugh, watching how you pouted up at him.

“We were gonna make cupcakes for you, daddy, but Y/N put it on too high.” Jack informed Aaron, giggling madly as he did.

“I didn’t know!” You defended, there was a reason you weren’t trusted in the kitchen.

Aaron’s smile grew and he couldn’t wait any longer to move closer to you, the hand that didn’t hold Jack caressed your cheek and he brought you in for a soft kiss. It didn’t last long, how could it with Jack laughing and making kissing noises, but the two of you pulled away with matching, love struck smiles before you and Jack began laughing together at the cupcake batter that was now perched on Aaron’s nose.

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t fight back the smile.

“Alright, alright,” he said, gaining both of your attention, “how about you two get cleaned up and we can all go out for dinner and then get some cupcakes, hm? That sound good?” He asked Jack who nodded with a grin and squirmed for Aaron to put him down. Once he did, Jack shot off to his bedroom and Aaron turned his attention to you.

“You can’t of thought that was a good idea.” He said as he wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning in to steal another kiss.

“The kid said cupcakes, who was I to say no?” You responded when he pulled away, giggling as he trailed kisses to your jaw and then peppered them down your neck.

Your eyes closed as you tilted your head back, giving the man more access and you couldn’t help but whine as he pulled away. The whine quickly turned into a laugh as he leaned closer and licked a blob of batter that had stuck to your neck.

“Go clean up, baby.” He said before kissing your head and untangling himself from you.

You and Jack were quick to clean yourselves up and soon you were all out the door and heading to a restaurant that you often frequented when you had Jack.

-

It felt like forever since you had been out with the Hotchner boys and you enjoyed every minute of it, no annoying work calls pulling one of you away, no looming threat of Aaron being called to a different state. No, just you, Aaron and Jack going out together, eating good food, catching up with each other properly.

It was wonderful.

“Cupcakes now daddy?” Jack asked as the waitress cleared the plates.

“Yeah, cupcakes now daddy?” You echoed with a smirk watching as Aaron playfully glared at you.

“Sure thing buddy,” He said to Jack, causing you to let out a quiet laugh. “Pick which one you want.”

Aaron couldn’t tell you who smiled wider when dessert was brought out, you or Jack. Both of you tucked in with the same hunger and he just smiled at the scene.

When you and Aaron had first met, it was to do with a case he was working on. He never expected it to blossom into this. The friendship was unexpected but not unwelcome and then before either of you had realised it you had developed feelings for one another.

You were quite a bit younger than him and he was hesitant to bring the feelings up, not understanding what you could possibly see in an older, divorced, single father.

That was the other issue, sure you knew about Jack but there was a difference between knowing about him and wanting to be a part of his life and as much as Aaron had liked you he knew he couldn’t bring somebody into his life who couldn’t accept Jack.

So the pining went on for months as Aaron made the decision for you that you didn’t want to be burdened with a child that wasn’t yours. And when you finally pulled Aaron’s head out of his arse and made him talk about the feelings between you, you could have slapped him silly.

Sure kids weren’t exactly your forte but you’d at least have liked the chance to decide that. From there Aaron had introduced you to Jack after the two of you went on a few dates. The two of you decided the best place would be out in public, a little less daunting and that’s how you ended up at the zoo.

Jack had warmed up to you rather quickly and you surprised yourself with how good you were with him. Eventually it was Jack asking if you could have a sleepover at their house rather than Aaron trying to explain that you might be there in the morning sometimes.

Aaron was so glad you had talked him out of his own head way back when, and as he watched you with Jack, he knew, not that there was any doubt, that he’d made the right choice.

-

“Can we watch a movie?” Jack asked as the three of you entered the house.

“Buddy, it’s nearly bedtime.” Aaron reminded him as he took your coat from you before taking his own off.

“Please daddy,” Jack pleaded, turning on the puppy dog eyes, “I’ll brush my teeth and put my pyjamas on.”

He looked at you but you were looking down at Jack with a soft smile and he couldn’t say no if he wanted to.

“Deal, teeth and pyjamas, we’ll meet back here in five.” Aaron said and grinned as Jack took off running.

“C’mere baby,” He mumbled as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping you up in his arms. “I missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.” You confessed into his chest before titling your head up. Aaron was quick to turn his head, leaning down and capturing your lips in a soft, slow kiss. When he pulled away he didn’t go far, resting his head on your forehead.

“Can’t wait to have you all to myself these next few days.” He told you quietly, fingers brushing against your waist.

“Me neither, it’s going to be heaven.” You replied, matching both his tone and the smile on his face.

“Daddy,” Jack’s voice pulled you away from each other and you turned to see the kid grinning up at Aaron showing his freshly brushed teeth and proudly wearing his Captain America pyjamas. “You and Y/N/N need your pyjamas too.”

“Of course we do!” You exclaimed, taking Aaron’s hand in yours and pulling him towards the bedroom with instructions for Jack to put a movie on.

“Really can’t wait to have you all to myself.” Aaron said again as he watched you pull your shirt over your head.

“Down boy.” You laughed, throwing the shirt at him.

Watching you undress made Aaron long to touch you but seeing you dressed in his clothes, sweatpants that were way too big for you and a college shirt that drooped off your shoulders was somehow infinitely sweeter.

“I love you.” He told you, pulling you close to place a kiss on your exposed shoulder.

“I love you too.” You smiled before turning around and kissing him. “Get changed.” You ordered.

“Yes ma’am.” Aaron laughed but did as you said.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile as he held his family in his arms. Jack was half in your lap and half in Aarons and you were sat flushed against him, head resting on his shoulder and your hand holding Jack’s leg.

The movie was still playing but Jack was fast asleep against his chest and you were pretty close to following. Despite that though, Aaron couldn’t bring himself to move and send you both to bed. Instead he tightened his grip on both of you, smiling as you cuddled further into him.

This, this was all he needed, you and Jack by his side. His little family, both of whom had been through so much. All he wanted to do was protect both of you and he would, god would he do anything to protect the pair of you.

You were one of the best things that had happened to him, he had known it since the day he had met you and he had known it two weeks ago when the team finished a case in California and he walked into the jewellers to buy the ring and he knew it now, looking down at you holding onto him and Jack.

He knew you were the best thing to happen to him in a really long time and he would forever be thankful that he had found you.

Some Things Are Worth The Risk

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Prompt - 'But he'd learned long ago that a life lived without risks pretty much wasn't worth living.’

Working for the FBI and hiding secrets, especially when you worked in the BAU surrounded by some of the best profilers in the world, was incredibly difficult but by some miracle you had managed it. The first few months on the job were terrible, you kept to yourself despite the team's attempt to draw you in, you dreaded every time you were called into Hotch’s office, thinking that he knew what you were hiding.

Eventually though, after months on the job you figured if they hadn’t found you out by now then it was unlikely they would. You began to relax, accepting the invitations for drinks at the bar and going to the dinners Rossi hosted. The team didn’t question the change in your behaviour, they just assumed that you were shy and it had taken you a while to adjust to everything.

Though you never forgot the secret, the weight of it constantly felt like it was resting on your shoulders, hell it was the whole reason you had joined the BAU to begin with, but you’d gotten so good at hiding it that some days it was easy to ignore it.

So when Hotch called you at three in the morning with a new case, you had no reason to be worried. Why would you be? It was standard to get called at all hours for a case, there was no rest for the unsubs. It hadn’t taken you too long to get to the air strip but everyone else was already on the jet when you walked in. You took the empty seat next to Hotch, sitting opposite Rossi and Spencer. Everyone looked to be in various states of waking up and you knew you were no better, eyes more shut than they were open, fully intending on falling back asleep once the jet was in the air.

Hotch didn’t start talking until the jet had taken off. He handed out the files to you all and you flicked it open, not paying too much attention to where you were going, your eyes going straight to the pictures. All the women looked similar, all in their mid to late thirties, all with the same skin colour, hair colour and length. Each woman had one slash wound across their neck, which was determined to be the cause of death, each had been stabbed twice, once in the stomach and once the right thigh and each woman had chemical burns on their eyes due to bleach being poured into them.

As you read over the information you found yourself subconsciously sitting up straighter, eyes widening with each bit of information. You knew that MO but there was no way it could be who you thought…it was impossible. A life sentence prevented it from being the person you thought it was.

Hotch noticed your tense form and gently nudged your shoulder with his. As you let yourself get closer with the team, you found yourself getting especially close to Aaron Hotchner, you weren’t even sure how it had happened but before you knew it you found yourself being invited to his house for dinner with him and Jack or going out alone for dinner when Jess offered to watch his son. You found yourself developing feelings for the older man, knowing that it couldn’t go anywhere, he was your supervisor and the director was already breathing down the BAU’s neck. It didn’t mean you would stop spending time with him or savouring the small touches he gave you.

“You ok?” He whispered when you didn’t look away from the file in your hand. Before you could respond Penelope’s voice was sounding through the jet.

“I’d love to be the bearer of good news once in a while but that has yet to happen,” As she spoke you looked up at Aaron and gave him a small nod, forcing a smile on your face. He didn’t look convinced but he let it go for now, you knew the second he got you alone though he would question you again.

“Another victim?” Tara asked.

"Yes, no ID yet but I should have one for you by the time you land. She was found the same way the other victims were, in her home, tied to a chair with the same,” here Penelope paused to grimace before gesturing to the screens in front of her with a pink fluffy pen, “wounds. Local police are waiting for you guys before they move the body.” Penelope informed you all before saying goodbye.

“Reid, Morgan I want the two of you to head straight to the newest crime scene. JJ, go to the station and get a head start on the media. Lewis and Dave, head to the last crime scenes and see if you can see anything. Y/N, you and I will head to the ME and see what they can tell us.” Everyone nodded along and began to strap themselves in for the land.

You had a bad feeling about this case.

-

“So each victim has the same set out ligature marks on each wrist but there are no defensive wounds. All the victims have the same stab wounds but what interested me about them was how precise they were.” The medical examiner said as she gestured for you to look at the pictures displayed.

“They’re in the exact same place each time.” Hotch said as he stepped forward to examine them.

“Yes, whoever did this also knew exactly where to hit so that the victims would be in an excruciating amount of pain but wouldn’t bleed out. There were also chemical wounds in their eyes created using bleach.”

As the medical examiner spoke you continued to examine the bodies whilst Hotch looked at the different images displayed. The MO was too similar to ignore and you knew there was one thing missing, one thing that if you confirmed was there would send you spiralling. You knew where to look but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

The medical examiner and Hotch continued talking and you took a deep breath, glad Hotch’s attention wasn’t on you, if he glanced at you now he would have immediately pulled you from the room and made you tell him what was wrong.

You stepped closer to one of the bodies, it wouldn’t be there, you thought, it couldn’t be there because there was a life sentence in place that meant this couldn’t happen again. You squeezed your eyes shut before opening them again and pulling the sheet of the victim, it took a moment before you let your eyes shift down to the victims left hand.

“Y/N.” Hotch said, turning to face you after hearing a crash. You had pulled away from the victim so fast and ended up crashing into the table full of supplies, sending them toppling down to the floor. “Y/N.” Hotch said again, hurrying over to your side.

Tears fell down your face and you felt the air leave your lungs. You gasped for breath and felt your head felt like it was pounding. This couldn’t be happening but the evidence was right there in front of you, a small cross carved onto the victim’s fourth finger right where a wedding ring would rest.

“Y/N, hey, listen to me.” You heard Hotch say softly, though you could hear the slight panic in his tone. “Copy my breathing.” He instructed and though it took a long while eventually your breathing evened out and the feeling of being light headed started to subside.

Hotch watched you collect yourself as best you could with tears still running down your face before he spoke.

“What is it, Y/N?” He asked softly.

“I know who the killer is.” Was your whispered reply.

-

Hotch drove the two of you to the precinct, neither of you saying a word as you followed him into the conference room. Everyone looked up at his arrival, Derek ready to fill him in on what they gathered but one look at your puffy, red eyes cut him short.

“What’s going on?” He asked instead.

“Get Garcia on the phone now.” Hotch requested, Tara was quick to call the woman who answered cheerily.

“Garcia, I need you to look up a William Parker quickly.” He said and Penelope promptly started typing, the only sound to be heard as they awaited her answer.

“Um, right, here it is, William Parker, aged 53, born in…Charlevoix, Michigan. He had a wife and a daughter.” Garcia read out and Hotch turned to look back at you. You hadn’t told him how you knew Parker, only that you were sure he was the killer. He hadn’t doubted you, not after a reaction like that, he trusted you on this.

“Had?” Derek asked, leaning forward in his seat, "What happened to them, baby girl?”

Hotch was still watching you and saw how you tensed up, what was going on?

“Give me a sec, I’m getting them unsealed right now.” It took a couple of minutes in which the team shot each other looks of confusion and looks of concern in your direction but Penelope let out a small ‘ah ha’ and drew their attention back to the phone. “Wow, ok, are you thinking this guys your unsub because if so I’d say you're absolutely right.”

“How so, Garcia?” Hotch asked. You glanced up and saw him looking at you. It was taking everything in you not to flee the room right now.

“Well, he was arrested years back for killing his wife. Police showed up at the house when their neighbour called the police after hearing crying for hours. They found the wife tied to a chair, two stab wounds in the stomach and right thigh, bleach in the eye and a slash wound to the neck.” Here Penelope gasped, “Oh no.”

“What baby girl?” Derek asked.

“The crying. Parker’s daughter was found covered in a mix of her and her mom’s blood. She was tied against the chair her mom was in, covered in cuts and bruises.” Hotch, who still had yet to take his eyes off you, watched as you rubbed your wrists the realisation hitting him.

“Garcia, what happened to the kid?” Rossi asked and Hotch saw your body shake with silent sobs.

“She got placed in witness protection so it’ll take me a while to find out exactly where she is now but it seemed she was moved out of state after giving evidence at her dad’s trial.” Penelope said as she clicked a link before gasping. You might have been young in that picture but she’d know your face anywhere.

“Oh my god.” Penelope said, tears filling her own eyes. That was the confirmation Hotch needed and he immediately wrapped you in his arms, everyone’s attention turning to you as you let out heart wrenching sobs.

“Garcia,” Derek says, not wanting it to be true.

“It’s Y/N, our Y/N.” She says quietly, the room falling silent except for the sounds of your sobbing.

-

Spencer handed you a cup of water before taking a seat next to you. You looked up at him, shooting him a grateful smile. You had managed to calm down a bit with Hotch’s help and now you were sitting at the table in between Spencer and Hotch. Everyone was shooting you concerned looks but you couldn’t look at them. Penelope was on the phone as the team set to work on finding where Parker was now.

“Wait, so this guy should be serving a life sentence, right?” Derek asked Penelope who began typing again.

“He was charged with life in prison but two weeks ago he got transferred and managed to escape.” Penelope told them, “It seems Parker and another man Lewis Miller managed to escape but Miller was caught pretty quickly.”

“Y/N,” Tara starts carefully, “how did you know this was him?”

“The MO was too similar to ignore but I was hoping,” You began but cut yourself off as tears began to fill your eyes. Hotch frowned sympathetically as he placed his hand on one of yours and you let yourself take comfort from the touch. You took a shaky breath before continuing, “I was hoping, maybe it was a copycat, you know? All that information was released to the press but there was one thing he did to my mom,” You choked out. Spencer pushed the water in your direction causing you to smile and take small sips. “He carved a small ‘x’ into her ring finger right where her wedding ring would sit. When Hotch and I were with the ME, I checked and the victims had the same carvings.”

With that you turned into Hotch, despite the chair's arms in between and he wrapped both his arms around you.

“We’ll find him.” He promised, smiling sadly when he felt you nod against his chest.

-

“There’s been a new body but there’s something different.” The chief informed you all as he entered the conference room you’d been given.

“What is it?” Hotch asked, standing up.

“The woman, it was a girl in her mid twenties.” He said and the whole team turned to look at you. You only had eyes for Hotch though, he turned to see you looking at him with fear in your eyes.

“Hey,” he said, making his way over to you and leaning down so that you were eye level. “This is not your fault, you understand me?” He asked.

“Hotch,” you choked out but the older man cut you off.

“No, Y/N, this, none of this is your fault. I promise.” It was like those were the words you needed to hear, you let out a shaky breath and nodded. “You need to stay here, ok?”

“No, Aaron please. I need to be on this case.” You pleaded but you could see the man wasn’t going to budge.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but somehow he knows you’re here, that’s the only reason he’d change victimology. I can’t, I won’t risk you getting hurt. I promise you we’ll catch him but for me to do that, you have to stay here, where I know you’re safe.” Hotch told you and the sincerity of it had you nodding. You didn’t like it but ultimately you knew he was right.

“Okay.” You said, causing him to give you a small smile.

“Thank you.” He said before straightening up and pulling you into his arms. “We’ll get him.” He repeated and you nodded against his chest, fully believing him.

“I’ll stay with her.” Rossi offered as the rest of the team headed for the door. Hotch shot his friend a grateful look before turning to leave himself.

Nobody hurt you and got away with it.

-

On the way to the latest crime scene Penelope called Hotch and informed them that she had combed through security camera footage and found Parker driving away. The two SUV’s turned their sirens on and broke every road law there was, following Penelope’s instructions and taking one too many sharp turns that left them clutching their seats but eventually they caught up with the man.

Parker instantly sped up upon seeing two SUV’s but that didn’t deter them and Hotch pressed his foot even harder to the pedal. When Parker made a sharp right turn down a dirt road, Hotch spoke up.

“Garcia, where does the lead?” He heard her typing as she desperately tried to find something of interest but nothing came up.

“Nowhere, sir.” She replied.

“There has to be something!” Hotch snapped, missing the look of concern Spencer gave him from the passenger seat.

“Sir, there’s nothing ther-wait a second, ok, there’s a cabin. Not too far from where you are now, another two minutes down that road.” Penelope rushed out.

“Thank you, Penelope.” Spencer replied as he watched Hotch’s face harden.

“Go get him.” Penelope commanded.

-

The SUV hadn’t come to a full stop as Hotch jumped out of it, chasing after Parker with his gun drawn. Parker had fled into the house and Hotch didn’t hesitate before he kicked it open and entered, the team following close behind.

They split up, Tara and JJ heading upstairs whilst Derek headed down to the basement and Spencer and Hotch searched the ground floor.

Hotch paused when he heard something scrape and turned to see the back door open. He was quick to run out, spotting Parker instantly. He didn’t have a shot, not from there and chased after him.

“Parker’s on foot, backdoor, into the woods.” Hotch said through the comms.

“Copy.”

Hotch continued to chase Parker through the woods before coming to a halt. The trail split into two different turnings…Hotch had lost him. He lowered his gun as he cursed himself for letting Parker get away before he spun around after hearing a gun click.

“So you’re the bastard who got my daughter.” Parker spat, looking Hotch up and down.

“And you’re the bastard who tied her to her dead mom after torturing her.” Hotch said as he cocked his gun.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Parker says, smirking at Hotch. “You can’t shoot me, I haven’t done anything to prevent you making an arrest.”

“The way I see it,” Hotch began, not taking his finger off the trigger. “There’s no-one here but us.” He said, smirking at the man in an attempt to aggravate him. He watched as Derek and Spencer appeared behind the man but hidden behind trees with their guns drawn.

“You wouldn’t.” Parker said, his face darkening as he took a step back.

“You really want to test that theory?” Hotch asked and with that Parker pulled the trigger. Hotch, having been expecting it, managed to move before the bullet left the gun and both Spencer and Derek fired their own weapons.

He watched as Parker’s body fell to the floor and Derek confirmed he was dead.

-

“He’s really gone?” You asked Hotch, who nodded and smiled softly as you fell against his chest.

“He’s really gone.” He reassured you, wrapping his arms around your waist and letting his head rest against yours after placing a soft kiss against your hair.

“Thank you.” You whispered.

“You never had to thank me.” Hotch replied, his tone as soft as yours.

“God,” You groaned when the two of you pulled away from each other as everyone else came out of the police station, “I never wanna come back to this damned town again.” You said, causing everyone to laugh.

“Let’s get you home, mama.” Derek said as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you against him and kissing your temple before leading you over to the SUV.

Hotch watched with a smile as Derek held the door open for you and you got into the car with a soft giggle.

“When are you going to ask her out?” Rossi asked from his spot next to Hotch.

“When we get home.” Hotch replied, shocking both himself and Rossi. He hadn’t actually been considering it but he knew it was right. Screw what people would say, you were right for him and hopefully you felt the same way about him.

“Attaboy.” Rossi smirked before heading over to the SUV.

Hotch stood there for a moment, just smiling to himself before Spencer pulled him out of his thoughts by placing a hand on his shoulder.

“You ready to leave?” He asked.

“Yes.” Hotch grimaced causing Spencer to smile and with that the two men made their way over to the SUV’s before leaving the town behind them all.

-

“Wait,” Tara said, causing everyone to look at her. You were sitting next to Hotch, letting your head rest against his shoulder whilst his arm was wrapped around your waist. Spencer and Rossi sat opposite you with JJ and Derek sitting on the sofa and Tara standing in the walkway. “Is your name even really Y/N?” She asked, causing everyone to look at you.

“It is, they wanted to change it, said it was protocol but, well you know me, I’m not one for protocol.” You said, causing everyone to laugh. “I managed to convince them to let me keep my first name and then my last name came from my mom’s side, my nan’s maiden name.”

“Y/F/N /Y/L/N, it suits you much better.” JJ said, making you smile.

“I like to think so.” You laughed.

“So when you said you grew up in New York?” Derek prompted.

“I got relocated there. The family I was placed with, they weren’t the best but they were nothing compared to my dad so I just stuck it out for the next few years and then moved here to start with the FBI program.” You all continued to talk for the entire plane ride about your past and you found it was easier to talk about.

Even though your dad had been in prison, as far as you had known anyway, there was always that lingering anxiety in the back of your head. Clearly it was for good reason, you couldn’t believe he had broken out but Aaron…Aaron made sure he couldn’t hurt you again.

You smiled to yourself as you cuddled further into him, heat spreading across your cheeks when you felt him tighten his grip.

-

“Oh my gosh, you’re ok!” Penelope said as soon as the elevator doors opened. You stepped out and let yourself be pulled into her warm embrace.

No matter how bad things got you could always count on Penelope Garcia to be there with open arms and a shoulder to cry on.

“I’m ok.” You assured her, pulling back to smile at her. “Thank you for helping them get him.” You said, watching her eyes water before she pulled you into another hug.

“I’m just so glad you’re safe.” She said before pulling away.

“Need a ride home?” Hotch asked as everyone headed to their desks.

“If you don’t mind.” You smiled.

“Of course not.” Hotch replied, shaking his head and smiling at you.

He had such a beautiful smile, all the hard lines on his face softened and he looked so much more relaxed this way.

“Thank you.” Hotch promised he’d be fast as he headed to his office to sort some things out, his report could wait until tomorrow. Right now you were his only priority. He told the rest of his team that the reports could wait, it was late and everyone should go home.

You and Hotch said goodbye to everyone before heading off to the elevator, you missing the smirk Rossi was giving Hotch.

On the ride down Hotch pondered just what he was going to say to you, how could he ask you out? Should he even ask you? If you said no it could ruin everything between you but then he thought back to how good it felt to be able to hold you in his arms, despite the awfulness of the case, and came to the conclusion that this was one of the things that was worth risking everything for.

Hotch remained silent for most of the car ride home and it was only when you spoke up he realised it.

“Are you ok?” You asked softly, drawing him from his thoughts. He cleared his throat before nodding.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking…” He said before trailing off.

“Nothing bad?” You asked, biting your lip as you waited for an answer. You watched as he smiled before letting out a small chuckle.

“No, nothing bad. At least I hope it’s nothing bad.” He said, causing you to look over at him, your brows knitting together as you tilted your head questioningly. He let out a soft sigh as he pulled up to your apartment complex.

“I was thinking about you.” He confessed, his tone soft as he looked away from you. Dave had assured him multiple times that you felt the same way as he did and as much as he trusted the older profilers skills, he just couldn’t see how someone like you could be interested in him. He was so much older, he had so much baggage…he just couldn’t understand it.

“Me?” You asked, keeping your voice quiet so you didn’t disturb the quietness around you.

“Yes. You’re what I’m thinking about most of the time actually, it’s quite distracting.” He told you with a small chuckle. “I know this probably isn’t appropriate and it’s probably not the best time considering the case we just had but I wondered if maybe I could take you out for dinner some time?” He asked, trying not to fumble over his words.

You couldn’t help the smile that stretched across your face or the blush that stained your cheeks.

“Like a date?” You asked, your smiling faltering as Aaron shook his head.

“Not like a date but an actual date.” He clarified, smiling as the smile came back to your face and you let out a laugh.

“I’d like that,” You told him, “I’d really like that.”

“Good, me too.” He said, clearing his throat as he registered the fact that you had said yes. You giggled softly as he sat there silently for a second. “If we don’t have a case this weekend, are you free?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good. I’ll pick you up at 6?” He asked and you nodded.

Before either of you could speak, you let out a small yawn, only just noticing how late it had gotten.

“You should get some sleep.” Hotch said softly.

“You too.” You told him, knowing he had slept very little on this case too.

“I will.” He promised. “If you need tomorrow off,” Hotch began but you cut him off.

“No, thanks but I’m good.” You assured him, watching as his eyes searched yours before he nodded.

“Goodnight Y/N,” he whispered, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on your cheek, smiling as the blush spread across them again.

“Goodnight Aaron.” You replied, smiling over at him almost shyly before getting out of the car and making your way over to the door.

Once you pushed it open you turned to wave at him before letting the door shut behind you. You couldn’t help but lean against it, in the way that only happens in those cheesy rom-coms you watch with Penelope, smiling widely to yourself before heading up to your apartment.

Hotch was still sitting outside, smiling at the door you had just entered.

If he felt this happy after you agreed to go on a date with him, he couldn’t wait until the weekend came. This definitely was one of the things that was worth this risk and somehow, despite all the bad luck he and his team seemed to attract, he really believed this could be one of the few things that went right.

Coldness & Cuddles

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Requested - Yes - Anon - a Bucky x reader fic with these prompts!!! (kinda an enemies to friends/lover trope)

Prompts - 71 - “Stop being dramatic.” 117 - “You’re shaking.” 146 - “Would you be so kind as to share the blanket?”

Ever since Steve had managed to get through to Barnes and bring him back to the compound things had been...well they hadn’t been great. There was tension thick in the air as people tiptoed around the Winter Soldier. Tony had been a great help though, his BARF technology helping Barnes get his head straight and with the help of other world renowned scientists they were able to deactivate the trigger words.

With that done the tension eased a bit.

You, however, did not get on with Barnes at all and he wasn’t your biggest fan either. The two of you had rubbed each other wrong since day one. You weren’t sure exactly what it was about Barnes that frustrated you so much but he had the ability to make you go from happy to pissed off in a matter of seconds.

Steve had tried to get the two of you to at least tolerate each other but you couldn’t be in the same room as him for longer than three minutes before an argument broke out. It wasn’t even anything important you were fighting about, sometimes it was about you eating the last piece of food he’d been saving, or him purposefully putting your favourite mug in one of the highest cupboards.

The arguments held no real meaning but the heat was there. The two of you couldn’t stand each other, which is why when Steve told you about your newest mission you were stumped.

-

“Y/N,” Steve sighed as he looked at you with wide, blue eyes.

“No.” You stated, plain and simple. “There is no way I am going on a mission alone with Barnes. We’d kill each other before we even arrived at the base.”

“Y/N,” Steve tried again but you were quick to cut him off.

“I’m not going, you can’t make me!” You were well aware you sounded like a child throwing a temper tantrum but you didn’t care. The mission was delicate enough considering it was HYDRA and whilst you definitely didn’t have it as bad as Barnes did with them, there was still history there that you would much rather ignore forever.

“You have to go, Y/N/N, I wouldn’t ask if there was another option. You know that.” Much as you hated to admit it, he was right. Steve and you didn’t always see eye to eye but you knew he had your back when it counted.

“Why me and him?” You asked, the fight leaving you.

“Buck knows HYDRA better than anybody else, he’s going to be able to get you both in and get the info we need before blowing it up. We need you to verify the information, the experiments they’re working on are the same ones they did to you. Also, if things go south then your talents are going to come in pretty useful.” Steve explained.

Years ago, so long ago that you couldn’t remember a time you hadn’t been there, HYDRA had taken you. You, yourself, meant nothing to them, you weren’t a bargaining chip, a tool for blackmail, you were nothing. You were someone who could go missing off the face of the Earth and nobody would notice.

From then on they experimented with something that held more power than human kind should have. It made some go crazy, many were killed by the sheer power but you...you had survived it and the power had created a whole array of mutations within you. There was the mind reading, the telekinesis and the ability to enchant minds, then you had the super speed, super hearing and super healing and on top of that there was the ability to teleport.

Whatever they used on you to make you like this they were still doing to other people, using them as weapons. Only it wasn’t working the way they wanted it to and there were sightings of HYDRA attacks where the attackers exploded.

The Avengers had been targeting HYDRA bases at an increasing speed, so they were getting desperate and sloppy in their attempts to recreate what had happened to you.

“Fine, I’ll go but can’t I just go alone, I mean I can teleport.” You smirked, causing him to roll his eyes.

“Yeah, you can teleport when you know where you’re going. I’m not risking you losing limbs just because you don’t like Buck.”

“I’d take a missing hand if it meant not spending time with him.” You outright grinned at the look Steve was shooting you.

“You know, if you gave each other a chance you’d realise how much you have in common.” Steve told you before he left the room causing you to let out a sharp laugh. You couldn’t even imagine getting through one conversation with him without an argument.

It was going to be a long mission.

-

The entire flight over to the HYDRA base was exhausting. You had sat in the furthest possible seat away from him the entire flight and shoved a pair of headphones in. Barnes had rolled his eyes at you but pulled out a lengthy book to read.

Four hours in and you were getting antsy. You’d never been particularly great on planes to begin with and since you could teleport to most places after seeing the general area through pictures or videos, you’d grown used to not travelling like this. It was so slow compared to teleportation.

You stood up from your seat with a groan and walked over to the bar that was installed on the plane.

“Drinking before a mission, pretty irresponsible Y/L/N.” Barnes chimed in causing you to roll your eyes. You downed the small amount of liquid that was in the glass before turning to glare at him.

“God forbid I have a drink before we spend the night in a rundown motel, Barnes.” You shot back, really not in the mood to deal with Barnes right now.

“Oh c’mon, don’t tell me you don’t wanna get stuck in. Sooner we get in, the sooner we can go our separate ways.” He said.

“Trust me, nobody is counting down the seconds until we can leave each other faster than I am.” You snarked back causing him to roll his eyes. He placed the book down and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Stop being dramatic.” He replied, causing you to laugh.

“Trust me, I’m being deadly serious right now. Anyway, we can’t go in guns blazing tonight. This isn’t a regular ‘go in, blow up a HYDRA base and leave’ job, this is us needing information, we need to know how they’re doing these experiments and most importantly we need to get the civilians out.” Steve had been clear when he gave you both this mission, as necessary as it was to blow up the HYDRA base, it was more important to get the victims out. Get everyone to safety, even if it means leaving this base.

“I know, I know.” Bucky grumbled, his Brooklyn accent coming out stronger than usual with the words causing you to look at him, only being used to hearing the Russian accent he tended to favour when arguing with you.

“Let’s just do our job and then we don’t have to see each other again.” You said before going back to your seat at the end of the plane.

-

It was freezing.

That was the only thought you were capable of as you stepped off the plane. You were somewhere in nowhere, Russia. Somewhere way off the radar, the weather alone was enough to stir you away.

Thankfully there was a small town, it was a trek away from the HYDRA base but this was as close as the two of you could get before there were no signs of civilisation. You struggled to shoot a smile at the driver as you got out of the cab, your lips were frozen.

Barnes left you outside as he went in to book a room. Surprisingly for a small town in the middle of nowhere, most of the car park spaces were taken and you crossed your fingers hoping that that didn’t mean the motel was booked up.

Thankfully Barnes came out of the reception area holding a pair of keys and gestured for you to follow him. You tugged your bag further up your shoulder before following him to the door, cursing him in your head at how long it took him to open it.

However, you both stopped short in the doorway as you took in the room. It was a small room, the only thing in there was a small kitchen, an armchair, a coffee table and a bed.

A bed.

As in singular.

One.

God you were going to kill Steve.

“Great.” Barnes muttered as he stomped into the room, throwing his bag on the floor. You followed after, agreeing with the sentiment.

“I’ll take the chair, you take the bed.” You said as you placed your bag on the armchair, grimacing at the stains on it.

“No, no, it’s fine. I don’t need as much sleep, you take the bed.” Barnes insisted, causing you to raise an eyebrow. You figured this would be the one thing Barnes didn’t fight you on.

“Barnes, the chair’s tiny, you wouldn’t even fit on it.” You weren’t wrong, the chair looked like something designed with a child in mind. Barnes', admittedly impressive, physique would struggle. “Besides you might not need as much sleep but you need to be on your game tomorrow.”

“I’ll be fine, take the bed.” Barnes argued again causing you to roll your eyes.

“Barnes it’s late, I’m tired and cold and I really don’t feel like arguing. You take the bed, I’ll take the chair. End off.” You said before rooting through your bag, pulling out a pair of pyjamas and your toiletries. “And have the heating on by the time I come out.” You said before disappearing into the bathroom.

Bucky grumbled to himself as he watched you close the door but went to do as you asked. He could feel the cold even with the serum running through him so he dreaded to think how bad you were feeling it.

“Great.” Bucky grumbled for the second time in as many minutes as he discovered that the only heater in the room was broken.

“Fuck it’s cold.” You muttered as you left the bathroom.

“The heaters broke so I’d get used to it.” Barnes said before taking his turn in the bathroom.

You glared at the broken heater for a moment, dreading the night to come. You already tended to run cold and didn’t take well to the colder climates.

With a sigh, you turned and took the thinner blanket from the bed before settling down in the armchair. You wrapped the blanket around yourself as best you could but knew it would be useless in blocking out the freezing cold air.

Barnes came out of the bathroom and paused to look at you. You were pale and looked miserable. He went to offer you the bed again but before he could say anything you were talking.

“Go to bed, Barnes.” He did so, reluctantly, feeling guilty which was a new feeling when it came to you.

-

For hours you had tried desperately to sleep but it was useless. The cold was too much and you felt yourself shaking as you tried to keep your mind active and focusing on anything but how cold you were. It was all in vain though as you shifted again trying your best to find some source of warmth.

Bucky too was awake. The cold was harsh, he felt the chill deep within his bones and frowned as he heard you shift and sigh in frustration.

Without overthinking it, he sat up and turned the lamp on causing you to screw your eyes shut for a moment before opening them again to find Barnes looking at you in concern.

“You’re shaking.” He said and as much as you wanted to argue, as much as you didn’t want to seem weak in front of him, you could hardly deny it.

Bucky frowned as he took in your shaking form, the frown deepening when he saw the blue tinged lips.

“C’mere.” He said softly, gesturing to the place next to him.

You shook your head. It was bad enough you were this weak in front of him, you refused to give him the upper hand, though you struggled to figure out what game he was playing.

“Y/N,” He began, causing you to look up at him again, he’d never used your first name, “Would you be so kind as to share the blanket with me? I’m freezing, you’re freezing. Just one night and we never have to talk about it again."

You looked at him, really looked at him. You could see no ulterior motive and no threats were visible. He seemed genuinely concerned which you knew wasn’t right but at the moment you were too cold to care.

“Fine.” You agreed, wincing at your hoarse sounding voice.

You made your way over to the bed and climbed in, sighing in relief as Barnes wrapped the blanket around you, the heat from Barnes feeling like heaven right now.

Bucky smiled as you cuddled further into the bed. Before he could stop himself, he was wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close so you were tucked against his chest.

“What are you doing?” You asked quietly, tensing at the close contact.

“Making sure you don’t freeze to death.” He said, though it didn’t feel like the whole truth to him.

“Please, we both know you hate me.” You chuckled before having to clear your throat. Bucky grimaced, having a feeling you were going to be really sick in the next few days.

“I don’t hate you, Y/N/N,” He whispered, something about the cold air and feel of your body against his made him want to talk to you, make you see he didn’t hate you, “I mean, you manage to push every one of my buttons and sometimes I’d love to wipe that smirk of your face,” He chuckled causing your lips to twitch into a smile, “but at the same time, I look forward to our arguments, I like them, I like spending time with you even if you do make me wanna pull my hair out.”

You laughed at that, turning your head to face him. As you thought about it yourself, really thought about it, the more you realised just how much you too looked forward to bumping into him. That sharp tongue of his matching your remarks faster than anyone else, keeping you on your toes constantly.

“I suppose I don’t hate you either.” You admitted, just as quietly, like you were sharing your one of your deepest secret, maybe you were.

“You sure do got a way with words, doll.” Barnes joked as he ran his metal fingers down your arm.

“Shut up, Barnes.” You said, hoping he'd blame the flush on your cheeks on the cold.

“Call me Bucky.” He insisted with a soft smile. You hesitated a moment before nodding and cuddling into him.

“Goodnight...Bucky.”

“Sweet dreams Y/N/N.”

Half of a Whole

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Prompt - ‘We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright.’

—————————————————–

Falling in love with Spencer Reid was the easiest thing in the world.

You felt like you had known him your whole life and loved him even longer. From the minute the two of you were introduced nobody could deny the chemistry, you always joked that you must have known him in another life.

Never had you felt so comfortable with anyone as fast as you had with Spencer, he was the first person you turned to when you received good news, if you needed a shoulder to cry on Spencer gladly offered his, even if he had struggled the first few times it happened.

The two of you were like the same person and yet somehow you were so different, Spencer’s hesitation when dealing with strangers was fixed as you greeted everyone with a smile and friendly greeting and your struggles were countered by Spencer just as easily. The two of you fitted into each other's lives so easily it was like you had never not known the other.

Spencer Reid had never felt like this before. At first it scared him, god did it terrify him when he couldn’t get you out of his head, every thought somehow led back to you, his eyes straying to find yours when you were in a room together.

It was how he ended up at Derek Morgan’s home at two in the morning, knocking frantically on the door before coming face to face with a disgruntled Derek.

“Kid,” he had said, relaxing slightly as he saw there was no threat, “it’s two in the morning, this better be good.”

“I really need to talk to you.” Spencer told him, twisting his hands together. You had all just gotten back from a case, it was a tough one. You had been the unsubs' latest target and they found you just before the unsub could slit your throat.

Spencer had never felt so scared in his whole life.

“This better be good.” Derek grumbled but pulled the door open to let the younger man in.

It wasn’t long before the two were settled on the sofa together, Derek waiting patiently for Spencer to start talking.

Any other time he would have pushed Spencer to start but he had a feeling this was about you and knew Spencer needed to go at his own pace considering how far out of his comfort zone he was.

“Y/N nearly died today.” It wasn’t what Spencer had intended to say but this was the event that had made him realise just how strongly he felt for you.

“Yeah she did but she’s fine. We got her.” Derek assured him, watching as Spencer nodded but didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“I think I’m in love with her.” Was the next statement and, yeah, that was more along the lines of what he wanted to tell Derek.

“I know you are, kid.” Derek couldn’t smother a smile no matter how hard he tried but seeing Derek’s expression made Spencer relax.

“I’ve never been in love before.” Spencer said, causing Derek’s expression to soften.

“It’s not easy but if she’s the right girl she’s worth it and trust me, Spenc, Y/F/N Y/L/N is the right girl for you.” Derek said, his tone leaving no room for disagreement.

It didn’t take a genius to see that you and Spencer belonged together, Derek didn’t believe in soulmates but looking at the two of you, your souls were definitely half of a whole, nobody could deny that.

“What do I do, Derek?” Spencer asked, turning puppy dog eyes onto his friend.

“You tell her.” Was the wonderful advice Spencer was gifted with at 2:24am.

“That’s it?” Spencer asked dubiously, “I just walk up to her and say ‘hey y/n, I’m completely and hopelessly in love with you.”

Derek chuckled but was impressed the kid wasn’t having a bigger freak out. The entire team, besides you of course, had been waiting for the day Spencer realised his feelings and they were also waiting for the major panic to follow it.

Honestly, Spencer was doing better than anyone expected.

“Well maybe don’t start with that. Just ask her on a date,” When he saw Spencer go to cut him off he shook his head, “trust me, she’s not going to say no. That girl is head over heels for you too, pretty boy.” Derek grinned which turned into a laugh as Spencer flushed.

“I just ask her out?” Spencer asked.

“You just ask her out.” Derek confirmed and that was the beginning of your relationship.

The next day Spencer headed into work, determined to ask you out on a date. He knew how badly you wanted to go to the new restaurant that had recently opened so that sorted out the location, now he just had to ask.

Which was easier said than done.

Every time he tried to ask you, someone or something seemed to interrupt. It was like the universe was working against him. As the work day drew to an end Spencer had given up and was sitting at his desk with a pout, staring down at an open folder without registering any words.

You had just dropped off your paperwork to Hotch and were heading back to your desk when you saw Spencer.

“What’s got you so pouty?” You asked, taking a seat on the edge of his desk, grinning down at him as he startled.

“Y/N,” He said, ignoring your question entirely, “are you leaving?” He questioned instead.

With a laugh you let him change the topic, “yeah, I was just grabbing my bag.”

“Let me give this to Hotch and I’ll walk you out.” He said, standing up abruptly causing you to raise an eyebrow as he practically leaped up the stairs into the office before shrugging and picking up your bag.

As you headed to the door to wait for Spencer you missed the matching grins on Penelope, Derek and Rossi’s faces.

“Hey,” you said softly to Spencer once the pair of you were in the elevator, “are you sure you're okay?

“Will you go on a date with me?” Spencer blurted out, face flushing red as he cursed himself. That is not how he had intended to ask you.

Your eyes widened at the question that was asked so abruptly, not fully registering what he had asked for a second. That second felt like decades to Spencer who silently waited for your response.

The grin that spread across your face though…Spencer would remember it forever.

“I’d love to.” Was your response, not a single doubt in your mind that you wanted this.

Surprising nobody but you and Spencer, nothing much changed between the two of you. There was no awkward getting to know each other phase where you both tried to be people you weren’t, being friends first made everything easier.

Besides the fact that you could cuddle with each other on the plane nothing really changed. Most return flights now found you and Spencer sitting side to side with your heads bent together reading the same book or saw the two of you curled up on the sofa, you lying mostly on top of Spencer so as not to fall off.

The two of you hadn’t realised just how much you acted like a couple until you became one. You loved it, it was so nice to enter a relationship and not have the entire dynamic between the two of you change.

From there it was only a matter of time before you both confessed your love to one another.

You knew you loved Spencer, of course you did. What other word could be used to describe the excitement you had to see him everyday or the way your stomach still filled with butterflies? What other word could possibly sum up the feeling of home whenever Spencer wrapped his arms around you or the fact that you couldn’t help but smile when he walked into a room?

As Spencer had turned to Derek when he realised his feelings for you, you turned to Rossi. The man, god bless that wonderful man, had spent hours listening to you talk about Spencer Reid. He always told you that you should just tell Spencer how you felt but you were plagued with thoughts of losing Spencer or messing up the dynamic you two had. Rossi told you that was stupid, Spencer loved you, anyone could see it, and nothing could come between the two of you.

Eventually you decided to take Rossi’s advice and that night as you slipped into a dress ready for your date with Spencer, you swore you would say those three words.

Obviously nothing is ever that simple and not even halfway through dinner both your phones were chiming with identical messages that summoned you back to work.

“Oh no, not date night.” Penelope frowned as she looked at your outfits. Spencer just smiled at her but you were annoyed. You were so ready to tell Spencer how you felt and once you got your hands on this unsub-

Your thoughts were cut off as somebody lightly kicked your foot under the table, looking up you saw Rossi, the only person who knew how much tonight meant to you, raised an eyebrow at you, frowning in sympathy as you just shook your head, trying not to frown as Hotch apologised to the team and gestured for Penelope to start.

The case was hard but finally there was a breakthrough.

“Reid, JJ, I want you to go to Tomlinson’s house and see if he knows anything.” Hotch directed. It should have been that easy, Daniel Tomlinson’s name had appeared as Garcia checked a list of employees on shift the day of the murder. Nobody suspected Tomlinson of anything, his record was squeaky clean and on paper he looked like a model citizen.

How wrong was that assumption?

“Reid and JJ not back yet?” Rossi asked, it had been at least two hours since Hotch had sent them to Tomlinson’s house and nobody had heard a word from them since.

As Hotch pulled his phone out to call them, you couldn’t help the feeling of dread that settled in the pit of your stomach.

“I’m sure they’re fine.” Rossi said as he turned to you, watching as you grew paler as the call continued to ring. When nobody answered Hotch dialled another number and it was a matter of seconds before Penelope’s voice flowed from the speaker.

“Here to help.” She said and Hotch quickly ordered her to track Spencer and JJ’s cells, “Give me a moment, they are…” here she paused, it was a short pause, maybe lasting for five seconds but to you it felt like an eternity. “They’re at Tomlinson’s house.” She said, her voice wavering as she drew the conclusion you all did.

“Let’s go.” Hotch said and you all rushed to the SUV, police following behind you.

Spencer was unconscious when you arrived, you felt your eyes fill with tears as you choked back a sob. The unsub had JJ held against him as a human shield but you paid little attention to that, all of your focus was on Spencer.

You couldn’t recall exactly how it went down, it was only when the gunshot sounded that you moved over to Spencer, gently lifting his head and placing it in your lap as tears slid down your face. Faintly you could hear Rossi calling for medics as you pleaded with Spencer to wake.

“Please, Spenc, just open your eyes. C’mon baby, wake up.” You begged but he didn’t move. Medics surrounded you but you refused to move, it took Rossi gently lifting you up to move you away.

You turned around, burying your head in Rossi’s chest as sobs escaped you. Rossi held you close to him, whispering soft assurances that you barely heard.

“C’mon, cara mia, I’ll drive you to the hospital.” He said, leading you out of the basement and over to the car, only removing his arm from around your shoulder to help you into the passenger seat. He waited until the other members made their way over and once everyone was buckled in he began following the ambulance to the hospital, never letting go of your hand.

“He’s lucky.” The doctor said as he approached you all, “any longer and he would have bled out. He’s tired and weak but he’ll be ok.” Those were the words you needed to hear and more tears fell down your face as you let out a sob of relief. “You can see him now.”

You all made your way over to his room, everyone insisting that you go in and see him first. You couldn’t tell the team how much you appreciated them in that moment, so you just smiled at them and entered the room.

“Spenc,” you said softly, causing him to open his eyes slowly and smile at you.

“I’m ok.” He said before you could say anything else and he lifted his hand, gesturing for you to come to him. You did without any hesitation, sitting on the bed, making sure it was his uninjured side.

“I was so scared, I thought-“ Here you cut yourself off with another sob and Spencer just smiled up at you, lifting a hand to brush the tears away.

“I’m ok.” He repeated and you nodded.

“God, baby,” you breathed out, raising your own hand to cup his cheek, careful of the bruise on the right side of his face. “I love you so much.” You confessed without realising, it wasn’t until you saw Spencer’s expression change that you realise what you had said.

His eyes widened as he stared up at you, a soft smile that stretched into a grin taking over his face. You looked back at him, your own eyes widening but before panic could set in he spoke.

“I love you too, I have for so long.” He told you, the hand that lingered by your face moved to the back of your head. You felt him gently push and you let yourself be pulled down to meet him in a soft, sweet kiss.

When you pulled away you bit your lip in an attempt to hold back a smile so that you could kiss him again but nothing was stopping the smile that stretched across your face.

“You’re so beautiful.” Spencer whispered, his eyes taking in every feature of your face, thumb tracing your bottom lip.

The next big milestone for the pair of you was when Spencer asked you to move in.

Before dating you Spencer couldn’t imagine sharing his apartment with somebody else, though cluttered he knew where every book was placed, he knew everything belonged to him, he didn’t have to worry about people moving his files or misplacing one of his books.

When Derek asked him about how he felt about moving in with you, however, Spencer held no reservations. He wanted to live with you, he wanted you in his space, he wanted to see how your books looked on his bookcase and see evidence of you living there everyday whether it was a toothbrush in the bathroom or a pair of your shoes discarded by the door for him to trip on.

He wanted that.

You were in Spencer’s apartment, it was late and the two of you lay in his bed. There was no better feeling in the world, you believed, than being tucked up against Spencer Reid. Spencer looked down at you, half asleep and gripping his shirt and knew he wanted this more than anything.

He wanted to go to bed with you every night and he wanted to wake up to you. How could any day possibly be bad if he got to see your face first thing in the morning? The thought of you two waking up together everyday, him watching as you woke up before the two of you headed to the kitchen, working perfectly in sync with one another to make breakfast.

God, he wanted it.

“Move in with me.” He said, watching you blink the sleep away before turning your head to look up at him. “Please move in with me.”

“Okay.” You told him, smiling up at him. Giggling as he shifted the two of you so he was on top of you.

“I love you so much.” He told you before leaning down and capturing your lips in a rushed, heated kiss.

-

“Why do you have so many books?” Derek groaned as he brought another box up.

When the team found out you were moving in together they had offered to help and that is how you all ended up spending your day off, moving boxes from your house to Spencer’s, everyone grumbling about how much books weighed.

“Seriously, are you even gonna have enough room for all of these?” Derek asked as he looked around the room, seeing all the boxes piled up and knowing there was more to come.

“We’ll make room.” Spencer assured with a laugh.

“You’re lucky I love you two.” Derek told you both, wagging a finger as he did  before he headed back down to grab another box.

It took most of the day but eventually all the boxes were brought up, you had handed in your apartment key and the rest of the team had headed home so it was just you and Spencer. You closed the door before turning around to face Spencer with a grin, him already looking at you with the same expression.

“We live together.” You said, causing him to laugh.

“C’mere” he said, pulling you close and leaning down to kiss you softly. “Thank you for agreeing to move in.” He whispered as he pulled away.

“Thank you for asking me.”

The two of you ended up starting to put some of your books away, you couldn’t help but smile as you saw random empty spaces across the bookcases where Spencer had obviously made room for your books. You turned to thank him, giggling at the soft blush that spread across his cheeks.

“Maybe Morgan was right.” You said, flopping down on the sofa next to Spencer who laughed and automatically wrapped his arm around you. It had taken four boxes of books to fill most of the spaces Spencer had cleared out and there were still so many to go.

“We’ll make room.” Spencer told you, repeating his words for earlier. You turned up to face him, lazily leaning up and pressing a kiss against his jaw line.

“Can we go to bed please?” You said, pulling away and giving him your best puppy dog eyes. “I’m exhausted.”

He chuckled at you, leaning down to kiss your forehead before standing up and offering you a hand. It wasn’t long before the two of you had changed out of your clothes and were tucked up in bed together.

The windows were open, allowing a welcomed breeze to cool down the room, and the curtains hadn’t been drawn properly allowing the lights from the street to leak through. You rested your head on Spencer’s shoulder, smiling to yourself as you realised you got to do this every night.

You whined as Spencer shifted, watching as he grabbed one of the books from his night stand. He turned the pages before stopping on a new chapter.

“Read to me?” You asked quietly, not wanting to break the peaceful atmosphere.

“Of course love.” He murmured, placing a soft kiss on your head. “French or English?” He asked, causing you to glance at the book again and sure enough the words printed were in French.

“French.” You whispered, cuddling further into him, smiling as he began.

“J’ai regardé devant moi. Dans la foule je t’ai vue. Parmi les blés je t’ai vue. Sous un arbre je t’ai vue. Au bout de tous mes voyages. Au fond de tous mes tourments. Au tournant de tous les rires. Sortant de l’eau et du feu. L’été l’hiver je t’ai vue. Dans ma maison je t’ai vue. Entre mes bras je t’ai vue. Dans mes rêves je t’ai vue. Je ne te quitterai plus.”

“I looked in front of me. In the crowd I saw you. Among the wheat I saw you. Beneath a tree I saw you. At the end of my journeys. In the depths of my torment. At the corner of every smile. Emerging from water and fire. Summer and winter I saw you. All through my house I saw you. In my arms I saw you. In my dreams I saw you. I will never leave you.”

Before Spencer had finished the poem you were asleep against his chest, the small smile still on your face. Spencer leaned down to press another gentle, barely there kiss against your head before he placed the book down and wrapped his arms around you, drifting off to sleep with his own smile.

Finding Your Way Back (Part Two)

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A/N - This is heavier on the Stephen Strange & reader than I planned, oops. Also, thank you for the support on part one of this, I hope y'all like it!

It had been nine months since you’d first disappeared and two months since they'd managed to rescue you. In the two months since you’d been back you had been moved from the hospital into the compound and hadn’t done more than squeeze Bucky’s hand half a month ago.

Just because you were not showing any outward signs of being awake didn’t mean your mind wasn’t active. In fact it was working harder than ever, memories that meant nothing to you took over, faces you didn’t recognise, places you were sure you’d never been.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Sometimes you heard voices, you didn’t register what they were saying most of the time but when you heard the man with the metal arm talk you tried to listen, tried to do what he said but you couldn’t.

He asked, begged you to open your eyes, to say something, just to show him you would be ok and you tried, you really did but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t do anything.

You knew you had a body, could feel the man hold your hand, was it your hand? You could feel his lips move against it as he whispered words not meant for anyone but himself.

Since the day you recognised him as the man with the metal arm and he had called you Y/F/N you had repeated it to yourself everyday, not letting yourself forget it again.

My name is Y/F/N.

-

“Without knowing the damage to her mind, we have no way of knowing just when she will wake up or even if she can. At this point it’s all up to her.” A doctor explained and Bucky just about held his calm, if one more doctor said the same thing to him he was going to explode.

“C’mon there’s got to be something you can do, all this technology’s gotta be good for something.” He said, gesturing around to all the futuristic tech that was in your room.

“I’m sorry, Sergeant Barnes.” Said the doctor before leaving the room.

“Fuck!” Bucky whispered before turning his attention back to you. “Y/N, I know you don’t want to wake up, trust me when they had me it was easy to lose myself in my head too, just let the Soldier take over and not have to deal with it. I know, baby, but you can’t do that. It doesn’t work, all that hurt, all that suffering, it’s just gonna keep building up. You gotta wake up for me, doll, you have to. We can help you, I can help you. Everyone’s here for you just waiting to see those pretty y/e/c eyes again.” Bucky rambled, not sure exactly what he was saying but letting the words out.

When he was met with the same familiar stillness, he let his head rest upon your hand as he mumbled a soft, “please Y/N.”

“I think I may be able to help.” A voice from the doorway said, causing Bucky’s head to shoot up.

There stood Doctor Strange who frowned as he looked over to you. Bucky hadn’t had more than a handful of encounters with the man but he knew the two of you got on great.

“How?” Bucky asked. He refused to get his hopes up just to have them come crashing down when you stayed asleep.

“I can go into her head and upon determining how much damage HYDRA did to her mind I might just be able to break through and communicate with her. Obviously I make no promises but at least we’ll be able to see where her mind is.” Stephen explained as simply as he could when really it was quite a dangerous process. If your mind was completely shattered he could make it even worse by rummaging around, if your mind latched onto him then he was risking his own life.

Stephen hadn’t thought twice before offering.

“Why now?” Bucky asked and it was a fair question considering you’d been asleep for two months.

“I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, I had hoped she would find her way out but it seems she needs some guidance.” Stephen answered honestly. He would have offered to do this the moment you arrived, in fact he had told Tony as much that day, but they decided to give you a chance, see if you could pull through.

“Ok,” Bucky said after a few moments of silence, “ok, you can try.”

Stephen took a seat next to you and gently pressed his fingers to your temple. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. It wasn’t long before he sat up straighter before going as still as a statue, Bucky watching the process intently.

-

Your mind was a mess, that was the first thing Stephen took note of, a mess but not completely broken. There was still time but not much. If he didn’t get through to you soon then they risked losing you forever as you buried yourself deeper and deeper.

‘Y/N.’ He called out, the word echoing around your mind.

He waited a few moments before trying again.

There was no answer.

‘Y/N, can you hear me? It’s Stephen.’ He tried again and this time something happened.

Before Stephen knew it he was looking at rapidly changing pictures, all of them featured him as your mind tried to make sense of who he was.

‘That’s it, Y/N, remember me.’ Stephen encourage as he watched the flashes of memories.

They soon vanished and Stephen stayed quiet for a few minutes hoping you’d ‘talk’. Much to Stephen’s relief his patience was rewarded.

‘My name is Y/N.’ He heard, the voice was faint but determined.

‘Yes!’ Stephen exclaimed before he could stop himself, ‘yes, your name is Y/N. You’re Y/F/N Y/L/N.’

There was silence again for a long moment before he heard;

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N.’

Stephen couldn’t smile in this form for he didn’t have a physical body, he was just a voice in a head, but if he did have access to his body he’d be grinning from ear to ear.

‘Good job, you’re doing so well for me.’ Stephen praised. ‘Do you know where you are?’

‘With the man with the metal arm.’ You answered after a pause.

‘The man with the metal- you mean Bucky?’ Stephen asked though the answer was obvious.

If you couldn’t remember who Bucky was then Stephen dreaded to think what else had been forgotten.

As soon as the words left him your mind exploded. Stephen braced himself against the onslaught of images that flashed through your mind all of you and Bucky.

There were images of you and Bucky dancing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, there were images of the two of you cuddling in bed, on dates, laughing, crying...images of every moment the two of you had together assaulted your mind.

Distantly Stephen could hear you let out a sound of utter distress but he was so absorbed in the images that he lost himself for a moment.

Finally, the images faded and Stephen came back to himself in time to hear you let out a choked ‘Bucky’.

‘Yes that’s Bucky, you remember him?’ Stephen asked, thankful when you replied with a shaky yes.

‘Bucky’s waiting for you, he’s been waiting for you for quite a long time now. You have to wake up, Y/N.’

It took a long time for you to admit to him you didn’t know how. Stephen sighed, not yet thinking of these consequences of being in your head for too long, eventually when one lives inside their head for as long as you’d had to, it’s only likely that that person forgot that not only is there a whole world outside but also a body dependent on them.

‘That’s ok, we’ll take it easy.’ Stephen said as he began the long process of helping you connect with your body.

-

Bucky continued to watch your practically lifeless form. The doctor had yet to move, it had been an hour and he was in the same position as he had been before, Bucky couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or not.

At the hour and a half mark Tony came in with two mugs filled with coffee, silently taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed after handing Bucky a cup. The room stayed quiet as the two drank their drinks looking from Stephen to you.

“If anyone can help her, it’s him.” Tony told him, his voice quiet but confident.

Bucky didn’t answer for a long while. What was he supposed to say? If Stephen was your only hope and he failed was he just supposed to leave you like this? He couldn’t do that, this couldn’t be your life.

“I know.” Bucky eventually replied. He had faith in Stephen, you trusted him and that was good enough for him. He was thankful for the man who was risking his own, rather powerful, mind to help you.

-

Countless attempts had been made but so far they were pretty unsuccessful. Stephen tried to think about a way to help you but he was quickly running out of ideas.

‘You have to focus, kid, really focus. Take a deep breath and just feel your body.’ Stephen knew how bad you were at mediating when your mind was in the right place, whenever Stephen tried to teach you magic that required an empty mind it took longer than it should have because you struggled to clear your thoughts. Now there were no thoughts but also no understanding of your body.

‘I’m trying.’ You replied, quickly becoming frustrated with the task. Stephen knew he didn’t have long left until you retreated further into your mind, maybe irreversibly.

‘I know you are, you’re doing great. Let’s keep trying.’ But nothing worked, you tried as hard as you could and your body hardly flinched.

Just as you were about to give up you heard the man with the metal arm- no you heard Bucky talking to you.

“Hi baby.” He began before there was a pause. “I don’t know what you and the doctor are up to in that head of yours but I hope he’s helping you, God do I hope he’s helping. I know you trust him but I can’t trust someone completely, not with this, not with you. I wish I could be the one helping you but... you have to listen to him Y/N.” Here you felt Bucky’s hand on your...face?

‘He’s touching your cheek.’ Stephen supplied quietly, feeling the confusion coming from you. ‘Can you feel it?’

‘Yes.’ You replied just as Bucky began to talk again.

“It’s been months since I saw those pretty eyes of yours, doll, since I heard you laugh, since I held you in my arms. Never gonna take that for granted again.” He murmured, letting his thumb brush against your eye.

“Eyes.’ You said, causing Stephen to perk up.

‘Yes, those are your eyes! Open them, Y/N. I believe in you. When you open them Bucky will be right there waiting for you.” Stephen promised.

Your mind fell silent again as you paused before following Stephen’s earlier advice except this time you were able to connect with your body, you could feel your closed eyelids. It took many attempts, it was hard to keep track of time in your mind, but eventually you managed to crack your eyelids open.

-

Bucky watched, frozen, as you slowly pried your eyes open before squinting shut at the harsh light.

“JARVIS.” Tony murmured and immediately the lights dimmed causing you to relax and try opening your eyes again.

Bucky couldn't help but let out a slightly high pitched laugh of disbelief as he looked down at you.

As you were trying to adjust your unfocused eyes, Stephen slowly untangled himself from you before leaving to go back to his own mind. He screwed his eyes shut at the adjustment before opening them and moving his hand from your temple.

“Y/N.” Bucky said, causing you to blink hard before looking at him. It was clear you weren't really seeing him, not yet, as your eyes tried desperately to focus after not being used for months. “Hey doll.” He smiled so widely it was almost painful but he didn’t care. Looking at you, eyes open meant everything to him.

“That’s it, doll, you’re doing so well.” It took a long time and plenty of encouragement but finally, finally, you managed to focus on Bucky.

You saw the man with the metal arm who spoke to you when you were lost, you saw the man who danced with you in the kitchen when everyone else slept, the man who you used to fall asleep next to every night.

The memories were still hazy but you remembered the important parts and that was:

My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N and Bucky Barnes always finds me.

-

Ten months later and you were up and about, still not yet cleared for missions which was understandable because sometimes you had blips in your memory.

For the most part though you were doing ok. You were still adjusting to getting the memories back of your time with HYDRA, the torture they put you through, the people they made you kill…

Bucky helped though, Bucky always helped. He was there every step of the way, through the doctors appointments, the decision to go to therapy, the nights you’d wake up screaming, the nights you sat still feeling numb to the bones. Bucky was there through it all, never once complaining nor leaving your side.

Some days you felt like you could fall apart, some days your memory was so far gone that you only remembered Bucky as the man with the metal arm and some days you remembered everything too clearly.

In the early days of recovery, once you’d remembered you had magic, it had been uncontrollable. The years of training had been completely forgotten and with every nightmare or bad memory your magic reacted as harshly as you felt, trying to protect you from an evil that was no longer there.

Stephen was more patient than he had ever been as he sat with you, day after day, helping you to relearn how to control your magic. Thankfully it didn’t take too long and as your memory started to come back so did the control.

You looked up when you heard the front door open and close, smiling widely as it meant Bucky was back.

He had to go on a mission, one relating to HYDRA. It was his first mission away since you had woken up and though he hadn’t wanted to go you eventually talked him into it. They needed his knowledge on HYDRA to deal with this particular base and you also knew how much he wanted to punch some HYDRA agents.

You had been doing better recently so it wasn’t hard to argue that you’d be ok for a few days. Besides, the compound still had most of the avengers in it as only Steve, Natasha, Sam and Bucky went on the mission.

“Hey doll.” Bucky greeted as he came into the bedroom, making his way over to you before leaning down to kiss you softly. “God, I missed you.” He mumbled against your lips before kissing you again.

“I missed you too, baby.” You replied, running your fingers through his hair. “Go get cleaned up.”

Bucky was quick to shower and dress before he was joining you in bed, pulling you close so that your head rested on his chest, your arm wrapping around him as JARVIS automatically turned the lights off.

“How was the mission?” You asked quietly, reluctant to break the peacefulness that had settled around you.

“We got what we needed,” Bucky said, matching your tone, “I don’t think any amount of blowing up bases is going to feel like enough though.”

“They’re not worth it. I just want to focus on getting better and being here with you.” You said as you turned to face him, smiling up at him softly causing the crease in between his eyebrows to fall away.

“You’re doing so well, baby, I’m so damn proud of you.” Bucky said, the sincerity of his words almost too much for you. You leaned up to kiss him, putting everything words couldn’t say into it.

“I couldn’t have done it without my man with the metal arm.” You laughed softly as you pulled away causing Bucky to grin down at you.

“I love you so much, doll.” Bucky whispered in the dark as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

You shifted so that your head was resting on his chest again before replying.

“I love you too, Buck, more than you’ll ever know.”

Falling asleep with Bucky was the safest you had ever felt, no amount of torture could ever erase this feeling.

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger. I have magic and Bucky Barnes always finds me.'