Cm Fic - Tumblr Posts

Begin Again

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here for Red (Taylor’s Version) masterlist

Add yourself to my taglist.

Prompt - ‘In a cafe, I watched it begin again.’

Dating Derek Morgan was...it was completely refreshing honestly. Never had a man treated you as well as he did, never made you feel so confident, so happy. Your last relationship lasted for a while, you were in love with the man but he treated you like you were nothing, every little thing you did was criticised, he made you feel so small.

After the relationship had finally ended you were ready to just be on your own and you lasted for a while, you got yourself an apartment, got promoted, everything was going great but you still felt terrible as a result of the constant belittling from your relationship.

Bumping into Derek Morgan had been completely random . He was working a local case and you just so happened to be tasked with dealing with the FBI when they showed up at your workplace asking questions about a colleague who had not long been fired. Derek had been his charming self and once the case was finished he came and found you to ask if you’d like to grab a coffee with him sometime.

You weren’t quite sure if you were ready to start dating again or not but there was something about Derek that made you say yes. The two of you exchanged numbers before he left, shooting you a grin as he did.

The two of you had agreed to meet at a cafe not too far away from you. You couldn’t remember the last time you were this excited, you were dressed up nice, wearing a pair of high heels. It had been a long time since you’d worn heels, Michael hadn’t liked it when you did and it was easier to do what he said to save another argument.

After your last relationship you fully expected every guy to be like him so you were shocked when you walked in and saw Derek sat at a table waiting for you. Your ex had always been late or even stood you up without letting you know, it was humiliating, so seeing Derek there on time took you back a bit.

The second he saw you he stood up, smiling as you made your way over to him.

“Hey,” He said, his smile widening, “You look gorgeous.” He told you before he was moving to pull your seat out for you.

You paused as you watched him, never having a guy help you into your seat like this. It was such a casual move and Derek hadn’t even known how nice that was but you did.

“Thank you.” You replied, trying to hide your blush.

From there the two of you had sat and talked for hours, it was incredible how easily you were able to relax around Derek. The two of you swapped stories, admittedly Derek’s were a lot more interesting what with working with the FBI and all but when you spoke he gave you his full attention, you couldn’t help but relax as each hour passed.

Watching Derek throw his head back with laughter, you couldn’t help but remember your last relationship and you couldn’t ever remember laughing like this with him. It was strange that Derek found your stories funny when he never did.

Even though you were relaxed, you knew you were still coming off a little shy and knew Derek had to have picked up on it. He never asked though but when the date was over Derek walked you back to your car you almost told him why you had been so shy. You almost brought him up but then Derek started talking about Christmas with his family, he told you the movies they watched every year and you couldn’t help but smile at him and in that moment any thoughts of your ex left your mind.

“I had a great time tonight,” Derek told you when you stopped at your car. “Can I take you out again sometime?” He asked.

There was no hesitation this time, you knew you wanted...knew you had to see Derek again. There was something about the man, the way you were able to relax and talk so openly with him, the way you were able to laugh and joke together. There was no fear of saying the wrong thing and being shouted at, there was nothing within you telling you to get in your car and drive away from him.

In fact every instinct was telling you that Derek was special, he could be trusted.

“I’d really like that.” You told him honestly, watching as he grinned at you before leaning down to kiss your cheek softly.

“Get home safe, pretty lady.” He said as he pulled away, looking at the blush decorating your cheeks and smiling softly at you. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I hope so.” You smiled.

You hadn’t realised it then, how could you? It was a first date after all but that was the day you started falling in love with Derek Morgan. For eight long months you had thought all love ever did was break and burn and end and on a Wednesday afternoon, in a cafe, you watched it begin again.

To Hold You Close (It's All I Need)

Click here for my masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist.

Prompt - ‘All's well that ends well to end up with you.’

It had been a long few days and Spencer was glad to be flying back home. The cases were always hardest when children were involved and the brutalness of this case made for a somber flight home. Spencer beat himself up for most of the flight back, if only he had pieced together the information faster…

“It’s not your fault, you know that don’t you?” Derek asked, pulling Spencer out of his head.

Spencer didn’t reply for a long moment but Derek didn’t push, he could see Spencer was mulling over the question.

“I read those journals, Morgan, I read each page and somehow missed the most vital clue that led us to that cabin. I should have picked up on it days ago.” Spencer told him, causing Derek to sigh.

“Spenc, we all read that part of the journal and anyone would have missed it. It wasn’t written for anyone but the unsub, you can’t beat yourself up over this, man. Those kids were gone long before we got there.”

“Elliot wasn’t.” Spencer replied blankly.

“Listen to me, kid, even if you picked up on the location on day one that kid, he still would’ve died. Brown was too far gone and he would’ve killed that kid before any of us had a chance to shoot him. This was not your fault. I need you to hear that.” Derek told him, leaning forward in his seat as he spoke.

Spencer knew that what Derek was saying was true, the man was having one of the worst psychotic breaks the team had seen for a long time. Killing the boys was the only agenda and he wouldn’t have let himself be taken down without making sure Elliot was dead too.

“Yeah,” Spencer sighed, “I hear you, it’s just hard sometimes.”

“Trust me, kid, I know.” Derek agreed. There was always going to be those cases that haunted you more so than others, this one happened to be Spencer’s. “You did good today.”

From there the conversation turned lighter, Derek trying to keep Spencer from getting too lost in his thoughts and it wasn’t long before the jet had landed and everyone made their way upstairs to get started on the paperwork.

-

“Anyone up for drinks?” Emily said as everyone was getting ready to leave, it was well into night time by now and all Spencer wanted to do was go home.

“Count me in.” Derek said as he swung his jacket over his shoulder. Everyone else confirmed they could use a drink after this case.

“Reid, you coming?” Rossi asked, frowning in concern as Spencer shook his head no.

“No thanks, I think I’m just going to head home for the night but you guys have fun.” He told them. He missed the looks of concern shot across the group as they entered the elevator.

“Reid, a word before you leave.” Hotch said, gesturing for everyone else to go ahead as he walked Spencer to his car. “How are you feeling? I know that case was tough.”

“I’m fine,” Spencer said though it didn’t sound too convincing considering the look Hotch gave him, “I know there was nothing that could have stopped Brown from killing the boy but a part of me just keeps wondering, you know, what if I hadn’t missed it? Would he still be alive?”

“We’ve dealt with a lot of cases, a lot of people suffering from psychotic breaks and from my experience I honestly don’t believe the outcome to this case would have been any different even if the circumstances changed. I think Brown was too overwhelmed by his own past and his anger and I think he would have killed that boy even if we found him earlier.” Spencer nodded along as he listened to Hotch and like with Derek, he knew that what was being said was most likely true but still couldn’t shake the what if’s.

“I know, sir, logically I know that but…” Here Spencer paused, not entirely sure how to put into words how he felt but ultimately he didn’t have to because Hotch rested his hand on Spencer’s shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze.

“I know.” Hotch said in understanding. “Are you sure you don’t want to come tonight, it might help.”

“No thank you.” Spencer told him.

“What about Y/N? Maybe you could go and see her, she gave you a key to her apartment, didn’t she?” Hotch asked but he remembered the conversation vividly as Spencer showed them the key with slight confusion.

“You don’t think she’d mind me showing up now?” Spencer asked, Hotch taking note of how Spencer visibly brightened.

-

You had been dating Spencer for eleven months now, the two of you meeting by chance one day at a bookstore. It was a complete cliche, Spencer had bumped into you causing you to drop your books and your drink. Spencer insisted on buying you a new drink and upon seeing your books, he couldn’t help but strike up a conversation about them when he recognised them as some of his favourites.

The two of you had stayed in the cafe for hours, the conversation starting with books and then moving onto hobbies, then your jobs and before either of you realised it hours had passed. With flushed cheeks and a shy exchange the two of you left with each other's phone number and a promise to meet again soon.

From there the rest was history.

You had to admit it was hard at the beginning dating somebody who worked for the FBI, a new state every week, not knowing if the next phone call was going to be someone informing you something had happened to Spencer but eventually it became a little less daunting.

-

A few months into the relationship you were introduced to Spencer’s friends. You had met JJ first, immediately getting on with the woman who you seemed to click with straight away. The two of you spoke regularly and even hung out alone together.

From there you had met Penelope and Emily and then Derek. They all took great pleasure in teasing Spencer but also made sure you were included, each getting to know you and you them.

That only left Hotch and Rossi.

For some reason Spencer was nervous to introduce you to Hotch though he wouldn’t ever admit it. He spoke with you one night about how he wanted to introduce the two of you but wasn’t sure how to and you suggested that you could meet Spencer for lunch at work and he immediately agreed.

When you walked in the others were all focused on their work, each typing away or sorting through the stacks of files scattered around. Hotch was closest to you and looked up as you entered the room hesitantly. You’d never been here before and you were more nervous than you thought you’d be.

“Can I help you?” He asked, looking at the badge that identified you as a visitor.

“Um, hi, I’m here for Spencer?” You said, cursing yourself for how nervous you sounded.

“And you are?” The man asked but before you could answer you heard Spencer calling your name. You relaxed as you turned to see him walking over to you.

You watched as he looked from the man to you before clearing his throat.

“Um, Hotch this is Y/F/N Y/L/N my girlfriend.” He introduced you and you couldn’t help but smile at how flustered he was. “Y/N, this is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner.”

“It’s nice to meet you, sir.” You said, shaking the hand he held out to you.

“Please call me Aaron. It’s nice to meet you too. I wasn’t aware Spencer had a girlfriend.” Hotch said, watching as Spencer flushed even more.

“It’s only been a few months.” You explained to him, causing the man to nod.

The three of you continued your conversation before you were interrupted by JJ.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we have a case. Four dead bodies have turned up so far with another reported missing two hours ago, if the unsub follows the same pattern we have eight hours before the missing woman shows up dead and it’s a two hour flight so we have to leave now.” JJ explained as she handed files out to everybody.

You watched as Spencer looked down at the file before looking back at you apologetically. Everyone had already begun moving, grabbing their belongings.

“I’m so sorry.” He said, feeling a warmth in his chest as you just smiled at him.

“Go catch the bad guy.”

You watched Spencer grab his bag and the team and you entered the elevator. It was silent, everyone’s thoughts on the case at hand but you were more focused on Spencer as he linked your fingers together, squeezing your hand softly as he did.

As the team waited for a car to be brought up front, Spencer turned to you.

“I really am sorry.” He said again but you had just shook your head.

“I promise it’s fine, just...just come home safe.” You told him, biting your lip as you looked at the file in his hand.

Spencer immediately pulled you into a tight embrace and you wrapped your arms around his waist, holding him just as tightly.

“Spenc,” Morgan said, pulling Spencer's attention away from you and to the car the others were now piling into.

Spencer nodded before cupping your cheek and pulling you into a soft kiss.

“I’ll see you soon.” He whispered as he pulled away.

“I’ll be counting down the days.” You told him and with that he climbed into the car and closed the door.

“We’ll make sure he’s safe.” Somebody said, causing you to jump slightly. A man you hadn’t met stood next to the passenger door, looking at you with a smile. “I’m David Rossi by the way.” He said, leaning forward to shake your hand.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N and thank you.” You said with a shaky smile.

He nodded at you, shooting you a comforting smile before he was in the car and it was driving away.

-

“She gave you a key didn’t she?” Hotch said, a ghost of a smile on his lips as Spencer nodded thoughtfully.

“Thank you, Hotch.” Spencer said, smiling at Hotch who just squeezed the younger man's arm once more before pulling away.

“Have a good night, Reid.”

“You too.” Spencer smiled and it didn’t take him long to climb into the car and begin his drive.

-

It was just past two when Spencer arrived at your apartment. He knew you’d be asleep so tried to be as silent as possible as he slid the key into the lock. This wasn’t the first time he’d used the key but it was the first time he hadn’t checked with you beforehand.

As he expected the apartment was completely dark and so he took his time making his way to your bedroom, not wanting to trip on anything and wake you up.

He hadn’t had a chance to speak to you today and there had only been time for quick texts during this case, time being of the essence when it came to missing children. He had missed you more than he could say.

The two of you hadn’t said ‘I love you’ to each other yet but Spencer had known for a long time now that he loved you, you were it for him. He couldn’t imagine anyone else he would rather spend his life with.

Spencer gently pushed your door open, wincing as it creaked slightly but thankfully you didn’t stir. He made fast work of changing his clothes, he swore you had more of his clothes in your apartment than were at his own.

It wasn’t long before he was crawling into bed with you, the tiredness hitting him all at once as the blanket wrapped around him. Looking at you though, so beautiful even as you slept, he felt his heart swell. Even after all the bad he’d seen, even after this case you managed to make him feel better.

The stress lessened as he took you in his arms, holding you close. He smiled as you cuddled further into him, your hand clenching the shirt he wore.

Spencer leaned down and kissed your forehead, letting his lips linger there for a moment or two before he pulled away.

“I love you so much.” He couldn’t help but confess into the dark, his voice a whisper, so quiet that despite the closeness you didn’t stir but it felt good to say it out loud.

It wasn’t long before Spencer fell asleep, you in his arms, feeling better than he had for days.

It's Going To Be You

Click here for my masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist.

Spencer Reid Taglist - @asherhunterx, @ilovespencerreidmarryme, @canadailluminate, @nomajdetective,@reidsbookclub, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29,

Prompt - I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was…not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.

—————————————————–

Spencer Reid knew from the moment he laid eyes on you that you were something else, he could tell from one glance that you would change his life. No words needed to be exchanged for the man to be completely and utterly taken by you. He watched as you walked through the door, though your head was held high, shoulders pushed back giving the impression of complete confidence, he saw the way you fiddled with the strap of your bag with one hand. When he looked at your other hand he could see your forefinger picking at your thumb, clearly a nervous habit. He watched as you looked around the room, watched as Rossi made his way over to you, guiding you over to Hotch’s office with a smile.

“Down, pretty boy.” Derek grinned as Spencer startled, his head snapping around to face Derek just as you entered Hotch’s office. “I’ve never seen that look on your face and you don’t even know her name.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Spencer replied, cringing at how unconvincing he sounded.

He turned away from Derek and tried to focus on his paperwork but he could stop his eyes from straying over to the closed office door every few minutes much to Derek and Rossi’s amusement.

“Who is she anyway?” Derek asked.

“She’s lucky number ten,” Rossi told them, smothering a smile as Spencer looked over, “who knew finding another agent would be so difficult.”

“Wait,” another voice interrupted, “there’s a new person here? Is she nice? Why is that always my first question?” The group laughed as Penelope quizzed Rossi.

“Listen, I know as much as you people.” He said and before anyone else could speak Penelope was being handed a folder causing them all to groan.

-

“Agent Hotchner?” You asked as you were granted access to the office.

Hotch stood as you walked in, moving around his desk to hold a hand out to you.

“Yes and you’re Y/F/N Y/L/N, I presume?” He asked, smiling slightly at you as you nodded, still fiddling with your bag. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, please have a seat.”

“Thank you sir.” You smiled, taking a seat in the offered chair watching as he made his way back behind his desk.

“Your supervisor spoke very highly of you when I spoke with him, your success rate is impressive.” Hotch praised, glancing down at the file in front of him. “Your latest case seemed rather difficult, are you sure you’re ready to be back in the field again?”

“I passed all my psychiatric exams, I was cleared to return.” You told him stiffly.

“I’m aware of your results, I just want to be sure you’re ready. Infiltrating yourself into the life of Douglas Miller couldn’t have been an easy feat.” Hotch watched as a look of satisfaction took over your face.

“I’m ready, sir.” You told him, relaxing slightly. “It was a tough case, I’ll be the first to admit that seeing what I saw had an impact but I can do this.”

Hotch smiled at you before closing the folder.

“I believe you,” he said, “I think you’ll be a valuable addition to this team.”

The words were what you were hoping to hear, you’d wanted a job with the BAU for longer than you could remember but you paused. Surely it wasn’t that easy, right?

“Wait? That’s it?” You asked.

“That’s it.” Hotch confirmed, fighting back a smile at your expression.

“But- but I’ve been here less than five minutes.” You countered back, there were so many emotions going on within you that you felt slightly overwhelmed.

“Y/N, ever since your name was put forward I looked into your work and I was impressed. Your skills at undercover work are far above what I’ve seen in a long time, that alone would be an incredibly useful assest to the team but on top of that your ability to connect and empathise with unsubs, fast thinking and your profiling skills- trust me, you deserve this job and I have complete faith in you.” Hotch’s words had left you speechless, you had no clue how to respond but thankfully you didn’t have to as the door was pushed open and both you and Hotch turned to look at the brightly dressed woman in the doorway.

“I’m sorry to interrupt sir but we have a case.” The woman said and Hotch stood gesturing for you to follow.

“You have a to go bag?” He asked as you both walked out the door.

“Yes sir.” You nodded, still baffled by how well things had gone.

“Good, welcome to the team Y/L/N.”

-

“Everyone, this is SSA Y/F/N Y/L/N. I’m sure proper introductions can be made later.” Hotch said as the two of you entered the room before gesturing to Garcia that she could begin.

“Ok, yes, so, we have five bodies so far found in Wyoming. The first two bodies were hidden amongst some trees close to firehole bay. The ME presumes that the time of death was mostly likely a week ago but we should have full confirmation when you arrive. The victims, who we haven’t been able to identify yet, but I am working on it, were stripped completely and the wounds, that are in your files because I so do not need to see that, show heavy signs of torture. ” Garcia informed you all.

“The next body was a single male, again stripped and tortured and the ME says this death is most likely four to five days old. This body was found a few miles away from Basin Bay Point campsite.”

“Wait a second,” somebody interrupted, causing you to turn your head. There sat a man, younger than the rest of the team, he was…how you had missed him you didn’t know but now you felt like you couldn’t look away. “If I’m not mistaken those places are roughly twenty miles from each other at walking distance.”

“And driving distance?” An older man asked.

“I don’t think there is a way to drive to Basin Bay Point, especially not to where the body was left.” The younger man replied, looking down at the folder he was given with a frown.

“I’ll have a map ready for you on the plane.” Penelope assured him before continuing. “Now, the next two bodies were the most recent, ME says they were killed a day or two ago and these victims we have been able to identify as Taylor Gomez and her boyfriend Jack Gaskarth.” Penelope said as she brought their pictures up. “They were never reported missing because they had told friends and family they were going camping, which checks out because their bodies were found three miles away from Lewis Lake campground. They show the same wounds as the other vics.” Garcia explained.

You grimaced as you looked down at the tablet Hotch had passed you as you saw a young man and woman, naked with slices all across their bodies, as well as deep bruising to the neck.

“What was the CoD, Garcia?” The younger man spoke up again.

“ME still needs to run a full examination but her best bet is that it was asphyxiation.” She told him with a frown.

“That makes sense, there isn’t a lot of blood or scabbing which suggests they were done post mortem.”

“So what,” you spoke up, pausing for a moment when everyone turned to you, “the unsub blitz attacks the victims and kills them before torturing them? What’s the point in that?”

“It could be a number of things actually. Perhaps it’s not about the kills for him but more to do with the fascination of the human body, we’ve seen it before where curiosity leads to this kind of attack. It could also be that he has to kill, he has a compulsion to kill and once he’s given into that compulsion he gets to fulfil other urges. If I had to guess I’d say the victims are victims of opportunity-” The younger man rambled, his hands gesturing in front of him as he spoke causing you to smile.

“Because there is no set pattern, he crosses race and gender lines and there’s no secondary location.” You cut off the other man who looked at you with a grin.

“Exactly, the area is so isolated that he can get away with quick and easy killings but because it doesn’t seem like there’s a secondary location yet we have to presume that the torture is a means to satisfy himself when he can’t hold his victims hostage.”

“It’s a long flight and this unsub doesn’t appear to be slowing down. Wheels up in fifteen.” Hotch said as he stood up, everyone was quick to follow until it was just you and the guy you had spoken to left.

“Hi.” He said, causing you to turn around with a smile.

“Hi.”

“I’m Spencer, Spencer Reid.” He introduced himself.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you.” You replied, reaching out your hand to shake his, your eyebrows pulling together slightly as he shook his head.

“Sorry, I don’t um,” He said, causing you to drop your hand and nod understandingly, “it’s nothing against you, just…germs.” He trailed off, berating himself in his head.

“No problem.” You smiled again, god that smile. Spencer felt his heart race.

“Congratulations on joining the team.” He praised as the two of you walked out of the round table room.

“Thank you, I’ve wanted this for so long.” He watched as the smile fell from your face before you shook your head slightly.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, understanding the nerves. He couldn’t help but glance down, almost smiling as he saw you picking at your thumb.

“Yeah, I’m just, what if I mess up?” You couldn’t help but ask. After wanting this job for as long as you had, all the hard nights and long days spent training you were finally here and you’d be damned if you screwed everything up.

“You won’t, Hotch wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t think you were good enough, trust me. I think you’ll be amazing.” He told you, flushing slightly at his own words and the soft smile that replaced the frown on your face.

“Thank you Spencer.” You replied softly and before he could respond the rest of the team was calling for the two of you to head to the air strip.

-

On the plane you were properly introduced to everyone as you took a seat next to Spencer, sitting opposite Hotch and Rossi. On the table in front of you Spencer had both a map of the US and a smaller map of Wyoming. You watched his fingers trace invisible lines as his eyebrows knitted together.

You were trying not to stare, really you were, but there was just something about the man that made you want to get to know him.

Thankfully before anyone noticed your eyes glancing at Spencer every few moments, the man himself spoke.

“Guys, if you map out where the five victims were found,” Spencer began, circling three places on the map as he did, “it looks like the victims might have been hiking the continental divide trail.”

“Pretty boy, isn’t that trail like thousands of miles long?” Morgan asked, watching as Spencer nodded, pushing the little map of Wyoming out of the way for a moment and drawing a line down the map of the US.

“This is the continental divide trail, it’s 3,300 miles long and it’s actually quite difficult to hike. These people had to have been exceptionally fit and healthy which further backs up the theory that these were blitz attacks. You can go days without seeing other people when hiking the trail and most hikers have to give up because of lack of supplies or needing urgent medical care from injuries and illnesses they attract. A part of the Wyoming part of the trail includes a 120 mile stretch of desert with water sources few and far between.” Spencer rambled and you couldn’t help the soft smile, though you did try to hide it behind your hand, glancing away from Rossi when you locked eyes with him and he raised an eyebrow at you.

“So we have a serial killer and 3,300 miles of potential hunting grounds?” JJ asked.

“So far he seems to be focusing on Wyoming, which narrows the geographic profile down to…’ Spencer paused as he pulled the Wyoming map closer to him, “550 miles.”

“I hope you all brought your hiking boots.” Rossi said as groans filled the jet.

“Hello my crime fighters.” Garcia’s voice sounded through the speakers. “Hotch, the families of the latest two victims are at the station waiting for you.”

“Thank you Garcia,” Hotch replied before turning to the team. “JJ, I want you to come with me to the station and help interview the families. We also need to get ahead of the media on this before they start glorifying the unsub. Reid, since the geographic profile is mostly established, I want you to take Y/L/N and head to the latest crime scene. Dave and Morgan, the two of you head to the second crime scene.”

You and Spencer both shared a look at the news you were travelling to a crime scene that couldn’t be driven too. Whilst you managed to pass the FBI’s training and fitness tests you weren’t exactly athletically inclined and seeing from the look Spencer was giving you neither was he.

Judging from the chuckles that filled the plane the others had come to the same conclusion that you and Spencer were not going to recover from this trip.

-

You had driven as close to the crime scene as you could get, which was thankfully closer than the one Morgan and Rossi had to go to. It was still a hell of a hike to get to where the unsub had dumped the bodies.

“Ok, ok,” Spencer panted, cheeks flushed from the heat. “Let’s take a break.”

“Please.” You were quick to agree and the two of you sat down heavily on a fallen tree trunk. You had all been warned that you needed supplies, even for a short hike. So you had both been sent out with backpacks filled with water bottles and food. There were other supplies like maps, compasses and first aid kits that you were hoping you wouldn’t have to use. Thankfully you had been paired with the man with the eidetic memory because you couldn’t read a map to save your life.

After the two of you gulped down some water and caught your breath Spencer spoke up.

“Why the BAU?” He asked suddenly, causing you to look up in confusion.

“Sorry?” You replied.

“You said you had wanted to join the BAU for a long time, why?” He asked again, not pushing you when you paused.

It wasn’t a secret what had happened to your family, Spencer could easily find the information out if he wanted to but you wanted to be the one to tell him. It wasn’t a story you liked sharing with people but something about Spencer made you feel…safe.

“When I was a kid there was a serial killer but he was in the next state over and we were from a small town so nobody thought to worry and after a while things went quiet so everyone just assumed he stopped, you know? Anyway, one day I went to my friend’s house, it was summer and I was always out with my friends. I was there for a few hours but I was always home in time for dinner except for this day, I ended up losing track of time and headed home an hour late. When I got home, my momma was there in the kitchen. She was covered in blood and I just screamed. The rest of my family didn’t make it either. When the police came they said the markings were the same as the victims from the next state over.” You told him, not pausing for breath as you rushed through the story. You watched as his expression fell, his sympathy written on his face.

“I’m so sorry.” He told you and you could hear the sincerity in his tone. You gave him a small smile before continuing.

“I could just never understand why. The thing that kept me up at night was that question: why? Why them? Why did he come here? Why wasn’t I home? Why did I deserve to live? I started researching and somehow came across an article about the BAU, from there I knew I wanted to work there.”

“Most people wouldn’t be able to come back from something like that, especially at such a young age.” Spencer said, causing you to glance over at him. “They’d be so proud of you.”

You couldn’t help but let out what sounded like a chuckle and a sob at those words, causing Spencer’s eyes to widen in fear he had upset you further but then you smile brightly and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“I like to think so.” You said softly. “You ready to continue?” You asked, chuckling as he groaned before standing up.

“I hate Hotch.” Was the grumbled response and the laugh he received in return made every sore bone and the aching feet worth it.

-

“We know that this unsub is a physically fit white male in his mid to late thirties.” Hotch began.

“Looking at the geographical pattern it’s safe to assume that he too is hiking the Continental Divide Trail in search of victims who are isolated from the rest of civilization. He also has no problems taking down two victims.” Spencer continued.

“The period in between kills is lessening so we should expect to find another body soon, have as many officers as possible on the rest of the trail.” You picked up.

“Considering the last kill was two days ago, the average person could walk up to 30 miles a day on normal terrain but we have to consider that the terrain out there is harsh so lets say he walks 20 miles a day that gives up a 40 mile radius he could be in. He is guaranteed to stay on the continental divide trail so stop every male you see.” Spencer told the LEO’s and after some more information was shared everyone headed off in different directions, the BAU members heading into the room they had been given to work in.

“Y/N,” Hotch said, causing everyone to look over at you.

“Yes sir?” You asked, looking up from your laptop.

“You’re probably the most skilled undercover agent in this room,” He said, causing your cheeks to flush and Spencer couldn’t help but smile. “I know this isn’t exactly the type of case you’d usually be assigned but perhaps if we send you out there we have a better chance of catching him. This man is impulsive, if he sees you he won’t be able to control himself.” Hotch explained, ignoring the questioning looks he was getting from most of the team.

You, however, relaxed, thankful that you hadn’t done something wrong. Undercover work was easy, you were comfortable with it, you knew you were good at it. Obviously you weren’t as confident at this part of the job yet, how could you be on your first case, but undercover work? That was your area of expertise.

“Of course sir.” You agreed easily before remembering how fun the small hike to the last crime scene was…your body would not thank you for signing up for a much longer hike.

“Hotch, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Morgan spoke up causing you to frown. Sure they didn’t know you yet but surely your record spoke for itself. “No offence to you,” he said quickly as he turned to you, “it’s just-“

But before he could finish Hotch cut him off, “I have full faith in Y/L/N’s abilities.”

You couldn’t help feeling a swell of pride at Hotch’s words, a man who you looked up to, a man who barely knew you but was trusting you with so much already. You locked eyes with Spencer who smiled at you reassuringly.

“I’m not doubting the kid’s abilities,” Morgan continued, missing the way you rolled your eyes at being called a kid. “I’m just saying maybe don’t send her in on her own on her first case.”

“I’ll go with her.” Spencer spoke up before Hotch could argue back.

Your eyes widened at Spencer’s offer, he did just as well as you did on your first outing and now he was offering to put himself through hours more of that for what?

“Are you ok with that, Y/N?” Hotch asked you.

You didn’t even hesitate to nod, more than happy for the opportunity to spend time with Spencer Reid.

-

“We’ll be close by the whole time,” Hotch told you as he passed you your backpack filled with supplies, “the second we hear something, we’ll be there.” He assured you and you couldn’t help but smile at his concern.

“I’ll be fine, sir. This is actually the part of the job I’m good at.” You laughed, watching as his lip twitched upwards.

“You’ve been a great help in coming up with a profile too.” He assured you and before you could say anything the rest of the team was flooding in.

The plan for you and Spencer to hike up to a specific spot that Spencer had managed to pinpoint the unsub at and set up camp there. From there you would wait and hope for the unsub to appear. The man was impulsive and his need to kill would be overwhelming by now. The two of you were wired up so that if the unsub appeared the rest of the team could step in and help with the arrest.

You and Spencer were dropped off half an hour away from your campsite just so that if the unsub was around he wouldn’t suspect anything.

The walk was mostly silent, both you and Spencer focusing on not breaking an ankle on the uneven terrain when Spencer finally spoke up.

“Morgan didn’t mean anything insulting.” He told you, causing you to pause before shrugging your shoulders and continuing. When you stayed silent Spencer continued, “he’s just protective but sometimes he isn’t really good at showing it and it comes across…”

“It comes across like he thinks I can’t do my job despite this being my forte.” You finished with a huff before sighing. “I’m sorry, I just…you can’t imagine how many times a male colleague has said I can’t do something and then a supervisor has agreed, you don’t understand how hard I have to fight to be given assignments and not have somebody constantly berating me.” You ranted.

“People look at me like I’m a child. When I first joined the BAU nobody would take me seriously, without Gideon I don’t know what would have happened.” Spencer told you quietly, causing you to frown.

“So you can understand why it’s so frustrating that someone who doesn’t know me didn’t even want to give me a chance.” You replied, causing him to nod sadly. ‘I know he probably didn’t mean anything but…”

“You’ve heard that your entire career.” Spencer finished.

“Hotch was the first person to give me a chance without any hesitation.” You told him softly, watching as he smiled at that. “This should be close enough.” You said as you looked around, the place looked similar to the image Spencer had shown the team.

“Please tell me you know how to put a tent up.” You said, watching as his face twisted.

“I know the theory?” The way his response sounded like a question made you smile as you pulled poles and material out of a bag. The two of you staring down at the mess with matching expressions of confusion.

“Now would be a really good time for the unsub to attack.” He muttered, causing you to laugh loudly. Spencer couldn’t help but grin over at you, your cheeks flushing as you caught the expression.

It took longer than either you or Spencer were willing to admit to put the tent up, despite the fact that it wouldn’t get used, you had to make it look like the pair of you were really camping. There was a lot of grumbling, many curse words and a cut or two.

There was also a lot of laughter coming from the comms in your ears causing both you and Spencer to roll your eyes.

Once the tent was up, Spencer lay a blanket down outside of it and sat down, gesturing for you to do the same. Miraculously the two of you got a fire started and as the sun set and the night time air chilled you were thankful for it.

“I don’t camp but I guess I can see the appeal.” Spencer told you as he titled his head back to look up at the stars. You glanced up too, the sky wasn’t totally black yet, more of an inky blue colour and you could see every star on the cloudless night.

It was beautiful and yet you still found your gaze falling back on Spencer.

“Yeah, me too.” You replied softly, your voice quiet so as not to break the peacefulness around you.

Somehow the two of you ended up laying down and looking up at the sky, you had a smile on your face that refused to move as Spencer’s hushed voice told you facts about stars.

“I’m glad you’re on the team.” Spencer whispered after a long pause of silence. It took you a moment to register his words before you turned your head, coming face to face with the man.

“Me too.” You whispered back, meaning the words with your entire being.

Just as Spencer went to say something you heard a rustle in the bushes and locked eyes with Spencer who nodded.

The two of you waited, not waiting to disrupt the operation if it just turned out to be an animal, but as you pushed yourself up on your elbow and discreetly looked around you saw a faint outline of a man. He was hidden behind a tree but he was watching the two of you.

“The hike up here was exactly what we needed.” You told Spencer and through the comms you heard the team moving out.

“You’re right.” He played along, smiling up at you from his reclined position.

Before you knew what was happening Spencer had his gun out and the unsub grabbed you, placing you in front of him as a human shield. If someone asked you, you would never have been able to recall the events that led to you having a knife held to your neck.

You saw the panicked look in Spencer’s eyes but you couldn’t hear his thoughts, they were overwhelming. Thoughts of Maeve passed through his mind as he pleaded with anyone who would listen to let you be ok, he couldn’t lose you too. Hell, he’d only known you a few days and yet he knew you were special, he knew he had to have you in his life. If you died now…

“Just let her go.” Spencer said, keeping his gun trained on the man.

“I let her go, you ship me off to death row.” The man responded, his face close to your face, too close. The smell of his breath had you grimacing.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Spencer responded, not even thinking. He just needed to get you away.

“Spenc, what you doing kid?” He heard Morgan through his ear piece but he just shook his head before shooting you a reassuring smile, trying not to focus on the tears in your eyes or the blood on your neck.

“I’m listenin’.” The unsub replied after a moment of silence, gesturing for Spencer to continue.

“Let her go,” He said, lowering his gun, “I won’t arrest you. You can get a head start before anyone else gets here. Just let her go.” Spencer pleaded.

It was a tense few seconds in which Spencer never took his eyes off you, he hated to see that scared look in your eyes, the fear in them made Spencer ache.

“Let her go.” Spencer said once more and he let out a sigh of relief as you were pushed into his arms.

Just as the unsub ran to leave, you twisted around in Spencer’s arms and drew your own gun, shooting the unsub in the leg. The rest of the team ran in just as the man fell to the ground.

Spencer turned you around so that you were facing him, his hands on your shoulders.

“Are you ok?” He asked, Morgan and Hotch walking over whilst Rossi and JJ dealt with the man.

You didn’t respond with words, instead you wrapped your arms around Spencer. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his own around you, holding you close as you let the tears slid down your face.

You pulled away abruptly, rubbing your eyes as you did.

“Sorry, you don’t like to be touched and here I am-“ You said but Spencer just cut you off.

“It’s fine, really.” He assured you before his attention turned to your neck. The knife hadn’t pierced the skin too badly, there was a small bit of blood where the knife had nicked you when the unsub pressed a bit too hard.

“Are you ok?” He asked again, fingers on your jaw so that he could tilt your face and get a better look.

“Spencer, I’m fine.” You assured him but that didn’t stop him from getting you medical attention the moment you were back in the town.

Spencer watched as you squirmed away from the nurse seeing to you with a soft smile.

There was something about you that made him feel so free, like he could be himself and the thought of losing you…he didn’t want to think about it again.

“You like her.” Derek said as he came to stand next to the younger man.

“That’s ridiculous, I’ve known her for a few days.” Spencer shot back but he knew his friend was right.

“If she’s the right girl, a few days is all you need.” Was Derek’s reply before he walked away, leaving Spencer looking at you with a thoughtful look on his face.

-

The plane ride home was uneventful.

You took the seat next to Spencer again and watched him pull a book out. You couldn’t help but glance down at it, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion as you didn’t recognise the language.

“It’s Russian.” He told you quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone as they settled in for a long flight.

“You read Russian?” You asked just as quietly, watching as he smiled bashfully and shrugged before nodding. You glanced down at the pages again before letting out a small yawn. “Can you read to me?” You asked him, smiling as he nodded again.

“Of course,” He said and with that it wasn’t long before you fell asleep to the soothing sound of Spencer Reid.

-

“Ask her, man.” Morgan said as both he and Spencer watched you leave the office after finishing your paperwork. Spencer too was done and Morgan assured him he’d make sure Hotch received it.

There was only a brief moment of hesitation before Spencer snatched his satchel up and ran to the elevators, getting there just before they shut on you.

“Hey.” He greeted as he stepped in.

“Hi.” You smiled, brushing a piece of hair out of your face.

“I was wondering, I mean if you wanted to, of course you don’t have to, I was only suggesting but I’d really like it if you would,” Spencer rambled before cutting himself out with a groaning causing you to giggle.

“Are you asking me out?” You asked, cheeks flushing as you asked.

“I’m trying to,” he told you, “but I’m not very good at this.”

“Just ask.” You told him softly.

“Would you like to go out with me?” He asked after taking a deep and calming breath.

“I’d love to.” You grinned, thankful that the man had made a move. You wouldn’t have risked asking him on the chance that you were reading him wrong and he didn’t like you but thankfully he had taken it into his own hands.

“Good. Great. That, that’s great.” He repeated, a soft grin spreading across his face causing you to giggle as the doors opened.

The two of you walked out together and there was a moment of awkward silence before Spencer dipped his head down to kiss your cheek, making your blush even more prominent.

You looked so pretty when you blushed, Spencer thought.

“I’ll call you.” He promised.

“I hope so.” You replied before heading towards your car, when you turned around you saw Spencer still stood by the doors with a smile still on his face. You giggled to yourself but couldn’t stop smiling yourself if you tried.

Spencer Reid was something else and you couldn’t wait to learn everything about that wonderful man.

I Have Found You

Click here for my masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist.

Aaron Hotchner Taglist - @braelyniskool, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29

Prompt - I have for the first time found what I can truly love. I have found you.

—————————————————–

You and Aaron had had a long week at work, each on separate cases but both equally as drained as the other. Your job saw you travelling to and from New York each day, working for one of the states best law firms, it was hard working your way up but you did it and now you were dealing with high profile cases day in and day out.

This case was particularly gruelling but it was finally finished and you had won. It was a small victory for the family but it was a victory nonetheless.

Aaron was working on his own case, he had been in Las Vegas for the past four days dealing with a serial killer who was targeting families. The unsub was organised, too organised, and more families were killed before they finally caught a break. From there it had been a matter of hours before they caught the man and the team was back on the jet.

Aaron finished up on the phone before dropping down into his seat beside Rossi who raised an eyebrow at him.

“Short of an emergency we all have Friday and Monday off, I don’t want to see any of you for four days.” Aaron announced to the jet, smiling as it was filled with cheers and laughter.

“So, big plans?” Rossi asked, smirking at Aaron who just rolled his eyes.

“I plan on doing absolutely nothing.” Aaron replied with a smile, already thinking of how great it would be to spend a long weekend with you and Jack, it had been far too long. He had already spoken to you and upon hearing the good news of your case asked if you could get two days off and thanked god that you could.

“I hear you, man.” Derek spoke up from opposite Rossi. “Four whole days of nothing but me and my girl.”

“What about you, kid?” Rossi asked, looking at Spencer who sat opposite Aaron.

“There’s a film festival I really wanted to go to actually, it's showing a bunch of different films in their original language.” Spencer told him and the grin on his face was enough to stop any teasing.

“Have a good time, pretty boy.” Derek smiled back, ruffling the younger man's hair causing him to pout.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at the scene but as much as he loved this family, he couldn’t wait to get back home to you and Jack.

-

“How hard can cupcakes be, right?” You asked Jack, who stood on a chair in front of the counter. The two of you were staring at the ingredients that were spread out, not knowing where to start. When you suggested Jack make something for Aaron you were thinking more along the lines of a picture but when the kid suggested cupcakes well…you really wanted cupcakes.

“Right.” Jack agreed, grinning up at you.

Turns out it was harder to make cupcakes than either of you thought.

Aaron walked into the house, smiling immediately as he heard Jack giggling madly. He was quick to follow the noise but stopped abruptly as he stared into the kitchen.

“Daddy!” Jack yelled, quickly scrambling off the chair and throwing himself at Aaron who caught him and lifted him with ease despite the cupcake mixture that stuck to his clothes, face and hair.

“Hey buddy,” He grinned, turning his attention to you. There you stood, cupcake mix splatter on your face, in your hair and on your shirt. You looked dejected as you held an electric mixer, clearly the culprit of the cupcake explosion. “It looks like you and Y/N are having fun.” He said with a laugh, watching how you pouted up at him.

“We were gonna make cupcakes for you, daddy, but Y/N put it on too high.” Jack informed Aaron, giggling madly as he did.

“I didn’t know!” You defended, there was a reason you weren’t trusted in the kitchen.

Aaron’s smile grew and he couldn’t wait any longer to move closer to you, the hand that didn’t hold Jack caressed your cheek and he brought you in for a soft kiss. It didn’t last long, how could it with Jack laughing and making kissing noises, but the two of you pulled away with matching, love struck smiles before you and Jack began laughing together at the cupcake batter that was now perched on Aaron’s nose.

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t fight back the smile.

“Alright, alright,” he said, gaining both of your attention, “how about you two get cleaned up and we can all go out for dinner and then get some cupcakes, hm? That sound good?” He asked Jack who nodded with a grin and squirmed for Aaron to put him down. Once he did, Jack shot off to his bedroom and Aaron turned his attention to you.

“You can’t of thought that was a good idea.” He said as he wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning in to steal another kiss.

“The kid said cupcakes, who was I to say no?” You responded when he pulled away, giggling as he trailed kisses to your jaw and then peppered them down your neck.

Your eyes closed as you tilted your head back, giving the man more access and you couldn’t help but whine as he pulled away. The whine quickly turned into a laugh as he leaned closer and licked a blob of batter that had stuck to your neck.

“Go clean up, baby.” He said before kissing your head and untangling himself from you.

You and Jack were quick to clean yourselves up and soon you were all out the door and heading to a restaurant that you often frequented when you had Jack.

-

It felt like forever since you had been out with the Hotchner boys and you enjoyed every minute of it, no annoying work calls pulling one of you away, no looming threat of Aaron being called to a different state. No, just you, Aaron and Jack going out together, eating good food, catching up with each other properly.

It was wonderful.

“Cupcakes now daddy?” Jack asked as the waitress cleared the plates.

“Yeah, cupcakes now daddy?” You echoed with a smirk watching as Aaron playfully glared at you.

“Sure thing buddy,” He said to Jack, causing you to let out a quiet laugh. “Pick which one you want.”

Aaron couldn’t tell you who smiled wider when dessert was brought out, you or Jack. Both of you tucked in with the same hunger and he just smiled at the scene.

When you and Aaron had first met, it was to do with a case he was working on. He never expected it to blossom into this. The friendship was unexpected but not unwelcome and then before either of you had realised it you had developed feelings for one another.

You were quite a bit younger than him and he was hesitant to bring the feelings up, not understanding what you could possibly see in an older, divorced, single father.

That was the other issue, sure you knew about Jack but there was a difference between knowing about him and wanting to be a part of his life and as much as Aaron had liked you he knew he couldn’t bring somebody into his life who couldn’t accept Jack.

So the pining went on for months as Aaron made the decision for you that you didn’t want to be burdened with a child that wasn’t yours. And when you finally pulled Aaron’s head out of his arse and made him talk about the feelings between you, you could have slapped him silly.

Sure kids weren’t exactly your forte but you’d at least have liked the chance to decide that. From there Aaron had introduced you to Jack after the two of you went on a few dates. The two of you decided the best place would be out in public, a little less daunting and that’s how you ended up at the zoo.

Jack had warmed up to you rather quickly and you surprised yourself with how good you were with him. Eventually it was Jack asking if you could have a sleepover at their house rather than Aaron trying to explain that you might be there in the morning sometimes.

Aaron was so glad you had talked him out of his own head way back when, and as he watched you with Jack, he knew, not that there was any doubt, that he’d made the right choice.

-

“Can we watch a movie?” Jack asked as the three of you entered the house.

“Buddy, it’s nearly bedtime.” Aaron reminded him as he took your coat from you before taking his own off.

“Please daddy,” Jack pleaded, turning on the puppy dog eyes, “I’ll brush my teeth and put my pyjamas on.”

He looked at you but you were looking down at Jack with a soft smile and he couldn’t say no if he wanted to.

“Deal, teeth and pyjamas, we’ll meet back here in five.” Aaron said and grinned as Jack took off running.

“C’mere baby,” He mumbled as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping you up in his arms. “I missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.” You confessed into his chest before titling your head up. Aaron was quick to turn his head, leaning down and capturing your lips in a soft, slow kiss. When he pulled away he didn’t go far, resting his head on your forehead.

“Can’t wait to have you all to myself these next few days.” He told you quietly, fingers brushing against your waist.

“Me neither, it’s going to be heaven.” You replied, matching both his tone and the smile on his face.

“Daddy,” Jack’s voice pulled you away from each other and you turned to see the kid grinning up at Aaron showing his freshly brushed teeth and proudly wearing his Captain America pyjamas. “You and Y/N/N need your pyjamas too.”

“Of course we do!” You exclaimed, taking Aaron’s hand in yours and pulling him towards the bedroom with instructions for Jack to put a movie on.

“Really can’t wait to have you all to myself.” Aaron said again as he watched you pull your shirt over your head.

“Down boy.” You laughed, throwing the shirt at him.

Watching you undress made Aaron long to touch you but seeing you dressed in his clothes, sweatpants that were way too big for you and a college shirt that drooped off your shoulders was somehow infinitely sweeter.

“I love you.” He told you, pulling you close to place a kiss on your exposed shoulder.

“I love you too.” You smiled before turning around and kissing him. “Get changed.” You ordered.

“Yes ma’am.” Aaron laughed but did as you said.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile as he held his family in his arms. Jack was half in your lap and half in Aarons and you were sat flushed against him, head resting on his shoulder and your hand holding Jack’s leg.

The movie was still playing but Jack was fast asleep against his chest and you were pretty close to following. Despite that though, Aaron couldn’t bring himself to move and send you both to bed. Instead he tightened his grip on both of you, smiling as you cuddled further into him.

This, this was all he needed, you and Jack by his side. His little family, both of whom had been through so much. All he wanted to do was protect both of you and he would, god would he do anything to protect the pair of you.

You were one of the best things that had happened to him, he had known it since the day he had met you and he had known it two weeks ago when the team finished a case in California and he walked into the jewellers to buy the ring and he knew it now, looking down at you holding onto him and Jack.

He knew you were the best thing to happen to him in a really long time and he would forever be thankful that he had found you.

Half of a Whole

Click here for my masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist.

Spencer Reid Taglist - @asherhunterx, @ilovespencerreidmarryme, @canadailluminate, @nomajdetective,@reidsbookclub, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @onlyssca, @memories-from-a-nerd, @chickensrule

Prompt - ‘We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright.’

—————————————————–

Falling in love with Spencer Reid was the easiest thing in the world.

You felt like you had known him your whole life and loved him even longer. From the minute the two of you were introduced nobody could deny the chemistry, you always joked that you must have known him in another life.

Never had you felt so comfortable with anyone as fast as you had with Spencer, he was the first person you turned to when you received good news, if you needed a shoulder to cry on Spencer gladly offered his, even if he had struggled the first few times it happened.

The two of you were like the same person and yet somehow you were so different, Spencer’s hesitation when dealing with strangers was fixed as you greeted everyone with a smile and friendly greeting and your struggles were countered by Spencer just as easily. The two of you fitted into each other's lives so easily it was like you had never not known the other.

Spencer Reid had never felt like this before. At first it scared him, god did it terrify him when he couldn’t get you out of his head, every thought somehow led back to you, his eyes straying to find yours when you were in a room together.

It was how he ended up at Derek Morgan’s home at two in the morning, knocking frantically on the door before coming face to face with a disgruntled Derek.

“Kid,” he had said, relaxing slightly as he saw there was no threat, “it’s two in the morning, this better be good.”

“I really need to talk to you.” Spencer told him, twisting his hands together. You had all just gotten back from a case, it was a tough one. You had been the unsubs' latest target and they found you just before the unsub could slit your throat.

Spencer had never felt so scared in his whole life.

“This better be good.” Derek grumbled but pulled the door open to let the younger man in.

It wasn’t long before the two were settled on the sofa together, Derek waiting patiently for Spencer to start talking.

Any other time he would have pushed Spencer to start but he had a feeling this was about you and knew Spencer needed to go at his own pace considering how far out of his comfort zone he was.

“Y/N nearly died today.” It wasn’t what Spencer had intended to say but this was the event that had made him realise just how strongly he felt for you.

“Yeah she did but she’s fine. We got her.” Derek assured him, watching as Spencer nodded but didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“I think I’m in love with her.” Was the next statement and, yeah, that was more along the lines of what he wanted to tell Derek.

“I know you are, kid.” Derek couldn’t smother a smile no matter how hard he tried but seeing Derek’s expression made Spencer relax.

“I’ve never been in love before.” Spencer said, causing Derek’s expression to soften.

“It’s not easy but if she’s the right girl she’s worth it and trust me, Spenc, Y/F/N Y/L/N is the right girl for you.” Derek said, his tone leaving no room for disagreement.

It didn’t take a genius to see that you and Spencer belonged together, Derek didn’t believe in soulmates but looking at the two of you, your souls were definitely half of a whole, nobody could deny that.

“What do I do, Derek?” Spencer asked, turning puppy dog eyes onto his friend.

“You tell her.” Was the wonderful advice Spencer was gifted with at 2:24am.

“That’s it?” Spencer asked dubiously, “I just walk up to her and say ‘hey y/n, I’m completely and hopelessly in love with you.”

Derek chuckled but was impressed the kid wasn’t having a bigger freak out. The entire team, besides you of course, had been waiting for the day Spencer realised his feelings and they were also waiting for the major panic to follow it.

Honestly, Spencer was doing better than anyone expected.

“Well maybe don’t start with that. Just ask her on a date,” When he saw Spencer go to cut him off he shook his head, “trust me, she’s not going to say no. That girl is head over heels for you too, pretty boy.” Derek grinned which turned into a laugh as Spencer flushed.

“I just ask her out?” Spencer asked.

“You just ask her out.” Derek confirmed and that was the beginning of your relationship.

The next day Spencer headed into work, determined to ask you out on a date. He knew how badly you wanted to go to the new restaurant that had recently opened so that sorted out the location, now he just had to ask.

Which was easier said than done.

Every time he tried to ask you, someone or something seemed to interrupt. It was like the universe was working against him. As the work day drew to an end Spencer had given up and was sitting at his desk with a pout, staring down at an open folder without registering any words.

You had just dropped off your paperwork to Hotch and were heading back to your desk when you saw Spencer.

“What’s got you so pouty?” You asked, taking a seat on the edge of his desk, grinning down at him as he startled.

“Y/N,” He said, ignoring your question entirely, “are you leaving?” He questioned instead.

With a laugh you let him change the topic, “yeah, I was just grabbing my bag.”

“Let me give this to Hotch and I’ll walk you out.” He said, standing up abruptly causing you to raise an eyebrow as he practically leaped up the stairs into the office before shrugging and picking up your bag.

As you headed to the door to wait for Spencer you missed the matching grins on Penelope, Derek and Rossi’s faces.

“Hey,” you said softly to Spencer once the pair of you were in the elevator, “are you sure you're okay?

“Will you go on a date with me?” Spencer blurted out, face flushing red as he cursed himself. That is not how he had intended to ask you.

Your eyes widened at the question that was asked so abruptly, not fully registering what he had asked for a second. That second felt like decades to Spencer who silently waited for your response.

The grin that spread across your face though…Spencer would remember it forever.

“I’d love to.” Was your response, not a single doubt in your mind that you wanted this.

Surprising nobody but you and Spencer, nothing much changed between the two of you. There was no awkward getting to know each other phase where you both tried to be people you weren’t, being friends first made everything easier.

Besides the fact that you could cuddle with each other on the plane nothing really changed. Most return flights now found you and Spencer sitting side to side with your heads bent together reading the same book or saw the two of you curled up on the sofa, you lying mostly on top of Spencer so as not to fall off.

The two of you hadn’t realised just how much you acted like a couple until you became one. You loved it, it was so nice to enter a relationship and not have the entire dynamic between the two of you change.

From there it was only a matter of time before you both confessed your love to one another.

You knew you loved Spencer, of course you did. What other word could be used to describe the excitement you had to see him everyday or the way your stomach still filled with butterflies? What other word could possibly sum up the feeling of home whenever Spencer wrapped his arms around you or the fact that you couldn’t help but smile when he walked into a room?

As Spencer had turned to Derek when he realised his feelings for you, you turned to Rossi. The man, god bless that wonderful man, had spent hours listening to you talk about Spencer Reid. He always told you that you should just tell Spencer how you felt but you were plagued with thoughts of losing Spencer or messing up the dynamic you two had. Rossi told you that was stupid, Spencer loved you, anyone could see it, and nothing could come between the two of you.

Eventually you decided to take Rossi’s advice and that night as you slipped into a dress ready for your date with Spencer, you swore you would say those three words.

Obviously nothing is ever that simple and not even halfway through dinner both your phones were chiming with identical messages that summoned you back to work.

“Oh no, not date night.” Penelope frowned as she looked at your outfits. Spencer just smiled at her but you were annoyed. You were so ready to tell Spencer how you felt and once you got your hands on this unsub-

Your thoughts were cut off as somebody lightly kicked your foot under the table, looking up you saw Rossi, the only person who knew how much tonight meant to you, raised an eyebrow at you, frowning in sympathy as you just shook your head, trying not to frown as Hotch apologised to the team and gestured for Penelope to start.

The case was hard but finally there was a breakthrough.

“Reid, JJ, I want you to go to Tomlinson’s house and see if he knows anything.” Hotch directed. It should have been that easy, Daniel Tomlinson’s name had appeared as Garcia checked a list of employees on shift the day of the murder. Nobody suspected Tomlinson of anything, his record was squeaky clean and on paper he looked like a model citizen.

How wrong was that assumption?

“Reid and JJ not back yet?” Rossi asked, it had been at least two hours since Hotch had sent them to Tomlinson’s house and nobody had heard a word from them since.

As Hotch pulled his phone out to call them, you couldn’t help the feeling of dread that settled in the pit of your stomach.

“I’m sure they’re fine.” Rossi said as he turned to you, watching as you grew paler as the call continued to ring. When nobody answered Hotch dialled another number and it was a matter of seconds before Penelope’s voice flowed from the speaker.

“Here to help.” She said and Hotch quickly ordered her to track Spencer and JJ’s cells, “Give me a moment, they are…” here she paused, it was a short pause, maybe lasting for five seconds but to you it felt like an eternity. “They’re at Tomlinson’s house.” She said, her voice wavering as she drew the conclusion you all did.

“Let’s go.” Hotch said and you all rushed to the SUV, police following behind you.

Spencer was unconscious when you arrived, you felt your eyes fill with tears as you choked back a sob. The unsub had JJ held against him as a human shield but you paid little attention to that, all of your focus was on Spencer.

You couldn’t recall exactly how it went down, it was only when the gunshot sounded that you moved over to Spencer, gently lifting his head and placing it in your lap as tears slid down your face. Faintly you could hear Rossi calling for medics as you pleaded with Spencer to wake.

“Please, Spenc, just open your eyes. C’mon baby, wake up.” You begged but he didn’t move. Medics surrounded you but you refused to move, it took Rossi gently lifting you up to move you away.

You turned around, burying your head in Rossi’s chest as sobs escaped you. Rossi held you close to him, whispering soft assurances that you barely heard.

“C’mon, cara mia, I’ll drive you to the hospital.” He said, leading you out of the basement and over to the car, only removing his arm from around your shoulder to help you into the passenger seat. He waited until the other members made their way over and once everyone was buckled in he began following the ambulance to the hospital, never letting go of your hand.

“He’s lucky.” The doctor said as he approached you all, “any longer and he would have bled out. He’s tired and weak but he’ll be ok.” Those were the words you needed to hear and more tears fell down your face as you let out a sob of relief. “You can see him now.”

You all made your way over to his room, everyone insisting that you go in and see him first. You couldn’t tell the team how much you appreciated them in that moment, so you just smiled at them and entered the room.

“Spenc,” you said softly, causing him to open his eyes slowly and smile at you.

“I’m ok.” He said before you could say anything else and he lifted his hand, gesturing for you to come to him. You did without any hesitation, sitting on the bed, making sure it was his uninjured side.

“I was so scared, I thought-“ Here you cut yourself off with another sob and Spencer just smiled up at you, lifting a hand to brush the tears away.

“I’m ok.” He repeated and you nodded.

“God, baby,” you breathed out, raising your own hand to cup his cheek, careful of the bruise on the right side of his face. “I love you so much.” You confessed without realising, it wasn’t until you saw Spencer’s expression change that you realise what you had said.

His eyes widened as he stared up at you, a soft smile that stretched into a grin taking over his face. You looked back at him, your own eyes widening but before panic could set in he spoke.

“I love you too, I have for so long.” He told you, the hand that lingered by your face moved to the back of your head. You felt him gently push and you let yourself be pulled down to meet him in a soft, sweet kiss.

When you pulled away you bit your lip in an attempt to hold back a smile so that you could kiss him again but nothing was stopping the smile that stretched across your face.

“You’re so beautiful.” Spencer whispered, his eyes taking in every feature of your face, thumb tracing your bottom lip.

The next big milestone for the pair of you was when Spencer asked you to move in.

Before dating you Spencer couldn’t imagine sharing his apartment with somebody else, though cluttered he knew where every book was placed, he knew everything belonged to him, he didn’t have to worry about people moving his files or misplacing one of his books.

When Derek asked him about how he felt about moving in with you, however, Spencer held no reservations. He wanted to live with you, he wanted you in his space, he wanted to see how your books looked on his bookcase and see evidence of you living there everyday whether it was a toothbrush in the bathroom or a pair of your shoes discarded by the door for him to trip on.

He wanted that.

You were in Spencer’s apartment, it was late and the two of you lay in his bed. There was no better feeling in the world, you believed, than being tucked up against Spencer Reid. Spencer looked down at you, half asleep and gripping his shirt and knew he wanted this more than anything.

He wanted to go to bed with you every night and he wanted to wake up to you. How could any day possibly be bad if he got to see your face first thing in the morning? The thought of you two waking up together everyday, him watching as you woke up before the two of you headed to the kitchen, working perfectly in sync with one another to make breakfast.

God, he wanted it.

“Move in with me.” He said, watching you blink the sleep away before turning your head to look up at him. “Please move in with me.”

“Okay.” You told him, smiling up at him. Giggling as he shifted the two of you so he was on top of you.

“I love you so much.” He told you before leaning down and capturing your lips in a rushed, heated kiss.

-

“Why do you have so many books?” Derek groaned as he brought another box up.

When the team found out you were moving in together they had offered to help and that is how you all ended up spending your day off, moving boxes from your house to Spencer’s, everyone grumbling about how much books weighed.

“Seriously, are you even gonna have enough room for all of these?” Derek asked as he looked around the room, seeing all the boxes piled up and knowing there was more to come.

“We’ll make room.” Spencer assured with a laugh.

“You’re lucky I love you two.” Derek told you both, wagging a finger as he did  before he headed back down to grab another box.

It took most of the day but eventually all the boxes were brought up, you had handed in your apartment key and the rest of the team had headed home so it was just you and Spencer. You closed the door before turning around to face Spencer with a grin, him already looking at you with the same expression.

“We live together.” You said, causing him to laugh.

“C’mere” he said, pulling you close and leaning down to kiss you softly. “Thank you for agreeing to move in.” He whispered as he pulled away.

“Thank you for asking me.”

The two of you ended up starting to put some of your books away, you couldn’t help but smile as you saw random empty spaces across the bookcases where Spencer had obviously made room for your books. You turned to thank him, giggling at the soft blush that spread across his cheeks.

“Maybe Morgan was right.” You said, flopping down on the sofa next to Spencer who laughed and automatically wrapped his arm around you. It had taken four boxes of books to fill most of the spaces Spencer had cleared out and there were still so many to go.

“We’ll make room.” Spencer told you, repeating his words for earlier. You turned up to face him, lazily leaning up and pressing a kiss against his jaw line.

“Can we go to bed please?” You said, pulling away and giving him your best puppy dog eyes. “I’m exhausted.”

He chuckled at you, leaning down to kiss your forehead before standing up and offering you a hand. It wasn’t long before the two of you had changed out of your clothes and were tucked up in bed together.

The windows were open, allowing a welcomed breeze to cool down the room, and the curtains hadn’t been drawn properly allowing the lights from the street to leak through. You rested your head on Spencer’s shoulder, smiling to yourself as you realised you got to do this every night.

You whined as Spencer shifted, watching as he grabbed one of the books from his night stand. He turned the pages before stopping on a new chapter.

“Read to me?” You asked quietly, not wanting to break the peaceful atmosphere.

“Of course love.” He murmured, placing a soft kiss on your head. “French or English?” He asked, causing you to glance at the book again and sure enough the words printed were in French.

“French.” You whispered, cuddling further into him, smiling as he began.

“J’ai regardé devant moi. Dans la foule je t’ai vue. Parmi les blés je t’ai vue. Sous un arbre je t’ai vue. Au bout de tous mes voyages. Au fond de tous mes tourments. Au tournant de tous les rires. Sortant de l’eau et du feu. L’été l’hiver je t’ai vue. Dans ma maison je t’ai vue. Entre mes bras je t’ai vue. Dans mes rêves je t’ai vue. Je ne te quitterai plus.”

“I looked in front of me. In the crowd I saw you. Among the wheat I saw you. Beneath a tree I saw you. At the end of my journeys. In the depths of my torment. At the corner of every smile. Emerging from water and fire. Summer and winter I saw you. All through my house I saw you. In my arms I saw you. In my dreams I saw you. I will never leave you.”

Before Spencer had finished the poem you were asleep against his chest, the small smile still on your face. Spencer leaned down to press another gentle, barely there kiss against your head before he placed the book down and wrapped his arms around you, drifting off to sleep with his own smile.

Some Things Are Worth The Risk

Click here for my masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist.

Hotch Taglist - @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @chickensrule, @eternal-silvertongued-prince, @fanf1ctionwrit1n, @cassidymb121

Prompt - 'But he'd learned long ago that a life lived without risks pretty much wasn't worth living.’

Working for the FBI and hiding secrets, especially when you worked in the BAU surrounded by some of the best profilers in the world, was incredibly difficult but by some miracle you had managed it. The first few months on the job were terrible, you kept to yourself despite the team's attempt to draw you in, you dreaded every time you were called into Hotch’s office, thinking that he knew what you were hiding.

Eventually though, after months on the job you figured if they hadn’t found you out by now then it was unlikely they would. You began to relax, accepting the invitations for drinks at the bar and going to the dinners Rossi hosted. The team didn’t question the change in your behaviour, they just assumed that you were shy and it had taken you a while to adjust to everything.

Though you never forgot the secret, the weight of it constantly felt like it was resting on your shoulders, hell it was the whole reason you had joined the BAU to begin with, but you’d gotten so good at hiding it that some days it was easy to ignore it.

So when Hotch called you at three in the morning with a new case, you had no reason to be worried. Why would you be? It was standard to get called at all hours for a case, there was no rest for the unsubs. It hadn’t taken you too long to get to the air strip but everyone else was already on the jet when you walked in. You took the empty seat next to Hotch, sitting opposite Rossi and Spencer. Everyone looked to be in various states of waking up and you knew you were no better, eyes more shut than they were open, fully intending on falling back asleep once the jet was in the air.

Hotch didn’t start talking until the jet had taken off. He handed out the files to you all and you flicked it open, not paying too much attention to where you were going, your eyes going straight to the pictures. All the women looked similar, all in their mid to late thirties, all with the same skin colour, hair colour and length. Each woman had one slash wound across their neck, which was determined to be the cause of death, each had been stabbed twice, once in the stomach and once the right thigh and each woman had chemical burns on their eyes due to bleach being poured into them.

As you read over the information you found yourself subconsciously sitting up straighter, eyes widening with each bit of information. You knew that MO but there was no way it could be who you thought…it was impossible. A life sentence prevented it from being the person you thought it was.

Hotch noticed your tense form and gently nudged your shoulder with his. As you let yourself get closer with the team, you found yourself getting especially close to Aaron Hotchner, you weren’t even sure how it had happened but before you knew it you found yourself being invited to his house for dinner with him and Jack or going out alone for dinner when Jess offered to watch his son. You found yourself developing feelings for the older man, knowing that it couldn’t go anywhere, he was your supervisor and the director was already breathing down the BAU’s neck. It didn’t mean you would stop spending time with him or savouring the small touches he gave you.

“You ok?” He whispered when you didn’t look away from the file in your hand. Before you could respond Penelope’s voice was sounding through the jet.

“I’d love to be the bearer of good news once in a while but that has yet to happen,” As she spoke you looked up at Aaron and gave him a small nod, forcing a smile on your face. He didn’t look convinced but he let it go for now, you knew the second he got you alone though he would question you again.

“Another victim?” Tara asked.

"Yes, no ID yet but I should have one for you by the time you land. She was found the same way the other victims were, in her home, tied to a chair with the same,” here Penelope paused to grimace before gesturing to the screens in front of her with a pink fluffy pen, “wounds. Local police are waiting for you guys before they move the body.” Penelope informed you all before saying goodbye.

“Reid, Morgan I want the two of you to head straight to the newest crime scene. JJ, go to the station and get a head start on the media. Lewis and Dave, head to the last crime scenes and see if you can see anything. Y/N, you and I will head to the ME and see what they can tell us.” Everyone nodded along and began to strap themselves in for the land.

You had a bad feeling about this case.

-

“So each victim has the same set out ligature marks on each wrist but there are no defensive wounds. All the victims have the same stab wounds but what interested me about them was how precise they were.” The medical examiner said as she gestured for you to look at the pictures displayed.

“They’re in the exact same place each time.” Hotch said as he stepped forward to examine them.

“Yes, whoever did this also knew exactly where to hit so that the victims would be in an excruciating amount of pain but wouldn’t bleed out. There were also chemical wounds in their eyes created using bleach.”

As the medical examiner spoke you continued to examine the bodies whilst Hotch looked at the different images displayed. The MO was too similar to ignore and you knew there was one thing missing, one thing that if you confirmed was there would send you spiralling. You knew where to look but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

The medical examiner and Hotch continued talking and you took a deep breath, glad Hotch’s attention wasn’t on you, if he glanced at you now he would have immediately pulled you from the room and made you tell him what was wrong.

You stepped closer to one of the bodies, it wouldn’t be there, you thought, it couldn’t be there because there was a life sentence in place that meant this couldn’t happen again. You squeezed your eyes shut before opening them again and pulling the sheet of the victim, it took a moment before you let your eyes shift down to the victims left hand.

“Y/N.” Hotch said, turning to face you after hearing a crash. You had pulled away from the victim so fast and ended up crashing into the table full of supplies, sending them toppling down to the floor. “Y/N.” Hotch said again, hurrying over to your side.

Tears fell down your face and you felt the air leave your lungs. You gasped for breath and felt your head felt like it was pounding. This couldn’t be happening but the evidence was right there in front of you, a small cross carved onto the victim’s fourth finger right where a wedding ring would rest.

“Y/N, hey, listen to me.” You heard Hotch say softly, though you could hear the slight panic in his tone. “Copy my breathing.” He instructed and though it took a long while eventually your breathing evened out and the feeling of being light headed started to subside.

Hotch watched you collect yourself as best you could with tears still running down your face before he spoke.

“What is it, Y/N?” He asked softly.

“I know who the killer is.” Was your whispered reply.

-

Hotch drove the two of you to the precinct, neither of you saying a word as you followed him into the conference room. Everyone looked up at his arrival, Derek ready to fill him in on what they gathered but one look at your puffy, red eyes cut him short.

“What’s going on?” He asked instead.

“Get Garcia on the phone now.” Hotch requested, Tara was quick to call the woman who answered cheerily.

“Garcia, I need you to look up a William Parker quickly.” He said and Penelope promptly started typing, the only sound to be heard as they awaited her answer.

“Um, right, here it is, William Parker, aged 53, born in…Charlevoix, Michigan. He had a wife and a daughter.” Garcia read out and Hotch turned to look back at you. You hadn’t told him how you knew Parker, only that you were sure he was the killer. He hadn’t doubted you, not after a reaction like that, he trusted you on this.

“Had?” Derek asked, leaning forward in his seat, "What happened to them, baby girl?”

Hotch was still watching you and saw how you tensed up, what was going on?

“Give me a sec, I’m getting them unsealed right now.” It took a couple of minutes in which the team shot each other looks of confusion and looks of concern in your direction but Penelope let out a small ‘ah ha’ and drew their attention back to the phone. “Wow, ok, are you thinking this guys your unsub because if so I’d say you're absolutely right.”

“How so, Garcia?” Hotch asked. You glanced up and saw him looking at you. It was taking everything in you not to flee the room right now.

“Well, he was arrested years back for killing his wife. Police showed up at the house when their neighbour called the police after hearing crying for hours. They found the wife tied to a chair, two stab wounds in the stomach and right thigh, bleach in the eye and a slash wound to the neck.” Here Penelope gasped, “Oh no.”

“What baby girl?” Derek asked.

“The crying. Parker’s daughter was found covered in a mix of her and her mom’s blood. She was tied against the chair her mom was in, covered in cuts and bruises.” Hotch, who still had yet to take his eyes off you, watched as you rubbed your wrists the realisation hitting him.

“Garcia, what happened to the kid?” Rossi asked and Hotch saw your body shake with silent sobs.

“She got placed in witness protection so it’ll take me a while to find out exactly where she is now but it seemed she was moved out of state after giving evidence at her dad’s trial.” Penelope said as she clicked a link before gasping. You might have been young in that picture but she’d know your face anywhere.

“Oh my god.” Penelope said, tears filling her own eyes. That was the confirmation Hotch needed and he immediately wrapped you in his arms, everyone’s attention turning to you as you let out heart wrenching sobs.

“Garcia,” Derek says, not wanting it to be true.

“It’s Y/N, our Y/N.” She says quietly, the room falling silent except for the sounds of your sobbing.

-

Spencer handed you a cup of water before taking a seat next to you. You looked up at him, shooting him a grateful smile. You had managed to calm down a bit with Hotch’s help and now you were sitting at the table in between Spencer and Hotch. Everyone was shooting you concerned looks but you couldn’t look at them. Penelope was on the phone as the team set to work on finding where Parker was now.

“Wait, so this guy should be serving a life sentence, right?” Derek asked Penelope who began typing again.

“He was charged with life in prison but two weeks ago he got transferred and managed to escape.” Penelope told them, “It seems Parker and another man Lewis Miller managed to escape but Miller was caught pretty quickly.”

“Y/N,” Tara starts carefully, “how did you know this was him?”

“The MO was too similar to ignore but I was hoping,” You began but cut yourself off as tears began to fill your eyes. Hotch frowned sympathetically as he placed his hand on one of yours and you let yourself take comfort from the touch. You took a shaky breath before continuing, “I was hoping, maybe it was a copycat, you know? All that information was released to the press but there was one thing he did to my mom,” You choked out. Spencer pushed the water in your direction causing you to smile and take small sips. “He carved a small ‘x’ into her ring finger right where her wedding ring would sit. When Hotch and I were with the ME, I checked and the victims had the same carvings.”

With that you turned into Hotch, despite the chair's arms in between and he wrapped both his arms around you.

“We’ll find him.” He promised, smiling sadly when he felt you nod against his chest.

-

“There’s been a new body but there’s something different.” The chief informed you all as he entered the conference room you’d been given.

“What is it?” Hotch asked, standing up.

“The woman, it was a girl in her mid twenties.” He said and the whole team turned to look at you. You only had eyes for Hotch though, he turned to see you looking at him with fear in your eyes.

“Hey,” he said, making his way over to you and leaning down so that you were eye level. “This is not your fault, you understand me?” He asked.

“Hotch,” you choked out but the older man cut you off.

“No, Y/N, this, none of this is your fault. I promise.” It was like those were the words you needed to hear, you let out a shaky breath and nodded. “You need to stay here, ok?”

“No, Aaron please. I need to be on this case.” You pleaded but you could see the man wasn’t going to budge.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but somehow he knows you’re here, that’s the only reason he’d change victimology. I can’t, I won’t risk you getting hurt. I promise you we’ll catch him but for me to do that, you have to stay here, where I know you’re safe.” Hotch told you and the sincerity of it had you nodding. You didn’t like it but ultimately you knew he was right.

“Okay.” You said, causing him to give you a small smile.

“Thank you.” He said before straightening up and pulling you into his arms. “We’ll get him.” He repeated and you nodded against his chest, fully believing him.

“I’ll stay with her.” Rossi offered as the rest of the team headed for the door. Hotch shot his friend a grateful look before turning to leave himself.

Nobody hurt you and got away with it.

-

On the way to the latest crime scene Penelope called Hotch and informed them that she had combed through security camera footage and found Parker driving away. The two SUV’s turned their sirens on and broke every road law there was, following Penelope’s instructions and taking one too many sharp turns that left them clutching their seats but eventually they caught up with the man.

Parker instantly sped up upon seeing two SUV’s but that didn’t deter them and Hotch pressed his foot even harder to the pedal. When Parker made a sharp right turn down a dirt road, Hotch spoke up.

“Garcia, where does the lead?” He heard her typing as she desperately tried to find something of interest but nothing came up.

“Nowhere, sir.” She replied.

“There has to be something!” Hotch snapped, missing the look of concern Spencer gave him from the passenger seat.

“Sir, there’s nothing ther-wait a second, ok, there’s a cabin. Not too far from where you are now, another two minutes down that road.” Penelope rushed out.

“Thank you, Penelope.” Spencer replied as he watched Hotch’s face harden.

“Go get him.” Penelope commanded.

-

The SUV hadn’t come to a full stop as Hotch jumped out of it, chasing after Parker with his gun drawn. Parker had fled into the house and Hotch didn’t hesitate before he kicked it open and entered, the team following close behind.

They split up, Tara and JJ heading upstairs whilst Derek headed down to the basement and Spencer and Hotch searched the ground floor.

Hotch paused when he heard something scrape and turned to see the back door open. He was quick to run out, spotting Parker instantly. He didn’t have a shot, not from there and chased after him.

“Parker’s on foot, backdoor, into the woods.” Hotch said through the comms.

“Copy.”

Hotch continued to chase Parker through the woods before coming to a halt. The trail split into two different turnings…Hotch had lost him. He lowered his gun as he cursed himself for letting Parker get away before he spun around after hearing a gun click.

“So you’re the bastard who got my daughter.” Parker spat, looking Hotch up and down.

“And you’re the bastard who tied her to her dead mom after torturing her.” Hotch said as he cocked his gun.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Parker says, smirking at Hotch. “You can’t shoot me, I haven’t done anything to prevent you making an arrest.”

“The way I see it,” Hotch began, not taking his finger off the trigger. “There’s no-one here but us.” He said, smirking at the man in an attempt to aggravate him. He watched as Derek and Spencer appeared behind the man but hidden behind trees with their guns drawn.

“You wouldn’t.” Parker said, his face darkening as he took a step back.

“You really want to test that theory?” Hotch asked and with that Parker pulled the trigger. Hotch, having been expecting it, managed to move before the bullet left the gun and both Spencer and Derek fired their own weapons.

He watched as Parker’s body fell to the floor and Derek confirmed he was dead.

-

“He’s really gone?” You asked Hotch, who nodded and smiled softly as you fell against his chest.

“He’s really gone.” He reassured you, wrapping his arms around your waist and letting his head rest against yours after placing a soft kiss against your hair.

“Thank you.” You whispered.

“You never had to thank me.” Hotch replied, his tone as soft as yours.

“God,” You groaned when the two of you pulled away from each other as everyone else came out of the police station, “I never wanna come back to this damned town again.” You said, causing everyone to laugh.

“Let’s get you home, mama.” Derek said as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you against him and kissing your temple before leading you over to the SUV.

Hotch watched with a smile as Derek held the door open for you and you got into the car with a soft giggle.

“When are you going to ask her out?” Rossi asked from his spot next to Hotch.

“When we get home.” Hotch replied, shocking both himself and Rossi. He hadn’t actually been considering it but he knew it was right. Screw what people would say, you were right for him and hopefully you felt the same way about him.

“Attaboy.” Rossi smirked before heading over to the SUV.

Hotch stood there for a moment, just smiling to himself before Spencer pulled him out of his thoughts by placing a hand on his shoulder.

“You ready to leave?” He asked.

“Yes.” Hotch grimaced causing Spencer to smile and with that the two men made their way over to the SUV’s before leaving the town behind them all.

-

“Wait,” Tara said, causing everyone to look at her. You were sitting next to Hotch, letting your head rest against his shoulder whilst his arm was wrapped around your waist. Spencer and Rossi sat opposite you with JJ and Derek sitting on the sofa and Tara standing in the walkway. “Is your name even really Y/N?” She asked, causing everyone to look at you.

“It is, they wanted to change it, said it was protocol but, well you know me, I’m not one for protocol.” You said, causing everyone to laugh. “I managed to convince them to let me keep my first name and then my last name came from my mom’s side, my nan’s maiden name.”

“Y/F/N /Y/L/N, it suits you much better.” JJ said, making you smile.

“I like to think so.” You laughed.

“So when you said you grew up in New York?” Derek prompted.

“I got relocated there. The family I was placed with, they weren’t the best but they were nothing compared to my dad so I just stuck it out for the next few years and then moved here to start with the FBI program.” You all continued to talk for the entire plane ride about your past and you found it was easier to talk about.

Even though your dad had been in prison, as far as you had known anyway, there was always that lingering anxiety in the back of your head. Clearly it was for good reason, you couldn’t believe he had broken out but Aaron…Aaron made sure he couldn’t hurt you again.

You smiled to yourself as you cuddled further into him, heat spreading across your cheeks when you felt him tighten his grip.

-

“Oh my gosh, you’re ok!” Penelope said as soon as the elevator doors opened. You stepped out and let yourself be pulled into her warm embrace.

No matter how bad things got you could always count on Penelope Garcia to be there with open arms and a shoulder to cry on.

“I’m ok.” You assured her, pulling back to smile at her. “Thank you for helping them get him.” You said, watching her eyes water before she pulled you into another hug.

“I’m just so glad you’re safe.” She said before pulling away.

“Need a ride home?” Hotch asked as everyone headed to their desks.

“If you don’t mind.” You smiled.

“Of course not.” Hotch replied, shaking his head and smiling at you.

He had such a beautiful smile, all the hard lines on his face softened and he looked so much more relaxed this way.

“Thank you.” Hotch promised he’d be fast as he headed to his office to sort some things out, his report could wait until tomorrow. Right now you were his only priority. He told the rest of his team that the reports could wait, it was late and everyone should go home.

You and Hotch said goodbye to everyone before heading off to the elevator, you missing the smirk Rossi was giving Hotch.

On the ride down Hotch pondered just what he was going to say to you, how could he ask you out? Should he even ask you? If you said no it could ruin everything between you but then he thought back to how good it felt to be able to hold you in his arms, despite the awfulness of the case, and came to the conclusion that this was one of the things that was worth risking everything for.

Hotch remained silent for most of the car ride home and it was only when you spoke up he realised it.

“Are you ok?” You asked softly, drawing him from his thoughts. He cleared his throat before nodding.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking…” He said before trailing off.

“Nothing bad?” You asked, biting your lip as you waited for an answer. You watched as he smiled before letting out a small chuckle.

“No, nothing bad. At least I hope it’s nothing bad.” He said, causing you to look over at him, your brows knitting together as you tilted your head questioningly. He let out a soft sigh as he pulled up to your apartment complex.

“I was thinking about you.” He confessed, his tone soft as he looked away from you. Dave had assured him multiple times that you felt the same way as he did and as much as he trusted the older profilers skills, he just couldn’t see how someone like you could be interested in him. He was so much older, he had so much baggage…he just couldn’t understand it.

“Me?” You asked, keeping your voice quiet so you didn’t disturb the quietness around you.

“Yes. You’re what I’m thinking about most of the time actually, it’s quite distracting.” He told you with a small chuckle. “I know this probably isn’t appropriate and it’s probably not the best time considering the case we just had but I wondered if maybe I could take you out for dinner some time?” He asked, trying not to fumble over his words.

You couldn’t help the smile that stretched across your face or the blush that stained your cheeks.

“Like a date?” You asked, your smiling faltering as Aaron shook his head.

“Not like a date but an actual date.” He clarified, smiling as the smile came back to your face and you let out a laugh.

“I’d like that,” You told him, “I’d really like that.”

“Good, me too.” He said, clearing his throat as he registered the fact that you had said yes. You giggled softly as he sat there silently for a second. “If we don’t have a case this weekend, are you free?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good. I’ll pick you up at 6?” He asked and you nodded.

Before either of you could speak, you let out a small yawn, only just noticing how late it had gotten.

“You should get some sleep.” Hotch said softly.

“You too.” You told him, knowing he had slept very little on this case too.

“I will.” He promised. “If you need tomorrow off,” Hotch began but you cut him off.

“No, thanks but I’m good.” You assured him, watching as his eyes searched yours before he nodded.

“Goodnight Y/N,” he whispered, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on your cheek, smiling as the blush spread across them again.

“Goodnight Aaron.” You replied, smiling over at him almost shyly before getting out of the car and making your way over to the door.

Once you pushed it open you turned to wave at him before letting the door shut behind you. You couldn’t help but lean against it, in the way that only happens in those cheesy rom-coms you watch with Penelope, smiling widely to yourself before heading up to your apartment.

Hotch was still sitting outside, smiling at the door you had just entered.

If he felt this happy after you agreed to go on a date with him, he couldn’t wait until the weekend came. This definitely was one of the things that was worth this risk and somehow, despite all the bad luck he and his team seemed to attract, he really believed this could be one of the few things that went right.

State of Grace

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here for Red (Taylor's Version) masterlist

Add yourself to my taglist.

Prompt - ‘I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same.’

Notes - We're celebrating Red (Taylor's Version) here and I'll be doing imagines for each song on the album so if you have a request (any fandom I write for) send it in!

You never saw him coming. It was like one day the universe had decided it was going to stop screwing you over and finally give you something good. Everything about him was so amazingly unique, he was everything you’d wanted in a person, everything a person should be and somehow he had decided you were something special too.

That morning you made the short walk to the cafe you frequently went to before work, passing a blur of cars only slowing down as the traffic lights changed. The streets were busy despite the earliness, shades of red painted the sky in the morning hours and birds could barely be heard chirping over the noise of the cars.

Despite the music in your ears your thoughts were on the failure of last night's blind date. It was one of many, your friends determined that you needed a partner but after your last relationship, dating was honestly the last thing you wanted to do but you relented and went out with the guys they found. Your last boyfriend had been horrible. He was sweet in the beginning but as time went on… You’d tried to leave the relationship so many times but you just couldn’t. Eventually you had managed to leave, packing your bags and leaving for good.

And now you were stuck being set up because your friends thought a relationship would help, it had been long enough they had told you. Sure they were right, it had been a while since you left your ex but each date they set you up on was just…boring. None of the men were able to hold an intellectual conversation, all of them were just very plain. The last guy was a creep to say the least, something about him made you feel very uneasy. It wasn’t even anything in particular he said but just a feeling, the way he looked at you…it set all the internal warning alarms off.

Thankfully you were able to politely decline his advances for him to come to your house and get back home safely. You had told yourself that was the last date you were going on and that’s when he came into your life and you’d never be the same again.

-

“Excuse me,” A soft voice said, interrupting you from the page you were reading. Looking up you saw a man, his eyes were bright and kind and there was a gentle smile on his face. He looked down at you, fidgeting with the bag on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry to disturb you, I was just wondering if it would be ok if I sat here?” He asked, gesturing to the empty seat across from you.

You scanned the cafe quickly, taking note of how it had filled since you’d walked in before turning your attention back to the man in front of you. He was a handsome looking man, with sharp cheekbones and long hair that looked soft. He was wearing a suit and you guessed he was on his way to work and, like you, was early enough to enjoy a hot drink in the small cafe. He seemed kind, there was something about him that seemed trustworthy.

You smiled up at him and gestured towards the seat, “Of course.”

“Thank you so much.” He smiled, shrugging his bag off and sitting down opposite you.

You didn’t want to stare at him, you tried to turn your attention back to the book in your hands but it was near impossible. Biting your lip, you risked a glance up and saw he was looking out of the window at the different people passing, his drink warming his hands, before he turned in your direction. You were quick to look away but he continued to look at you, glancing down at the book you had been reading.

“Sherlock?” He asked, a grin spreading across his face.

“My friend suggested that I read it,” You smiled back.

“What do you think so far?” Somehow, just from looking at the man across from you, it didn’t surprise you that he was a reader, of course you wouldn’t know yet just how much he read but right now it just made sense.

“I’m actually really enjoying it. I was a little apprehensive considering it was written so long ago but it’s really good.”  You watched as his face lit us as you spoke, eyes wide as he listened to yours words, nodding along with you.

“I think Doyle’s writing, despite being written in 1892, is very much still readable to this day. That’s one of the many great things about his writing…” And with that the man began to ramble on about how the writing style, the use of imagery and how well the plot develops.

You rested your chin on your fist, leaning forward in your seat as the man spoke. You couldn’t help but smile as his hands gestured widely in front of him, the passion he spoke with was beautiful to watch. The man before you was so unashamedly expressive in sharing his thoughts and opinions with you and you could do little more than listen, captivated by him, nodding along as you took in his words.

Your eyebrows knitted together as he cut himself off abruptly, his cheeks turning red as he looked down at his lap.

“I’m sorry, usually people stop me when I start rambling. I’ve already distracted you and here I am now not letting you read-“ He was saying but you cut him off.

“Hey, I was actually enjoying listening to you. Not many people are able to hold a conversation about classic literature, yet alone with the passion you have.” You told him, smiling softly as his cheeks flushed some more but the frown was gone and a smile made its way back onto his face. Good, you thought, he looks so much better when he’s smiling.

“Yeah,” He said with a bashful laugh, “I quite enjoy reading, though I rarely get a chance to talk about the things I’ve read.”

“Same here,” You told him, though you doubted you liked to read as much as him, the man seemed like the type to have full bookcases and then more books scattered throughout his house.

The man went to speak but was cut off by the ringing off his phone, he shot you an apologetic smile before fishing the phone out of his pocket.

“Hey,” He answered, the smile dropping from his face as the person on the phone spoke. His face grew serious as he nodded to whatever information he was being given, “I’ll be in soon, alright, bye.”

“Sorry about that.” He said, turning back to you.

“No problem, I should get to work too.” You smiled and began to pack your phone and book away. The man stood when you did and the two of you walked out of the cafe together, you smiling as he held the door open for you to step out first.

“Hey, um, I don’t,” the man began, clearing his throat and he shuffled on his feet, “I don’t normally do this, ever,” here he paused to let out an awkward, breathy laugh, “but would it maybe, and totally say no if I’m overstepping, but would it be ok if I gave you my number? I’m really curious to see what you’ll think about the book.”

You couldn’t help the soft smile that spread across your face. The man in front of you was charmingly awkward right now, making it obvious that his statement of not doing this much was true. Though you had said you were done with guys and dating, you wanted this one to give you his number and you wanted to speak to him again.

“I’d like that.” You told him honestly, laughing as he looked at you in slight shock for a second before nodding. You pulled your phone out and let him enter his phone number.

“It really was great meeting you…” He said before trailing off, looking at you curiously.

“Y/F/N, Y/F/N Y/L/N.” You told him, watching as he smiled before repeating it to himself.

“It was really great meeting you, Y/N. I’m Spencer Reid by the way.” He told you with a dimpled smile.

“It was great meeting you too.” You said, shocked by how much you meant it. The two of you stood outside of the cafe for a moment, just smiling at each other before you cleared your throat. “I should let you get to work.”

“Right, right, you too!” He said, still making no move to leave causing your smile to grow.

“I’ll call you.” You promise, watching as he nodded.

“I hope so.” He said softly before wishing you a good day and heading in the opposite direction to you.

You had never saw him coming and things would never be the same.

-

You called Spencer that evening, filling him in on the latest chapters you’d read, him happily listening with a grin on his face and adding his own thoughts and opinions throughout. You were surprised with how easy it was to talk to him, it felt like you had known him for your whole life, like meeting an old friend who you had fallen out of touch with before being thrown back into each other's life again.

The two of you spoke for at least two hours, both with wide smiles on your faces and butterflies in your stomach.

As the time began to dawn on the two of you, you both began to say your goodnight but before you could hand up the phone Spencer stopped you.

“Wait,” He said, louder than either you had been speaking, causing you to raise an eyebrow. “Would you like to go out for dinner?” The way he asked made it sound like he was shocking himself.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself. You had meant it this morning when you said you were done with dating, the men your friends had set you up with were either dreadfully dull, only there to get in your pants or creeps…or a mix of all three. But Spencer, there was something about Spencer that immediately put you at ease, his non threatening demeanour made you feel safe around him and, as shown through the two and a half hour phone call tonight, he was anything but boring. The way he spoke, even across the phone, was lively, it was endearing and you found yourself wanting to see him again.

“I’d love to.” You told him honestly.

“Oh,” he said, causing you to laugh, “that’s great, really great. Um, I’ll let you know when I’m back and we can figure something out if that’s ok with you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you said before pausing, titling your head in confusion, “Wait, where are you?”

“I’m in California. I work for the FBI’’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.” He told him, causing your eyebrow to furrow together before it clicked.

“You’re a profiler?” You asked.

“Is that ok?” He asked back, knowing that this could be the dealbreaker and he’d understand, he really would, this job was dangerous and he knew that would take a toll on any partners.

You thought it over for a moment, as dangerous as the job seemed, you wanted to get to know Spencer.

“Let me know when you’re back in town.” You said, causing him to smile widely to himself.

“I will,” he told you softly, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight Spencer.” You before hanging up the phone and throwing yourself back onto your bed with a grin.

Spencer had a smile on his face that he could wipe off if he tried and he held the phone tightly in his hands. He was sitting outside, the sun had just been setting when you had first called him. He was in his hotel room with Derek but upon hearing your voice he excused himself to go sit outside the hotel he was staying at, a jacket thrown over his shoulders to combat the slight chill of the autumn air.

He sat there for a few minutes before he made his way back to his room, fully prepared for the grin that Derek shot him as he walked in. Derek let Spencer go about his nightly routine and waited until the younger profiler had sat down on his own bed before speaking up.

“C’mon kid, talk to me.” He exclaimed, watching as Spencer rolled his eyes but a smile worked its way onto his face, “Who’s the girl?”

Spencer debated it for a moment before sighing dramatically causing Derek’s grin to widen, if it were possible.

“Her name is Y/N, I met her this morning before we got called in and I’m taking her out when we get back.” He told Derek who let out a laugh of disbelief.

“Spencer Reid, my man!” He laughed, standing to clap a hand on Spencer’s shoulder.

Spencer couldn’t help but grin up at Derek. They both knew how something like this was not something Spencer did…ever but it felt right with you. He wanted to get to know you, even if it meant stepping outside of his comfort zone.

“She must be one hell of a girl.” Derek said, making his way to the bathroom with a grin firmly in place. He was happy for the kid, it was about time he got a break.

Spencer didn’t disagree with Derek’s statement as he settled into bed, already planning on what to do for your date.

-

“Wow,” Spencer said, feeling speechless, “you look stunning.” He said, finally causing you to blush widely.

“Thank you,” You smiled, looking him up and down, “You’re looking pretty stunning too.” You told him, watching as his own blush spread across his cheeks.

“Thank you,” He smiled shyly, looking down before looking at you, holding an arm out for you to take before leading you to the car and holding the door open for you. You smiled softly at him before climbing in, smoothing your dress out nervously as he made his way to the drivers side.

It wasn’t long before the two were seated, conversation flowing easily between the two of you.

“He gave your number to the press?” You asked through your laughter, Spencer sat opposite you laughing himself, dimples on full display.

“Yeah, gave them my name and everything and Morgan’s a, he's good with women so obviously my phone was ringing constantly.” He continued, watching as you smiled brightly as you laughed along.

“Did you at least get him back?” You giggled watching as Spencer smirked.

“I went to MIT and let’s just say never wage a prank war on an MIT graduate.” He laughed, causing you to groan.

“What did you do?”

As Spencer continued to tell you about his and Derek’s prank war you couldn’t help but laugh along. You couldn’t remember the last time you had this much fun, though you tried to pretend you were happy when you were with your ex you knew, if you were being honest with yourself, that you were lying. You wanted so badly to make it work that you managed to fool yourself for a long time, bending over backwards in order to please him and it still wasn’t enough. No amount of effort was enough.

But here, now, with Spencer…you felt so much better than you had in a long, long time. It was like a weight had been lifted off you, a weight you didn’t know you were still carrying. Sitting here with tears of laughter in your eyes rather than tears of anger, tears of sadness…it was a feeling you had long forgotten.

“I had a wonderful night, Y/N.''  Spencer smiled, once he had pulled back up to your house he was quick to open your car door, taking your hand delicately in his before leading you up to your door.

“Me too.” You told him sincerely. It had been so long since you’d felt this genuinely happy, you were shocked with how easy everything with Spencer was, he really did have a way of soothing your nerves, making you feel safe and calm around him, like you had known him your whole life.

You hoped that he was sincere when he said he’d had a good time because you wanted to see him again. God, did you want to see him again. Everything about him was so unique, he made it easy to be yourself, made you want to be yourself.

“Can I see you again?” He asked and you beamed up at him, the smile one that you couldn’t hide even if you tried. Spencer mirrored the expression, taking it as a good sign.

“Yeah,” you said with a giggle, Spencer's grin fading into a soft smile as he brushed a piece of hair behind your ear. “I’d really like that.”

He took a moment to just look at you, the soft light of the moon and the street lamps created an amber glow making you look beautiful.

Spencer leaned down, slowly to give you time to move, before he pressed his lips gently to your cheek, letting them linger for a moment before he pulled away.

“Goodnight Y/N.” He said softly, not wanting to break the atmosphere between you two.

“Goodnight Spencer.” You said, smiling softly and matching his tone, before turning to open your door and waving him goodbye.

-

You may not have saw Spencer coming into your life but you were so glad he had. As time went on and the two of you went on several more dates you could feel the armor, the walls you’d built up, beginning to fall with each conversation, each text through the day asking how you were, each night he walked you to your door, kissing you softly, each time he listened to you, each time he let you be yourself. It was so different to anything you had ever experienced before.

Right now you and Spencer were in his apartment, your head resting on his bare chest with his arm around your waist, fingers absentmindedly drawing patterns against your skin. The air was hot but a window had been opened, letting fresh cold air in.

Being with Spencer felt like the slate was clean, you never thought about your ex anymore, you didn’t feel the bone aching sadness you tried to deny, you just felt…happy. It was like being in a state of grace. Your heart was broken after the pain and suffering at the hands of your ex but being with Spencer, it was like your heart had healed itself, all the pieces slotting back together to create a mosaic heart.

You knew you were in love with him, it would be impossible not to be. Spencer Reid was everything good in this world, even though his experiences were enough to turn anybody down a dark path, he stayed good, he stayed honest, he stayed a genuinely decent person.

Here and now, listening to Spencer as he read to you, voice low, the sound of his heartbeat in your ear…you knew love could be a ruthless game, you’d been hurt before but if you played it good and right you knew this relationship could be the best thing in your life. So far everything was going great and you didn’t intend for that to change.

It was like fate had brought the two of you together, both of you had gone through so much, you with a borderline abusive relationship and Spencer with all the horrors and torments he had gone through on the job, all that and fate decided to give you a break and bring you into each other's lives.

Your relationship with Spencer was like the golden age; it was great, it was happy and it gave you both a sense of peace. Being with each other, it was easy, sure there were arguments and there were struggles but it was a worthwhile fight to end up with each other.

Spencer looked down at you, eyes closed and lashes resting upon your cheeks. You looked beautiful despite your messy hair and flushed cheeks that remained from your earlier activities in the bed. He had known how he felt about you for a long time now but he kept putting off saying it aloud, he wanted it to be perfect. He wanted everything to be a certain way when he finally said those words. It was only after a conversation with Rossi that he realised it would never be perfect, it just had to feel right to him.

And here in this bed, you tucked against his side, this was right. This was what he wanted for the rest of his life. He wanted you. And wasn’t that an overwhelming thought at first, wasn’t that a thought that drove him into Rossi’s office to begin with, utterly panicked because he had never felt like this before. But wasn’t it an amazing thought, wasn’t this what most people spent their lives only thinking about and here he was, somehow lucky enough to find you, somehow lucky enough that you wanted him too. Wasn’t it a breathtaking thought?

Spencer had paused abruptly, causing you to look up at him. He was already looking at you, his eyes soft and a smile playing at his lips. You raised your eyebrow up at him in curiosity.

“What are you thinking about, Spence?” You asked quietly, reluctant to break the peacefulness that had settled between the two of you.

Spencer remained silent for a minute, pondering whether or not he should tell you. You watched as he raised his hand, running his knuckles along your cheek softly before turning his hand so his palm could cup your cheek, his thumb running along your cheekbone.

“I love you.” He said softly, watching as your eyes widened before a smile took over your face. He could feel your entire face shift under his hand, could feel your cheeks heat at the words.

You leaned up, softly letting your lips connect with his. Spencer didn’t hesitate in kissing you back, his other hand coming up to cup your other cheek whilst your arm lay across his waist. The kiss was slow, soft lips moving against each other, the two of you completely relaxed in each other's hold.

Though the kiss was soft and slow the two of you pulled away breathless.

“I love you too.” You confessed before attaching your lips to his again, trying to convey just how much you meant those words.

Again the two of you pulled away, breathless. Spencer pulled you against him, letting his lips rest against the top of your head before he turned and let his cheek rest there instead.

“I still don’t know how I got this lucky.” Spencer told you quietly, causing you to tighten your hold on him.

“I’m the lucky one,” you chuckled, “The day I met you I had sworn off dating, I never saw you coming and I’ll never be the same again because of you.”

Spencer pulled back, looking down at you with bright, shining eyes.

“God, I love you.” He murmured before pressing his lips to yours, the complete opposite to how he had before. This kiss was like the best kind of fireworks going off all at once, it made you hot and you kissed back with as much passion as he was given.

Thankfully both of you had the day off and spent that time showing each other just how much you loved the other.

You’d never intended to fall into a relationship again, you had thought you weren’t ready, thought you were too damaged but Spencer Reid had come along exactly when you needed him and showed you how wrong you were.

-

-

Spencer Reid Taglist - @asherhunterx, @ilovespencerreidmarryme, @canadailluminate, @nomajdetective, @reidsbookclub, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @onlyssca, @memories-from-a-nerd, @chickensrule, @classyunknownlover, @fanf1ctionwrit1n, @frickin-bats, @grccnaway, @averyhotchner

Come Back...Be Here

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here for Red (Taylor’s Version) masterlist

Add yourself to my taglist.

Prompt - ‘But you're in London and I break down 'cause it's not fair that you're not around.’

You and Emily had never gotten along. From the day you walked into the BAU there was tension between the two of you though you hadn’t known why. As you settled into the job, becoming more comfortable around the team, your relationship with Emily became more tense as the months passed.

Nobody knew why you didn’t get along but it was common practice now for Hotch to make sure you didn’t get paired together on cases as more than one argument had occurred that meant neither of you were doing work.

Rossi had tried to get it out of you repeatedly, tried talking to you about Emily and what history you had but there was no history, before the BAU you hadn’t even heard of her. You didn’t know why she hated you or why you couldn’t stand to be around her, all you knew was that nobody knew how to push your buttons more than Emily Prentiss.

The tension between you and Emily was intense, both of you overly passionate in your arguments and that’s why it didn’t shock you the first time you fell into bed with each other. Rossi had always told you that with tension like that he was surprised that there were no underlying romantic feelings. You’d always scoffed when he said that but some part of you knew he was right, not about the romantic feelings of course but the way you and Emily got way too heated when you fought, it was only a matter of time before you turned that energy to something else.

In your defence, it had been a bad case. The unsub had been killing women that resembled you so naturally you offered to go undercover. Hotch readily agreed, there was nobody better at undercover work than you, the Undercover and Sensitive Operations Unit had been trying to poach you from the BAU for years but you turned them down every time despite loving undercover work.

It should’ve been easy but when was anything that involved the BAU easy?

They got you set up in a ground floor apartment and for the next few days you played your part as a regular citizen, going to the unsubs hunting ground in hopes of catching his attention. On the fourth day, however, another woman’s body had been found and the team had to respond to that.

You figured you hadn’t caught the unsub’s attention yet and so your guard was down but after disposing of the woman’s body, the unsub found his way to you. Nobody had profiled him to be stealthy, everything about him profiled as reckless, so when he was able to sneak up behind you and knock you out…well, the team had to refigure the profile before it was too late.

Thankfully the team managed to track you down before the unsub could really start his work, so after a few stitches in the back of the ambulance and pleading with Hotch not to send you to the hospital, you were on your way back to the hotel with the team and staying the night as it was too late to call the jet.

“You sure you’re alright, kid?” Rossi asked you from the front seat. You were sitting in the back between Derek and Spencer.

“I’m fine, Rossi, I promise.” You insisted, rolling your eyes as he shot you a look through the mirror.

It wasn’t long before you were pulling up to the hotel, the others pulling up just behind you.

“You’re rooming with Prentiss.” Hotch told you as he held a room key out towards you, bracing himself for the argument that he had no doubt was coming.

“Excuse me?” You said as the other joined you.

“Y/N,” Hotch began but you cut him off.

“Seriously, I just got kidnapped and nearly tortured and now you’re telling me I have to room with her.” You said, gesturing towards Emily with your chin before glaring up at Hotch.

“It’s one night, Y/N, and it’s already late. Just go to bed and get some sleep.” He told you as he slipped the key into your hand and walked away leaving you glaring at his back.

“Goodnight kid.” Rossi smirked whilst patting you on the back.

“I hate you all.” You grumbled before following him into the hotel missing Emily’s eye roll.

You couldn’t even remember how it happened. One minute you had been arguing with Emily and the next the two of you were frantically kissing each other, hands everywhere exploring each other's bodies, clothes were pulled off quickly and the two of you ended up sleeping with each other.

When morning came the two of you refused to acknowledge what had happened. You pushed yourself out of bed first and headed for the shower and by the time you had come out Emily and her bags were gone. You found a text from Spencer saying everyone was meeting downstairs to head to the jet and quickly packed your things away before heading down to the lobby.

The arguments hadn’t died down between you and Emily, though for the first few days after sleeping with her you avoided each other more. It would be months before you would sleep with her again but after the second time it became a regular occurrence. Anytime either of you needed to relieve some stress or if a case became too much, you found yourselves in each other's bed, never talking about it in the mornings but always knowing the offer was there.

Everything was going great until Emily had to go and talk about it.

-

“Are we seriously just never going to talk about this?” She asked one night.

You were at her apartment, not long back from California. It only took one glance at Emily, one nod from her, before you were climbing into her car and into her bed.

“What?” You asked, half asleep and not expecting her to strike up a conversation.

“Are we not going to talk about us?” She asked again and this time you pushed yourself up onto one elbow to look at her.

Emily had to hide a smile as you looked at her through sleepy eyes. Sometimes when you came to her, she knew it wasn’t about a case, no matter what you said, sometimes she could tell that you just needed to sleep but there was too much going on in your mind. Sex had always been a sure fire way to make sure you slept.

“Us?” You asked, feeling too tired for this conversation.

Why was she talking about ‘us’? There wasn’t an ‘us’, she hated you, she had from the minute you stepped into the BAU so why on Earth was she talking about ‘us’?

“Come on, are you really going to sit there and say you still hate me?” She asked, raising a brow at you. “We’ve been sleeping together for months now, Y/N.”

She was right, it was probably near on a year since your undercover case when you first slept together. What confused you though was the fact she said you hated her, you had never claimed to hate Emily, only mirrored her attitude towards you.

“You’re the one who hates me.” You grumbled, instead of answering, causing her to roll her eyes.

“I don’t hate you, Y/L/N,” she said like you were an idiot, “sure I argue with you but you’re the one who started this.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, sitting up now and glaring down at her. “You’ve had it out for me since the day I started working at the BAU.”

“What are you talking about?” She asked right back. “I didn’t have it out for you. I was excited to get a new team member and you were nothing but cold towards me.”

“You’re kidding right? First day I was there all you did was posture and glare at me!” You snapped and began to make a move to get out of bed.

“Wow, ok, just wait, ok?” Emily said as she put a hand on your forearm, stopping you in your tracks. “Listen, I think, maybe, we might have gotten lost somewhere. This isn’t how I wanted this conversation to go, ok?”

You didn’t reply, instead you shook her hand off of your arm and crossed them over your chest. You didn’t make a move to leave though so Emily continued.

“I just wanted to know what this is between us, ok? You say this is just sex, fine it’s just sex but if you want something more…” She said, trailing off.

Your eyes went wide at her words. You could honestly say you hadn’t considered anything more with Emily, not thinking that there would ever be a possibility of more. Hell, half the reason for your fiery arguments was because you were jealous of how she acted with everyone else, she treated everyone else like she liked them and then when she turned to you it was like she was a different person.

“You’d want something more?” You asked, avoiding giving an answer causing her to smile.

“This isn’t about me.” She said, reaching over hesitantly and placing her hand on your knee.

“It’s as much about me as it is about you.” You shot back causing her to roll her eyes.

“Fine,” she relented, not wanting to start an argument. It would be so easy for you to argue with her now, your go to deflection when it came to each other was to argue, pointing your weapons at the others deepest hurt. “Yes, I’ll admit that lately I’ve been thinking about something more with you.” She confessed, her voice steady and confident…more confident than you felt right now.

With Emily you knew where you stood, you were meant to not like each other, you were meant to argue and fight but now she was completely rewriting the narrative and you felt out of place. Thoughts of what could be crossed your mind and you had to say you didn’t hate what you saw.

“How would we even work? I mean, I don’t think we’ve had a single conversation where we haven’t argued.” You said and Emily watched a small smile pull on your lips.

“We’re not arguing now.” She told you, causing you to roll your eyes but the smile stayed so she figured she was on the right track. “You don’t have to say anything now.” She told you softly.

You shook your head.

Giving it a try couldn’t hurt…right?

“You get one date to impress me, Prentiss.” You said seriously causing her to let out a laugh of disbelief before she pulled you back down onto the bed and wrapped the blanket around you.

“You really are something, Y/N.” She said, causing you to smile into her chest before the two of you finally fell asleep.

-

Emily had impressed you and it wasn’t long before you were falling for her hard. You told yourself you wouldn’t get attached but it was hard when Emily was so amazing.

The arguments didn’t stop at work but they became lighter, you stopped aiming for each other's biggest weakness and instead poked fun at each other, the arguments turning into bickering.

The team had raised their eyebrows but everyone was too thankful that the arguments had stopped to bring it up, deciding that it was best to let the two of you work things out and bring it up to them. Though that didn’t stop Derek poking fun at Emily and Rossi at you.

The two of you began getting paired up together on assignments, working in harmony together causing Hotch to shake his head at the pair of you. How many times had the man told you both how well you’d get on if you just gave the other a chance? He’d lost count but surprise, surprise the man was right.

Everything was going great. You and Emily were spending most of your free time together, she took you out to dinners, movie dates, she took you to gallery exhibits and you made sure to return the favour. Though all the going out dates were amazing, the two of you were partial to staying home, cuddling on the sofa with a glass of wine and something forgotten playing on the TV as the two of you focused on nothing but each other.

Really, should you have been surprised when it came to a crashing halt?

You were all gathered at Rossi’s for JJ’s surprise wedding and you were outside with Spencer but excused yourself to go and grab a drink from inside. Just as you were about to round the corner you paused as you heard Hotch ask:

“How are you?” You heard Emily let out a sharp exhale causing Hotch to speak again, “That bad? He asked.

“What?” You heard Emily ask in confusion, causing you to smile.

“That’s your tell,” he told her and the two of them continued on like that for a moment before Hotch drew the conversation back to the original topic.

You stayed hidden, not liking the fact that you were eavesdropping but you had noticed something had been off with Emily, it had been ever since she had come back to the team but then the two of you got together and things went back to normal. However, in recent days she had been acting nervous but shrugged it off everytime you asked.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hotch asked and you leaned closer, awaiting her response.

“Absolutely,” she said after a moment of silence, “but not now.”

“First thing tomorrow?” Hotch replied.

“It’s a date.” Emily assured him and you were quick to move when you heard footsteps.

Once Hotch had passed, making his way over to Beth, you rounded the corner and saw Emily stood alone with her drink.

“A date, huh, should I be worried?” You asked with a forced smile. Emily looked at you in surprise before smiling at you.

“Of Hotch?” She asked before shaking her head, “I wouldn’t be.”

Though she was smiling at you, you could tell her thoughts were somewhere else.

“Are you sure everything’s ok?” You asked, watching as she stayed silent before nodding.

“I’m sure.” She said before taking your hand in hers and leading you outside.

It was a beautiful ceremony but your mind was focused on Emily. You noticed the looks of concern Penelope kept shooting her and the sad expression of Derek’s face.

You wished somebody would tell you what was happening.

-

You dropped it for the night, not wanting to ruin the happy atmosphere from JJ’s wedding but the next day you were determined to get an answer from Emily.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked as she entered her apartment after meeting Hotch.

“You tell me.” You shot back, not in the mood for any more deflections.

“Y/N,” She sighed, moving to come closer to you but you took a step back causing her to stop.

“Just tell me what’s going on.” You pleaded, eyes wide as you silently begged her. You watched as she sighed before nodding to herself.

“I got offered a job to run the London Interpol office.” She told you honestly, not wanting to drag this out any further. There was no delicate way to tell you but she couldn’t help but wince at her own words.

She watched as you frowned, eyebrows pulling together as you took in her words. She watched your mouth move but no words came out.

“What?” You finally spoke.

“Clyde offered me a job, running the head office. I haven’t given him an answer yet.” She told you quickly.

“But you’re going to say yes.” It should have been a question but it wasn’t, you knew Emily. If she was still thinking about this then she wanted it.

“I haven’t given him an answer yet.” She repeated, causing you to roll your eyes.

“But you’ve already made your mind up, right?” You knew she had, you knew she was going to choose this job.

“Y/N,” She pleaded but you just shook your head.

“No, it’s fine.” You said, nose scrunching as you pushed back tears, refusing to cry.

“Ever since I got back it’s been…I haven’t been able to grab onto my old life and pretend nothing happened.” She told you and you got that you really did but still you were allowed to be sad.

“You started this with me, Emily!” You yelled suddenly, fury coursing through your veins, “You started this relationship with me, I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t ask you to be with me, that was all you! And now you’re just leaving for some job in London!”

“Y/N please,” She began, she knew you were right. She hadn’t been fair to you.

“Good luck in London,” You scoffed before pushing past her and making your way out of the apartment, ignoring her calls for you.

You had told yourself at the start of this not to get attached to Emily but now as you sat alone in a bar, playing back the memories of the two of you, you could see that you had fallen hard for her…you loved her.

Weeks passed since Emily left. You didn’t say goodbye to her before she left, though she tried to contact you. You hated that you felt like this, the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as you sat in your empty apartment. You didn’t want to miss Emily, you didn’t want to need her.

You just wanted her to come back and be here with you.

When you were first getting together with Emily, if you had known what you knew now you never would have played so nonchalant, you would have told her that you loved her, you would have said those three words every single day.

But now she was in London, surrounded by taxi cabs and busy streets and yet none of them would bring her back to you.

-

You were finally on your way home from a long case, sat on the sofa watching as Spencer stared at the empty seat across from him, still reeling from losing Derek.

You missed him too. Being on this team, losing people, it was draining. You were still mourning the loss of Emily and it had been so long since you last saw her.

Hotch had taken himself off to answer a video call but you weren’t paying attention, you sat with your headphones in and looked down at your phone blocking everything out but your attention was brought back up when Hotch tapped your shoulder and gestured for you to take your headphones out.

“Huh?” You said, sitting up and turning to him.

“We have a case.” Hotch announced causing everyone to groan but before anyone could start complaining he said something that made you turn pale. “It’s Emily.”

The jet stayed silent, Hotch and Rossi glancing at you worriedly.

“What do you mean it’s Emily?” JJ asked which you were grateful for.

Hotch was quick to fill you all in on the information Emily had given him about the copy cat murderer but you were hardly paying atttention. Emily was coming back, she was going to be in New York with you.

You stayed behind the team as they entered the station, not ready to face Emily just yet. It had been so long since you last saw her and you hardly knew what to do.

“There she is!” You heard Rossi exclaim as he pulled Emily close, kissing her cheeks. You watched as a bright smile spread across her face.

She looked great.

JJ and Spencer hugged her, her smile only widening with each new person. You watched as she hugged Hotch before her attention finally settled on you.

“Y/N,” she began, feeling overwhelmed as she took you in. “Hi.”

“Nice to see you.” You said softly, playing with the hem of your jacket.

“It’s nice to see you too.” She replied, desperate to reach out to you but terrified of the response.

Hotch cleared his throat causing you both to turn away from each other.

“Rossi and JJ are heading to the crime scene,” He told her, “I’m assuming you want to join?”

Emily agreed and with one final glance at you she walked out of the door.

-

“What was that about?” Tara asked you, the only person on the team not aware of your relationship with Emily.

You shook your head, blinking back against the sudden wetness in your eyes before turning to Hotch. You didn’t even have to ask him if you could have a minute, he just nodded at you and told you to take as much time as you needed.

You managed a grateful smile before turning around and finding the bathroom. You locked yourself in a stall and sunk down to the floor, letting the tears flow. You hadn’t known just how hard it would be to see Emily again after all this time.

You thought you were getting over her but seeing her again, you were still so in love with her.

She might have been here in New York with you but she wasn’t staying and she wasn’t yours.

-

Once the case was wrapped up everyone was getting ready to head to the jet. Hotch had already told you of Emily’s decision to fly back with you all and as much as you hated the glimmer of hope you also held onto it like your life depended on it.

You didn’t speak to her on the plane and she gave you the space you needed and once you were back at the BAU she excused herself to see Penelope.

“How are you?” Hotch asked when the two of you were alone.

You sniffed before shrugging, not entirely sure how to answer that but Hotch was patient and he let you sort through your feelings before answering.

“I want to hate her,” You told him quietly, watching as he smiled sadly at you, “I want to hate her so badly. It’s her fault I fell for her in the first place. But seeing her today made me realise, I’m still in love with her, Hotch.” You confessed aloud for the first time, eyes filling with tears again and Hotch was quick to pull you into a hug.

“I don’t wanna need her this way.” You said into his chest.

“I know, I know.” Hotch said as he rubbed a comforting and grounding hand along your back. He watched as Rossi peeked into his office but shook his head causing the older man to shoot you both a sympathetic smile before leaving.

Eventually you pulled away and composed yourself, giving Hotch a forced smile before you and he made your way out of his office, joining the rest of the team in the hallway.

“We’re having family dinner,” Penelope told you, Hotch and Tara, “you in?” She asked and you wanted to say no so badly. You wanted to go home and ignore everything until Emily Prentiss was out of the country.

But another part of you wanted to go, wanted to have the chance to at least talk to her. You hated how you’d left things with her, her thinking you hated her and you not knowing how she felt about you.

You saw most of the team looking at you in concern so you plastered a smile onto your face and agreed to go.

“If somebody is paying for the alcohol, I’m there.” You said, causing them to laugh.

“Yes!” Penelope cheered, “This is happening. You get to tell me everything about Mark and by everything, I mean everything about Mark. I want all the details.”  She said and the rest of the team watched your smile falter before you took a breath and forced it back.

Penelope seemed to notice her mistake as she winced and gave you and Emily an apologetic look but you just shook your head and stepped into the elevator.

The rest followed in and it wasn’t long before you were all sitting at a table, Mexican food in front of you and it was easier than you thought it’d be. You sat between Rossi and Hotch, talking and laughing like nothing was wrong.

You took the time to steal glances at her, savouring how beautiful she looked as she laughed at whatever Penelope was saying to her.

“You should talk to her before she leaves.” Hotch said to you. You turned to face him and bit your lip before nodding.

“I know but…I don’t know how to talk to her anymore.” You admitted, hating that you didn’t really know the woman you loved anymore.

“It’ll be easier than you think.” He promised as he patted your hand and excused himself to the bathroom.

Once JJ saw Hotch leave she nodded in your direction, encouraging Emily to get up and make a move. Emily sighed, she wanted nothing more than to talk to you but after the last conversation she really wasn’t sure how it would go.

Biting the bullet, she stood up and made her way to Hotch’s seat.

“Mind if I sit here?” She asked, causing you to look up in surprise. It took you a minute to respond but eventually you nodded. “Thanks.” She said softly, giving you a small smile.

The rest of the table continued chatting, not wanting to make things more awkward for the two of you.

Emily didn’t know where to start, she had dreamed of seeing you again for so long and now she had the chance and she was blowing it.

Thankfully you started the conversation but the topic made Emily wince.

“So Mark, huh?” You asked when the silence became unbearable. Rossi, who was sitting next to you, had to hold back a snort of laughter at your bluntness.

“What about Mark?” Emily asked, unsure of how you were going to take the fact she had a boyfriend.

“Nothing, nothing,” You said with a shrug, “just never really pictured you with a Mark.” You told her, nose scrunched in disgust causing her to smile.

“What’s wrong with Mark?” She laughed, watching as a small smile graced your face.

“Nothing, it’s just…Mark? Really?” That was the ice breaker the two of you needed and by the time Hotch was sliding into Emily’s seat the two of you were leaning into each other’s personal space, talking and laughing with each other.

It was the happiest the team had seen you in a long time.

“So,” You asked during a lull in conversation, “when do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning.” She told you quietly.

“You can’t stay longer?” You asked and there was a brief pause where Emily looked at you, an unreadable expression on her face. “Not for me, of course. For the team, they miss you.”

“Of course.” Emily agreed. “I miss them too but you know, I gotta get back…Mark and all.”

“Ah, Mark.” You said with a nod causing her to smile sadly.

After that Penelope captured Emily’s attention and she got swept into a conversation with the other girls. You were able to leave the table without them noticing and headed outside, not noticing Rossi following behind you.

He took one look at you and pulled you into his arms.

“C’mere kiddo.” He said as he did and you willingly went to him, needed the comfort right now.

“I’m ok,” you assured him after a while, pulling away from him.

“I know you are.” Rossi said, causing you to smile. “You’re tough but you’re allowed to miss her.”

You just nodded but didn’t respond, not that Rossi was expecting you to.

“I think I’m gonna head home.” You told him after a moment of silence.

“You want me to drive you?” He asked but you shook your head.

“No please, stay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said and made to leave, before you turned the corner though you turned back to Rossi, “Thank you.” You called, causing him to smile at you before waving you off.

You hadn’t been asleep long when the knock on your door came. You groaned, cursing whoever it was as they wouldn’t stop banging.

You pulled yourself out of bed, not caring about your appearance, and pulled the door open. Before you had time to register who it was, a pair of soft lips connected with yours in a desperate kiss.

“Wow.” You said, pulling away and coming face to face with Emily.

“Y/N,” She began but you cut her off. Whatever she was about to say would be guaranteed to ruin this and you didn’t want that, if you could get one more night with Emily you were taking it, consequences be damned.

A one more night you got. The two of you fell into bed together, every move desperate, needy, hot…making up for all the time lost between the two of you. Your bodies moved in sync like you had never stopped being together.

Everything felt right and it was easy to pretend that things were normal but then morning came.

“I have to go.” Emily told you as she accidently woke you up getting out of bed.

“Emily,” You began, not ready to lose her again, “just come back, be here, please Emily.” You pleaded with her but knew it was no use.

“I have to go back, Y/N. Baby, please believe me,” she said, sitting on the bed and cupping your cheek, “I want to be here but I have a life there.”

“You have a life here, Emily.” You argued back but she just shook her head.

“It’s different.” She said and you didn’t know what else to say.

What could you say? She had made her mind up a long time ago about where she wanted to be and it wasn’t here with you, it was across an ocean in London with Mark.

“Okay,” You said, nodding your head. “I’m not saying this to make you stay, please don’t think I am but I have to say it, Em, because I regret everyday that I never told you.”

The look on her face told you she knew what you were about to tell her, her eyes filled with tears as she nodded at you.

“I love you.” You confessed softly, tears streaming down your face.

She pulled you in for a kiss, so gentle that it made you cry even more.

“I love you too.” She whispered against your lips.

Watching her leave again somehow hurt more this time around, probably because you had both admitted you loved each other but it still wasn’t enough. You still weren’t enough for her to stay.

She left and left you in pieces on your bed, tears steadily streaming down your faces as you buried your face in the pillow that still smelled like her, cursing that you needed her this way.

You just wanted her to come back to you.

__________________

Emily Taglist - @grccnaway, @chaoticevilbakugo, @ppgrayson

Treacherous

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here for Red (Taylor’s Version) masterlist

Add yourself to my taglist.

Prompt - ‘This slope is treacherous and I, I like it’

Notes - shameless hotch smut

Ever since you’d first joined the BAU there was always something between you and Aaron. It started out a merely a physical attraction, you knew he was married, saw how he had talked about Haley and knew the man wouldn’t be unfaithful to her but that didn’t stop you from taking every chance you could to tease him, be near him and Aaron, though he never initiated anything, wasn’t quick to push you away.

As you got to know the man, however, you found yourself genuinely liking him. He was a good man and you couldn’t stop yourself going down that path no matter how reckless it was. You knew it’d be smart to walk away but Hotch, he was like quicksand, once the feelings were there, you couldn’t escape them.

You knew nothing could ever happen between you and Aaron, not for a lack of trying on your part, but because he was married and you knew he would honour the vows he made. Even if Haley wasn’t a factor, Aaron wouldn’t risk either of your careers by letting himself get involved with one of his subordinates, he knew you were already going to have it rough, a young woman working for the FBI, add onto that a relationship with your boss…it was a recipe for disaster.

Still the day he was served with divorce papers you couldn’t help but fight back a smile. The boss-employee relationship, you knew given the chance you could make Aaron see past that, sure it’d take work but you could convince him that it was worth it but Haley, she had always been the factor you knew you couldn’t touch. Now though the woman was letting Aaron go, a decision you couldn’t understand but one you hoped would work in your favour.

Aaron was struggling, everybody on the team could tell. The diviorce and the workload were getting to him and who would blame you for offering a shoulder to cry on?

You found yourself in front of the door to Aaron’s new apartment and a part of you knew you should feel shameful, using the man's divorce as a way in and if he turned you down you were fully prepared to give him the space he needed but if he acted on the chemistry between the two of you, you were ready to fully down that treacherous slope and into his arms.

Aaron didn’t look surprised to see you at his door and he was quick to invite you in. It was obvious he had been drinking, you couldn’t blame him either with all the stress that had come down on him lately.

“Would you like a drink?” He offered, gesturing towards the opened bottle on the table.

It wasn’t long before the two of you had worked your way through the majority of the bottle, personal space completely out of the window as you leaned into each other.

Aaron leaned forward and placed his glass on the table before he turned to you. He couldn’t help but smile, lifting his hand to brush a strand of hair from your face and you didn’t stop yourself from leaning into the touch. Aaron let his hand rest on your face, cupping your cheek and you didn’t hesitate to turn your face slightly, placing a soft kiss against his palm.

That seemed to be all the permission he needed as he guided your face close to his before pressing his lips to yours. You let your eyes slip shut, the kiss was electric. Aaron’s hand moved from your face, up into your hair, his fingers tangled in the strands as your hands came up to wrap around his neck.

In a quick movement you were climbing onto Aaron’s lap, thighs spread either side of him as you let yourself grind down against him, moaning as you felt the growing bulge beneath you.

Aaron groaned into your mouth before pulling away, letting his lips trail open-mouthed kisses from your jaw and down your neck. It wasn’t long before he was pulling your shirt off, encouraging you to keep moving as he did.

His mouth attached itself to one of your breast, pressing kisses against it and letting his tongue trail over the sensitive bud before he took it into his mouth, sucking harshly causing you to let out a needy moan. As he took the nipple between his teeth you sucked in a breath, your hips speeding up as he continued.

Your head was thrown back and you didn’t try to quiet the noises falling from your lips as Aaron bucked his hips up before he grabbed your neck and dragged down so he could crash his lips to yours.

This kiss was messy, it was uncoordinated, noses brushed together, teeth scraped against each other. But it was hot, there was no denying that and you couldn’t help but moan into it, the feeling of those fingers squeezing your neck, tightening as you quickened your pace, the hardness of his cock against you…it was everything you’d wanted for months.

Aaron pulled away, letting his head fall to the back of the couch, his deep moans doing things to you…having Aaron Hotchner a moaning mess under you had you smirking.

Reluctantly you pushed yourself off him and climbed off the couch. Aaron looked at you through half lidded eyes but before he couldn’t protest the loss of you on his cock, you were positioning yourself between his legs.

“Fuck Y/N,” He moaned as you made quick work of taking his pants off, practically watering at the mouth at the size of the bulge hidden by the fabric of his underwear. You could feel the wetness between your own legs and moaned as you leaned forward to lick a strip up the underside of his cock, and with just one taste of him you knew it was over for you, you were addicted already.

You took his cock into your mouth, relishing the stretch as he bucked his hips up, forcing his cock further into your mouth causing you to whimper needily around the length of him, your hips thrusting against nothing as you felt yourself getting wetter.

Curses left Hotch’s lips, mixed with those low moans. His fingers were tangled in your hair, gripping tightly as he continued to thrust his hips up, forcing his cock down your throat until you were choking around him.

And you couldn’t get enough. You eagerly let him take control, gagging around his cock, looking up at him with tear filled eyes, the pleasure you felt written clearly across your face.

You couldn’t take it anymore, letting your hand slip down your underwear, you brushed against your clit, letting out a desperate and filthy moan. Your eyes fell shut as you easily pushed two fingers inside your hole, wetness coating your fingers.

Aaron smirked down at you, seeing you like this, on your knees, a desperate, needy mess as he thrusted into your mouth, watching you choke on his dick. He cursed himself for not giving in earlier.

You whined as your fingers rubbed sloppily against your clit, thighs clenching as Aaron quickened his pace, his cock hitting the back of your throat with each thrust. By the time Aaron was cumming down your throat, you were struggling for breath but managed to swallow down every bit of cum before pulling off him.

You were panting for breath but Aaron pulled you in for a hot, messy kiss, giving you not time to recover. You whined into it, breathless and desperate for your own release. When Aaron finally pulled away you gulped down as much air as you could before begging Aaron to let you cum, eyes still glassed over from the blowjob and lips red and swollen.

Aaron groaned at the sight.

He was quick to pull you back onto the couch, laying you down and positioning himself in between your thighs, pressing soft kisses to the insides of them before he turned his attention between your legs, smirking at the wetness leaking through your underwear.

“You wanna cum, baby?” He asked, causing you to buck your hips up with a whine.

“Please, please, Hotch, do something, please.” You begged, desperate for release.

“You beg so nicely.” Aaron said before he licked you through your underwear making you moan as you moved your hips, letting yourself rub against his face.

“Does that feel good, baby?” He asked, moving so he could take your underwear off. “Come here.” He said before repositioning himself so he was laying on the sofa.

“You want to cum? Do it yourself.” He said and pulled you down, positioning you so his face was underneath you and when you didn’t move he leaned up, licking up to your clit before taking it into his mouth and suckling greedily on it causing you to let out a noise that sounded more like a sob than a moan, the feeling of his mouth on you was overwhelmingly amazing.

You gasped as a hand connected with your butt, a sharp sting causing you to arch your back and moan in pleasure.

“Make yourself cum.” Aaron commanded again and this time you obeyed him.

You moaned and cried as Aaron sucked your clit, his fingers pressing into your thighs, holding you open and rocking you slightly, encouraging you to move against his face. You began to move, crying out at the pleasure that shot through your body causing him to smirk against you.

He felt the wetness from you all over his face and moaned against your clit sending vibrations through your body that made you gasp and quicken your pace. Aaron let his hand come down on your butt, several times in a quick pace causing you to buck against his face, sobbing as the need to come became too much but Aaron didn’t stop there. He slipped his tongue easily into your hole and pushed it deeper into you every time you thrust against him.

Tears rolled down your face as every sensation became too much. With a shuddering moan you felt yourself cum against Aaron’s face, still riding against him as you rode through the orgasm.

Aaron gently pulled your legs off of him and sat up once you were finished cumming, he licked his lips, drinking in as much of your cum as he could as he turned his attention to you.

“Come here, baby.” He said, pulling you into his arms and holding you tightly against his chest, not rushing you as your mind caught back up after becoming overwhelmed.

As you caught your breath, Aaron ran his hands through your hair, gently combing through the knots that had gathered from him gripping it. He saw the slight bruises on your neck, from both his mouth and his fingers, and couldn’t help but smirk as he pressed his lips to one causing you to whine.

“You’re ok, I’ve got you.” Aaron assured and you pulled away slightly to look up at him. He couldn’t help but smile down at you, you looked wrecked, lips swollen and tear stained cheeks…Aaron had done that to you. “Let’s get you to bed.” He said, picking up you knowing full well the second you stood on your own your legs would turn to jelly.

Aaron set you down gently and made quick work of cleaning you up before he helped you slip into a pair of his boxers and one of his old shirts. Once he was sure that you were settled he got himself cleaned up and changed before heading to the kitchen to get two glasses of water, setting his on the nightstand before he turned to you.

“Y/N,” He said softly, smiling as you pried your eyes open tiredly, “drink some of this and then you can sleep.” He promised, before he helped you sit up and held the glass to your lips.

Once he was satisfied with how much you had drank, he let you lay down and it wasn’t long before he was climbing into bed with you and pulling you into his arms.

“Goodnight Y/N.” He said softly, placing a kiss to your forehead before letting himself fall asleep.

-

From that night on you and Aaron continued to sleep with each other. The morning after the first night he had sat you down and explained how this couldn’t be anything more than friends with benefits, how even this was risking a lot but neither of you could only let this be a one night thing.

The two of you had sex multiple times a week, sometimes even in his office, blinds shut and door locked, you biting into his shoulder to keep quiet. It wasn’t even a choice anymore, you couldn’t have put a stop to this if you tried. You were too far gone now and each time the two of you spent time together, you found yourself falling further and further for him. The sex was increible, god was it incredible, but there was also the stuff afterwards, when he would hold you close, whispering soft nothings as he kissed your hair. The nights where he would cook you dinner or pull you aside if a case was getting bad, offering you a shoulder if needed.

Sometimes you found yourself, in the early hours when both of you were spent, contemplating whether you should tell him how you felt but you couldn't, you knew if he knew how you felt he would put a stop to this. He wouldn’t want to feel like he was leading you on and you couldn’t lose this, couldn’t lose him. You’d take him anyway you could get him, it was a treacherous slope but one that you decided to head down, knowing now that there was no way out of this.

So whilst his name echoed through your mind all day, you knew it was your own fault. Aaron had been clear from the get go what this was, what this could only ever be. You were the one who started falling and as much as you wanted him for yourself you knew it wasn’t an option.

Falling for Aaron Hotchner wasn’t a conscious choice but if this was the only way you could have him, a secret to be kept behind closed doors, then it might have hurt but it didn’t mean you didn’t like it, you still got to be with him in some sense and maybe one day you’d be brave enough to ask him to stay with you but until then you’d continue on this reckless path and grasp onto any moment you had with Aaron.

________________________________

Hotch taglist - @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @chickensrule, @eternal-silvertongued-prince, @fanf1ctionwrit1n, @cassidymb121,, @grccnaway, @averyhotchner, @chaoticevilbakugo, @sia2raw, @silverose365, @mystic-writings

I Almost Do

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here for Red (Taylor’s Version) masterlist

Add yourself to my Taglist (Click link in bio)

Prompt - ‘I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye.’

It had been an exhaustingly long case, both you and Derek being forced to act like nothing was wrong between you when in reality being around the man made you want to cry.

Things had been great between you, together for over a year, moved in with one another, things had been great. You couldn’t even pinpoint when things had started going bad, you just remembered that the two of you were arguing more, you remembered that in the last few months you’d spent more time in the guest bedroom than you did in your own.

The tension between the two of you eventually seeped into your work life and Hotch had taken to keeping the two of you as far away from each other as he could whereas he usually paired you with each other for most assignments, knowing how well the two of you worked together.

Derek was the one to finally put an end to the relationship after months of fighting, months of faking smiles and telling everyone things were fine, everyone had rough patches, after months of sleeping alone and days without talking to one another.

“We can’t do this anymore Y/N,” He had snapped one day, the two of you were arguing in the kitchen. Hateful words thrown at each other in the heat of the moment. Derek sighed before softening his voice and repeating, “We can’t do this anymore.”

You blinked against the tears, you knew he was right but it didn’t mean you wanted it to end. All you wanted was for the fighting to stop, you didn’t even know what you were fighting over anymore. You’d never fallen out of love with Derek, you still loved him more than anything but ultimately you knew he was right.

“I know,” You replied, voice just as soft as his.

You watched his face fall, your expression mirroring his as you both came to terms with the fact your relationship was just over.

Derek took a step closer to you, lifting his hand to cup your face, giving you plenty of time to pull away before he dipped his head down and let his mouth connect with yours.

It was then you let the tears fall, the saltiness could be tasted on both your lips as he kissed you softly, trying not to let his own tears fall.

When he pulled away he rested his forehead on yours, looking at your face he couldn’t help but let a single tear fall as he brushed yours away.

“I love you baby.” He whispered, causing you to scrunch your nose up as you tried desperately to stop more tears from coming.

“I love you too,” You told him, nodding slightly as you did.

From then on everything became tense. You and Derek didn’t know how to act around each other. Hotch continued to keep you separate and the two of you avoided each other as best you could and you did quite a good job considering the close quarters you worked in.

Emily hadn’t hesitated to offer you her spare bedroom as you looked for your own apartment and she watched as you fell apart after rough cases, the only thing that could help was the one person you couldn’t have.

Sometimes Derek reached out, a phone call or a text, but you never replied. As much as you loved him, and you did love him more than words could say, you couldn’t say hello to him again and risk another goodbye. You knew he probably hadn’t even considered that but the first breakup was so painful, you couldn’t go through it again.

Tonight though it took everything in you not to call him. Tonight you just wanted to be with him, his arms secure around your waist, holding you tightly, his touch grounding you. You wanted him to kiss your forehead and whisper sweet nothings that always made you feel better.

But you didn’t call or text him. You didn’t get in your car and drive to the place you once called home. There were so many times where you had nearly given in, nearly gone to him, almost done it, but you resisted.

The thought of having him back just to lose him again was far too painful.

You knew in some ways that it was probably for the best the two of you had parted ways before you ruined everything with each other forever. At least calling it quits when you did meant there may have been a possibility, somewhere down the line, there was a chance you could reconnect, be friends again, be in the same room without any tension.

It had been an exhaustingly long case, both you and Derek being forced to act like nothing was wrong between you when in reality being around the man made you want to cry. You bet at this time of night that Derek was still up, just as tired as you after a long, hard week. You bet he was sitting in that chair by the window, looking out at the view, in the seat that you had both once occupied, you in his lap with his arms holding you securely.

You hoped he was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him, you hoped he missed you as much as you missed him. You hoped one day that the two of you would be ready to find each other again and this time not let each other go.

______________

Derek Taglist - @canadailluminate, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat , @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @chickensrule, @classyunknownlover, @rosaliedepp, @cassidymb121, @grccnaway, @averyhotchner, @chaoticevilbakugo, @sia2raw, @silverose365, @ellevandeberg, @taecube, @alexxavicry, @parkershoco, @father-violet,

Only You

Click here for my masterlist.

Febuwhump Prompt - failed rescue attempt

Prompt - ‘I hate to make everything about me but what am I supposed to do without you?’

You were still half asleep as you stumbled onto the jet, flopping down into the seat next to Hotch, letting your head rest upon his shoulder. Hotch looked down at you, face softening as he watched you close your eyes. By the time the rest of the team had trailed onto the jet you were fast asleep against Hotch.

The plane ride was only a short one so by the time you were in the air Hotch was gently shaking you awake, you groaning as you turned your face further into his shoulder before pulling away and rubbing at your eyes.

“Morning princess.” Derek grinned, way too energetically for four in the morning. You glared at him as Hotch nudged you and pressed the tablet into your hands, information already loaded up for you just as Garcia’s voice filled the jet.

“Police just responded to the scene of another body, same markings on the victim.” She told you all, causing you to look down at your notes to see the markings she spoke of.

You raised an eyebrow as you saw each woman had three crosses carved into their skin, one large one on their chests and then small ones on each inner arm. As well as that there was a diagonally cut along their face starting from the temple right down to their jaws.

“The crosses seem to be done post mortem, they’re too clean and haven’t scabbed over whereas the cut to the faces seem to be done whilst the victims are alive if the jaggedness and blood pattern is anything to go by.” Spencer informed everyone as you continued to skim through the information.

So far three bodies had been found, four now including the latest victim, all found spread out in public places. You looked up just in time to see Rossi and Hotch glance at you before sharing a look with each other but when you raised a questioning eyebrow at Hotch he just shook his head.

“Tell them to leave the body as it is, Garcia, we’ll be there soon.” With that Garcia disconnected the video call leaving you all to look through the notes and talk about potential unsubs.

“Y/N I want you with me at the latest crime scene. JJ, Dave head down to the station and see what they have, Reid go with them and see if you can narrow down the geographical profile. Morgan, Prentiss go to the lab and see if they have anything for us yet.” Hotch instructed as the jet landed and you all headed your separate ways.

As you and Hotch walked the crime scene, trying to figure out how somebody could plant and position a body without being caught even considering the early hour, you felt uneasy. Your head whipped around as you surveyed the scene but other than the press and officers nobody was there.

“You ok?” Hotch asked as he watched you look around.

“Huh?” You questioned, turning back to him with a shake of your head, “Yeah, I’m fine.” You told him, forcing a smile on your face as he nodded and turned back to the body.

You glanced around once more before doing the same.

It wasn’t long before you were all at the station, nothing coming up from your walk at the crime scene, Morgan and Prentiss hadn’t found out much from the ME. The only person who had had some luck was Spencer who was gesturing to different places on the map and rambling on about the most likely places the unsub could be.

You felt bad for zoning it out but geographical profiles had never been your forte. Instead you turned your attention to Hotch who was listening to Spencer whilst rubbing his temple, trying to push away an oncoming headache.

You stood up and headed out of the room, Hotch turning to you as you did but you weren’t gone long, heading out to the kitchen area to pour yourself and Hotch a drink. Hotch shot you an appreciative smile as he brought the cup to his lips.

“So all we know is that the unsub is somewhere in that area and is consistent in victimology and that only gets us so far, short of looking the same these girls are as different as you could get.” Derek said as he threw his folder onto the table.

“He’s right, they never went to school together, never shopped at the same stores, hell I doubt these girls had anything connecting them.” Emily said.

“There’s something we’re missing, get Garcia to keep looking into them.” Hotch ordered as he stood up to take a call.

“Reid, are you able to pinpoint anything about where he’s finding these girls?” Rossi asked, leaning back in his chair and fiddling with a pen.

It was only hours later that you were informed of another body. You, Spencer, Derek and Hotch headed to the scene to see if you could find anything useful. It was more than obvious that the unsub was devolving, two bodies in one day. The crosses on the latest victim were clearly done when she was alive, all of them jagged and messy.

As Spencer and Hotch examined the body and Morgan interviewed the woman who had found the body you looked around and noticed an alleyway not too far from the body, it seemed like the only place that an unsub would have half a chance at not being caught from.

You glanced back to the others and saw they were still busy so shrugged and headed over, with the way this case was going it was probably just another deadend. But yet when you headed into the alleyway you got the same feeling you did at the last crime scene, you felt uneasy as the hairs on your neck stood up, a shiver running down your spine as you looked around but nothing was there.

As you turned to leave you came face to face with a man much taller than you and before you had the chance to scream or pull your gun he immediately smothered your face with a rag. You tried not to breathe in but were forced to and it wasn’t long before you slumped against the man who wore a sleazy grin.

“What do you mean she's gone?” Hotch snapped as Derek informed him you were nowhere to be found.

“I don’t know man, she’s not here.” He watched as Hotch stepped away, pulling his phone out and listening for a ringtone to sound from somewhere around him but it never came. The car was still here and there weren’t many places you could go.

“Get Garcia to track her location,” Hotch said to Derek, “Now.”

The tone of Hotch’s voice had Derek obeying the order instantly, no flirting with Garcia as he snapped at her to do what he asked.

“It’s off.” Garcia told him with fear running through her veins.

“What?” Hotch snapped into the phone that was now on speaker.

“It’s not on, I can’t track it.” Garcia repeated, her thoughts spiralling.

Hotch bit back a series of curses as his team and the officers looked to him for guidance and he hated that he didn’t have an answer.

They somehow ended up at the station, each of them trying to create a profile that would lead them to you. Hotch paced up and down an empty interview room, hair messed up as he continued to run his fingers through it cursing himself for letting you come along to the crime scene in the first place.

“You need to calm down.” Rossi told him as he entered the room.

“Calm down?” Hotch questioned with a look of disbelief, “Calm down?! It’s my fault she got taken and you want me to calm down?”

“It’s not your fault.” Rossi told him, voice even despite the worry he felt for you. Somebody had to keep a level head and it clearly wasn’t going to be Hotch.

“Not my fault? Dave, she matched the unsub’s victimology, I knew that and I still let her come to both crime scenes, I never shou-” Here Hotch cut himself off as he remembered something.

“What is it?” Rossi asked, following Hotch out of the room as he stormed over to the one the team had been given.

“Get Garcia on the phone.” He demanded and his order was fulfilled in seconds, Garcia’s worried voice filling the room.

“What can I do?” She asked.

“I need you to pull up video footage from the McAdams crime scene,” He told her, mind racing.

“On it, what am I looking for?” The sound of typing filled the room as Hotch thought back to the look on your face.

“The unsub was at the crime scene. Y/N knew it, she knew he was there.” Hotch told them.

“She knew the unsub was there?” JJ asked.

“She didn’t know who it was but she knew something wasn’t right. The look on her face-” Hotch trailed off as Rossi led him to an empty seat.

Nothing any of them said would stop the man blaming himself, not until he had Y/N back.

The team sat in silence as Garcia flipped through footage after footage desperately looking for anything that would help lead the team to you, trying not to think about what the man was doing to you right now.

It took near on forty minutes of scrolling through video feeds before Garcia found something. It wasn’t the clearest footage but the guy definitely gave her the creeps.

“Sir, I think I found him.” Garcia said, causing Hotch to sit straighter in seat as he stared at the phone waiting for her to continue. “If you’ll direct your attention to your tablets,” she said as she sent the blurry images to all of them. “I’m working on making it clearer and getting a face ID as we speak.”

“Fast as you can, Garcia.” Hotch ordered.

“Yes sir, I’ll let you know when I’ve got something.” Because she would get something, no way was she letting anything bad happen to you.

Hotch was a mess as he paced around the small room, setting everybody's nerves even further on edge, if it were possible. They hadn’t seen Hotch this worried for as long as they could remember. The only thing running through everyone’s mind was that they had to find you.

Everybody’s attention turned to Hotch as his phone pinged.

“Aaron?” Rossi asked, standing up as he watched his friend pale drastically. “Hey, whoa, take a seat.” He said, watching as the man’s legs turned to jelly and pushed him into a chair.

As he took the phone from Hotch he saw exactly what had caused the reaction, there you were, strapped to a chair with a cross carved onto your chest, blood pouring from the wound as tears fell down your cheeks.

“We have to find her.” Hotch said quietly, his own eyes filled with tears as the image of you burnt into his mind.

“We will.” Rossi told him before turning to the team, “Call Garcia, tell her to track the phone.”

With some luck Garcia managed to get a location on you before the phone was switched off again. The unsub was hiding away in an abandoned warehouse thirty minutes away from them.

Hotch drove like a mad man, with the way the unsub was going he wasn’t sure if you had thirty minutes. He pushed that thought out of his head as he blinked back tears and tightened his grip on the wheel.

He couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t because then he’d have to think about everything he would regret, the number one thing on that list would be not telling you how he felt about you. How you were one of the few good things in his life and how he never wanted to be without you. He’d regret not taking the risk, not crashing his lips into yours.

He thought back to all the dinners the two of you had together or the times you spent the night at his place, nothing ever happening but sometimes cases got too much for you and you needed somebody safe. You had told him he was your safe place and he still hadn’t bit the bullet and kissed you. He should have told you then and there he was in love with you, how every time he pictured his future you were always there with him, at his side.

He swore to himself he’d tell you now.

He’d tell you now.

They arrived at the warehouse, blue and red lights lighting the place up as everybody stepped out of their cars, guns drawn as they split up and entered. Hotch had done plenty of rescue missions before but this one was different, this one was you.

They weren’t prepared for the size of the place, more rooms than they could count and you could be in any one of them. Hotch felt himself going crazy as they opened door after door only to find nothing.

“Hotch,” Derek’s voice sounded in his ear, “You need to get here quick,” He was told the room number and that was it.

Hotch practically sprinted across the warehouse, fear flooding through him as Derek refused to tell him whether you were ok or not. He pushed through the door, Spencer and JJ right behind him, before freezing, the other two barely stopping themselves from crashing into him.

Because there you were on the floor, medics surrounded you as they performed CPR in a desperate attempt to get any sign of life from you.

Hotch staggered backwards, knees giving out as he fell to the floor. Derek made his way over but what could he do? They all watched on as the medics continued working on you, the blood loss was way too much though.

One medic shook their head causing Hotch to let out a sob as two other medics brushed past the group and it wasn’t long before you were being carried out to the ambulance.

“I’m going with her.” Hotch said as he tried to climb into the ambulance but was pushed away by one of the medics.

“I’m sorry sir but you can’t.” She said with a sympathetic look.

“I’m going with her.” He repeated harshly, Derek placing a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down but he shook it off.

“Agent, I’m going to be honest with you she might not even survive the ride to the hospital, the only people in that ambulance are going to be her and the people who might be able to save her life, you wanna stand here and continue this conversation or can I go and save your girlfriends life?” She asked bluntly, she felt sorry for the man but there wasn’t time for this argument. “Meet us at the hospital.” Were the last words said before the ambulance doors closed and the sirens sounded.

“She has to be ok.” Hotch said to himself.

“It’s Y/N, she’s gonna be fine.” Derek told him but all that blood had him doubting his own words.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at the hospital, forced into a private waiting room and offered no information. Hotch couldn’t sit still and instead opted to pace the length of the waiting room praying to anybody that would listen that you would be ok, you had to be because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do if you weren’t.

Four hours later a nurse finally came out to see the group of anxious agents. Hotch immediately turned towards him begging for some good news but the look on his face had Hotch’s blood turning cold.

“I’m sorry,” he started and Hotch just about felt his world end, “She’s still in surgery. Her heart stopped three times but we managed to get a heartbeat. It’s still weak and unsteady but it’s there. I can’t make any promises to you but for the moment she’s stable and we’re doing all we can to help her pull through.”

Hotch didn’t know how to react and felt himself collapse into a plastic chair, the nurse giving him a sympathetic look before leaving.

“She’s doing well, Aaron.” Rossi said, taking a seat next to him.

“She died, three times. They don’t know if she’s going to make it.” Hotch said, his voice breaking as tears fell down his face because saying it outloud made it real. “I can’t lose her Dave.”

“She’s a strong kid, she’ll pull through.” Was all Rossi said before the waiting room fell silent again.

“Hey baby girl.” Derek said as he stood up to hug Garcia, both of them needing it right now,

“How is she?” She asked anxiously, sniffing slightly.

“No news yet.” Spencer said quietly from his seat.

“How’s he?” She asked just as quietly gesturing over to Hotch who sat alone in the corner of the room.

“He’s not doing so well.” Emily said, smiling sadly at her boss.

Everybody knew how Hotch felt about you, it wasn’t the best kept secret. Hell, even you knew how he felt and they all knew you felt the same. The only reason you hadn’t acted on it was because you didn’t know if he would be willing to start a relationship with you as his subordinate. As far as the rest of the team was concerned the two of you had been dating for years, you had dinners together, you slept at his place more than your own at this point and on rare days off you still spent your time with each other.

Everybody knew both of you were crazy for each other and watching Hotch not know if he was going to have the chance to tell you how he felt himself was breaking their hearts.

Fourteen hours later a tired doctor stepped through the doors of the waiting room. Everybody turned their attention to him as they waited anxiously to hear anything about you.

“She’s stable,” He told them, smiling softly at the collective sigh of relief that spread throughout the room. “You were told she flatlined three times, correct? Unfortunately she crashed once more but we were able to get a heartbeat. I can’t make promises but as of right now she’s looking good. Obviously we’re going to keep her for at least a week, though that could be longer if things go downhill but I’ll make sure you’re all kept up to date.”

“Thank you so much, doc.” Derek said and everybody else echoed the sentiment.

“Can we see her?” Hotch asked and the doctor gave him a sympathetic look, the man looked like he’d been through hell.

“One of you can,” He agreed, really nobody should but the man looked like he needed to see her and hear a heart machine confirm she was alive, “For five minutes.”

The rest of the team nodded at Hotch who mouthed a thank you to them before he followed the doctor out of the room and over to you.

When the doctor pushed the door open Hotch froze as he saw all the different tubes and wires attached to you, helping you stay alive. His eyes filled with tears as he made his way into the room and sat down in the chair next to you, carefully taking your hand in his and bringing his mouth down to press a kiss to your knuckles.

“You’re going to be ok, Y/N/N,” He told you, eyes on the heart monitor that showed a weak but beating heart rate. “You have to be ok because I have so much to tell you but the most important thing you have to know is that I love you,” He told you, tears falling down his cheeks, “I love you so much, baby. You’ve got to get better so I can tell you that.”

He looked up when he heard a knock at the door, the doctor giving him a sympathetic look. Hotch nodded at him before standing and taking one last look at you, gently leaning over and placing a barely there kiss on your forehead.

“I love you.” And with that he made his way back to the waiting room.

It was four days before there was any movement from you and then they wished they never heard anything. Alarms sounded and the team watched as a flock of doctors and nurses made their way into your room but despite the open door they couldn’t see what was happening.

“Chest compression now, she’s going into cardiac arrest!”

Those words sent a sliver of ice down everybody’s spine, Hotch staring wide eyed at the door, not daring to take his eyes off it like that would somehow help you.

“Defibrillator!” Another doctor called and then he was counting before they shocked you, “Nothing, again!” “Clear!” “Again!”

The words merged into each other as Hotch leaned against the wall for support, his own heart beating out of his chest as he heard them continue to shout how there was nothing.

“We have a pulse!” One doctor finally called and Hotch sobbed, Rossi barely catching him as his knees gave out and pulled him into a tight hug.

“She’s being transferred into the ICU,” the doctor informed them after several hours had passed, “we’ve put her into an induced coma to allow the body to heal but she should be awake in the next two days.”

Those two days seemed to drag, there was no news about you but at this point no news was good news. Everybody else left and came back to the hospital but Hotch had yet to leave once, refusing to leave you alone here even if you weren’t aware of where you were or his presence.

He barely slept and was on edge the whole time you were in the coma, dreading every time a nurse or doctor came close to the waiting room.

“Agent Hotchner,” the doctor greeted as he stepped in, it was still early and the others were back at the hotel.

“Doctor Smith, how is she?” He asked, dread filling his stomach but then the doctor smiled and he felt a weight fall of his shoulders at the words -

“She’s awake.”

Hotch just about kept himself upright as he was led to your room, letting out a sob as he saw you awake through the window.

“Before you go in there’s some things I have to tell you,” the doctor said, Hotch nodding as he did, “she’s going to be extremely weak and tired for a while, her body has been through a lot of trauma in a short space of time. Give her time. I can’t promise you she’s out of the woods yet but we’re doing everything we can. The only advice I can give you is spend as much time with her as you can.”

And with those comforting words the doctor patted Hotch’s shoulder and walked away.

Hotch took a deep breath before he stepped forward and entered your room, smiling at you as your eyes flickered over to him. He made his way around to the chair next to your bed, taking your hand gently in his, careful of the needle.

“It’s so good to see you awake.” He said, leaning down to kiss your hand.

He watched as you gave him a weak smile and a barely there squeeze of the hand. It was the best thing he’d seen in his life, he thought as he choked back a sob.

“I’m so proud of you,” He told you, “You’re doing so well.”

You felt your lip quiver as you took in his words, your body was aching despite all the drugs in your system. Everything hurt but Hotch was here, Hotch made everything better.

You slowly managed to squeeze his hand again, watching as he smiled down at your joined hands.

“You’re going to be out of here before you know it, yeah?” He asked, watching as you blinked tiredly at him. “We can go to that new restaurant that just opened and then maybe see if there are any good movies on?”

You tried to smile but you’re pretty sure all that happened was a brief purse of your lips but you watched Hotch’s face light up anyway.

Hotch continued to talk about all the things the two of you could do once you got better and you couldn’t think of a better way to fall asleep.

It was a while before you were finally discharged from the hospital, the rest of the team had been forced back to Quantico but Hotch took every bit of holiday time he had and used it to stay with you. Thankfully since your cardiac arrest you had been doing better though you still felt drained more often than not and had a few problems with dizzy spells but the doctors had explained how that was normal after both the cardiac arrest and blood loss.

You and Hotch had to stay in a hotel for three extra weeks as you weren’t cleared to fly until then. In the meantime Hotch and you shared a room, it was easier that way for him to check on you and honestly you didn’t want to be alone right now and Hotch was the only person you wanted to be with.

The two of you lay on the bed, his arms wrapped around you, holding you close as you rested your head on his chest. It was only early, around five pm, and despite the nap before you could still barely keep your eyes open.

“I’m so glad you’re ok.” Hotch murmured suddenly into the silence causing you to look up at him. “There were so many times I thought that was it, that you were gone and I just- I couldn’t-” He cut himself off, blinking back tears as he tightened his hold on you slightly.

“I’m ok.” You reminded him softly.

“You’re ok,” He repeated, “I can’t lose you, Y/N and this isn’t exactly how I wanted to tell you but I think we’ve waited long enough,” He told you with a chuckle, causing you to smile up at him softly. “I love you, Y/N, so much. I can’t picture my life with anybody else and honestly, I don’t want to, I just want you.”

Your smile widened as you listened to his words.

“I love you too, Aaron. I don’t want to picture my life with anybody else either.” You told him softly, shifting slightly so you were looking up at him and Aaron took that as all the permission needed to lean down and softly brush your lips together.

It was a kiss long overdue but neither of you rushed it, both content to show how you felt for each other in soft, slow movements, Hotch’s hands cupping your face as you smiled into the kiss.

When Hotch pulled away he didn’t go far, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I love you so much, sweetheart.”

“I love you too.” You smiled before leaning up to capture his lips again.

As far as rescue missions go, it wasn’t the greatest but the ending was pretty great.

___________

Hotch Taglist (click the link in my bio to add yourself!) - @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @chickensrule, @eternal-silvertongued-prince, @fanf1ctionwrit1n, @cassidymb121, , @grccnaway, @averyhotchner, @chaoticevilbakugo, @sia2raw, @cleardetectivechaos, @silverose365, @mystic-writings, @touchdeprivedwh0re, @ellevandeberg, @taecube, @alexxavicry, @battinsonn, @labellapeaky, @parkershoco, @father-violet, @lizamango, @leftmooninfluencer, @varshhyy, @urbestgrrl, @randomwriter1021,

I Wish It Was Me

Click here for my masterlist.

Febuwhump Prompt - Forced to Watch

Prompt - ‘Believe me, if I could take your place I would do it without a second thought.’

The basement was dark and cold, every bone in your body ached and blood poured out of open wounds, you could feel some slip down your face from where your head had been smashed against the floor. You were certain your leg was broken, the hammer connecting with it more times than you could count as you sobbed and screamed, your throat sore after hours of screaming.

The unsub cackled from somewhere above you as he let his boots connect with your ribs again and again. You knew they were broken too, could feel the pain as you breathed in, a rib poking into something it shouldn’t as you continued to cry out in pain.

You knew Spencer was in the room somewhere but you refused to look at him, you couldn’t look at him. You knew it would feel worse if you looked at him, your pain would be mirrored on his face and you couldn’t…you just couldn’t.

It should have been a simple visit to question somebody who may have come into contact with the unsub and instead you’d stumbled across the unsub himself, a man neither you nor your team has suspected.

The man, a man in his mid thirties, had been taking couples, snatching two people easily in broad daylight, keeping them for a day and dumping the bodies at night in public places. The women were always the worst, naked and tortured whilst the man remained fully clothed and killed by a single gunshot wound to the head.

You knew the men had been forced to watch whatever torture the unsub inflicted on the women but living through it yourself was worse than whatever you had imagined at the first crime scene.

Could they not look at their partners too or did they seek their gaze, seek comfort and false hope from it?

You couldn’t look at Spencer, you couldn’t watch as he watched you, watch as his emotions played out clearly on his face as you continued to take the full force of the man’s rage. Spencer had tried to direct the man’s anger and attention to him, desperately had tried to be the one getting tortured but you’d shook your head at him because, despite the absolute pain and agony you were in, Spencer had been through too damn much and you were not letting him get tortured for you.

God, where the hell was Hotch?

You and Spencer had been gone for what felt like hours, surely somebody must have realised you were gone by now, surely somebody must have pieced together who the unsub was. Yet you heard no movement in the house, no sirens from outside, nothing but the sounds of your own screams and cries as the unsub brought a knife up to your skin and dug it in before dragging it to create a deep wound that blood freely poured from.

“Stop!” Spencer yelled and you could hear his cries, the desperation in his voice. You could hear the clatter of his handcuffs against the metal post he was tied to, as he tried to free himself without success. “Please, just stop! Leave her alone!”

Spencer’s begs and pleads seemed to do nothing to deter the unsub, if anything it seemed to please him, seemed to make him slice harder, kick harder and each time he did you let out more and more cries, choking as you struggled for breath, desperately praying that somebody would hurry up and figure it out.

Some of the best profilers in the damn country and they can’t piece this together.

You don’t know how long the next round of kicks and slices went on for but eventually the lightheadedness from the blood loss became too much and you let your eyes fall closed, the last thing you heard was Spencer’s desperate cries for you to wake up.

The annoying sound of a steady heart monitor was the first thing you heard when you finally became conscious again, keeping your eyes closed, not quite ready to face the real world again just yet.

“-uld have taken your place. Never wanted you to have to go through that, I always wanted to keep you safe and I couldn’t do anything, Y/N, I tried to but I couldn’t, I couldn’t…” The voice trailed off with a sob and you felt tears against your hand.

Spencer was here.

Relief flooded your system, if Spencer was here then he didn’t have his own hospital room and that meant he was safe, it meant that somebody had finally pieced together where you were and it meant you were safe.

“Y/N.” Spencer said softly, sitting up and quickly wiping the tears from his face before he brushed away the single tear that made its way down yours. “You’re ok, you’re safe.” He assured you and you pulled him closer until he was sitting next to you, his arm gently laying across your shoulder and your head resting against his chest.

“What happened?” You asked, voice sore and hoarse from screaming causing Spencer to wince and grab something from the table before a straw was held in front of your lips.

You smiled gratefully up at him before finishing the glass in just a few sips, relaxing even more as your throat felt slightly better with the cold water.

“The unsub left two bodies before we went to see him,” Spencer told you, his hand tracing random shapes against your skin as he spoke softly, “It’s why it took them so long to realise we hadn’t come back yet. It wasn’t long after you passed out that they came.”

“You okay?” You asked him, keeping your voice as quiet as possible so that it didn’t burn your throat.

“Am I-” Spencer began but cut himself off with a huff of disbelief, “You were just tortured and you’re asking me if I’m ok?” He couldn’t help but smile as you nodded against him, turning your head slightly to press a kiss against his shirt. “I’m okay, Y/N/N.”

“Good.” You muttered, suddenly feeling exhausted.

“I’m so sorry I let you get hurt.” Spencer whispered against your hair just as you were drifting off and you knew he probably thought you had already fallen asleep but you dragged your eyes open and pulled back from him so you could look up and meet his gaze.

“None of this is your fault, trust me I know if you could, you would have taken every single punch, kick and slice.” You told him, tone soft but leaving no wrong for arguments but Spencer still did so.

“I just watched-” He began but you cut him off.

“No, you didn’t.” You told him, shaking your head as you did, “You were restrained and that man doesn’t target other men, he got off on them being powerless, trust me there was nothing you could have done.”

“I wish it was me.” He whispered the confession but you already knew that, you knew if he had a choice everytime something bad happened, you just knew he’d have it inflicted upon himself before he let it happen to you.

“I’m glad it wasn’t.” You whispered back before you leaned up, meeting his lips for a soft kiss, feeling Spencer hesitate for only half a second before he kissed back, cupping your cheek softly, weary of the line of stitches that went from the top of your forehead down to your temple, stopping just above your cheekbone.

“I’m glad it wasn’t,” You whispered again, leaning back in to brush your lips against his one more time, watching as Spencer smiled down at you and nodded.

“You should get some rest.” He murmured, pulling away and positioning you back against  his chest as he brushed his hand against your arm using the hand around your shoulder.

“I love you, Spenc.” You told him, voice soft and drowsy as you let your eyes fall shut once more, already half asleep and missing the smile that spread against Spencer’s face, completely in love with you.

“I love you too,” He said softly, placing a lingering kiss on your head, “so much.”

_________

Spencer Reid Taglist (Link in bio to add yourself!) -

@levisbloodcut, @mystic-writings, @siriuslyfearless, @silverose365, @divanca2006, @sia2raw, @chaoticevilbakugo, @kodiakwhiskey, @girloncorneliastreet, @averyhotchner, @grccnaway, @frickin-bats, @fanf1ctionwrit1n, @ilovespencerreidmarryme, @classyunknownlover, @chickensrule, @memories-from-a-nerd, @onlyssca,, @black-rose-29, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @j-cat, @mrs-scottmccall, @filmsbyblair, @reidsbookclub, @nomajdetective, @canadailluminate, @asherhunterx, @carmellasworld, @battinsonn, @jasontoddthezombie, @instabull, @honkroselyn, @buckysnumberonegirl, @parkershoco, @father-violet, @mystic-writings, @mmaiamore, @varshhyy, @urbestgrrl, @randomwriter1021, @lazysheepperfection, @lucyysthings, @morganaah, @taylordidsomthingbad, @kaitieskidmore1, @aylauwuuniverse, @lucyysthings,@writeroutoftime, @loki-laufeysons-wife, @srhxpci, (sorry if you've been tagged in this like four times, tumblrs bugging for me!)

Without Faith

a/n giggling and kicking my feet rn btw, this is meant to be a set up for something longer! lmk if you're interested in part 2 :)

Summary: After a news story that was only meant to be an internship assignment spirals into a crime story that earns national attention, you feel conflicted enough about your involvement to join a criminal psychology class despite being a journalism major. Despite your good intentions, the universe seems to have it out for you considering your slightly older professor is extremely attractive and the only person that seems to understand what you're going through.

Warnings/info: age gap (reader is of consenting age tho!!), future student-professor relationship, slow burn, slight changes to how college works for the sake of plot, a surprising amount of lore (i got carried away), me writing for a character for a first time on here so be kind 😭

----

It's not often one finds their enemy crumpled up and lying helplessly next to an overflowing garbage can. It's even rarer to see that and still feel the bitter sting of defeat.

"He didn't text me back, which is weird because when I ran into him on Friday--" Carlie, who might know you better than you know yourself, pauses.

You turn your head away from the trash in an attempt to abandon the newspaper as completely as the person who had thrown it away. "You saw James last week? You didn't tell me."

She watches you for a moment, her eyebrows pulling together in a way that tells you she won't accept your lie just because you're offering her an opportunity to re-dissect her most recent interaction with her latest target. "You know I did."

Carlie shifts her weigh from one foot to the other, her eyes drifting towards the ground. "It's there because it's old--it's over."

It's over. The words crack themselves against your skull. More than a sentence, more than a promise. The only consolation the state's attorney could offer grieving families. The sound ringing in your ears as a mother gave into her agony, a choked sob ripping its way out of her throat.

It's over--the catalyst that sent the mother to you in a parking lot illuminated by stale, synthetic lighting. They're the reason for her confession, that in some off-kilter way she thought the verdict would make her feel better.

It's over--the syllables that accompany the sound of the needle leaving Josh Robinson's lifeless body. Killed by the justice system or the media?

"You didn't do anything wrong." Carlie's voice is careful in its unflinchingness. "He was a serial killer. You--you wrote the truth."

And while this awareness has bound itself to your bones, it is rarely enough to make you forget what you did wrong. Journalists are impartial, they don't--they're supposed to understand, they're supposed to be careful. You took it a step further.

"I know."

You don't need to look up to know that you haven't convinced her. However, you must have sounded okay enough for Carlie to accept moving on. "And you're doing more than anyone else would do to make your true crime even better."

It's an exaggeration. Journalists have done a lot more for their careers than request to join a class that belongs to a department unrelated to their degree. But Carlie seems so happy to be able to compliment you, you decide to go with a less sentimental correction, "Not true crime."

"I know, journalism." She sighs, but continues to walk forward in a way that feels oddly optimistic. Maybe even relieved. "Make sure you point out the difference to the professor. I'm sure he'll love that."

You roll your eyes at her sarcasm, but follow her lead anyway. You've already perfected the elevator pitch you're planning to present to Dr. Spencer Reid. A brief but genuine description of the importance of ethical journalism, especially when it comes to writing about serial killers.

You're well practiced and far from worried about winning him over. Academic authority figures have always taken well to you...it also doesn't hurt that you spent all night googling him just to be safe.

"Actually," she begins, pulling open the door to the psychology building, "I bet there's no room for original material in the interaction that you've already imagined, planned, and mentally rehearsed."

You scoff as you step past the door's threshold. "No," the word is dismissive and entirely unconvincing. You instinctually move past it. "Go talk to your advisor about your thesis, I'll meet with Dr. Reid, and then we can order food or something."

The reminder of her own meeting seems to kill the mood, her smile morphing into something more focused. Carlie lets out a small breath. "Right. We got this." And with one final assuring nod, Carlie turns towards the stairwell.

----

The thought is a dull ache that wedges itself into your chest before you can bring yourself to knock against the door. It'll follow you forever.

When you step into the room, Dr. Reid will inevitably ask why you want to join his class. And then you'll have to answer.

You exhale as you extend your arm, knuckles rapping against the wooden surface before overthinking can hurt you any further. After a brief silence, you hear a slightly muffled, "Come in."

You reach for the brass handle, pulling the door open before stepping past the doorway's threshold.

The office is comfortable, a large desk and two plush chairs manage to share the space without seeming cramped. There's a pencil holder and several stacks of papers on the desk's surface. If one ignores the degrees--and the age of the recipient when he received them--on the walls, the office seems normal. Almost suspiciously so. There's even a partially wilted plant sitting on the windowsill.

After taking in the room, you let your attention fall to the individual behind the desk. He's--he--while you've read enough about Dr. Reid to already respect him, and are fully aware that he is far from your peer, you're also now looking at him.

Last night, you did stumble onto a few pictures of him that forced you to reluctantly make a mental note of the fact that he's aesthetically pleasing, but those occasionally blurry snapshots did him and his sharp features little justice.

"Hello," the word is an instinct, slipping past your lips before you're ready to speak.

"Hi," his response is as sudden and lacking in context as your own--a fact that immediately eases you.

Dr. Reid shifts, back straightening against his seat. "You're here for your appointment." You barely have the chance to nod in confirmation before he's continuing, "Come in, take a seat."

In all honesty, you're more glad for the direction than the excuse to sit. You enter his office fully, approaching the plush chair in front of his desk. You sit down, lips parting before you're ready to speak. All structured thoughts have abandoned you.

"Hi." You realize your mistake immediately. You blink, a sound between a self deprecating laugh and a sigh escaping you. "I already said that."

If Dr. Reid thinks anything of your mistake, he gives no indication of it. His expression remains steady, with the exception of the corner of his mouth briefly tugging itself upwards.

Your hands come together on your lap, one of your nails pressing into the nail bed of the thumb on your opposite hand before forcing yourself to relax. You've read enough about his work with the FBI to know that he's so adept at analyzing behavior, you don't need to make it easy for him by giving into obvious signs of nervousness.

"Like I mentioned in my email, I'm interested in joining your class even though it's not an elective and in an entirely different department than my degree." This part is easy, a perfunctory explanation of what he already knows. "However, there is enough overlap that my advisor is supportive of the idea and has already signed off on it."

He shifts again, his pointer finger tapping against the surface of his desk. "Right, she mentioned that, but she didn't mention why."

Okay. This is the part that matters. "I'm a journalism major, and I've recently completed an internship with The Washing Sun." In an act of total self betrayal, you study his expression for any hint of recognition. Finding absolutely none makes it easier to breathe. "And spending time in such an active, journalistic environment has made me fully aware of the way that morals and personal views can complicate ethics."

You pause, pressing your lips together. "I'd like the opportunity to learn about certain behaviors in order to develop a perspective separate from my own.

Though still politely neutral, something behind Dr. Reid's eyes implies an uncertainty that has the rest of your pitch jamming itself down your throat. Whatever's changed doesn't feel like disbelief, and you're far from worried about being accused of lying. You were careful to comb through your mess of emotions before you had even pitched the idea to your advisor--you do feel those things, they're just not the only things you feel.

How delusional had you been to assume the same answers that hid their vagueness behind a heavy layer of altruism that worked on Mrs. Carol would work on a FBI profiler?

"I um--" The sound of your own voice surprises you. "I know what it's like to write something when you can't feel anything for the person everyone's already rooting against, and I'd like to not feel that again." Another glimmer of honesty, barer than your curated story, but still not exactly everything.

Dr. Reid is quiet for a moment, studying you with an openness that should make your skin crawl. "What did it feel like?"

The question throws you. Friends, family, strangers--they've all asked you things about the case, about your article, about hundreds of other things so barely connected you couldn't fathom an answer. No one has ever asked you about that feeling.

"Uh..." You're not even sure you have an answer. "Weird." Your blankness feels like such a cop out, you feel the need to try again. What did it feel like? A hybrid beast made of a festering not-quite-guilt, an over awareness of your every action, all held together by an uneasy pride...that only served to further aggravate the not guilt. "Like I was doing something right and wrong, with no way of knowing what it was more of."

You squeeze your hands together, allowing yourself to focus on the action instead of him. "I'm sorry, that probably doesn't make much sense."

When you finally lift your head, Dr. Reid is already looking at you. A moment passes, the somberness of his features growing heavier in the silence. Maybe he's looking at something past you. "It does."

The affirmation is a small, fragile thing, so faint and far away it almost feels like an intrusion to have heard it. Some selfish part of you latches onto that, his unexpected understanding a lifeline you can't let go of.

You almost thank him before realizing that you have no idea what you'd be thanking him for. "I'm glad," you settle on, fingers carefully coming apart on your lap. "The writing thing's no good if I don't make sense."

The attempt at humor seems to pull him back from wherever he had gone. "Then you have nothing to worry about." He doesn't exactly smile, but there's something easy about the way he's looking at you. "I'll approve your enrollment request."

Relief floods through you immediately. "Really?"

"Maybe it'll help you feel less...weird." From him, your too plain adjective feels a lot more fitting.

You nod once, the motion quick and polite. "Hopefully." The beat of silence that follows comes closer to kinship than anything you've ever felt in someone's office. You're also fully aware of the fact that you've gotten what you came for and that Dr. Reid is likely a very busy man. "I shouldn't take up anymore of your time."

His fingers tap against his desk. "Right. I'll see you in class."

You smile as you stand. "See you then."

The walk towards the door is a lot less intimidating now. Still, once you reach it, you can't bring yourself to immediately reach for the handle. You pause, letting out a breath before turning around. "Dr. Reid?"

He looks up, nodding once in a way that's meant to prompt you. Maybe it's overkill, but it feels necessary and it's too late to back out now. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He doesn't look away from you after responding.

There's nothing left to expect, there are no words or anything else meant to be said. That's not enough to stop some unknown feeling from wedging itself between your ribs, urging you to something, to say anything that might come close to offering him the same kind of understanding he's given you.

"I hope you find a less weird, too."

He doesn't respond, but something about the look behind his eyes and his slight nod makes you feel okay about leaving him.

----

There are few ideologies that have clung to him, and even fewer that have managed to bind themselves to some integral part of his being that exists beneath his skin.

The pursuit of knowledge is one of the few constants Spencer Reid allows himself to rely on, one of the only things he allows himself to consider a saving grace. However, circumstance has prevented his views on the subject from skewing. The irony of the fact that some things are better left unknown is not lost on him.

For example, the girl that walked into his office and immediately saw through him, is better left a mystery. He'd see her in class, he'd answer her questions, he'd grade her work and offer her necessary feedback--but he will not know her.

It's a mantra, a promise that he repeats in his head again and again as his attention falls to the desktop in front of him. He attempts to grasp onto this lack of knowledge, to transform it into a tangible entity to keep him from typing your name into the search engine.

----

a/n spencer entering his garcia era while googling reader 💻🧑‍💻

anyways in ur interested in part 2 or would like to be tagged let me know!!

Vices (Part One)

Word Count: 3.1K+

Author’s Note: Ok, no one asked for this, but Mothica came out with a song called Vices and it’s a bop and I wanted to write something so I came up with this. This is just a little mini thing, a three or four parter, but yeah! I don’t want to tag anyone from my other Criminal Minds stuff, but if you want to be tagged let me know!

Warning: Discussion of murder, rape, and violence, and graphic descriptions of all three. Substance abuse.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: As Dr Reid reaches three years sober, a case reaches the BAU that his old vice Dilaudid plays a key role in – the only witness to the murders is a young woman who abuses the drug to forget. Can Spencer break through to her and catch their killer before he strikes again?

Keep reading

Title:"Partners in Every Sense"

The air in Quantico buzzed with the usual hum of activity. The Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU) was bustling as always, agents moving with purpose, files being handed off, and the ever-present sound of the espresso machine in the break room trying to keep everyone running on caffeine and determination. Derek Morgan sat at his desk, skimming through case files, his sharp eyes flicking over details with practiced ease. He was in his element here, surrounded by the intricate puzzles that made up human behavior.

But today, something was different.

Agent Y/N L/N had just joined the team. She was a legend in her own right, having made a name for herself in the FBI’s Hostage Rescue Team. Her transfer to the BAU was the subject of much discussion. Known for her unparalleled marksmanship, tactical prowess, and an uncanny ability to read situations, she was as intimidating as she was effective. The rumors didn’t do her justice, though; she was even more formidable in person.

Morgan looked up as the door to the conference room opened. There she was. Her presence was magnetic, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. She was tall and athletic, with piercing eyes that seemed to miss nothing. She carried herself with the confidence of someone who had faced down the worst humanity had to offer and come out victorious.

"Agent Morgan," she greeted, extending a hand. Her voice was calm and steady, a perfect match for her composed exterior.

"Agent L/N," he replied, taking her hand in a firm shake. He couldn’t help but notice the strength in her grip, a testament to her physical training. "Welcome to the BAU. Heard a lot about you."

"All good, I hope," she said with a faint smirk, the hint of a challenge in her eyes.

Morgan chuckled. "Mostly. You’ve got quite the reputation."

"Reputations are just stories," she replied, her gaze unwavering. "I prefer to show what I can do."

Over the next few weeks, Y/N seamlessly integrated into the team. Her insights were sharp, her strategies flawless, and her ability to take control in the field was nothing short of impressive. She and Morgan found themselves working closely on several cases, their skills complementing each other perfectly.

One particularly challenging case had them tracking a serial arsonist who was escalating in both frequency and severity. The team was spread thin, and Morgan and Y/N were partnered up to follow a lead in a remote area.

As they drove through the winding roads, the tension in the car was palpable. Not because of any friction between them, but due to the gravity of the case. They both knew how high the stakes were.

"You ever think about what you'd be doing if you weren't an agent?" Morgan asked, breaking the silence.

Y/N glanced at him, a small smile playing at her lips. "Not really. This job... it’s in my blood. What about you?"

Morgan shrugged, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Same here. Hard to imagine doing anything else."

Their lead took them to an abandoned warehouse, the perfect hiding spot for someone who didn’t want to be found. As they approached the building, Y/N's senses were on high alert. She signaled for Morgan to follow her lead. They moved silently, their years of training evident in every step.

Inside, the warehouse was a labyrinth of old machinery and forgotten debris. They split up to cover more ground, each moving with the precision and caution of seasoned agents. As Morgan rounded a corner, he saw a flicker of movement. Before he could react, a figure lunged at him, knocking him to the ground.

The struggle was brief but intense. Morgan managed to get the upper hand, pinning the assailant. It was the arsonist, his eyes wild with desperation. Just as Morgan was about to cuff him, a second attacker emerged from the shadows, aiming a weapon at Morgan.

A shot rang out.

Morgan looked up to see Y/N standing there, her gun smoking, the second assailant dropping to the ground. She moved with swift efficiency, securing the scene and ensuring there were no more surprises.

"You okay?" she asked, her voice steady but laced with concern.

"Yeah," Morgan replied, catching his breath. "Thanks to you."

They exchanged a look, one that spoke volumes. In that moment, there was a mutual respect and understanding that went beyond words. They were more than just colleagues; they were partners who had each other’s backs.

As they drove back to headquarters, the adrenaline still pumping through their veins, Morgan couldn’t help but feel a deepening admiration for Y/N. She was everything he valued in a partner: smart, fearless, and utterly reliable.

Over the next few months, their partnership grew stronger. They became a formidable team, their synergy in the field unmatched. Off duty, they found themselves drawn to each other in a way that was both exciting and unexpected.

One evening, after a particularly grueling case, they found themselves alone in the gym, working off the stress. Morgan watched as Y/N hit the punching bag with a series of precise, powerful blows. He admired her focus and determination.

"You're pretty amazing, you know that?" he said, walking over to her.

She paused, wiping sweat from her brow. "You’re not so bad yourself, Morgan."

He grinned, stepping closer. "No, I mean it. I've worked with a lot of agents, but you... you’re something else."

Y/N looked up at him, her eyes softening. "Thanks, Derek. That means a lot coming from you."

There was a moment of silence, charged with unspoken feelings. Then, with a confidence that mirrored her own, Morgan closed the distance between them, his hand gently cupping her face. She didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned into his touch, their lips meeting in a kiss that was both tender and filled with the promise of something more.

From that night on, their relationship evolved, deepening into something neither of them had expected but both were eager to explore. They were still the same fierce agents, but now, they were also something more: partners in every sense of the word. And together, there was nothing they couldn’t face.

Im so mad, my scheduled post was uploaded a day early 😭😭😭😭😭