Enough For You

Enough for You

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Angstember Prompt -  "I really wish you had told me that before I went and fell in love with you."

In the beginning, like most things were, it was good. It started with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and your heart skipping a beat, it evolved into realisation of what your feelings were and hope that he could feel the same. It grew into stolen glances and longing until it finally turned into a desperate kiss, your face cupped in his hands and yours gripping the fabric of his robe.

Like all things, it started out good.

Of course once the two of you sorted through your feelings, once the two of you finally sat down together and confessed that you wanted more than friendship, it had to be kept a secret. Neither of you cared about that though, it was nice having something that was only yours. 

And for two years it was good.

You and Anakin hardly had that awkward stage at the beginning of your relationship, the one that consisted of dancing around each other as you got to know one another. You had been friends for years, you had met him when you were ten years old, your Master had fallen ill and had been confined to the Halls of Healing leaving you alone. Anakin had found you one day, struggling to meditate and that’s how Obi-Wan found his Padawan hours later, sat next to you as he taught you as his Master taught him.

From there on you and Anakin had become inseparable, a closeness that had many raising an eyebrow but only voiced concerns quietly to each other. Master Jedi may not have liked how close you were, a friendship that seemed like an attachment, but they couldn’t deny when your Master’s went on missions together you and Anakin worked flawlessly together. 

As the years passed the bond between you and Anakin only got stronger and stronger. The two of you were always at each other's side, training together, exploring the grounds and the Temple, sneaking out together and seeing Coruscant together. There had been occasions where you and Anakin had stolen one of the speeders so Anakin could show off to you, it always ended with you clinging to him as he took corners way too fast and Obi-Wan scolding the pair of you. 

Seven years of friendship seemed to fly by as fast as Anakin on a speeder and suddenly the two of you were seventeen. Neither of you particularly liked looking back on most of your time as seventeen years old, not when it was the first year that saw the two of you distancing yourselves from the other. 

It wasn’t as though you’d had a falling out with each other, it wasn't like you didn’t want to spend your days at his side but it was the first year that you both seemed to make sense of everything you had been feeling. Of course these feelings weren’t new to either of you, you had both been feeling them for years now but before they didn’t seem significant, they didn’t seem like something that needed to be looked into because they didn’t mean anything back then.

But now…now they meant something and you couldn’t be around Anakin without becoming flustered and he couldn’t be around you without flushing and stammering through a sentence. 

It wasn’t a pleasant eight months to say the least. Both of you had become so used to spending seven years attached to each other that to suddenly be without the other was lonely, there wasn’t a better word for it. Both of you were lonely and it was for that reason that you both eventually ended up sitting down with each other and telling each other how you felt.

Obviously it wasn’t an easy conversation. The Jedi had spent years drilling it into your heads about how attachments were wrong, about how loving a singular person was a one way path to the Dark Side. To confess your feelings to each other went against everything you had both been taught and yet it hadn’t stopped you. If any was going to break the Jedi Code then it would come as no shock to anybody that it would be you and Anakin.

After that conversation things quickly went back to normal and you and Anakin easily fell back into each other's lives like you’d never been separated. It worried many of the elder Jedi but others, like Obi-Wan and your own Master, were just relieved after having put up with eight months of grumpy and sad Padawan’s.

It wasn’t hard to keep your relationship a secret. By now you and Anakin knew plenty of hiding places in the Temple and the two of you disappearing for hours had long since stopped concerning people so nobody would come looking for you. It also helped that your Master’s tended to go on missions together so you and Anakin were able to sneak away there and explore the new sights together. There had been plenty of times you’d been in his chambers or him in yours and had nearly been caught locked at the lips but Anakin was quite good at multitasking and was always able to warn you before somebody entered the room, giving you a minute to compose yourselves.

In the time you had been dating Anakin had snuck you out of the Temple more times than you could count, always pulling you along with him to whatever surprise he had planned. Sometimes it was a picnic in a quiet place that took a long time to get to but it was always worth it. Other times it was to explore different things, join celebrations in the city, many times though it was a chance to blend in amongst the crowd and act like a normal couple. 

It might have been annoying at times to hide your relationship, neither you nor Anakin saw how it would lead you to the Dark Side, but you made it work.

And then Master Kenobi walked into his chambers, you and Anakin barely having time to pull away from each other as he did. Master Kenobi looked between the two of you with a look you couldn’t quite discern but it was gone just as quietly as he told you and Anakin you were to watch over the Senator of Naboo.

Anakin immediately beamed at the news causing you to raise an eyebrow but you shrugged it off and instead asking why you were going. It wasn’t rare for you to join Anakin and Obi-Wan on a mission but usually your Master joined though lately it was becoming less often as he got older. Obi-Wan just smiled at you and told you your Master had suggested it to the Council and they had agreed.

It wasn’t long until the three of you were on your way to meet the Senator. You liked to think you knew Anakin pretty well by now, liked to think you could read his easily but now as you stared at him, fingers tugging on the braid as his leg bounced you would have said, easily, that he was nervous. 

But what was there to be nervous about?

Obi-Wan too picked up on Anakin’s nerves as the three of you arrived at the Senate building and entered the turbolift up to the Senator’s apartment, glancing at his Padawan who fidgeted with his robes and tugged on the braid again.

“You seem a little on edge.” Obi-wan prompted, breaking the silence in the lift and you couldn’t help but stand straighter, waiting for Anakin’s response.

“Not at all.” Anakin replied, the words entirely unconvincing to you, causing your eyebrows to knit together as you frowned, folding your arms together. 

Obi-Wan continued on and you listened to the two of them bicker back and forth for a moment before the two of them laughed and Obi-Wan turned towards his Padawan, just looking for a second before he spoke.

“You’re sweating,” He told Anakin and you lifted your head slightly at that, looking at Anakin out of the corners of your eyes and seeing Obi-Wan was right. “Relax, take a deep breath.”

You had a feeling in the pit of your stomach, a bad one, one that felt heavy and cold and you desperately tried to push it away. Nothing had happened, so what Anakin was nervous, so what he was acting like he had when the two of you didn’t speak in the eight months you had drifted apart because of your crush. 

It didn’t mean anything.

“I haven’t seen her in ten years, Master.” Anakin murmured quietly to Obi-Wan and you closed your eyes desperate to fight back any emotion, trying to force everything you were feeling out into the Force. 

Nothing more was said in the turbolift, Obi-Wan just let out a small sigh and Anakin frowned, glancing at you before doing a double take as if he had forgot you were there but you just looked ahead, acting as if you had missed the look before the door opened and you stepped out. 

Seeing the Senator of Naboo only made the cold feeling inside you grow. Of course she was beautiful, with her hair pulled up in an intricate design, his voice soft and light. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of brown that seemed to light up as she looked at Anakin, looked at Ani. 

Of course she was beautiful. 

Anakin himself seemed even more nervous than he had been in the turbolift. As he addressed her a smile came across his face, shy and sweet and adoring. Then he went and called her beautiful and he wasn’t wrong but it still twisted the knife you felt had been plunged into you. 

Obi-Wan glanced away as Anakin stumbled over his words, a look on his face as if to say what in the stars is he doing before it was replaced by a concerned look as he took in the look on your face. You thought you were doing a better job at hiding it but apparently not, apparently there was enough hurt, enough jealousy and fear on your face to give something away. 

You forced yourself again to expel your feelings into the Force, perhaps too forcefully if the way Anakin turned to you and Obi-Wan’s raised eyebrows meant anything.

“Ah Senator, this is Padawan Y/F/N Y/L/N, she will be assisting in the protection of your safety.” Obi-Wan introduced you softly, sparing you another concerned glance but you forced a neutral look onto your face before bowing your head towards the Senator.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.” She said in that soft tone of hers, a warm smile on her face as she held a hand out for you.

“Pleased to meet you, Senator.” You replied evenly, swallowing against the lump in your throat you reached out and shook her hand.

Obi-Wan began discussions about Padmé’s protection with Captain Typho and you listened half-heartedly though you didn’t take much in. You sat on one side of Obi-Wan and Anakin sat on the other, something which made Obi-Wan raise an eyebrow but as he looked at Anakin he saw his gaze was focused on Padmé and you were much more interested in your fingers playing with your robes than you were with him.

“-not to start an investigation.” You heard Obi-Wan tell the Senator but then Anakin quickly interrupted him in a way he wouldn't have had the Senator been anybody else.

“We will find out who’s trying to kill you Padmé.” At those words you glanced up, looking over far enough to see Obi-Wan’s look of disapproval, disapproval that only deepened at Anakin’s next words. “I promise you.”

As Obi-Wan argued against Anakin’s words you couldn’t help but look away again, not baring to look at Anakin or Padmé. He was trying to impress her, his mission here wasn’t about finding the person trying to kill her it was only to protect and yet here he was jumping at the chance to do as she asked, the chance to gain her favour. 

You knew it all too well because it was what he had done with you, in an effort to impress you any time you said you wanted something Anakin wouldn’t hesitate to do it in hopes that you would like him more. Of course you hadn’t realised that was what he was doing until after you were dating but now you saw it clear as day.

The cold feeling in your stomach only grew as Anakin argued with Obi-Wan, desperate to find the person trying to kill the Senate. You hated the sudden stinging in your eyes and your lips quivered as you tried to fight tears back. There was no use getting upset, you could still be blowing this out of proportion.

And yet something told you you weren’t. You didn’t have a good feeling about this mission.

It wasn’t long until everyone retired from the meeting leaving you, Anakin and Obi-Wan alone. Anakin went out to the balcony and Obi-Wan followed behind him. You stayed where you were on the sofa, barely noticing them leave as your mind was clouded with sadness and anger. 

Perhaps this is why the Jedi didn’t let you fall in love, to form attachments. 

Of course you weren’t planning on falling to the Dark Side just because Anakin had a crush on the Senator but you could see how a Jedi could fall. How the anger and pain at losing a loved one in such a way, a way that would create jealousy and hatred, could lead to a Jedi falling. 

You loved Anakin with all your heart. At first it had scared you just how much power Anakin held over you, how he had the ability to break you with just a few words but then months passed, beautiful and joyous months that settled your nerves. He was it for you, there would never be another.

You had once thought he felt the same for you.

He said he hadn’t seen the Senator for ten years, a year before he met you. All that time he had spent with you she was somewhere in his mind, however distant, she was there. You had seen his face when she spoke to him, the guilt as he glanced at you in the turbolift, he had always had her in his mind.

Whilst your entire heart was his, he only shared a bit of his with you, some part of it always belonged to her even if he had been but a child when he first met her.

You lay on the sofa, facing the back of it and closed your eyes but it did nothing to stop the tears that slid from them and it took all your effort to cry silently, to push the sobs you felt down. 

You had never been his, not in the way he had been yours. 

“I’d much rather dream about Padmé.” You heard Anakin tell Obi-Wan as they stepped closer to the main room, “just being around her again is intoxicating.”

“And what of Y/N?” You heard Obi-Wan ask and your blood ran cold again as you forced yourself to relax as they entered the room, not wanting them to know you were awake. You missed the questioning glance Anakin shot towards Obi-Wan, surely the man couldn’t know. “I would have thought after spending so many years at her side, Padmé wouldn’t have filled your thoughts.”

Anakin was silent for a long moment, a moment that you spent trying to stay quiet, even as sobs built up in your throat.

“Of course when I’m with Y/N it’s different. They’re so different from each other that Padmé doesn’t cross my mind all that often but I still think about her. I still dream about her some days, the angel I met on Tatooine.” Anakin’s words had you pleading with the Force, desperate to stay silent even as you felt your heart break. “Y/N is my best friend but compared to Padmé-”

“And here I thought Y/N meant more to you than that.” Obi-Wan murmured thoughtfully, causing Anakin to still and turn to face his Master.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Anakin asked defensively.

“Nothing, young Padawan, just that I have spent years watching you and Y/N, watching as your friendship grew. I suggest if you feel this way for Padmé you tell Y/N how you feel. Not that it should matter of course, you swore your commitment to the Jedi Order, a commitment that forbids attachment, not that I need to remind you of that, right Padawan?” You felt your heart skip a beat at Obi-Wan’s words because he knew- he knew about you and Anakin.

There was no doubt about it, Obi-Wan had to know why else would bring you up at all? If you were truly just a friend to Anakin why would he have to tell you that he loved the Senator. Obi-Wan knew about you and Anakin, how long had he known? Why had he let the two of you carry on instead of turning you over to the Council for such a blatant breach of the Code?

“Of course not, Master. I am well aware of the Code.” Anakin told him evenly, glancing away from his Master.

As the two of them spoke you felt something shift, a disturbance that had you frowning as you tried to figure out whether it was something in the Force warning you of danger or if it were simply your own emotions.

“I sense it too.” You heard Obi-Wan say and you sat up in time to see them running into the Senator’s room. 

You quickly wiped your eyes on your robe and followed behind them and watched as Anakin pulled his lightsaber out, dealing with whatever had been about to harm the Senator. 

You were able to ignore your feelings as you took in the scene but then Obi-Wan told you to watch over the Senator as he and Anakin went to track down the droid and though you hated the thought you nodded and watched them leave.

You glanced at the Senator and found the feelings slamming into you, the pain and the hurt and the anger all too overwhelming.

“Are you alright?” Padmé asked you, even in the darkness of the room she could see the redness of your eyes.

“Just fine.” You told her evenly, voice coming out cold as you tried to choke back your emotions, scanning the room once before leaving. The Senator followed behind you, though you wished she’d just go back to sleep so you could have a minute alone to process everything.

“You don’t like me much, do you?” She asked, sitting on the sofa opposite you.

“I don’t know you.” You answered as close to the truth as you could get because the truth was no, you didn’t like her all that much. How could you? You were more than aware it wasn’t her fault, she was beautiful, what had Anakin called her, an angel?

He was right about that and you hated it. 

“And yet you look at me like I’m your enemy.” She told you and you couldn’t help but frown as you looked away from her. “Does this have something to do with Ani?”

Ani, you hated the way the word fell from her lips like it was familiar. 

“No, Senator. Like I said I don’t have a problem with you, I don’t know you. You really should go back to sleep.” You told her, still not able to bring yourself to look at her, knowing if you did you would only be able to compare yourself to her, to wonder what she had that you didn’t.

Why was she good enough for Anakin and you weren’t? You who had spent years at his side, years giving him all your love, giving him your heart.

“I can hardly sleep after another attempt on my life.” She told you lightly and you could feel her gaze on you. All you wanted to do was leave, to make her look away, to scream and cry and curse the world but you couldn’t do any of that right now. “Besides, I'd much rather talk to you, to find out why you don’t like me.”

You took a deep breath, forcing your emotions into the Force again but there were too many and they just kept building up and you knew eventually they’d explode from you. You needed to be alone desperately, all you wanted was to be alone.

“It is Anakin, isn’t it?” She pushed and if she kept prodding you knew she would be the one your emotions turned on. “Wait, do you like Anakin? I didn’t think the Jedi were-”

You couldn’t take it, you couldn’t listen to her piece the situation together, couldn’t listen as she laughed at how foolish someone like you was for falling for someone like Anakin when someone like her existed. 

You stood abruptly from your seat causing Padmé to say your name softly but you ignored her and strode from the room, ignoring as the Senator called after you. You knew Obi-Wan would scold you for this later, for leaving the Senator alone barely ten minutes after her assassination attempt. You knew if something happened to her you’d have more problems than a telling off from Obi-Wan but right now you didn’t care.

All you cared about was being as far away from her and from Anakin and from everybody as you could be. 

You eventually found an empty room not too many floors down from the Senator’s apartment. The view was beautiful but you hardly noticed it as you sat on the floor, the only light coming from the floor to ceiling windows. 

You let your eyes fall closed, let all your emotions come to the surface and let the tears fall down your cheeks uncontrollably. A few sobs may have escaped you but you didn’t hear them as you tried to push your feelings into the Force but you couldn’t, they were too strong and they seemed to cling to you, making you feel every bit of them.

You didn’t know how long passed until the door opened as somebody sat next to you. You knew it was Anakin, you knew what he felt like in the Force better than you knew yourself. The feeling in the pit of your stomach seemed at its heaviest, at its coldest and you really didn’t have a good feeling about this conversation.

You knew what was going to happen, knew it had to happen and yet you were completely unprepared. You had never had to be without Anakin, even in those few months you had grown apart you didn’t cut yourself off from him completely but after this you didn’t know if you could look at him again without breaking down.

“You love her.” You said stoically when it became clear he wasn’t going to speak first.

“I don’t want to.” He told you, voice shaking as he spoke and you couldn’t help the huff of laughter that left you.

“But you love her.” You said, voice breaking as tears continued to fall down your cheeks.

“I love you too.” He pleaded with you, desperate for you to know that. 

“But you love her more, right? Otherwise I would have been enough for you. If you loved me as much as I love you then there wouldn’t be room for another in your heart.” You had yet to open your eyes, you didn’t think you could look at him, not with your emotions this close to the surface.

“I can’t help it, Y/N. If I could get rid of my feelings for her I would have done it years ago but I can’t. She’s always in my mind, sometimes she’s in my dreams and seeing her again brought those feelings forward again.” Anakin told you, sniffing as he fought back his own tears.

“I really wish you had told me that before I went and fell in love with you. I wish you cared enough about me to spare my feelings, to spare me the humiliation-” 

“I didn’t know I was going to meet her again! I thought I’d never see her again and I love you. I love you dearly, Y/N, don’t ever think I don’t.” Anakin exclaimed and you finally opened your eyes.

He was sat next to you, tears falling down his cheeks as he stared at you with wide eyes but you shook your head.

“You don’t love me, Anakin.” You told him coldly, forcing your tears to stop if only for a few moments, “You don’t because I love you and I know that I would never do this to you. You were the only person I cared for this much, the only person I loved enough to break the Code for. I would have done anything for you, Anakin, anything. Now I feel as though I’m looking at a stranger.” 

“Come on Y/N, please don’t say that. I love you, all our years together-”

“We’re nothing more to you than a distraction from Padmé!” You exclaimed standing up and wiping your eyes angrily. 

“Don’t say that!” Anakin shot back, standing up as well.  “Don’t ever say that, don’t think it. My time with you was real, it was honest, every moment and every word of it. Don’t erase it now, Y/N.”

“Two years we have been together, loved each other for much longer. You were my best friend, Anakin.” You told him, your voice breaking as he stared at you with wide, pleading eyes. “You knew her for moments compared to us, met her when you were only a child and yet somehow she is more important to you than I could ever be.”

“Y/N,” He pleaded with you but no other words came out of his mouth.

“You broke my heart Anakin. I always knew you had the power to do it but, stars, I never thought you actually would.” You laughed, a sad sob of a laugh. “I really hope she was worth it Anakin, I hope she makes you so happy.” 

“Come on Y/N, please don’t do this.” Tears continued to fall from his eyes as he pleaded with you but you shook your head.

“I’m not the one doing this, Anakin. You’re the one who let me fall in love with you whilst your heart belonged to another. This is all on you. You are the reason I have lost not only the love of my life but my best friend too.” You told him, your voice breaking again as you fought tears back.

“I’m sorry.” He told you, his voice barely above a whisper and you shook your head, turning to leave the room, sparing him one last glance. 

“I really hope she’s worth it.” You told him, a smile, shaky and filled with sadness and bitterness and anger spreading across your face as Anakin’s eyes fell closed and you left the room, leaving behind the man you loved with a broken heart and tears falling from your eyes.

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Bigger Than The Whole Sky

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Prompt -  'No words appear before me in the aftermath, I've got a lot to pine about.’

You could still remember the first time you had met Cassian Andor. Both of you had been years younger than you were now, both having seen much more than others your age had. You still remembered how cold and distant Cassian had been with you and remembered how you had practically forced yourself into his life whether he wanted you there or not.

Some days the walls he had built around himself had seemed too heavy to knock down but now, years later, you were glad you had been so persistent in being around him. 

He was your best friend, your soulmate, the one person you knew would always have your back and who knew you would have his, the one person you could completely be yourself around and not have to hold back anything. He had seen your worst days, just as you had seen his and you had both been each other's best days.

You and Cassian were inseparable once you had managed to break through his walls though, the two of you were never far from each other. When one of you was sent on a mission, no matter how close or easy, the other always tagged along until the Rebellion gave in and General’s sent you on missions together with fond eye rolls.

It wasn’t a surprise when you found yourself looking at Cassian when he wasn’t looking at you, whether it be sneaky glances from the gaps in your hair or looking up at him from under your lashes. You knew you loved him, there was no doubting that, but you hadn’t ever realised just how deep that love had gone until one mission where you had nearly lost him.

You had watched the building Cassian had entered blow up before your eyes and tears filled them instantly. Your knees gave out and you were on the floor before you even realised it. 

You were completely numb but forced your hand to move, pressing down on the comm and begging for Cassian to answer you, only to sob as no reply came.

You had no idea how long you stayed kneeling on the floor, choked sobs mixed with pleading words for Cassian to answer you, for him to be ok, for him to come back to you. Your mind was racing, trying to conjure up a future without Cassian only to come back with nothing and you didn’t know how you were supposed to carry without him.

You didn’t hear the rustle of twigs and leaves as you hunched over, your head resting on your knees as you sobbed for Cassian.

“Hey,” Cassian forced out, throat dry from inhaling smoke. He stumbled over to you before collapsing down in front of you, forcing a comforting smile onto his face even with the pain that seemed to spread across his entire body. “Hey, look at me.”

Your head had shot up, more sobs, this time of absolute relief, escaping you and you immediately leaned into Cassian’s touch when he brought his hand up to your cheek, gently brushing away the tears though they were quickly replaced by new ones. Your own hand came up to clutch Cassian’s and you let your eyes fall closed as he pulled you to him, meeting you halfway and resting his forehead against yours. 

“I thought-” You choked out and Cassian gently shushed you, ignoring the pain as he shifted closer to you, moving his head until his lips pressed against your forehead and just letting them rest there for a moment.

“I know,” He murmured against your forehead, “but I’m here, I’m here, Y/N/N.” 

After that moment you had refused to keep your feelings to yourself and had waited only until you were back on base and Cassian had been cleared by the medical droid before you had pulled him aside and told him everything, surprisingly unnervous considering your entire friendship was being put on the line.

But Cassian had only smiled over at you. It wasn’t a big smile, it was a shy pull of his lips but his face had lit up at your words before he had cupped your cheek, softly, almost like he was afraid that any sudden movements would break the moment and you would change your mind. You had only smiled back at him and that seemed to be all the reassurances he needed to bring your lips together. 

Kissing Cassian was something you had thought about for a long time, hours spent wondering how this moment would feel and now that his lips were finally against yours…there were no words to describe how perfect a kiss it was, no words to describe how everything around you seemed to fade away. 

It was over much too soon for your liking and you chased after Cassian’s lips, relishing the chuckle he let out before kissing you softly again, pulling away only to rest his forehead against yours.

From that moment on you and Cassian become each other’s everything. You were the go to team when the Rebellion needed something handling with guaranteed success, you were the first thing the other saw before going to sleep and waking up the next morning. You were the hope the other needed on days when the darkness seemed to swallow the light and you were the arms the other could cuddle into whenever you needed.

For months after you had gotten together, years before you had even begun dating, you had never been separated on a mission so when Cassian was pulled aside one day to be debriefed on a mission that he would be doing solo you were both on edge. 

“Give me a reason she can’t come.” Cassian demanded, his hand resting on the small of your back as you stood before the Generals who were shaking their heads. 

“We have already told you she isn’t needed for this part of the mission.” One of them said but you weren’t paying attention, too focused on your worry of being separated from Cassian for the first time in years. “Trust in the plan, Captain.”

And so you did. 

You watched him leave the base, waited restlessly as time passed for any message from him. You hated having no contact with him, it was the longest you had gone without talking to one another since the early days of meeting him.

“Please let him be ok.” You whispered softly to whatever force would listen to you as you lost track at time staring at the screen.

Somebody seemed to be listening to your prayers though and you let out a silent breath of relief when Basteren informed you all of the message he had received.

“A coded message from Captain Andor, sir ‘weapon confirmed, Jedha destroyed. Mission target located on Eadu, please advise.’”

Hearing that Cassian was supposed to continue on with the plan, that Jedha had been destroyed sent a wave of fear and anxiety through you and you had to fight down the urge to ask to be sent to Eadu, to meet Cassian there and offer your help.

You knew it would only be shot down.

It wasn’t long later that the command room was silent as Basteren tried to make contact with Cassian and his group, the sound of radio static had your stomach turning, mind already coming up with a multitude of reasons he wasn’t answering and none of them were good.

“The signal’s gone dead.” Basteren told the room and you closed your eyes, refusing to let the tears you felt well up fall.

“Squadron up.” Draven said and you opened your eyes to look at him pleadingly but he wasn’t looking at you. “Target Eadu.”

The room became a flurry of movement and you made your way over to Draven, having to jog to catch up to him as he left the room.

“No.” He said before you could even open your mouth and you frowned before arguing. 

“I don’t understand why you are suddenly so against me and Cassian working together. For years we have only had successful missions and suddenly-”

“He cannot be distracted.” Draven told you, stopping suddenly in the hallway and turning to you. “This is not a standard mission, we have to kill Galen Erso, if you were there you would only be a distraction. It’s no secret both of you would jeopardise a mission if the other was in danger. That cannot happen here, whatever Erso is building is dangerous, it’s deadly. You must stay.”

“I can’t do that, Sir.” You told him with a frown, knowing his words weren’t wrong. “Cassian’s out there somewhere. The others can focus on Galen, my mission is to get Cassian and K2 out of there.”

There was a moment of silence and Draven knew you were not asking for his permission, he knew no matter what he said you would be making your way to Eadu in the next few minutes and all he could do was sigh.

“You and Andor are going to be the death of me, Y/L/N, I can feel it.” He told you and you grinned at him before nodding your head and heading down the hallway and into a ship.

You flew the ship easily, you weren’t as natural a pilot as Cassian was but he had taught you enough that you were a decent enough flyer, though you preferred it when Cassian was in the pilot's seat and you next to him.

As the other pilots made their way to the base you flew lower to search for Cassian and K-2SO. It felt like you were just flying around aimlessly when you finally spotted a ship that seemed to be grounded and prayed to whoever was listening that this was them and not just some random abandoned ship.

You landed your ship and opened the doors, stepping out and wiping at the rain that fell onto your face, walking over to the ship with a blaster in your hands. You got close enough to the ship and recognised it as one of your own, breathing a sigh of relief though you didn’t lower your blaster yet as you stepped in and looked around seeing it empty.

A noise from the cockpit had you raising your blaster only for you to laugh a second later and lower the weapon.

“Y/N!” K2 said and you grinned at him. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too, K.” You told him just as the ship lit up letting you know it was functional again. “Where’s Cassian? Where are the others?” 

“Cassian and the pilot went to look for Galen Erso, the others followed them.” K2 informed you and you cursed, already hearing the sounds of the battle in the distance.

“Get the ship in the air now!” You commanded and K2 didn’t question you as he took control of the ship and had you in the air in moments. “There! They’re there, K2, go down!”

“Shoot Y/N!” K2 ordered and you immediately did as he said, shooting at the Imperial ships before opening the door and calling for everyone to get in, smiling despite the situation as Cassian paused to stare at you in shock before he shook himself and ran onto the ship.

Cassian waited until the door closed to turn to you, seemingly frozen for a second before he pulled you into his arms, resting his chin on your head. You didn’t hesitate to hug him back, the two of you clinging to each other as if your lives depended on it.

“It’s good to see you.” He murmured and you smiled, nodding against him as you tightened your grip on him. “I have missed you.”

“I missed you too.” You whispered, “I hate that they won’t let me be a part of this mission.”

“You lied to me.” A voice said, pulling you and Cassian out of the bubble the two of you seemed to enter whenever you were together, blocking everyone else out.

You heard Cassian sigh against you before he pulled away from you, squeezing your arm gently before letting go and turning to Jyn.

“You went up there to kill my father.” She accused and you couldn’t help but wince, she wasn’t wrong, that had been Cassian’s mission but you still couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. “Deny it.”

You frowned as she continued, continued to put the blame solely on Cassian when he was simply following orders, putting the Rebellion’s needs above everything. You reached down slowly and took Cassian’s hand in your own, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze causing Cassian to let out a soft sigh.

“I had every chance to pull the trigger but did I?” He asked her and you couldn’t help but frown. It wasn’t often that Cassian went against orders. “I had orders, orders that I disobeyed. But you wouldn’t understand that.” Cassian snapped and the woman continued to place the blame on Cassian’s shoulders.

“You might as well be a stormtrooper.” She accused and you took a step forward, only stopped by Cassian tightly squeezing your hand before he pulled away and stepped close to Jyn.

“What do you know?” He asked, “We don’t all have the luxury of deciding when and where we want to care about something. Suddenly the Rebellion is real for you. Some of us live it. I’ve been in this fight since I was six years old, Y/N since she was eight! Our childhoods stolen from us! You’re not the only one who lost everything. Some of us just decided to do something about it.”

“You can’t talk your way around this.” Jyn said and you couldn’t help but glare at her, you understood her side of things but she couldn’t keep placing the blame on Cassian.

Cassian was right, the two of you had been in this fight longer than you’d been out of it, neither of you hardly remembered a time before it. No matter how much you hated it, it was your lives and you would do what you had to to see the end of the Empire.

“I don’t have to.” Cassian told her before walking away from her and Jyn’s eyes fell on you, jutting her chin out when she saw your glare.

“I’m sorry about your father but watch how you speak to him, we’ve all had to do things we don’t want to. It’s the only way we win.” You told her before shouldering past her and following Cassian up the stairs.

“You ok?” You asked as you sat next to him and Cassian nodded even as he didn’t look over at you. “It’ll be over soon, pretty soon all this fighting and following orders will be done and we can start something new.”

Cassian’s lips twitched upwards at that, at the thought of all the plans and dreams of a future the two of you talked about, at the thought of them becoming a reality soon and his hands reached over to cup one of yours so you counted it as a win.

“I’m glad to have you back at my side, mi querida.” Cassian told you, bringing your hands to his lips and placing a soft kiss to the back of it.

“Me too, Cassian, being away from you-”

“I will never let them separate us again, after this mission is done you’re not leaving my side.” He chuckled and you joined him, not at all mad at that plan.

“I wouldn’t complain about that.” You told him, the two of you smiling at one another before he tugged you close, your head on his shoulder and his arms holding you tightly, both of your thoughts on a future after the war was won.

From there followed a long meeting with the Council members, a long meeting of listening to Jyn plead her case and you had to admit it was a good speech, inspiring for somebody who hadn’t seemed to care for the Rebellion only a week ago.

“Rebellions are built on hope.” She told the people in the room and you couldn’t help but smile at the words you had heard spoken before by the man you loved, clearly he had made an impact on her too.

“Without the full support of the Council…the odds are too great.” You felt your eyes fall shut at her word before you turned to leave the room after Jyn.

You walked out of the room with her, ignoring the conversation around you as you leaned against the wall, thoughts on surrender after all you had given, after all Cassian and the countless others had given to the cause.

As they spoke you looked up in time to see Cassian stepping forward, a small crew behind him and couldn’t help but beam at him, Cassian catching your expression and smiling back at you. 

You should have known surrender wasn’t an option.

“We’d like to volunteer,” Cassian told Jyn and you felt an overwhelming surge of love for the man before you. “We've all done terrible things on behalf of the Rebellion,” He said, eyes glancing over to you and you looked down, thoughts haunted by all you had done since joining. 

“Everything I did, I did for the Rebellion and every time I walked away from something I wanted to forget, I told myself it was for a cause that I believed in, a chance to give the people I love something better.” When you looked up Cassian’s eyes were still on you and you gave him a soft smile, watching as he relaxed slightly. “Without that we’re lost. Everything we’ve done would have been for nothing.”

You and Cassian stayed locked on each other as he spoke, out of the corner of your eyes you saw Jyn turn around, following Cassian’s eyes and seeing they were focused on you, a small smile pulling at her lips.

“I couldn’t face myself if I gave up now. None of us could.” The two of you stood like idiots just smiling at each other as everyone else moved into action before Cassian made his way over to you.

His hands came up to cup your cheeks, bringing you close to him as he rested his forehead against yours, staying silent as his eyes slipped closed.

“You can’t come.” He whispered and you frowned, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion but you didn’t pull away from him, instead you stayed silent and waited for him to continue. “I need somebody here I trust and there is no one I trust more than you, my love.”

You stayed silent still, a part of you was screaming that you shouldn’t let him leave the base without you, something about him going felt wrong but you chalked it up to your dislike of being away from Cassian, the time away from him already not doing you good but after this mission you wouldn’t have to be away from him again.

Still it was hard to ignore how wrong it felt to let him leave.

“Stay safe.” You finally murmured and he grinned at you, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I’ll be home before you know it, darling, I promise.” He told you and you couldn’t help but smile back at him before he ducked his head down, pressing his lips to yours.

The kiss was full of passion, making up for all the lost kisses in the time you’d been apart from each other and full of promises of many more to come. By the time he pulled away you were left with swollen lips and panting for breath.

“I’ll see you soon,” he promised and you nodded breathlessly, causing him to chuckle, pressing another softer kiss to your plumped lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Cassian.” You told him with a soft smile and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing you once more before running off into the ship waiting for him.

Your smile widened as he grinned, mouthing another ‘I love you’ at you and you couldn’t help but chuckle as you lifted your hand to wave him off.

Once he was gone your smile faded and you let the worry settle in, knowing you could be in for a long wait in which you could do nothing but let your mind focus on the what if’s. 

“Sitting this one out, Y/L/N?” A voice asked and you turned to see Admiral Raddus marching to his ship.

Cassian had told you he needed you here but you could do everything you could here just as easily as you could on his ship and grinned at the General before following after him, the General gesturing for you to get on board before giving the command to head to Scarif.

“They closed the shield gate.” You whispered and the General turned to you, a grim look on his face. “They’re locked in. We have to get it open!”

“You heard her, get it open!” Admiral Raddus commanded and there was a chorus of yes sirs.

You hated how useless you felt, all Rebel frequencies were blocked, there was no way to contact or get to Cassian. You wished more than ever you had listened to that screaming feeling earlier telling you to go with Cassian to Scarif.

You could only watch from the safety of the ship as the squadrons focused their attacks on the shield gate. Even as your deflector ships decreased you couldn’t find it in you to care, not  when you had no idea what was happening to Cassian.

“-this is Rogue One, come in. Over.” Your knees very well nearly gave out when you heard a voice come through the comms, tears already filling your eyes as the Admiral responded. “We have the plans. They found the Death Star plan. They have to transmit them from the communications tower, you have to take down the shield gate. It’s the only way they’re gonna get them through.”

You desperately wanted to ask about Cassian but knew you couldn’t, you just had to trust that he was ok as you helped the Admiral command the troops and couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief as you watched the Star Destroyer go down, disabling the shield gate and knowing Cassian could get out once the plans were with you.

It would be easy sailing from this moment on and then you could be with Cassian again, the time for the two of you to lay down together in each other’s arms, no words needing to be spoken between the two of you as you just held each other couldn’t come soon enough.

“Admiral, we’re receiving transmission from Scarif.” Somebody said and you could help the laugh of relief that escaped you, glad that Cassian would be back with you any minute. ‘Admiral, we have the plans!”

“Sir,” somebody said and you turned to glance behind you, “We’re detecting a massive object emerging from hyperspace.”

“What is tha-” You began to ask but cut yourself off as your eyes widened and it felt like all the air had left your lungs.

“What is it?” The Admiral asked instead and you had to swallow past the lump in your throat before you could speak.

“It’s the Death Star.” You whispered, near silently but the words seemed to echo around the room as if you’d shouted them.

You couldn’t do anything. 

You couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. All you could do was stare out of the window, stomach churning and your blood cold as you watched the planet below you implode on itself. Tears made their way from your eyes and down your cheeks but you didn’t notice until the salty tears streamed past your lips. 

“Rogue one,” the Admiral said as you cried, hand on the window as you watched in horror, “may the Force be with you.”

Alarms began to sound throughout the ship, people yelled commands and cried out in fear but you ignored it all, barely registering the sounds, as you continued to stare out of the window. 

You were completely numb, completely empty like everything had been ripped from you. 

The explosion was still happening, completely destroying everything in proximity, taking the lives of everyone on the base. 

Taking Cassian. 

A part of you was waiting on a miracle. A large miracle from the galaxy, one gift for all that you and Cassian had given, had sacrificed, to protect it. Your eyes stayed focused on the scene hoping to see a ship, pleading silently with any force that would listen to you to just give you this. 

But nothing came. 

Nobody answered your prayers. 

You would have stayed there forever if you could, frozen in that exact moment in time for the rest of your life if not for the person pulling you back to reality as they bumped into you as they ran by, turning to face you as he shouted to you. 

“Vader’s boarding the ship!” He warned before continuing towards the escape pods. 

Anger flared in you, pure anger you hadn’t felt in a long time. This was all Vader’s doing, he should have to pay for taking Cassian from you. 

The time you had spent with Cassian wasn’t long, it would never be long enough no matter how much time you had spent with him. Vader had taken him from you, taken all the time that was meant to be yours and Cassian’s. 

Vader had doomed you to the worst of fates, to the coldest of lives. You would always be pining for Cassian, never able to move on from the man who you loved more dearly than anything else in the whole galaxy.

A life without Cassian Andor seemed…it didn’t seem real. It was impossible to think that you would wake up and the first thing you saw wouldn’t be Cassian but instead an empty bed where he should’ve been. It seemed impossible that Cassian wouldn’t be there to fight at your side, to hold you close and kiss you like you were the only person in the galaxy. 

The thought of living without Cassian Andor made you sick to your stomach and sobs finally escaped you as you fell to your knees. The sobs were those a person never wanted to hear, the kind that spoke of true loss and absolute heartbreak. 

You couldn’t do anything but sob, hunched over as the cries kept coming, even as the ship shook and the fighting carried on around you. 

“Hey!” You looked up when you heard a fist thumping against the window of one of the rooms behind you and saw the door was jammed. “Please, he's coming.” 

Somehow you forced your body up and though the tears kept falling you made your way over to the door, you and the man both trying to push it open without success. 

The man’s head whipped around and you sniffed as you followed his gaze, seeing Vader stood at the end of the corridor.

“You have to get this to Leia Organa.” He told you, voice shaking as he held the information Cassian had died to get. 

Another sob escaped you at the thought. 

“Please!” He begged when you didn’t move to take it and you finally nodded, taking it as Vader marched towards the man. “Go!”

You did as he said, hearing the choked cries from behind you as you ran, crashing into droids and people because your vision was so blurred from the tears still making their way down your face.

This was Cassian’s last sacrifice, he had given his life to get this information to the Rebellion and you were going to make sure his last act was carried out. 

So you ran, you ran until your sides ached and then some more. From behind you you could hear heavy footsteps and the filtered breathing letting you know no matter how fast you ran you couldn’t outrun Vader. 

But you had to. 

For Cassian. 

You got to the hallway, could see Senator Organa’s daughter waiting for you behind the closed door, her face lighting up when she saw you. You took a deep breath, ignoring the tears and made your way over to her only to be stopped by an invisible force. 

You watched as Leia’s eyes widened and knew without needing to turn around that Vader was close behind you. 

You should have felt scared, should have felt terrified but you didn’t. The only things running through you right now were determination and anger. You knew one way or another you would get the information to Leia, there was no doubt about this, maybe if it hadn’t been Cassian’s last act but it was and you needed to see it finished. 

The anger was intense. 

You could feel it lighting you up from inside, such a drastic shift from the numbness you had felt only moments before and you used that determination and anger to force your feet forward, to fight against whatever was trying to hold you in place. 

It took all your concentration to put one foot in front of the other, a task that was made harder as Vader’s invisible grip on you only seemed to tighten but you made it to the door by some miracle. 

You pressed the button to open it and swallowed against the lump in your throat as it jammed, only opening the smallest amount. 

From behind you the heavy footsteps got closer and closer and when you glanced back you saw Vader was only a few steps behind, seconds away from you. 

“Princess Leia,” you whispered and she looked back towards you, a sorry look on her face. “Go.”

As discreetly as you could you moved your hand holding the data towards the small crack in the door and pushed it through. Leia’s eyes widened but a second later you felt her fingers brush against yours and the data was with her. 

‘Thank you.’ She mouthed and you nodded before closing your eyes, feeling Vader behind you before he turned you around and pinned you to the wall with the Force, your feet dangling from the ground. 

“You lost, Vader. The Rebellion will always win.” You told him, glaring at him even as the tears still slid down your cheeks. 

“Give me the information.” He demanded and you let out a laugh that sounded hysterical as it mixed with a sob. 

“You lost.” You repeated through gritted teeth as Leia’s ship disengaged from yours and Vader’s head snapped around to stare as his information was taken.

“You will not live to see what becomes of your precious Rebellion.” Vader told you and you could hear his rage even through the modulator, his words and anger only making you smile even with the tears still running down your face.

“You already ended my life when you blew that base up. You killed the man who means everything to me. Killing me now would only be a merciful act. I don’t need to live to see what will become of the Rebellion, I already know they will win. I only want to be with him now.” 

“Pathetic.” Vader told you and your smile widened into a grin even as an invisible force tightened its grip around your throat.

You knew what would come next, knew that there was no chance of you leaving the ship and you didn’t care. You knew you were about to die and you didn’t care, there was no fear, no desperation, no part of you wanted to scream and plead with Vader to let you go, to show mercy and spare your life.

No, you were ready for what Vader was about to do to you. You were ready to die because no part of you could envision a life without Cassian by your side. 

A galaxy without Cassian Andor seemed impossible. 

You had completed his mission, the two of you working as a team one last time to bring the information that would lead to the downfall of the Empire. You only hoped that when the end came Cassian would be waiting for you on the other side, the two of you ready to start whatever adventure waited for you after death together, hand in hand.

Vader tightened his invisible grip around your neck and you could feel your pulse stuttering, straining against the grip and your vision began to blur and darken. Even as you felt yourself slipping from consciousness you didn’t panic.

Instead you let your lips pull into a smile, it was a barely there smile but it was visible enough to make Vader snarl and tighten his grip even more causing a choked sob to escape you but the smile never faded even as you did. 

You were at peace.

You would see Cassian again soon enough.

________________

NEW CHARACTER - Cassian Andor Taglist /

@chiaraxtargaryen

willow

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Prompt - ‘Now this is an open-shut case I guess I should've known from the look on your face.’

Whenever Buck was around things were just easier. He made everything around him lighter, always there with a warm smile and would do anything for anyone. It hadn’t taken long for the two of you to become friends, to be inseparably joined at the hip. It wasn’t just that you worked well together, able to read each other without needing words, you were close once the shift ended, whereas most people who spent as much time as you did with your colleagues would part ways, you and Buck left together and spent hours at each other's side.

You knew that your feelings for Buck went deeper than just friendship, it was obvious to anybody looking at the pair of you that you were half way in love with the man. It was also painfully obvious that Buck was right there with you but you couldn’t see it, not even when the others told you about the way Buck looked at you, not even when they insisted that the two of you would be perfect together.

When you looked at Buck you couldn't see how he felt, sure he was all soft smiles and gentle touches but he was the same with all his friends. You couldn’t guess from the look on his face that he could want more than what you had.

You often found yourself getting lost around Buck, gazing at him whilst he spoke as you tried to see what the others claimed was obvious but you never could. Occasionally you thought something could have been there, some longing glance or adoring look but you always shook your head, convincing yourself that you were just seeing what you wanted to see.

You were content with what you had though, you had to be otherwise it would drive you crazy, you had to be because if you weren’t it meant you’d mess up what you already had with Buck and you couldn’t do that. You’d rather silently pine whilst dreaming about what it would be like to love Buck and be loved back than not have him around at all.

It drove the others crazy that neither of you could see what could be, how easy it would be for the two of you to have one little conversation that would lead to so much happiness. They'd watched you and Buck from day one, seen the way your eyes were immediately drawn to him as Bobby introduced you to the team, saw the way Buck jumped at every opportunity to show you around and helped you with the copious amounts of chores given to you as a probie.

The two of you were perfect for each other, you could go from bantering and teasing into deep and meaning conversations, you were capable of getting Buck to let down his walls, him telling you things he had never shared with anyone before, likewise Buck was probably the person on the planet who knew you best. Whilst it was tempting to shake the two of you by the shoulders until you saw sense or lock you in a room until things were resolved everybody knew that you and Buck had to do this alone, with or without their intervention it was pretty much guaranteed that you two would get together.

It wasn’t just in the way you and Buck could flip between serious and playful when the situation called for it. It was the way you would take one look at Buck, needing only a second to scan his features, before you disobeyed Bobby’s direct orders and followed Buck into a burning building, trusting his judgement and following where he went without a second thought, knowing you’d follow him wherever he went for as long as he’d have you whether it was into his car on the way home or into the flames. It was the way he wrapped his arm around you so casually drawing you closer to him, the way his hand squeezed yours so softly in the truck whenever he could see a call had affected you. It was the way you sat on the counter as you watched him dance around as he spent hours cooking a meal just for the two of you. It was the little moments that would be so meaningless to others that you held close, that made you fall further and further for Buck.

There were so many times you’d just wanted to beg him to show you he felt the same, beg him to take your hand and never let go. You were content with what you had but you could selfishly want more too.

Despite the fact that both of you wanted so badly, nothing happened between the two of you for years, long painful years filled with the most beautiful memories. By this point you knew it was love, there wasn’t another word for the rush of emotions you still felt whenever Buck smiled at you, whenever you watched him scoop Christopher up to greet him, when you watched him punch at the bags in the gym, when he held you in his arms, it was love.  

The others liked to joke that it would take a miracle for you and Buck to finally see that you had practically been dating for all this time. It seemed the universe agreed with the sentiment of wanting you and Buck together but instead of a miracle it gave you a tragedy instead.

It was a call that sounded bad from the get-go and by the time you rolled up to the scene the fire was out of control, already engulfing the two buildings to the side of it. If it was bad outside it was even worse inside. Obviously you were used to feeling the heat of the flames way too close for comfort, it was the job after all, but something about this one felt different, the flames engulfed everything around them, the ceiling was collapsing in on each floor, cutting off exits. Smoke was thick in the air as you made your way through the building, Buck ahead of you as he cleared the way before helping you through.

In the distance a floor or two up you could hear a child crying hysterically, choking on tears and smoke but at least they were still breathing. You and Buck didn’t know how much time you had but it wasn’t long so the two of you tried to work your way upwards, the stairs not an option anymore. You made it up one floor, the sweat pouring off both of you when the radios cracked to life.

“118, evacuate the building.” Bobby’s voice called through and Buck’s head whipped around to look at you, his eyes shifting from yours to the ceiling, the child’s cries closer now. “I repeat evacuate the building, it’s been declared too unstable, it’s going to crumble any moment.”

You and Buck stayed silent, gazes locked on each other for a few seconds as the rest of the team confirmed they were moving out.

“Buck, Y/N, come in.” Bobby called and Buck shook his head.

“What do you want to do?” You asked him, knowing already what his answer would be. Neither of you would be able to leave without at least trying.

“I’m not leaving.” Buck told you and you nodded that was all you needed and you gestured for him to carry on. “Y/N/N, you gotta leave.”

“Not happening, Buck. Hurry, we don't have long.” You told him, seeing the wide eyed soft look he was giving you behind his helmet and any other time you’d be lost in that expression, thinking it over and over but right now wasn’t the time.

“Take my hand.” Buck said as he struggled over the rubble, holding a hand out to help you and you slid your hand into his palm, even with the heavy uniform you couldn’t help but savour the moment.

Bobby’s voice called through the radio again and as you and Buck headed towards the crying child you listened to Buck arguing with him, refusing to leave before turning the radio off completely.

“If we get out of here alive Bobby’s gonna kill you for that.” You told him and couldn't help the pull of your lips as he laughed before pulling himself up another floor, using the rubble to help him.

“Yeah probably but what else is new?” He grinned, holding his hand out again for you and you let him help you pull you up.

The whole building seemed to shake and Buck grabbed onto your arms, pulling you closer as you waited for something to happen, neither of you breathing until a few seconds passed and the building just about stayed standing.

The sound of the child’s screeching cries snapped you back into action, both of your heads turning right in the direction before Buck let go of you with a nod. You nodded back and followed after him with careful steps, keeping your eyes on Buck and desperately trying to focus on him and not the building that was minutes away from collapsing.

“I got her!” Buck called as he climbed through the rubble and picked the child up, she couldn’t have been more than four, her face red and tear stained as more flooded down her cheeks. “C’mere kid, I gotcha.”

Buck picked the girl up and she went willingly, clinging to Buck’s neck as he walked back over to the pile of rubble blocking the room.

“Hey, I’m gonna pass you to my friend, is that alright? She’s real nice and she’ll take care of you.” Buck murmured to the girl and you couldn’t help but smile as he pried her fingers off him and gently passed her through the gap he had made. “That’s it, you got her.”

Just as you took the girl from him the building gave another violent shake that had you and Buck freezing again, the girl letting out a cry as she buried her head against your coat. This shake was worse than the one earlier and lasted longer and you felt sick to your stomach as you kept your eyes on Buck. Buck went to say something, you could see his mouth opening before he frowned and looked up just as the building shook again and before you could even register what was happening Buck had disappeared from view and where he had stood was now filled with rubble.

You were frozen to the spot for a few seconds before you let out a shuddering breath, head shaking as tears filled your eyes.

“Buck!” You yelled, knowing it was wrong but you placed the girl against the opposite wall and began trying to dig your way through the rubble, desperately calling Buck’s name as you struggled against the heavy pieces of ceiling.

“Buck please, come on!” You sobbed before snatching your radio from your coat and calling for Bobby.

“Y/N, what happened? The two of you need to get out of there now!” Bobby ordered but you shook your head, tears falling down your cheeks as you struggled to breath. “Y/N!”

“Bobby,” You choked out, “Bobby I’ve got a kid here but I can’t, I can’t leave him, Bobby, please.”

You would be surprised if Bobby could make out your words, your breath coming out in quick panicked gasps and you were choking on tears as you let the radio go to keep trying to dig through the rubble, making no progress, every time you moved one piece three more seemed to fill its place.

The radio was silent for a few moments before Bobby’s voice came through again.

“Stay where you are, I'm coming in.” Bobby told you and before the radio cut off you could hear somebody protesting but you didn’t care. Bobby would come in and get the girl and you knew you weren’t leaving without Buck.

The flames were closing in and you knew you didn’t have long left. From below you could hear footsteps and you looked towards the room Buck was trapped in and the flames quickly creeping towards the opening you’d used to get onto this floor.

You picked the girl up again and ran over to the opening, already seeing Bobby, Chimney and Eddie coming towards you, putting out as many of the flames as they could. You were already lowering the girl down and Chimney was quick to grab her but you didn’t stick around after that, you were instantly back at the pile of rubble, gloved hands desperately trying to free Buck.

“Buck, Buck please, please I need you. I can’t lose you, not you.” You sobbed out, pleading with anyone who would listen to just let Buck be ok. There was so much left unsaid between the two of you and you promised yourself you’d tell him everything, you’d tell him you loved him, tell him you didn’t ever want to picture your life without him at your side, you tell him everything if you got the chance to.

You hadn’t even heard Bobby and Eddie join you until you saw their hands dragging rubble away too. The building gave another shake but this time you didn’t freeze, you kept digging, kept pleading, kept sobbing. You needed to get Buck out.

Finally, finally, you managed to get into the room. The ceiling had caved in, crashing down into the room and bringing furniture from upstairs through with it. It was bad but thankfully not bad enough that you couldn’t move around the room. Your eyes found Buck immediately, trapped underneath a piece of rubble, a cut on his head was bleeding and his eyes were closed.

Between the three of you, you managed to free Buck from the rubble, you couldn’t see if he was more injured than just the head wound with the coat covering him but you prayed that he was fine, he had to be because you didn’t know what you’d do if he wasn’t.

The building was shaking now, the foundation ready to crumble and Bobby and Eddie wasted no time in lifting Buck between them and quickly but carefully carried him from the building. Just as Buck was being loaded into the ambulance you heard a rumble and glanced behind you just in time to see the building cave in on itself, the two next to it following in suit.

You didn’t care though, just climbed into the ambulance next to Buck and sat still as you watched the paramedics assess him. Silent tears made their way down your face but you couldn’t stop the choked sob that escaped you when they took his coat off and saw a blood soaked shirt underneath.

The paramedic cut the shirt off to reveal a wound that was still bleeding, the blood seemingly just pouring out. It looked like a piece of the rubble or something else that had fallen through when the ceiling had managed to practically slice him deeply from his stomach across to just above his hip.

“Is he gonna be ok?” You asked and the paramedic shot you a look before getting to work on cleaning and trying to stop the bleeding.

It was still bleeding when you got to the hospital.

They rushed him into surgery as soon as he was out of the ambulance and you followed him into the hospital, told to wait in the waiting room. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do so you did nothing, you stood where they had left you, people moving around you like you were nothing more than a ghost, only able to stand and stare at the doors Buck had been taken behind.

You had no idea how long you stood there, still as a statue with tears falling down your face, but eventually there was a hand on your shoulder. You still didn’t move but you at least registered when Bobby moved to stand in front of you, his own eyes teary but ever the leader he didn’t let them fall, not whilst his team needed him.

“Come on, there’s a room for us to wait in.” Bobby told you softly but you barely heard the words, they sounded like you were underwater, drowning in fear and panic and you could do nothing but wait and see if you’d sink or swim.

Bobby gently took your hand in his and you let him lead you through the halls of the hospital, paying no attention to your surroundings. The rest of the team were already in the room, looking up when you entered but you barely even saw them. Bobby just shook his head and led you to one of the seats, softly pushing you into it before taking the seat next to you.

You didn’t know how long you had sat there, staring ahead but not seeing anything, your thoughts racing, picturing a million and one different scenarios. There were so many things you wanted to say, needed to say. If something happened to Buck, if the worst case scenario happened and he didn’t know you loved him, it would haunt you for the rest of your life.

Bobby’s hand periodically squeezing yours in a gentle but firm grip was the only thing keeping you grounded to reality. Hours passed by without you noticing, no doctors had entered the private waiting room the team had been given. No news was good news though you supposed, it at least meant that Buck was still alive and that was all you could ask for right now.

Eventually though somebody did interrupt the silence, a tired looking doctor entered the room and everyone was immediately on their feet, not daring to breathe as they waited to hear the verdict.

“Mr Buckley made it through the surgery successfully,” the doctor told you all and there was a collective sigh of relief throughout the room, your hand squeezing Bobby’s tightly. “We were able to stop the bleeding and stitch up the wound on his stomach.”

“So he’s going to be ok?” Eddie asked and you felt your heart stop as the doctor was silent for a beat too long. “He’s gonna be ok, right?”

“The wound on the stomach won’t be an issue. It’s the head wound we’re worried about. After taking scans we can see swelling but won’t be able to determine how serious it is until Mr Buckley wakes up.” The doctor said and you felt a fresh wave of tears fill your eyes.

“And when will he wake up?” Bobby asked, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye  before focusing on the man.

“I can’t say for sure, it could be a matter of hours or it could be days.” The doctor informed you honestly and you took a shaky breath, speaking for the first time in hours.

“Can we see him?” You asked, voice cracking on the words and you felt Bobby’s thumb brush along your skin comfortingly.

“I’m afraid only one of you will be allowed in the room with him and visiting hours will be over in an hour.” The doctor said before giving the group directions to Buck’s room and excusing himself.

“Go on then, Y/N/N.” Eddie said, causing you to look over at him with a frown but before you could say anything he spoke again. “He’d want it to be you.”

You were silent for a few moments, looking around at the rest of the team who smiled and nodded at you and you suddenly felt a huge burst of love for these people who had become your family. When you turned to Bobby he smiled softly down at you before giving your hand one last squeeze and letting go.

“Thank you.” You managed to choke out before leaving the room and following the doctor's directions.

You had to pause outside of his room before you could enter, looking in through the window at Buck in the bed. He looked peaceful, he didn't look like he was in pain, paler than he should have been and a line of stitches trailing up into his hairline from his forehead.

You took another shaky breath before forcing your feet forward and into the room, sitting down on the edge of the only chair placed next to the bed and taking Buck’s hand in yours carefully.

“I don’t know if you can even hear me,” You said after a long beat of silence where you could only run your eyes across his features. “But if you can, I really need you to wake up, Buck, because I can’t lose you. You’re the best thing in my life and the thought of you not being here with me-”

You cut yourself of with a choked sob, leaning forward until your forehead rested against your joined hands. For so long it had been you and Buck, inseparable, the closest of friends, never seeing one without the other. Of course in your line of work it was always a possibility that something would happen but you tried to ignore it, until moments like this, until you couldn’t anymore. You knew full well you were all in with Buck, in it until the end, just like how you knew that if you hadn’t been able to get him out of that building before then you wouldn’t have left either.

“You have to come back to me because there’s so much I need to tell you, so much I should have already said but I couldn’t but we don’t know what’s gonna happen and we should take every chance we can to be happy, right? And it’s you Buck, it’s always been you who makes me happy. It’s always been you.” You told him, knowing he couldn’t hear you but still it felt good to say it out loud. “Because I love you, Buck. I knew from the moment I met you that one day it would be love.”

You didn’t say more than that, you couldn’t bring yourself to speak through the tears and quiet sobs. Time seemed to pass too quickly because before you knew it a nurse was knocking on the door, giving you a sympathetic smile as she told you visiting hours were over.

You nodded at her and stood up, wiping at your cheeks and ignoring the way more tears replaced them and instead leaned down to place a kiss to Buck’s cheek, letting yourself linger there for a few seconds before pulling away with a whispered goodbye. Once you left the room you only managed to get to the end of the hallway before your knees gave out and sobs wracked your body.

You never hit the floor though, strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you into a chest, fingers carding through your hair. You couldn’t make out what the voice was saying but you could feel the rumbles. You couldn’t see through the tears but that didn't matter, the arms felt safe and your hand came up to clutch at a shirt.

You didn’t remember moving but you felt yourself being sat down on a chair and brought deeper into a pair of arms. You couldn’t say how long you sat like that for before the sobs turned into shuddering breaths and the world started to come back to you.

“There you go, that’s it, just breathe.” The voice was saying and you pushed away from the chest when you recognised it as Bobby’s voice. “You’re ok, take it easy.”

“What are you still doing here?” You managed to choke out, voice hoarse from how much crying you’d done today.

“I wasn’t going to leave you alone. I already called Athena and told her I’d be staying with you tonight, you wouldn’t mind the company would you?” Bobby asked and again you felt so much love fill you because you had no doubt that if it wasn’t Bobby insisting on being her for you it would be one of the others.

“Thank you.” You told him sincerely, nodding your head whilst desperately trying to choke back more tears. “Seriously Bobby, thank you.”

“It’s what families are for.” Bobby shrugged like it was no big deal but both of you knew how meaningful it was, this team who had become a family, who loved each other so deeply meant everything.

Since you’d rode in the ambulance and Bobby had followed behind in the truck, Bobby ordered the two of you an Uber, waiting outside in the cool air for it to arrive. It wasn’t long before you were home, taking a shower because the smell of smoke and fire clung to your skin.

It felt wrong to be here when Buck was still at the hospital, he should be here with you, but there was nothing more you could do tonight. Tomorrow you’d be back at his side bright and early until you were forced to leave again but for right now you let Bobby gently push you onto the couch and press a warm mug into your hands.

It went on like that for days, you were at the hospital every day and Bobby sorted the time off for you back at the station. You didn’t think you could pull yourself back to work if you tried, the thought of doing the job without Buck at your side was unthinkable.

Bobby had taken to picking you up every night from the hospital, it was an unspoken arrangement, you just left Buck’s room and the man was always there waiting for you. Each night he took you to his and Athena’s, who welcomed you with open arms and a warm meal that they both made sure you ate, knowing full well you weren't eating at the hospital.

It was on the fifth day that things changed, two days after hearing doctors murmur about their concerns of Buck not waking up yet, five days of sitting at Buck’s side for hours on end, talking away about anything and everything just to fill the silence.

On the fifth day you entered Buck’s room the minute the hospital allowed visitors and took up your regular seat, taking his hand in yours before placing a soft kiss to the back of his. It was how you started every morning visit. The first few hours nothing happened and then just after twelve you heard a groan fall from Buck’s lips, your head snapping up at the noise.

You stared at Buck, wide eyed and not daring to blink as if it would ruin any chance of him waking up. It took a while but you watched as Buck’s face scrunched up before he swallowed heavily, tilting his head to the side and shifting to get comfortable before he finally managed to force his eyes open.

When he saw you you were already crying, silent tears trailing down your cheeks as you smiled at him in relief.

“What happened?” Buck managed to slur out before he started coughing with how dry his throat felt and you wasted no time pouring water into a cup and holding it to Buck’s lips. “Are you ok?”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly at the question, here Buck was finally waking up after five days of recovering, stitches on his head and stomach after being crushed by rubble and he was asking if you were ok.

God, you loved him.

“Are you ok?” You asked instead, watching as his lips twitched upwards. “Are you in pain? Should I get a doctor? I should definitely get a doctor.”

You went to stand but Buck stopped you, tightening his grip on your hand and keeping you in place. You turned back to face him and that’s when you saw it. It was the look, the one the others kept telling you about, the one with soft eyes filled with love and adoration, the one with a smile that to most people wouldn’t seem particularly special but if you knew what you were looking for you could see it was so important. It was the look and you were finally seeing it, you couldn’t convince yourself you were looking into it too much, couldn’t convince yourself your mind was playing tricks on you because it was right in front of you and it was beautiful.

“Don’t go.” Buck murmured, his voice hoarse and not able to go above a whisper but you heard the plea clearly anyway. “Just…just stay with me.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” You told him honestly, squeezing his hand and not able to look away from his face.

Eventually you were able to snap yourself out of trance you regularly seemed to get lost in around Buck, long enough so that you could fill him in on what had happened and how long he’d be out of it. As you spoke Buck never lost that soft look, never once let his eyes wander away from you and it took all your strength to bite your tongue and not tell Buck how you felt.

Until you realised that you didn’t have to do that anymore. You had promised yourself you’d tell Buck and maybe half an hour after he’d woken up from a five day slumber wasn’t the best time but suddenly you felt the overwhelming urge to do it, feeling like you couldn’t wait another day.

“What’s wrong?” Buck asked, his attention solely on you so he noticed the shift in your features, the slight crease in between your eyebrows, the way your head tilted as you looked at him but your mind was clearly somewhere else.

“I thought you were gonna die.” You forced out around the sudden lump in your throat, frown deepening because those weren’t the words you meant to say. “I thought you were gonna die and I was so scared. Once that rubble came down so did so many regrets, so many things I wanted to tell you but I was too scared to but then you were gone and I needed you to know them because you couldn’t die without knowing.”

“Knowing what?” Buck asked softly, already guessing where this was going, already feeling warmth spreading through his chest at the chance that you felt the same way he had, that he hadn’t been pining alone.

“Without knowing that seeing you is the highlight of my day, without knowing that any day I let pass without talking to you, it just isn’t a good day. Without knowing how deeply I care about you, without knowing that I trust you more than anyone, that I’d follow you wherever you went. You were lying here and I didn’t know if you were going to wake up and the one thing above everything that I needed you to know is that I am so in love with you.” You told him, not taking your eyes off him and watching his face soften even more if it were possible, watching as his eyes watered slightly but he managed to keep any tears from falling.

“Y/N,” he breathed out, unable to say anything for a moment but you weren’t worried, you didn’t take it as a bad sign, you couldn’t, not now that you’d seen that look.

You had to curse yourself slightly because how had you missed that look, it had been years of Buck looking at you like that and you’d missed it. If you had seen that look so long ago any questions regarding Buck’s feelings for you would have been an open-shut case, you would have known from the look on his face that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“I’ve wanted to hear that for so long, wanted to tell you that for so long because it’s true, I love you more than I thought I could love anyone. For so long I didn’t think I was capable of loving somebody like I love you, I thought I was too messed up from everything. But then I met you and, Y/N/N I knew from the moment I met you that you were going to be so important. I should have told you years ago but I couldn’t see how somebody like you could feel the same way. But I love you, Y/N, I love you so, so much.” Buck told you, the two of you smiling at each other with matching grins, so happy it was almost too much but you both basked in the feeling.

And everyone was right, nothing changed when the two of you started dating. You came into work together and left together, you stayed over at each other's places until you had found yourself all but moved into Buck’s place already and it just became second nature to call his place home. The only difference was now there were no secret feelings, no wishful, longing glances. Now you could say that’s my man and Buck could take your hand in his, now you kissed Buck whenever you wanted just because you could and neither of you took a day together for granted, not when you had spent so many years pining where you could have been together so now you made sure to savour each day.

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Midnight Rain

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Prompt -  'He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain. He wanted a bride, I was making my own name.'

The only thing that seemed to matter to your family was blood purity. They wanted to be seen as the perfect purebloods, the ones who were rich and well off, never wanting for anything. To the whole world you seemed like a picture perfect family, yet as it always went behind closed doors you were anything but.

You hated your family, hated that they didn’t care for anything other than how they were perceived by the world. You hated growing up without love or affection, hated being left with nannies and house elves as your only company, hated that the only time your family could smile around each other was when you attended the fancy balls thrown by the other pureblood families or the meals hosted at your own manor in an attempt to outdo the last event. 

You hated your town, the fancy place that was hidden far away from ‘filthy muggles and tainted blood’, hated how you felt caged in, trapped in a place others would kill to live. You despised that you were only allowed to associate yourself with purebloods.

Your family had long had your engagement planned, you were always to be married to a Black. It had always meant to be a union with the first born Black but your parents had refused to let you wed the boy who went against everything they believed in and instead you were to be married to the younger Black.

It wasn’t like you didn’t like Regulus. He was a nice enough boy but he was much too willing to oblige his family’s every wish, another pureblood wanting to look good for the sake of public appearance even if it meant a life without happiness, a life where your love was fake and you would both be miserable.

Sirius on the other hand, he was somebody you could get along with, somebody you could picture being in your life whilst being happy. The two of you weren’t allowed to associate with each other, your family had forbidden it once they saw you getting close with the older Black. Sirius had seemed to take that as a personal challenge and got you alone every moment he could at parties you were both forced to attend.

It had led to many arguments between you and your parents.

This had been an ongoing battle for years now, a challenge Sirius had been winning at since before you went to Hogwarts. It was there that you thought you would have more freedom, freedom to socialise with people outside of the regular purebloods, freedom to talk to Sirius whenever you wanted.

What you didn’t account for was the other Slytherin reporting your every move back to your parents and them knowing exactly who you were talking to. Their threats had been enough to isolate you from everyone in your first year at Hogwarts, even despite Sirius’ attempts to sneak you away you pulled back from everybody.

That was the way though, that was the way your life was always going to be spent. You would always be alone even if you had a husband at your side and an heir to leave everything to, an heir who would continue the cycle of living for appearances rather than happiness.

Then Regulus came to Hogwarts the next year.

The two of you were forced together at every instance and eventually it just became second nature to gravitate towards each other. Spending so much time around a person created a bond between the two of you and you did consider him a friend but that was all.

Years passed by in the same repetitive cycle, you and Regulus got closer as time passed and eventually it wasn’t such a chore to be in his company. You spent plenty of summers at the Black house and him at yours, parties, balls, lunches all to be attended together.

You had to admit though, if only to yourself, that you missed Sirius dearly.

As you entered into your third year of Hogwarts it seemed Sirius had given up his own challenge of getting you to pull away from your family’s ideals, clearly having given up on you. 

Some days you thought he was right to have given up. Some days you forgot that there was more to life than what you had, some days you let yourself fall into the trap of familiarity. Regulus made it easy to forget that this wasn’t what you wanted. 

You could admit you loved him, you knew he loved you too but you just loved each other differently. He had fallen for you, what had started as a relationship arranged before his birth had turned into something real, he wanted to marry you, to make you his bride and provide for you.

You loved Regulus dearly. He was your best friend and part of you wished you could love him more. It would be so much easier if you did. Regulus was beautiful, he was intelligent and he cared so much. He was perfect and he too deserved better than some forced marriage that neither of you had chosen for yourselves.

Maybe if things had been different, maybe if you and Regulus hadn’t been shoved together without a say, then maybe you could have fallen in love with him but that wasn’t how this story played out. 

It didn’t help that no matter how much time had passed your thoughts never quite managed to stray away from Sirius. You had always wondered what might have happened between the two of you if you hadn’t been forced to stay away from him. 

Even now years down the line, the two of you in your sixth year of Hogwarts, your eyes still wandered over to the Gryffindor table, having to fight back a smile when you saw his eyes were already watching you. Sometimes he smiled at you, sometimes he’d grin or smirk, sometimes he threw a wink your way and other times he looked sad and you felt that sadness deep in your own bones. 

With Sirius there was always the lingering question, deep down both of you were always thinking of the what if’s, the what could have been. Some days you felt like you could drown in sadness and the questions that would forever remain unanswered.

“They’re planning the wedding.” Regulus told you one morning as you sat next to him in the Great Hall, barely awake but his words had your eyes widening.

“They can’t do that, they told us it wasn't to happen until after we left here.” You said with a frown, eyebrows knitting together as you turned to look at him properly. 

“Mother sent me a letter this morning, I’m sure you’ll get one too. Apparently something is happening, you know there has been a political shift lately and Mother and Father have been involved in something more but I don’t know much about it yet. I just know that we are to be married by the end of the year.” Regulus explained and you had to force yourself to swallow around the sudden lump in your throat.

You turned away from Regulus, shifting in your seat so you were looking ahead and busied yourself with pouring a drink before your eyes locked onto the other Black across the room. He was already looking at you, no smirk or sadness but this time with concern. His eyes were wide as he tilted his head to the side, silently asking if you were ok and you couldn’t deal with that right now, Sirius’ concern might just be the thing to push you over the edge.

“The end of the year?” You finally asked, looking away from Sirius as Regulus nodded.

“It’s not so bad, right?” He asked hesitantly and you forced yourself not to grimace but there was a stinging in your eyes you desperately tried to push down. “I know this was planned by our parents but you know I will take care of you, don’t you?”

You gave him a tight lipped smile as you nodded, forcing yourself not to cry. Regulus was right, it wasn’t so bad, it could be much worse, you could be being forced to marry a person who didn’t care for you, one who would use you for an heir before tossing you aside. At least you and Regulus had the luxury of being friends.

And yet that thought didn’t comfort you, if anything it made your heart ache more. 

“No it’s not bad, Regulus.” You told him as evenly as you could manage and it seemed to work as he relaxed slightly in his seat. “Sorry it just came as a shock to me.”

“I understand,” Regulus told you with a soft smile, his hand resting over yours on the table. “It’ll be fine though, we’ll marry and everything will be easier.”

You smiled at him again, turning your hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze before pulling away. 

“I know,” You said before standing, needing to be alone, “I forgot to pick up my charm’s homework. I’ll see you in class.”

You didn’t rush out of the room, there were too many eyes watching your reaction so you walked out at your normal pace, head held high and a neutral expression on your face. It wasn’t until you were out of the Great Hall that you picked up the pace and quickly made your way out of the castle.

It didn’t take you long to find an empty spot near the lake, it was still early and the autumn chill was keeping most people inside. 

You were glad for the emptiness as you sat down on the ground, tears trying to make their way down your face but you refused to let them fall. You did love Regulus, he truly was your best friend but you weren’t like him, no matter how hard you tried to make yourself be, no matter how hard you told yourself you could marry him and be content.

Regulus wanted to please his parents, he wanted the comfortable life of doing as he was told. You didn’t want that, you didn’t want to marry somebody who didn’t love you, somebody who only wanted you for appearance’s sake. You wanted the hard work a real relationship took, you wanted the pain and the tears and the overwhelming happiness that came with truly being in love. 

Regulus wanted a bride that would give him a child and make the Black family look good, he expected you to stay home, to raise a child and gossip with the other pureblood ladies and host parties and teas. You didn’t want that, you wanted to make a name for yourself, you wanted a job and you wanted to work hard and achieve your goals, goals that didn’t involve staying at home all day.

You wanted more than what life was offering you but you didn’t know how to get out of the place you were stuck.

“Hey.” A voice called out to you softly causing you to jump before you turned your head.

Sirius stood a few steps behind you, a small, sympathetic smile on his face as he nodded to the space next to you. 

It wasn’t as though you and Sirius had completely cut each other off in the years since you were forbidden from talking to each other but it had been much too long since you had been able to properly have a real conversation, one that lasted longer than the five minutes you could steal before you were caught and it was reported back to both the Black’s and your parents. 

“What happened?” He asked, keeping his voice quiet, after sitting down next to you, so close you could feel his arm against yours.

“Me and Regulus are getting married.” You told him, matching the softness of his voice.

“Well yeah,” Sirius chuckled and you could feel his arm moving as he laughed, “we all knew that was happening.” 

“We’re getting married before the year is over.” You clarified and watched from the corner of your eye as he tensed up and looked at you in shock.

“They can’t do that!” He protested but both of you knew that both of your parents could do whatever they wanted so you could do nothing but shrug. 

“Y/N,” he began but cut himself off with a sigh. You didn’t say anything because what was there to say? You didn’t know how you could change what was to happen, you knew you’d give anything to not be forced into this marriage no matter how much you cared for Regulus but you didn’t know how to leave.

The second you left you knew you’d be cut off from everything, you’d had no money, no access to the vaults, no access to any of your properties. You’d be completely alone.

“Tell me what you want me to do.” Sirius finally pleaded and you smiled sadly as you turned to look at him, his own expression showing you how desperately he wanted to help. “Tell me what you want to do.”

“I want to leave.” You finally confessed out loud for the first time, a wet chuckle escaping you as the tears you had desperately fought back made their way back to your eyes. “I want to leave them all behind. I love Regulus, he’s my best friend but I don’t want to marry him, Sirius! I don’t want to be married for appearances and heirs, I want to marry somebody I love, I want to be free to make my own decisions and not have to have my parents controlling every part of my life.”

You were crying by the end of your speech, tears you’d been holding in for years finally flowed freely down your cheeks and you could do nothing to stop them, could only sob as you realised there was no way out of this for you.

Sirius had no words either, he could do nothing but pull you into his arms, an action that made you sob even harder because this was all you had wanted for so long, you couldn’t remember the last time Sirius hugged you. When you were younger Sirius used to hug you close all the time, the two of you held hands and bent your heads together and now you weren’t even allowed to talk to one another.

Yet another thing your parents controlled.

“You don’t have to marry him.” Sirius whispered into your hair, shushing you as you let out a scoff that turned into a sob. “I mean it, you don’t have to marry him if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to James and see if Mr and Mrs Potter can help us out but you’re not marrying him, Y/N/N, you deserve better than the life of a pureblood wife.”

His words made you cry harder and you don’t know just how long the two of you sat alone by the lake, just holding each other as tears flooded your cheeks as some stung at Sirius’ own eyes but he refused to let them fall as he focused on you, whispering whatever words came to mind as he brushed his hand against your arm.  

Eventually you pulled back from him and went to lift your hands in an attempt to wipe the tears from your face but Sirius beat you to it, his hands coming to rest on your cheeks as his thumbs gently brushed your tears away.

“I’ll find you a way out of this,” Sirius told you as he rested his forehead against yours and you let yourself relax into the touch. “I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Sirius.” You murmured softly, a sad smile spreading across your face as you lifted one of your hands to rest against his. “We both know this is the way it’s going to be.”

“I got out, I’ll get you out too.” He promised again and your smile widened a small bit as you nodded. “I don’t want you to marry him.”

“I love Regulus but he is ready to throw his whole life away and pretend he’s happy to please everyone…I can’t do that Sirius, I thought I could but I can’t.” You told him as he brushed his thumb against your cheek softly.

“We’ll figure something out, love.” He told you softly and you could stop the rush of warmth that seemed to run through you at the pet name, a shaky smile spread across your face as you nodded again.

It was days before your wedding was due to take place during the Christmas holiday, in the months that had passed you had talked to Sirius more than you had in the last few years, the two of you finding a moment or two each day to talk in an empty classroom.

It was like the feelings that had been there as a child had suddenly returned at full force, of course they had never gone away completely but not being able to talk to Sirius had meant you had shoved your feelings deep down. 

With just a few days until you returned home you and Regulus had both been receiving daily letters informing you of wedding updates, times you needed to be here, when you needed to be there, suits and dresses had been bought and both families were going all out in an attempt to put all other weddings to shame.

Everything for the sake of appearances no matter how unhappy you were.

You were expected to gush over the upcoming wedding and share the newest plans with your friends in your house and even though it made you sick to your stomach you went along with it to keep up the image. Regulus seemed much more at ease and a part of you was furious at him for being able to go along so easily with everything. 

He smiled and seemed to light up like sunshine when he spoke of the wedding plans whereas you felt like the streets when the rain was hammering down at midnight, cold, dark, and alone. He seemed genuinely happy to be marrying you and you wished you could force yourself to pretend but you couldn’t.

Though you supposed you had no choice but to anymore.

That was until you were strolling the corridors late at night, the last night before you went home to be married off, needing a moment away from the Slytherin common room and all the people faking interest in your big day. 

A hand reached out of nowhere and dragged you into an empty classroom, the other hand coming up to cover your mouth as you let out a yelp but before you could struggle a familiar voice spoke against your ear causing you to suppress a shudder.

“Relax love, it’s just me.” Sirius laughed and you rolled your eyes, playfully pushing him away from you as you turned to face him. “What are you doing wandering the halls at midnight?”

“Needed to be away from everyone.” You told him with another eyeroll and watched as he smiled at you before making a move to leave the room.

“Guess I know when I’m not wanted.” He said, amusement clear in his voice and you grinned as you caught his hand and dragged him further into the room, sitting on top of one of the desks cross legged, Sirius mirroring your expression as he sat opposite you. 

“You know that never applies to you.” You told him, keeping your tone light but meaning the words and you saw how his whole face seemed to light up before he tried to brush it off.

“So…” Sirius grinned at you and you raised an eyebrow at him expectantly but he just smiled wider somehow.

“So…” You repeated, urging him to continue and he sat up straighter before he spoke again.

“Do you want some good news?” He asked you and your eyebrows knitted together as you looked at him questioningly, gesturing for him to carry on.

“Sirius,” You complained when he didn’t speak, causing him to let out a laugh, “what’s your news?”

“You’re staying with the Potter’s.” He told you and before you could say anything he carried on. “They let me stay there and I talked to James about everything and then we both talked to his parents and they insisted you stay with them for holidays like I do. You’ll love it, the Potter’s are the best and they have a spare bedroom already set up for you. I told them you’d probably be cut off and they said you didn’t need to worry about anything and that-”

“Sirius.” You choked out, cutting him off as tears filled your eyes.

“Hey, this is a good thing.” Sirius told you, reaching out to take your hand in his and giving it a squeeze. “I promise there’s no strings attached, the Potter’s are good people, best I ever met anyway.”

“You didn’t have to do this for me.” You told him, feeling your throat choke up as you stared at him with wide, teary eyes. 

“Course I did.” Sirius told you with a soft laugh, squeezing your hand again. “Y/N, I’d do anything for you. I know we went a while without talking to each other properly but I never stopped caring about you. I wasn’t going to sit by and watch you marry Regulus, not when you deserve to be happy.” 

You felt a few tears fall down your cheeks even as a smile made its way onto your face and you couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped you causing Sirius’ smile to widen. 

“Thank you.” You managed to choke out and Sirius just shook his head at you. “I mean it, Sirius, you didn’t have to do all this. I’ll never be able to thank you for this.”

“Shut up,” He laughed, causing you to grin at him, “You never have to thank me, I’m just glad you get to make your own choices now.”

He was right, you were free to do what you wanted now and it felt…strangely terrifying. You’d never had the option of making your own choices before and now you were free thanks to Sirius, thanks to the man you were falling for.

Who were you kidding? You had fallen for Sirius a long time ago. 

Your eyes shifted down to his lips and you knew he noticed but found that you didn’t care and apparently Sirius wasn’t against it as his tongue poked out to wet his lips before his own eyes flicked down to your lips before he looked back to your eyes, a questioning look in his. 

You could only grin over at him and he smiled brightly before he lifted his hand to your cheek and let his thumb trace the skin of your cheekbone. He brought your face close to his, letting his forehead rest against yours as he glanced down to your lips again.

“You sur-” Sirius went to ask but you couldn’t wait any longer, you had waited years for this and leaned up to close the distance between you, taking Sirius by surprise if the muffled noise that escaped him was any clue but he recovered quickly.

The kiss was everything you had imagined it would be, it was rushed and hungry and filled with longing, filled with relief that you could finally do it. Sirius held your face in his hands and kissed you deeply, kissed you until you were out of breath and then some more before finally pulling away.

“Wanted to do that for so long.” He murmured against your lips as he leaned forward to press a smaller, barely there kiss against them.

“Me too.” You whispered breathlessly, smiling softly over at him and Sirius couldn’t help but press his lips to yours again causing you to laugh against his lips, the two of you smiling too wide to properly kiss again before he pulled away.

“Thank you, Sirius.” You told him as you rested your foreheads together and Sirius just wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you closer, content to just hold you after waiting years for the chance to do so and not planning to let you go until you wanted to leave.

_____________

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Ready to Run

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Angstember Prompt -  "I need you to run. Run away and never come back."

Notes - so ooc but I love vaderkin

There were plenty of moments over the last few years where you had figured you should stop searching, that whatever you thought you knew was wrong. You’d hit more dead ends than you could count, every time you came close to something it seemed to be snatched from you. It was always one disappointment after the other but despite everything you carried on.

Obi-Wan had told you what had happened on Mustafar all those years ago. He had told you that Anakin had died, that he had left him there to die but you didn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe it. Not when you still felt something through the Force, something dark and twisted and barely recognisable but no matter how far it strayed from the Light you would always recognise it.

Anakin wasn’t dead.

He couldn’t be.

You refused to believe he could be. For the first year, after Padmé’s funeral, after Obi-Wan had left with the child and the other had been given to Senator Organa, you did nothing. You sat and you mourned for your Master, for the man who had taken you on when you were only a child, barely coming up to his thigh as you accosted him in the training room and forced him to spar with you.

You still remembered those times, you had known Anakin before he was Knighted and yet you knew he was yours. You had never particularly gotten along with your crèche mates and always felt so left out, especially as more and more of them got picked by the older Jedi. You had all been left in the training room, plenty of other Jedi working on the forms but you were only focused on Anakin. 

Your eyes had found him easily in the room and you watched him in wonder as he trained with his Master, moving like he was completely at one with the Force. Of course you were distracted enough that your crèche mates noticed and laughed at you, even back then Anakin was well known throughout the Temple and one of the boys in your group had called you stupid and foolish for even daring to look at Anakin, laughing as he declared you unworthy of any Jedi’s time yet alone Anakin Skywalkers.

You weren’t one to back down though, to let the boy think he had won with his harsh words. Instead you squared your shoulders back and jutted your chin out before turning away from them and walking the length of the room, avoiding the other Jedi as you went, before you stopped in front of Anakin and Master Kenobi.

“Is everything alright, young one?” Master Kenobi asked softly, pausing as he spotted you first and Anakin turned around to face you a second later, raising an eyebrow down at you.

Now that you had actually made your way over here you felt a little nauseous and it felt like the air had been sucked from the room but when you glanced over your shoulder you saw your crèche mates staring at you wide eyed and the boys mouth hung open so you nodded to yourself before turning back to Anakin and Master Kenobi.

“I was wondering, if it’s not a bother,” You started, voice slightly shaky but you forced yourself to continue. “Might I spar with Padawan Skywalker please?” 

Anakin’s eyebrow seemed to raise even higher, surprised at your request as he turned to Obi-Wan who was doing a better job at hiding his own surprise but he could feel his curiosity through their bond. 

‘Well?’ Obi-Wan seemed to ask him wordlessly, cocking his head to the side and Anakin shrugged, sure it wouldn’t be a challenge but their time in the training room wasn’t meant to be, not today, they were only in here to burn off Anakin's excess energy. 

“Of course, young one, my old bones could use a rest anyway.” Master Kenobi told you, his tone light and joking and he smiled at the small giggle you let out.

“What’s your name?” Anakin asked you as he gestured for you to come closer, easily looking over you and seeing a group your age staring over in shocked amazement. 

“Y/N.” You told him softly and Anakin smiled as he crouched down to be at eye level with you, holding a hand out for you to shake, both Obi-Wan and Anakin noticing how you shook slightly as you took his hand.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Anakin.” He told you, still smiling as you, his smile widening as you finally returned the gesture. “Let’s see just what you’ve learnt then.”

From that day on you seemed to attach yourself to Anakin and at first he may have grumbled about it, rolling his eyes at Obi-Wan amused looks, but he had to admit it was nice. He knew the stories that went around about him, most of them were grossly over exaggerated but people believed what they wanted and it had left him isolated from many of his peers, though the fact he hadn’t grown up surrounded by the Jedi didn’t help.

It was nice having you around.

He already knew he was taking you as his Padawan, even when he was Obi-Wan’s Padawan, he trained you. The two of you met two or three nights a week in the training room and you showed Anakin what you had learnt that week and what you struggled with and Anakin was always quick to help and it wasn’t long before your instructors took note of your improvements.

When you weren’t in the training rooms you could be found in Anakin and Obi-Wan quarters, sitting at the table with Anakin by your side as he helped you through homework questions you struggled with. Some areas of learning were so dreadfully dull but Anakin was always able to brighten them up and you found yourself actually remembering his teachings. 

Once Anakin was Knighted he was surprised that it was Master Yoda of all people to be the one to suggest you as his new Padawan, not that Anakin was complaining of course. He immediately jumped at the chance, perhaps a bit too eagerly if the amusement coming from Obi-Wan told him anything.

Not much changed after that though. Anakin had already been planning on meeting you in the training rooms that evening but he cut your training short to lead you back to his chambers where the two of you celebrated and Anakin sat you down close to him as he went about braiding your Padawan braid. 

It wasn’t all that long into being his Padawan that the Clone Wars started and you, as Anakin’s Padawan, seemed to be thrust into the midst of it. Anakin always kept you close to him, warning you not to stray from his side unless it was life or death, always hating the war much more when you were in the danger zone. Sometimes you couldn’t be with him constantly on the battlefield and those times you were instructed to stay close to Rex or Obi-Wan, both of whom protected you as fiercely as Anakin did.

Your training grew every day, of course it had no choice but to when you were up against the droid army or, on several terrifying occasions, General Grievous himself. Some days when the war became too overwhelming your thoughts wandered back to when you had first met Anakin, when you had inserted yourself into his life. Even now as the war went on and Anakin became the poster boy, getting sent out on the most dangerous missions and bringing you along, you didn’t regret it, if you could do it all over again you would always choose Anakin. 

But times like this, times when you reached out into the Force, times when you woke up in pain, feeling too much anger and too much hatred flowing through your veins you couldn’t help but doubt that decision.

You shook your head, panting into wakefulness and began breathing through the anger you knew wasn’t yours. Somehow, even after whatever had happened to Anakin, the bond between you was still very much alive. In the first year it was quiet, leaving you alone in your head for the first time since Anakin had braided your hair gently but then whatever wall that had been built up seemed to fall down and you were overwhelmed with so many Dark feelings.

It took longer than it should to realise they weren’t yours, to realise that you hadn’t survived everything just to turn to the Dark Side now. 

Once you realised it was Anakin you had to brace yourself against the wall to keep yourself upright because Obi-Wan had told you Anakin was gone. Had he lied? Did he not know? You debated telling Obi-Wan, you were sure you could find a way to comm him or just go to Tatooine yourself but you decided against it.

Obi-Wan had been devastated by the loss of Anakin. It had truly taken a toll on him, a toll you hadn’t even seen during the war. You weren’t sure you wanted to tell Obi-Wan that you could still feel Anakin, not when it was so dark and twisted.

No, you had thought to yourself, better to wait until I find Anakin.

But you had been looking for years, years spent hiding your true nature, years spent desperately trying to follow the pull of the Force, begging it to lead you to Anakin and though it never had you didn’t give up hope even though some days you came close to it.

You would find Anakin Skywalker.

And then one day, completely by chance, you stumbled across a ship. It didn’t feel like Anakin but it did feel like the anger you felt deep in your veins, it felt like the bone deep pain that had tears filling your eyes and you wondering just how Anakin dealt with it. 

The door was closing and you had a split second to make a decision. With a little help from the Force you easily slipped in before the door slammed shut, trapping you on the ship. 

It wasn’t until you glanced around for a hiding spot that you paused.

Stormtroopers. This was the Empire.

Oh Anakin, you thought to yourself, feeling a wave of sadness run through you but it didn’t last long before it was replaced with…was that annoyance? Seconds later the bond seemed to fill with confusion and you struggled to figure out if it was yours or Anakin’s.

In the entire time you had felt Anakin you had never felt anything but anger, frustration, pain, loneliness...never anything else. Maybe he was on this ship, maybe they were keeping him prisoner and that’s why he was in so much pain all the time. The closeness had always allowed Anakin and you to share feelings through your bond much easier than when you were at a distance, it made sense that the bond still followed that rule no matter how corrupt one side of it was.

There was another part of your mind, one that you tried to cut off before it could whisper its thoughts into your head that told you another reason as to what Anakin could be doing on an Imperial ship. You couldn’t- you refused to believe it. Anakin wouldn’t do that, at least not the Anakin you had known but that was before he fell. 

Shut up, you whispered to yourself as you made your way further into the ship. Anakin’s confusion was growing stronger, as was his annoyance and you couldn’t help but grin. It was nice to feel something else through the bond, it made Anakin feel like Anakin again. You resisted the urge to send your own feelings flowing through the bond, not yet sure if he knew it was you he was feeling.

You were so focused on the bond that you only realised a second too late that a stormtrooper was rounding a corner, slamming straight into you and sending you falling to the floor. The trooper immediately raised his gun and called for backup and you were surrounded before your hand could touch your lightsaber.

Two of the stormtroopers forced you onto your feet and you struggled against them to no avail. 

“Take her to the cells, I’ll alert Lord Vader to the intruder.” One of the troopers said and the two holding you nodded and began to drag you along as fear filled you. 

You’d heard the stories and seen the aftermath of Vader’s work. It was terrible and cruel and always left you feeling cold whenever you ended up on a planet Vader had left in ruins. 

You had also heard of what he did to prisoners and desperately tried to break the troopers hold of you long enough for you to grab your lightsaber. There wouldn’t be much you could do if you did get free, by now the ship was already moving through hyperspace, but you could hide and take down as many stormtroopers as possible until the ship landed.

Unfortunately that plan would have to be scrapped as you were thrown into the small holding cell, the door slamming shut behind you and you cursed silently at your poor decision making. Now you were at Vader’s mercy and you weren’t holding out much hope of Vader coming to your aid.

You don’t know how long you sat there, crossed legged on the floor with your eyes closed as you focused on your bond with Anakin. From his side you could feel anger again but the annoyance was still there as was a small bit of curiosity that you really had to focus on to feel. 

You let the feel of Anakin wash over you even if he was darker than you remembered him being. Beneath the corruption and the tar like darkness that seemed to cling to him was Anakin Skywalker. It was faint but he was there and you knew you could help him, help him as he had helped you thousands of times over. You just had to get out of this kriffing cell to find him.

For the second time in as many minutes you were so focused on your bond with Anakin that you missed the movement in front of you. This time instead of a stormtrooper it was the door of your cell opening. It only took you a second longer to open your eyes, your mouth going dry as there before you stood Darth Vader.

He towered over you, even more so since you were sitting on the floor. The black cape hung around him and made him look more intimidating. Then there was the breathing filling the silence, the mechanical, steady breathing that sent a shiver down your spine.

He didn’t speak, not even when the door shut behind him. You wished you could see his expression, wished the helmet was gone so you had half a clue as to what to expect but instead you were left staring at the expressionless helmet, giving nothing away.

Even with your fear and anxiety you still felt Anakin through the bond, perhaps more strongly than you had ever before. There were a wide range of emotions running wild within him, all pushing their way through the bond and making you feel them. He was confused, he was hurting, he was worried, he was angry, he was sad, he was terrified.

You hadn’t felt Anakin be fearful since the bond opened itself up again and now that you had it sent a cold feeling to your stomach, gone was any concern for your current situation and in its place was worry for Anakin.

So much worry in fact that you had momentarily forgotten about Vader until he spoke, the single word causing you to jump.

“Y/N?” He asked, his voice completely devoid of emotion thanks to the modulator.

How in Sith’s hell did Vader know your name?

Then suddenly the wave of fear and terror rolling from Anakin’s side of the bond seemed to grow and you couldn’t decide what to focus on. Probably best to focus on Vader first, Anakin could wait a while longer.

“What are you doing here?” Vader hissed at you, or it was as well as somebody with a robotic modulator could hiss. His words had you staring up at him, fear slowly slipping away and replaced by confusion. “Answer me!”

Suddenly, almost as if somebody had flipped a switch, you put the pieces together. You almost slapped yourself for not figuring it out sooner but then again you didn’t want it to be true, you couldn’t believe it but the proof was here.

Anakin was here.

“Anakin?” You asked, voice barely a whisper, the sound seemingly pulled from your throat as your voice broke on the word.

“Do not call me that.” He said and a choked sob slipped out of you, tears filled your eyes as you pushed yourself onto your feet, all fear gone now as you took a step closer to him.

“Tell me it’s not true.” You whispered, hoping you’d open your eyes and it would just be another nightmare that plagued you. From Anakin’s side of the bond you felt sadness and let out another sob. “Kriff Anakin, I’ve been searching for you for years and all along you were…”

“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice seemed quieter, like behind the helmet he was talking softly and you wished more than anything that the helmet would go, you wanted to see him.

“I was looking for you.” You told him again, swallowing around the lump in your throat and Anakin lifted his hand. You should have been scared, how many times had he raised his hand to Force choke innocents? But you weren’t scared and you had no reason to be, not when he brought his hand to your cheek and brushed away a tear that fell from your eye.

“You shouldn’t have come.” He told you and you hated the robotic, emotionless tone of his voice, you wanted to hear Anakin, your Anakin. “I can’t risk him knowing you’re here, Y/N. What he does to Jedi- I won’t let that happen to you.”

“Anakin-” You began but he cut you off.

“I’m not Anakin, not anymore.” He said and you shook your head, lips twitching as Anakin’s thumb brushed your cheekbone. “The ship is ready to land, when I say run I need you to run. Run away and never come back, Y/N.”

“Anakin, I can’t leave you here.” You cried, bringing your hand to wrap around his gloved one but he shushed you before you could protest more.

“This is who I am now. You can’t save me this time, Y/N/N, but you can let me save you. Let me do one thing right.” He begged and you could feel his pain as strongly as your own.

“Anakin, please.” You whispered and Anakin brought his head down, the helmet gently knocking against your forehead and you let out another sob.

“I’ll always be with you, our connection is strong.” Anakin told you, his voice as soft as it could be through the modulator and you let out another sob before you forced yourself to take a deep breath and nodded against him.

Anakin held you against him for a few seconds longer before he pulled away and you felt the ship land. You had no idea where you were but you would do as Anakin instructed, one last moment with your Master, one last chance to follow his instructions before he disappeared from your life again.

“Ready to run?” He asked quietly, the door to your cell opened and he led you out, watching as you took another breath and nodded. “Good, don’t stop running. We're on Irilla, you shouldn’t have any trouble hiding.”  

“Thank you Anakin.” You whispered after you passed a group of stormtroopers.

Anakin didn’t say anything else, he couldn’t risk being overheard, not when any of his small indiscretions always seem to make their way up to Sidious. If Sidious knew about you, knew that you had the ability to bring the small bit of Light inside him forward, he knew Sidious would see to it that you were killed and that was the best outcome, Sidious wouldn’t be so quick about it.

Anakin knew he had no choice, he would gladly take on whatever punishment Sidious chose to inflict upon him for letting a Jedi go. Thankfully the stormtroopers didn’t know you to recognise just who you were to Anakin so Sidious would only believe it had been a random Jedi. 

He could work with that.

The ship doors opened and he led you off it, the planet was cold and dark but it was filled with seedy characters conducting even seedier business and Anakin knew you’d be able to hide amongst them for a few days before finding yourself a way off this planet. 

He ordered the troopers to start unloading the ship and discreetly gestured for you to follow him, dismissing the two troopers who tried to follow him. He led you into the forest, knowing there was a city not too far away, you would be safe there.

“You have to go now.” Anakin told you, knowing you could feel his pain through the bond as he watched your nose crinkle as you tried to push away tears.

“Come with me.” You pleaded and he smiled behind the helmet, wishing he could but he had made his decision. One day, maybe, he would come and find you if you kept the bond open. One day he would make his move against Sidious and be free of the man but for now he had a role to play and you couldn’t be anywhere near as he played it.

“We’ll see each other again, my dear Padawan.” He told you, bringing his hand to your cheek and resting his helmet against your forehead again. “One day this will all be over and we will find each other but you have to stay away for now, stay far away and stay safe.”

“I promise.” You whispered, forcing down a sob. “Stay safe, Anakin, may the Force be with you.” 

Anakin held you against him for a moment longer and you nodded at him before turning to run towards the city. Anakin felt cold but he also felt something he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

He felt hope.

“May the Force be with you, my Padawan.” He murmured to himself, knowing that he would see his plan to the end if only so he could find you again.

______

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Prompt -  After the move from New York to Texas, the gang try to set Y/N up on several dates.

When your dad had first brought up Texas you hadn’t exactly been over the moon with the plan but there wasn’t much you could do to argue against it considering the circumstances surrounding why you were leaving. Besides there was no way TK would have moved out there without you and you would have hated home without him and your dad.

Now though it felt like this place was more like home than New York ever had been, something that you had thought would be impossible a few months ago. You’d had friends in New York of course but they were nothing compared to the friends you’d made in Texas, friends who you saw on a daily basis, friends who felt more like family even after only knowing them for such a short amount of time.

By all accounts not much should have changed for you really, you were working the same 9-1-1 operator job you’d had back in New York, your boss had been great helping with the transfer to the Texas call centre. You were on your way to getting your own apartment which you couldn’t wait for, much as you did enjoy living with your dad and TK.

And yet somehow everything felt different than it had in New York, it felt like you could be yourself here, let yourself enjoy your life properly instead of putting on a show for your friends.

Texas had no bad memories but New York…well New York was full of them. New York reminded you of days spent hesitating to answer your phone in fear of hearing that TK had been found in a ditch somewhere, that he was already dead or that he was too high to move and you had to find him in a drug den. New York was your mom and dad fighting whilst you and TK desperately tried to drown out the shouting.

Texas was better. Texas had a TK who had been clean since being here. It had your dad who seemed happier than you’d seen him in a long time. You hadn’t always been close with your dad, it took a while after the divorce for you and him to sort things out between each other, after countless apologies and talks the two of you were closer than ever.

Then there was TK. You had never not been close with TK, the two of you had been attached to each other's side for as long back as you could remember. Your twin brother, though if you asked TK he’d include the word older in there, he was older than you by a mere ten minutes and damn if he didn’t take the chance to tell anyone you met, always had your back even if it had been rough when he was using and you always tried to look out for him, tried to keep him alive.

You and your mom didn’t particularly get on well, your relationship with her was already strained but when you and your dad started getting along she hadn’t taken it well. You weren’t overly sad to leave her in New York but despite that you would always be grateful to her. She had been the one to do what you never could, she was the one that got TK into rehab and clean.

So when your dad called you one day you hadn’t been scared to answer the phone, TK had been clean for a while now and all the anxiety you had over answering calls was pretty much gone. Of course then he went and undid all that progress by telling you that TK had overdosed and he was in the hospital.

You had been shocked to say the least, devastated at the thought of TK using again. It seemed wrong, you’d seen him yesterday and he had seemed completely fine. It wasn’t until you got to the hospital and after wrapping you in a tight hug your dad told you that Alex had been cheating on TK. Your heart had ached, more so when you saw TK in the hospital bed and his eyes filled with tears as he hugged you.

It wasn’t long after that your dad told you both of the plan to move to Texas, TK was given no choice in the matter, he was leaving New York and he wasn’t going down that path again. Your dad had told you that if you wanted to stay in New York he’d understand, though the gutted look on his face told you he didn’t want that and the look TK had given him told you TK was ready to fight him on it.

You had about as much choice as TK had in the matter though, if your dad and TK were leaving New York then so were you. It’s not like there was much holding you there anyway.

You still remembered the conversation when TK had come over to your apartment, remembered how small he seemed as he curled up on your sofa and apologised that you had to uproot your entire life just because he was a failure. Your heart broke as you took a seat next to him and let him cuddle into you and you had spoken to him well into the early hours of the morning, promising you wanted to be with him and your dad no matter where that was. You knew he hadn’t been fully convinced, you knew it would take more than one conversation to make him believe it, but TK had nodded as you spoke and smiled at you, even if it was only a small one, and it wasn’t long after the two of you had fallen asleep together on the sofa.

From there it had been easier than you had thought to pack your things up and leave New York behind. Sure there was the sadness that came with leaving the place you had grown up in behind but you didn’t feel like you’d regret your decision.

And you hadn’t. Not weeks into being here, not months into being here. It felt easy to make Austin your home, it was easy to find a routine and settle in. It was worth it to see TK smile wider than he had done in New York, to watch him fall in love again with a guy you trusted to take care of him. It was easy to watch your dad make friends and hang out with them whenever their shift ended.

It was refreshing having a set of friends who actually seemed to care about you. You and Grace had made quick friends at the call centre on your first day when you had been introduced to her and placed on the desk opposite her. Conversation flowed easily between the two of you and it wasn’t long before you were meeting up outside of work, going for coffee or grabbing a bite when your shift ended, and being invited over to her house for dinner or drinks.

Life in Austin was good.

“So,” Grace grinned as the two of you walked into the break room after hours of sitting at your desks, you rolled your eyes knowing where the conversation was going. “How’s the crush going?”

That was another thing that was good in Texas. The dating scene in New York hadn’t been for you, sure you’d been on dates and met guys in clubs but actually, properly dating somebody just seemed impossible back there. Not that here was much different, you hadn’t actually gone on a date here yet but there was Ethan. Though you’d protest out loud to it being called a crush you could admit to yourself that it absolutely was one and a big one at that.

You’d met Ethan a few weeks into working at the call centre and after a small talk in the break room you had made your way back to your desk to see Grace already grinning at you. After she had finished teasing you she told you Ethan had lived in Austin all his life and had been working at the call centre for just over two years now. She had told you that from what she knew of him he seemed to be a fairly good guy, no one had said anything bad about him so far.

From there your attraction to the man had grown and while you were pretty sure he liked you too neither of you had made a move, much to not only yours but also TK and Grace’s disappointment.

“There is no crush.” You told her, a smile pulling at your lips at her groan and moved to get Grace’s and your lunch from the refrigerator.

“Y/N, you know I love you but I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” She told you, causing you to laugh as you sat opposite her. “I mean the two of you spend all day sneaking glances at each other, never mind the fact that when you talk he spends more time looking at your lips than anything else.”

“Okay, okay, so there’s an attraction,” you admitted, making her smile widen. “But, I don’t know Grace, I really like him, you know? I mean sure I dated around in New York but there was never anyone who I really liked.”

“Let it happen then, keep talking to him, keep sneaking glances and whatever happens is meant to be.” She told you and you took a deep breath whilst nodding at her.

It had been a long shift and when you walked through the door of your dad’s place, where you would be living for only a few more weeks whilst your apartment was getting ready, you could tell you weren’t going to rest any time soon.

“Hey kiddo,” Owen greeted as he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you into a side hug. “We’re getting ready to head to the bar, you in?”

“Yeah sure, just give me a minute to change.” You told him, watching his smile brighten as he let you go and it wasn’t long before the two of you walked into the bar together, TK already there and as you looked around you could see Carlos at the bar.

“Y/N!” TK grinned as you walked up to him and you couldn’t help but grin back, it was good seeing TK this happy, it looked good on him. “How was work?”

“Shut up!” You groaned whilst pushing him away from you causing him to let out a laugh as he moved back and leaned against you.

“Ok, ok but seriously when are you and Ethan getting together?” He asked and your dad gave you a questioning look. “I mean I see the way your face lights up, no one in New York made you smile like that.”

You couldn’t stop the soft smile pulling at your face as you leaned your head against TK’s shoulder. He was right, you could feel how much lighter you were and whilst it wasn’t all to do with Ethan you were really glad for the move to Texas. All three of you were much happier.

“Same goes for you, TK, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were half way ready to call it love.” You murmured as Carlos headed towards your group and took great delight in watching TK’s cheeks heat up.

“What are you two talking about?” Carlos asked as he smiled at TK whilst handing drinks out and you saw a few extras, figuring the rest of the 126 would be joining tonight.

“Oh I was just seeing when Y/N was going to go on a date.” TK told him, grinning at you when you shook your head at him even as a smile threatened to pull at your lips.

You had sworn your dad, TK and Grace to secrecy over your little crush. You weren’t sure why, maybe it was because this was the first time you had really been into a guy and wanted to experience it privately before telling them, but all of them had kept their word even if TK found other ways to draw attention to your dating life.

“Have you met anyone here, Y/N?” Carlos asked with a smile, “I know a guy down at the station and I think the two of you could hit it off.”

You glared at TK as you watched his grin grow wider and Owen couldn’t stop a chuckle that he hid behind his glass as he looked between the two of you. Before you could say anything you were stopped by the rest of the 126 joining the table and silently thanked whoever was listening for the change in conversation as the rest of the night was able to continue without a single mention of your love life.

The next few weeks were fairly eventless, something you weren’t used to considering who your family and friends were but you welcomed the quietness. Not much had changed, the call centre took up most of your hours and after a long day you were able to crash in your new apartment which made Texas feel even more like home. Somehow even though you’d moved out of your dad’s house you still found yourself hanging out there after your shifts.

During the week not much happened, there were still the stolen glances across the room from you and Ethan, waiting to see when the other would get up so you could bump into each other in the break room and have lunch together whilst you got to know each other better.

Today you had started out stressed after your phone hadn’t charged meaning your alarm never went off making you nearly an hour late for work and every call from then on seemed to only reach you if it were a matter of life or death. By the time Grace gestured for you to take a break you were more than happy to, not even sparing a glance across the room today but instead just grabbing your coat and leaving the building, needing to be away whilst you steadied yourself.

“Hey,” Somebody called but you didn’t turn around, the streets of Austin were busy so you didn’t think much of it until you felt somebody touch your arm. “Hey, are you alright?”

It was Ethan. You didn’t know what to do with the fact that you felt some of the tension ease just from his touch, from his presence. You hadn’t hesitated to accept his offer of lunch at a coffee shop not too far from the call centre and barely felt the time passing until he checked his phone and his face dropped slightly as he announced the two of you should probably get back to work.

“Wait,” He said as he took your hand in his to pull you out of the way of people walking in the street. “Listen, I really like you, Y/N, and I’ve wanted to ask you out for months but you were new here and I thought it was best to let you settle in before I asked you. I’d really like to take you out if you’d let me.”

You hadn’t been able to stop the smile that spread across your face, your bad morning and the constant flood of calls momentarily forgotten about as you nodded your head and made plans for dinner the coming Friday before making your way back to the call centre, all the while his hand never left yours.

That night you ended up in the bar with the 126 and Grace, Grace who hadn’t stopped shooting you looks all day and seemed unable to stop grinning at you whenever she so much as glanced in your direction.

“Oh hey, Y/N,” Carlos said after everyone already had a few drinks in them, “you never did say if you wanted me to set you up with my friend down at the station.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Judd interrupted, causing you to smile as he raised his hands to look at you, “you’re goin’ on a date?”

You watched as Grace and TK, who had seemingly realised through Grace’s looks that there had been a development, grinned over at you causing you to roll your eyes.

“No, I’m not going on a date with Carlos’ friend.” You told them and Grace nudged your knee causing you to roll your eyes.

“I know a guy up in one of the other houses, real nice guy, why don’t you let me set you up with him?” Judd asked and you shook your head, smile still in place, but before you could say anything Marjan jumped in.

“Wait, my friend knows this guy and he’d be perfect for you, Y/N!” She told you and you couldn’t help but laugh as you finished the last of your drink and stood up to head to the bar, turning towards the group before you left.

“Thank you all but I can find my own dates.” The group's laughter followed you as you made your way to the bar and ordered another drink, smile widening as you felt somebody move next to you before nudging his shoulder with yours.

“You seem happy today.” TK prompted and you shook your head as you leaned into his side, pausing to let him order his drink before you spoke.

“He asked me out.” You told him and looked over at him to see him beaming at you and you couldn’t stop yourself mirroring the expression back. “It might not go anywhere but…I’m excited.”

“I’m really happy for you, Y/N.” TK told you softly squeezing your hand in his and you let out a soft chuckle as you nodded.

“I’m happy for you too, TK.” You murmured, shifting to look at the group but with the exception of your dad and Carlos no one else glanced in your direction. “I know the reason we moved down here wasn’t great but-”

“I’m still sorry about that.” TK interrupted, shifting his gaze from you to the glass he had been handed. “Looking back I know I should have spoken to you or dad but in the moment, everything just seemed so…but I never thanked you.”

“TK I’ve told you a hundred times you don’t have to apologise.” You sighed and watched as he lifted his gaze to you, eyes wide and watery. “And what didn’t you thank me for?”

“For moving here with us.” He said as he tried to blink away the tears and paused to take a sip of his water. “I mean dad’s been amazing with all this, you know, but I couldn’t have done it without you here. I know you uprooted your whole life and I never thanked you for that.”

“TK, you don’t have to thank me either. There was never any doubt that I’d come to Texas with you and dad, I liked New York, hell I thought I loved it there but moving here was the best decision of my life. I know we didn’t move down here under the greatest conditions but you’re good now and I can’t picture being anywhere else.” You told him sincerely, glancing back at the table and smiling softly at the family you had made gathered together.

“I really love you Y/N, I’m glad you’re happy here.” TK said as he pulled you into a hug and you heard him sniff quietly but didn’t say anything as you wrapped your arms around him.

“I love you too, TK.” You murmured into his shoulders and the two of you took a second more before pulling away and heading back to the group.

Months passed since that night at the bar and it was now coming up to being a year since you had moved to Texas. It felt like a whole different lifetime since you were in New York, not realising how unhappy you were as you went about your life until you came to Austin.

Now everything had changed, you and Ethan had been dating for three months and you had yet to tell the rest of your friends. You had told your dad when it was just the two of you at his house, TK out with Carlos for the night, as you both curled on the sofa and played movie after movie. During one of the breaks where you had headed into the kitchen for a food break you had told your dad that Ethan had officially asked you out and that you had said yes. Owen had just beamed at you and pulled you close, murmuring how proud he was of you and how glad he was that you were happy.

You hadn’t needed to tell Grace, that woman knew from the second you sat at your desk the day after Ethan had asked you to be his girlfriend that something had happened. You hadn't even been able to keep a straight face through her teasing, grinning back at her as the two of you leaned across your desks and spoke about the date in hushed voices, missing the fond looks directed at you from across the room.

TK seemed to have whatever superpower Grace had because when he had come to your apartment with takeout and had given you a questioning look before his face broke out into a grin you couldn’t do anything but groan as he came to the conclusion you and Ethan were official. The two of you spent the night talking about your lives since moving to Texas and gushing over your boyfriends.

It was a few nights later you found yourself in the bar, everyone from the 126, as well as Carlos and Grace sat around a table and as always seemed to be the case after a few rounds the conversation shifted to your romantic life.

“I’m just sayin’, she’s been here what nearly a year? I know a guy who I think is good enough to date her.” Judd said and you couldn’t help but laugh as Carlos shook his head and gestured to you.

“I know Y/N and her and Logan would be great together.” Carlos insisted, causing Owen to chuckle as you buried your head against TK’s shoulder, feeling his laugh as he watched the conversation.

“What’s wrong with my guy?” Judd asked but before Carlos could respond another voice cut them off.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt.” He said and your head snapped up from TK’s shoulder to grin at Ethan as you stood up and made your way round to his side, wrapping your arm around his waist, leaning into him as he wrapped his around your shoulder.

“Neither of your guys are good.” You told Carlos and Judd, watching as they frowned whilst looking between you and Ethan. “Everyone, this is Ethan, my boyfriend.”

The look on Carlos and Judd’s face was priceless to say the least, both of them doing a good job looking betrayed as you introduced everyone to Ethan and took your seat next to each other.

“You’ve had a boyfriend this whole time?” Judd asked before he looked at Grace who smiled sweetly at him. “And you’ve known, y’all let me sit here trying to set her up how many times and didn’t think to mention anything?”

“You knew too, right?” You heard Carlos asked TK and laughed when TK just sipped his drink. “She did tell us she could get her own dates.” Carlos shrugged towards Judd who let out a put upon sigh.

“Yeah I suppose she did.” Judd murmured, watching as Ethan excused himself to go and get a drink before he turned his attention to you. “You happy, kid?”

“Very.” You told him without hesitating and if that didn’t tell him everything he needed to know then the smile that was on your face did, he could see you were serious with Ethan, could tell that you were a good pair.

“That boy better look after you, you know?” Judd warned, causing TK and you to laugh whilst Grace nudged his chest.

“He will but if he doesn't, well then I’m sure there will be a line for you to join.” You grinned as you looked over to your dad who just nodded, sat back in his seat looking at ease, not worried in the slightest. He’d met the boyfriend, as had TK, and both of them saw the way you look at each other.

“Damn right.” Judd agreed just as Ethan sat back down and the topic switched to getting to know the man and your friends asking how you got together.

As Ethan spoke you leaned back in your seat and smiled, maybe Texas had never been part of the plan, you had never once imagined yourself settling down here, making a life here, but now you couldn’t picture being any place else. TK was happier than ever, you were happier than ever and so was your dad. There really wasn’t much more you could ask for.

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