Long Distance Modern AU (back At It Again)

Long Distance Modern AU (back at it again)

Geralt: oh my fucking gods it's so hot, Jask. It's literally 30°C (85-ish F)

Jaskier: oh yeah, 30s aren't fun.

Geralt: I'm dying. It's so hot. Why is it so hot I'm up NORTH

Jaskier: yeah yeah it's not that bad. Go lay down inside babe

Geralt: no but you have AC, I have a box fan

Jaskier: we don't use AC at that temp

Geralt: OKAY WELL YOU KNOW WHAT. I LIVE IN THE MOUNTAINS JULIAN. ITS USUALLY COLD AS BALLS UP HERE, NOT SATAN'S WET ANUS

Jaskier: WHY DID YOU CALL IT WET???

Geralt: SWAMP ASS.

Lambert babysitting

Lambert: okay good night

Ciri: WAIT!! Dad always tells me a bedtime story

Lambert: the hell do I look like, a fucking scholar? Go to bed.

Ciri: Pleeaaase, you're my favorite uncle.

Lambert:....... Fine. Get comfortable.

Ciri: I am :D

Lambert: okay. Once upon a time-

Ciri: :)

Lambert: -the end. Okay good night

Ciri: WHAT

Eskel: Are you a "honk shoe" kind of guy or a "honk mimimimi" kind of guy?

Geralt: I'm more of a "stares into the darkness questioning my worth in life until dawn breaks" kind of guy

Do y'all think the witchers would have huskies? I wanna say they'd be more likely to have Malamutes or even Norwegian Elkhounds or a mixture of all three. But I cannot get the image of Lambert riling up the huskies into a howling frenzy. Little shit 16 year old Lambert directly after Kaer Morhen falls and Vesemir is like "yeah sure let's get dogs to make sure the boys don't become emotionally detached from themselves too much", carousing the little pack of 2 huskies and a malamute into screaming their heads off in the middle of the woods. Geralt is laying with his head in Eskel's lap glaring at Lambert because 1) yes it's funny but 2) he's trying to sleep for once dammit. Eskel is thinking "man we should get Great Pyrenees like my family used to have" (he does for the safety of the goats and chickens they eventually get). Vesemir is regretting all of his choices as his headache gets worse. But if it makes Lambert happy the three of them are willing to suffer.

Season 3, part 1 episode 3 got me FUCKED. I'm just so- baby baby boy... Geralt I'm so sorry for that news you got. I want to kiss him on the forehead and hold him. 😭💔

Modern Au Long Distance

Jaskier: I love you!!!!

Geralt, having an old man moment with technology, whisper-shouting: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Jaskier: :(((((

Geralt: WAIT NO NOT YOU, I LOVE YOU- ITS MY PHONE

Jaskier: NO I SEE HOW IT IS

Geralt: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO