The RFA +Saeran React To MCs Past Self-harm Scars

The RFA +Saeran react to MC’s past self-harm scars

so this one is, sensitive. there are some trigger warning’s simply because of the reference to self harm.

In this head cannon MC used to self harm and has come incredibly far in her recover to the point where all that is left are the old scars that may never fade entirely so there is no active self harm or blood.

also master list if you want something a bit lighter 

I’m having a rough day and needed something to remind me that even on my worst days I am still healing, still marching forward towards a future far from where i was before.

some note: these come from my own experiences and thoughts on self harm and recovery from it. as always everyone’s experiences are different and everyone is in a different place in their recovery. spread kindness, understanding, love, support, and respect. it’s what the RFA would want. 

Jumin

-        Is quietly concerned.

-        Wants to understand why

-        Will ask but not press you for an answer

-        Offers to find a way to help them fade if you want

-        If you say no he will trace them absently with his fingers while you cuddle

-        He’ll kiss them when you make love

-        He always tells you that scars show your strength to push through pain and survive hardship

Yoosung

-        Asks immediately, may push the issue if you just brush him off (unless you seem really visibly uncomfortable)

-        Cries when you tell him

-        Doesn’t matter that it was the past he’s worried now

-        Wishes he could have met you then and helped you

-        Is low key afraid to touch them (what if he hurts you)

-        Sees them as reminders of past pain, warnings that even you, with all your strength, are human.

Saeyoung

-        He knew because of your medical history.

-        Chooses not to say anything to respect your privacy.

-        When you do decide to talk about it he holds you

-        He assures you that the past does not define you

-        He knows that better than anybody

-        May share his past with you as well

-        There is healing in knowing you are not alone

-        Believes they show how deeply you cared, things can only hurt you if you care and you cared so deeply it nearly broke you.

Zen

-        Is so worried he doesn’t know what to say

-        You don’t get to be self-conscious though

-        You thought his body worship was a bit much before

-        Wants to remind you that scars or no scars you are the most beautiful person he’s ever met

-        Inside and out

-        He wants you to know your value so you never consider go back to that

-        Believes they show just how much you have grown, how far you’ve come. The mark where you were and as the fade and heal no matter how slowly it shows how far removed from that place you are now

Jaehee

-        She hates that you were hurting that much

-        She looks so sad as her fingers ghost over the scars

-        Thanks you for trusting her enough to tell her

-        Is a little stiff and fidgety trying to figure out how to tell you

-        She wants her words to be perfect because she loves you and this is serious

-        Ends up saying nothing at all and simply gives your lips a gentle kiss

-        She hopes you understand

-        You smile and hold her because you do

-        The whole exchange is quiet and simple

-        She sees the scars as your history, they show where you come from but don’t define where you go from here. They don’t control you. you are more than your scars.

Saeran

-        He understands

-        It makes him feel less alone he’ll admit

-        Still he worries about them

-        When you aren’t looking he stares, secretly making sure new ones don’t ever appear

-        He is in awe of the strength you have to recover from such pain

-        He knows firsthand how hard it is to walk that path

-        He doesn’t want to find your scars beautiful

-        He worries you will think he is glad you were hurt

-        But he does think their beautiful, they show the depth of you. that you have been to the abyss and come out the other side not unscathed but unchanged, whole, and alive

-        To him your scars show him there is hope for healing

The RFA + Saeran with an MC that requires insane amounts of warmth to fall asleep

short sweet and to the point. i hope. guy’s i wrote this last night while in my bed waiting for my heated blanket to warm up. I’m fine most of the time but bed time is supposed to be warm, comfy, and cozy as hell.

Jumin

-        His hands and feet are freezing (good for headache, bad for cuddling)

-        the made keeps putting away all your extra blankets (no I need all 16 trust me)

-        he will not sleep without holding you so you compensate for his lower body temp

-        he won’t admit he sleeps better with all the blankets you add

-        you have a heating pad at your feet because nothing is as unpleasant as being shocked awake by his ice cube toes

-        he buys you thermal pajamas to help though

-        you also have super cuddly house shoes

-        on colder nights you and he share warm milk

Yoosung

-        he’s pretty warm thank the lord

-        he is also WAY into blanket cocoons and cuddling

-        you actually sleep really well because all the cuddling and blanket burritos keep you warm

-        it’s bliss, such relief

-        the morning comes and aint neither of y’all setting foot in the frozen tundra that is his apartment

-        rock paper scissors to see how gets out to turn on the heater

-        mock crying when he looses

-        you kiss his nose then kick him out of the bed “you can do it Yoosung be strong!”

Saeyoung

-        you can’t keep this boi caged by blankets

-        he will fight you in his sleep (he cannot be contained)

-        the second he’s out of the blankets though, he sleeps like the dead

-        you legit thought he was doing this on purpose

-        after careful detective work (asking vanderwood) it turns out no that’s just him

-        he doesn’t sleep well with things wrapped around him

-        he will absolutely cuddle your blanket cocoon though

-        so you know it works

Zen

-        this man is a radiator

-        great right? no its makes things complicated

-        he’s constantly too hot your too cold

-        you cuddle him but you’re still cold. add a thin blanket he’s too hot (wink)

-        he wants to cuddle you but he can NOT sleep under blankets

-        you want to cuddle him but your teeth are literally chattering

-        he wraps you in two thinner blankets (inner one is heated outer one is not)

-        this way he can still feel your curves but you don’t freeze to death

Jaehee

-        absolutely gets it, she’s the same way

-        hot drinks, heavy blankets, warm EVERYTHING

-        you cuddle under heated blankets and sip hot coffee in 67 degree weather

-        who cares what people say heat = life

-        the heating bill is really high though

-        winter is terrible, the bane of your existence

-        the only good thing is the feeling of coming inside and warming up after being so cold

-        she rubs your hands and breaths on them to help them warm up

Saeran

-        even worse about it than you are

-        steals all your blankets in his sleep

-        you once heard him hiss at you when you tried to get them back

-        “why isn’t the heater working?” “it is” “why isn’t it working better?!?”

-        He thinks your hands are cold (even though they absolutely are not)

-        Threaten to kick you out of the bed if you put your “cold” hands on him

-        Is torn between “I want to cuddle you” and “if I open the blankets to let you in I will absolutely freeze to death”

-        He likes to nap during the day with the curtains open for added sunshine warmth

okay but this legit reminded me to take my anti-depressant and that may not seem huge but it’s something i really struggle with despite how much the meds help me (cuz it’s a lot) so i wanna spread this around and say thank you!

the RFA reacting to MC saying something creepy in her sleep

so I went to a con and in one of the panels the speaker mentioned her boyfriend (also a speaker there) talked in his sleep and said only the creepiest shiz (she also mentioned him sleep fighting which is hilarious but not what this story is about) one of the things he had said that really shook her was the phrase “the wall’s demand a sacrifice” and i really like that phrase. 

so yeah that’s where this came from

oh and ya know master list

Jumin

-        it was past midnight and he was up to respond to a foreign business partner

-        he wasn’t fazed when you shifted and mumbled something incomprehensible

-        you had always talked a little in your sleep, mostly cute nonsense from your dreams

-        “the walls demand a sacrifice”

-        Well that was new

-        He debated waking you up, if it were a nightmare he certainly didn’t want you to suffer longer

-        Then you chuckled and he felt a shiver run up his spine.

-        He had never her you laugh quite like that

-        Perhaps he should make some tea and finish his work in the other room

Yoosung

-        He had woken up when a particularly loud crack of thunder rang through the stormy night

-        Jolted awake he looked around to check on you

-        But you were snuggled up just as cute as ever

-        “the walls”

-        He smiled a little to himself, he loved when you talked in your sleep

-        Sometimes if he goaded you along he could get you to say his name

-        “what was that MC” he asked gently prompting you

-        “the wall’s they want a sacrifice”

-        That was all he needed to hear to know he would not be sleeping that night.

-        He sat in the well-lit kitchen watching cute animal videos

-        Anything to not think about the ominous warning you had muttered

Saeyoung

-        You had your head on his lap as he worked on his laptop at the coffee table

-        He chuckled at your occasional grimace or smile as you dreamed

-        That is until you spoke

-        “we must give the walls their sacrifice”

-        “heh what was that?”

-        “the walls demand a sacrifice”

-        A second later you were shaken awake

-        “MC if you ever do that again I will douse you in holy water”

-        “huh?”

-        “nothing just um, time to head to bed I think”

-        You grumbled something about already being asleep before you shook you but relented and followed him to bed

-        not noticing as he absentmindedly fumbled with the cross around his neck

Zen

-        he’s occupied with character analysis when you appear in the doorway glassy eyed and vacant

-        he had seen you sleep walk before when work stress got particularly bed so he wasn’t too surprised

-        he stood, prepairing to gently guide you back to bed you turned your head towards the window and muttered something

-        he chuckled quietly thrilled by how cute you always were

-        he placed his arm gently around your shoulders and began to hush you gently as he walked you back to the bedroom

-        “the walls demand their due”

-        That stopped him in his tracks as he searched your blank and unfocused gaze still turned towards the only small window his apartment had

-        “jagiya?” he prompted gently trying to rouse you “are you okay babe?”

-        You shook your head blinking rapidly and coming back to yourself

-        “Zenny? What? Was I sleep walking again?”

-        “what were you dreaming about”

-        “I um its fuzzy, you were there I think, but mostly I remember there was someone talking”

-        “let um let’s get you to bed jagiya”

-        he decides its best to head to bed with you, though he didn’t sleep very well after that

Jaehee

-        she woke up to a call from MR.han

-        she was ready to turn him down. You had helped her take great strides in being able to say no

-        even to him

-        she looked at you and readied her resolution

-        then you spoke raspy and sleep deep

-        “the walls demand their sacrifice”

-        Well that was, unsettling to say the least

-        When a chuckle escaped your lips the last of her bravery slipped from her grasp

-        If she wasn’t going to sleep anyway she may as well work after all

-        She left you a note on her way out

-        “MC I had to go into the office urgently also you were sleep talking again last night. I read recently sleep talking can be caused by stress and sleep deprivation. Please take care of yourself and be sure to get good rest.”

Saeran

-        He doesn’t sleep well

-        So he’s used to sitting up watching you sleep it helps him calm down

-        The you nuzzle into his lap just a little more and mumble

-        “the walls demand a sacrifice”

-        He’s more curious than anything else

-        what does it mean? how do the walls speak to you? what kind of sacrifice do they want?

-        am I in danger? why did they choose to give you their demands?

-        I could sacrifice someone to the walls just as easily as you could?

-        who are the walls to judge me unfit for preparing their sacrifices?

-        He has to shake his head that line of logic was still so easy to fall into

-        He would wake you gently then in case the dream that caused the sleep talking was a bad one

-        then both of you could start the soothing routine of falling back to sleep together

guys from now on i’m working at C&R with my hubby, he gives me compliments and love and I have never been so thrilled by words in my life

speed demon

saeyoung x MC ficlet (800)

NOTE: this focuses more on MC than Saeyoung so if your looking for something Saeyoung heavy or romance heavy this might not be your jam.

MC is having a bad day week month. so she asks saeyoung to take her for a drive to help her leave her troubles in the dust.

okay so I gotta be honest, this is 100% self indulgent venting. like i went for a drive yesterday trying to get rid of this “blah” the quarantine has stuck me in and I couldn't drive fast enough or get the music loud enough and the next thing I knew i was two towns over. sooooo yeah maybe it would have been easier if I could have done it more like MC in this story. IDK its probably not what sane people do but sometimes the only good medication is sensory overload to help shake loose all the crap you hold inside. I think Saeyoung would be the first one to understand that. Zen being the second maybe next time i need to vent like this I’ll write about Zen taking MC along on his motorcycle. 

i probably wont add this to my master list since its light on actual mysme content.

it had started with a simple listlessness that had grown from your bones and spread into your mind like a cancer. Of course he had noticed. How could he not. The way you ever so slowly stopped doing all the things that were so integrally a part of you. he didn’t hear your voice singing along to music in the morning like he used to. You no longer decorated your cooking with all the cutesy touches you loved. Not even his trademark insanity could make your smile reach your eyes. So of course he had noticed. How could he not when he was watching you slip farther away from him every day.

“Saeyoung?” you ventured with trepidation “could you take me for a drive?”

He locked eyes with you for a fraction of a second, considering what could have caused such anxiety around a request you knew he would never refuse. “of course babe. I love driving with you, you know that”.

“I want to go fast. I want to go as faster than we’ve ever gone before.”

This was new. You had never asked him to drive faster, not that you were against his fast driving, but you had always simply been so content with whatever speed he had chosen for the day. “we go pretty fast sometimes, are you sure you want to go faster?”

“yes” you said resolutely not meeting his eyes “I want to turn up the music too. I want to feel the sound and the wind.”

He stood suddenly and you were worried he was going to scold you, call you reckless and stupid. Then his hand was in your hair and he was reaching for one of the many sets of keys over your shoulder. “let’s go babe.”

Minutes later the two of you were speeding down the highway windows rolled down and music blaring. His eyes were focused on the road and yours were locked on the passing scenery. You glanced at the speedometer as it pushed 105, with grim determination you unbuckled your seat belt drawing Saeyoung attention. He looked alarmed and grabbed your wrist gently, a silent request for you to buckle back up, for you to be safe. You pulled your wrist from his hand with little effort and leaned out the open window. The wind was rushing around you. it swept through your hair, roared in your ears, stung your eyes. Everything was so loud but you could still feel the weight in your chest, the hollow in your mind, the chill in your limbs. You screamed. Clenching your eyes shut and emptying your soul into the wind. You were half out the window now and you could feel the air whipping around you as your screamed yourself hoarse.

This wasn’t rational. It wasn’t safe or healthy or normal but as you felt the tears run down your face you knew it would get better. you pulled yourself back to your seat and reluctant to meet Saeyoungs eyes you covered your face as you sobbed. It felt like hours before your breath evened out enough to speak. Longer still before you found any words found their way to you.

“it’s cathartic” you choke, your voice broken and dry. “sometimes, everything goes silent and numb and it feels like I can’t breathe. Like I’m stuck in a void and no matter how much I scream or cry or bleed there’s no one there to notice. Even when people are with me they feel a hundred miles away and I reach out but never find them.”

You looked up then and saw him gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. His eye’s never leaving the road he spoke shakily “you could have hurt yourself,” your stomach dropped though you knew that he was right. “you could have hurt yourself, but I get it.” He sighed. You saw his fingers flex trying to force the tension from his grip on the steering wheel. “just tell me next time. I want to help.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded sharply. One of his hands found yours as he slowed the car down considerably. “I guess next time I need you to drive fast I could just ask you to help me catnap elly” you joked trying to lighten the mood.

“with elly at our side we will fly to the space station!” he declared excitedly

“hey now! Then which one of us would you marry?”

“not fair MC you can’t make me choose between my two best girls”

You were laughing now. Really honestly laughing for the first time in weeks. He loved the sound of your laugh and he swore to God that he would never stop trying to make you laugh like that.