Au Where Atsushi Gets Hit W/ An Ability And Is In A Coma And Is Fighting For His Life

au where atsushi gets hit w/ an ability and is in a coma and is fighting for his life

atsushi has a strong desire to live sure but also thinks that itd just be better (and that he deserves to) if he went and died in a ditch

becuz of this, so close to death, atsushi has little will to fight

mayhaps he's been feeling not good for a while but didnt realize how not good

anyway thats not important whats important is as per the ability he can still observe the world and the ppl he might leave as a ghost of sorts

he's floating around the hospital or following his friends, observing

he watches as kyouka cries holding his body's hand, begging him to fight, begging him to not leave and leave her alone - refusing to leave his side until someone has to take her away

he watches kenji try to pretend every things fine - reassuring anyone who'll listen that atsushi is strong - and talk to atsushi as if he's simply closing his eyes for a bit - seemingly in denial about everything

he watches junichiro alternate between trying to comfort everybody, trying to process everything and having fits of rage and hurt where he screams and yells and completely breaks down

he watches kunikida be there for anyone and everyone and try to continue as normally as he can but always being a little off - a little too slow, a little too tired - but still putting up a front until its just him and atsushi's body and he's apologizing for letting this happen begging atsushi to wake up

he watches dazai's face stay blank the entire time he's there only to drink more and more and get scarier and scarier - visit oda and ask the stone what to do - curse his own ability for not stopping the ability thats hurting atsushi - being too scared to go anywhere near atsushi in the fear that atsushi's regenerational abilities will stop working and he'll hurt even more

he watches ranpo put up a strong face - take on more cases - find the ability user quickly but be unable to find any other way for atsushi to get better other than just getting better - he knows theres no way but still he pushes it becuz there has to be but even the ability user breaks down in a session w/ him and dazai and admits there isnt but there has to be

he watches yosano try and heal him over and over - through her ability and her actual knowledge in being a doctor - watches her stay by his side through everything - there to fix any small inconvenience he may have like a too bright room or a non fluffy pillow, waiting, obsessively checking his vitals

he watches the president hold everyone together - keep the ada floating and offering support to anyone who wants it - watches his face grow more and more tired as he waits - as they all wait - watches him visit atsushi's body and give him updates on whats happening, waiting

he watches naomi fill his room with gifts, keeping a bright smile on her face whenever she enters only for it to drop the second she's far away enough so that when he wakes up he cant see it

watches the clerks take turns visiting him w/ gifts and encouragement, helping the president hold down the agency, while trying to be strong

watches lucy spill hot tea on her hands because she's worrying about him again - watches her get upset and angry when anyone so as much hints that atsushi won't get up - watches her talk to him and try to convince him to wake up

and atsushi grieves becuz of his own lack of understanding on how loved he has become

akutagawa doesn't falter when he learns about atsushi and atsushi kind of wishes he did - when he sees atsushi he doesn't blink or react, simply nods and leaves - and atsushi feels strange at having confirmation that he does not matter much to him - sometimes akutagawa visits - not always and never in a pattern - random and quick visits where he only watches atsushi for a moment before leaving - in the end, atsushi follows him becuz watching the ada and lucy gets too hard - he expects akutagawa to go about his day, atsushi in the back of his mind - maybe a little concern for him as his partner but nothing to fret about

atsushi spends his day with akutagawa wishing he could reach out and touch him and hold im as he watches one of the strongest people he knows give in to their grief and fall apart, with no agency members to see him, no friend there to see what akutagawa surely calls his weakness, only him, atsushi's ghost, and gin's hurried footsteps as she comes home

anyway

why did i write this

Kunikida's Ideal Notebook

the pages are dotted bc i like dotted notebooks marginally better than lined notebooks bc i can organize and put stuff in little boxes and stuff

has 40 leaves total which is enough for my personal needs, i can always make another one when i need to

i dont know what the fuck hes going through but whatever it is im feeling it

Tomorrow will probably be another day like today. Happiness will never come my way. I know that. But it's probably best to go to sleep believing that it will surely come, tomorrow it will come.

Dazai Osamu, Schoolgirl

im about to go to sleep so i ask who sleeps with a stuffed animal and who gets jealous and throws it off the bed

for

sskk

kunichuuzai

ranpoe

or whatever other ship exists in ur pretty heads

alternative chuuya ship propaganda under the cut

TsujiChuu -> they had exactly TWO (2) encounters but in those 10~ minutes Tsujimura has immediately waxed poetic about how chuuya is a unique and intriguing man (as most special division agents do), and went out of her way to know more about him. and Chuuya immediately empathized her personal struggles with her ability, and gave her advice on how to both control it and accept it as part of her instead of something that was placed in her**. (hmmm stormbringer chuuya and gaiden tsujimura parallels. there's a reason they met.) Anyways Tsujimura is super high-strung and chuuya (when he's not purposely being riled up) is actually really laid back so they'd mesh well personality wise. And they could have an fbi x criminal secret romance thing happening.

ChuuRan -> they definitely fucked in the book. Lol. Also it's a match up that is spiritually similar to skk but 20x funnier because they have zero history and and wayyy more petty beef. in a more serious note, Chuuya probably does have some respect for Ranpo ---not respect for his intellect. I don't think chuuya would be impressed by anyone acting like a cocky genius, he was partnered with dazai after all-- recognizing him as the agency's "lynchpin" and all that. On Ranpo's side, i think he respects chuuya as a Threat, so that side adventure in the Poe's book was probably both to keep him away from the Cannibalism war thing and also gain an ~ally~ of sorts. IDK I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN THE BOOK BRO

TaintedLemons -> Chaos and property destruction boyfriends ftw! They're canonically drinking buddies too! Chuuya is a messy lightweight, so what if when Hirotsu is unavailable, it's Kajii who helps him back home or let's him crash at his place 🥺? Kajii actually seems to be pretty high ranking, what with him just casually chatting up Kouyou and Mori trusting him with undercover missions. Kajii should be promoted, we have 2 exec seats after all. Kajii's silly eccentric personality and their friendship helps Chuuya put a positive connotation to mad scientists. Also they're literally always near each other in the group shots and official art, it's literally canon.

ChuuAku -> another one that isn't too rare but seriously underrated. Chuuya is that super supportive borderline embarassing boyfriend that takes 5 minutes each day to divulge words of affirmation, and he'd make dinner and use the cheesy pet names, the kinda stuff that makes Akutagawa want to explode/shrivel up and die. See as soon as Akutagawa is involved i think Chuuya should be flattened to the cookie cutter token love interest. He'd murder daz for a birthday gift. He's be Akutagawa's personal cheerleader and nothing more. This is also basically a canon ship btw..